Boiled pot
Notice how the cheap metal pot sitting on my non-Martha Stewart stove in my kitchen is not perfectly round? How it's all warped and oddly bent and has a darkly-stained bottom? That's because every day I boil water for tea and then I go back to the computer to write something, and then I come out of my writing coma 15 or 20 minutes later and the water is all boiled out and the pot is just taking the heat.
So I pick it up with a pot holder and pour cold water on it and the kitchen fills with steam. I have done this, no exaggeration, about 40 or 50 times now, which is why this pot is totally baked and about to be tossed. I've already ruined two Bed, Bath and Beyond pouring pots this way...nice ones too. The kind that whistle when the water's ready, I mean. And even when they were whistling I used to ignore them so I could finish the thing I was writing at the time. So it's not cool and pretty stupid, really. And I'm just admitting this, M.Night Shyamalan-style.
Posted by Jeffrey Wells on July 25, 2006 at 3:44 PM
comment #1
Nicol D says ...
Jeffrey,
The more you turn your site into a reality type documentation of your life as a critic the more entertaining it becomes.
What kind of pot do you think Roger Ebert has?
Posted by Nicol D at July 25, 2006 4:04 PM
comment #2
Jesse says ...
Get an electric teapot. They boil water in minutes, and the good ones turn off once the water is boiling. I have one, I love it.
Posted by Jesse at July 25, 2006 4:05 PM
comment #3
T.H. Ung says ...
I LOLed very hard. If you could fix that, you could cure the perception that movies are too long and cost too much to go to. I hope that Landmark Film Center gets a very aggressive frequent buyer program going.
Posted by T.H. Ung at July 25, 2006 4:07 PM
comment #4
Anonymous says ...
What you need is a butler or maybe a tea making helper monkey.
Posted by Anonymous at July 25, 2006 4:50 PM
comment #5
lindsey says ...
It looks like you could get tetanus from that disgusting thing. Even dumb redbeck bush voters use teapots. Get with the 19th century.
Posted by lindsey at July 25, 2006 6:11 PM
comment #6
Jack's Endrocrine Gland says ...
WTF?
Seriously - What. The. Fuck.
My ass is outta here if this navel grazing bullshit is followed by "Here is a picture of the 5th TV dinner I left in the microwave overnight." or judging by today's entry "This is the water logged turd that I forgot to flush because I was my cell I didn't want the studio rep to know that I took a shit while trying to get into the screening."
Posted by Jack's Endrocrine Gland at July 25, 2006 7:27 PM
comment #7
Alan Green says ...
hey jeff
dude. my god. i suppose you use tea bags, too. oh, man. first a ten year old peepeemobile, now this.
okay, i like you so i'm going to help you out. first, only one kind of metal does what that hunk of junk did - aluminum. do not use aluminum cookware. uff. causes alzheimer's. come on - you should know that.
next. you're on the right track getting a tea kettle. i have a kitchenaid - 18/10 stainless steel (thank you very much). cost? $75. but, it will last a lifetime and will stop a bullet should the need arise (and you won't become progressively forgetful from drinking aluminum-laced tea).
okay, if you really do use tea bags (oh, lord. give me the strength to keep typing) you have to switch to loose tea. if you like black tea you want english breakfast (unless you like a lighter tea - then it's irish breakfast, or keemun).
tea bags have dust, ground up twigs, bugs, and anything else that fell on the floor at the tea factory. (i'm not kidding).
use whole-leaf tea. (don't use tap water either - use bottled spring water or get a brita filter system). if you use tea bags and tap water you condemn your soul to damnation.
Posted by Alan Green at July 25, 2006 7:36 PM
comment #8
Sam Adams says ...
I could swear I've recommended this on this site before: electric kettle. Back before my girlfriend converted me to coffee, my electric kettle (manufactured by the sadly defunct Russell Hobbes) was my favorite gadget in the whole world. 10 years later and it still works like new. Boils water more quickly than the stove, even if you're not using it for tea. If you're a regular tea drinker you can't afford not to have one.
Also, that guy is right about loose tea. I don't know about the twig business, but it tastes better, has less caffeine, and generally makes you feel like you're treating yourself right. Which is the point of drinking tea, yes?
Posted by Sam Adams at July 25, 2006 7:43 PM
comment #9
Jack's Complete Show of Respect says ...
"WTF?
Seriously - What. The. Fuck.
My ass is outta here if this navel grazing bullshit is followed by "Here is a picture of the 5th TV dinner I left in the microwave overnight." or judging by today's entry "This is the water logged turd that I forgot to flush because I was on my cell and I didn't want the studio rep to know that I took a shit while trying to get into the screening."
Jack's Endrocrine Gland, you're my personal fucking hero.
Posted by Jack's Complete Show of Respect at July 25, 2006 10:04 PM
comment #10
BL says ...
Well, no matter how pathetic that pot is - how nice that you so carefully protect your oven bottom from stains by covering it with tin foil.
Posted by BL at July 25, 2006 10:49 PM
comment #11
Irish says ...
Jeff,
Some of the grouting looks a tad iffy. X-14 might help.
Posted by Irish at July 26, 2006 12:20 AM
comment #12
Jeffrey Wells says ...
Wells to Jack the Endrocrine Gland: Look. Listen to me. A thought came to me. Be honest and tell the truth in one small item about the process. About the process of this column that involves forgetting that the water is boiling until there is no more water left. Between writing stuff about this or that movie, or writing about this or that actor dying from cancer, I decided on the spur of the moment to do a boiling water in a warped pot thing. That is all it was, and all it is. I don't do TV dinners in microwave ovens because they have nothing to do with the process.
Posted by Jeffrey Wells at July 26, 2006 12:42 AM
comment #13
amer says ...
Jeff keep doing what you doing man, RL stuff is interesting; you are a human being. Posts like these show the bond between writer and readers. I have no problem with you taking snapshots of RL stuff and talking.
Posted by amer at July 26, 2006 2:26 AM
comment #14
WestHollywoodgrl says ...
The mineral deposits on the aluminum (cause of Alzheimer's) pan indicate hard LA tap water- chock full of chlorine, bacteria, and best of all- arsenic and lead. Switch to stainless steel teakettle and distilled water, or- consider this-your atention deficit to whistles may be your addled brain disorder from drinking this crap.
Posted by WestHollywoodgrl at July 26, 2006 3:50 AM
comment #15
Rich S. says ...
Jeff,
C'mon. You've done bits about the type of soap you buy. That's not about "the process," is it?
Seriously, I love the bits above giving you sage advice about using loose tea and bottled water. People, look at the picture! Jeff is still in college-bachelor-pad-land. I suspect that's by choice, but advice about Darjeeling and Earl Grey may be a little bit beyond the boundaries of this discussion.
On the whole, I much prefer shots of bare midriffs and the like.
Posted by Rich S. at July 26, 2006 7:25 AM
comment #16
Jeffrey Wells says ...
Wells to West Hollywood Girl: Thanks for telling me this. You're probably right, and thanks. I tend to be thoughtless about such matters. And Wells to Rich S.: You said I'm still living in college-bachelor-pad-land. Because I haven't attended to the grouting or had my cleaning guy visit for the last three weeks. I used to live in moderately well-to-do yuppie homeowner land when I was married in the late '80s and early '90s, when I owned a home in Venice. Post-divorce, I've lived in a more spartan, work-driven, good-enough environment.
Posted by Jeffrey Wells at July 26, 2006 8:05 AM
comment #17
Discman says ...
All is not lost. When you return to Bed, Bath & Beyond, head for the "Way Beyond" section, where they sell those wacky universal remote controls, and ....
Oh, excuse me. Bad flashback. If it comes to reading about your tea adventures, or something about "Click" or another summer-movie dud, I'll take the tea story any day.
A little balance is a great thing. If Jack's Endocrine Gland thinks otherwise, you'd be better off without his eyeballs reading your prose. Some of us enjoy the site more than others, but we don't spout off every time one of your updates is less than electrifying. You do a fine job of keeping the site updated, and that keeps readers returning to the site. Nuff said.
Posted by Discman at July 26, 2006 8:06 AM
comment #18
Rich S. says ...
Jeff,
I meant no offense. I said above I thought that you choose to live in such an environment. College-bachelor-pad-land isn't so bad if you like it and you're not trying to impress anyone. I was just trying to point out that someone who lives in a self-described spartan atmosphere probably doesn't care much about high quality, English-gentry-grade tea.
That said, the pot is a little too much. A half-decent teakettle wouldn't set you back more than $20. Plus, that thing is a fire hazard. I know from experience since a college friend of mine almost burned his entire apartment down with a dry saucepan.
Posted by Rich S. at July 26, 2006 8:37 AM
comment #19
Anonymous says ...
I happen to love Jeffrey's photos and little personal tidbits, they are a nice respite from the negativity, whining and arguing from some of the usual posters. He usually makes me smile with his personal foible stories, and I'm still smiling to see that aluminum foil covering his drip pans on the stove.
But, Jeff, get rid of that pan NOW!
Posted by Anonymous at July 26, 2006 8:47 AM
comment #20
dave keller says ...
I voted for Bush and, yes, even thick-skulled, stupid cavemen like me use a teapot. Maybe I should use a saucepan? Would that make me a little more conservative?
Posted by dave keller at July 26, 2006 10:07 AM
comment #21
Michael Adams says ...
Another option is a microwave whistling tea kettle: http://www.wdrake.com/product_detail.aspx?affid=16&item_no=1019077.
Works wonderfully--if you put the lid on correctly.
Posted by Michael Adams at July 26, 2006 10:59 AM
comment #22
c fontana says ...
Has the science of pot corrosion being discussed here been cleared by Al Gore?
Posted by c fontana at July 26, 2006 8:45 PM
comment #23
Anonymous says ...
Wow. That happened to me, ONCE, on an electric stove, and the tea kettle got fused to the metal.
Posted by Anonymous at July 26, 2006 8:56 PM
comment #24
Bubba Ho Tep says ...
"Post-divorce, I've lived in a more spartan, work-driven, good-enough environment."
Dude, that's why you're not getting laid. Which is why you're so angry. Which is why you trash so many films.
You COULD be living the single man's dream life of fancy premiers and Vogue parties, sniffing coke off cover girls' heaving bossoms, instead of scrubbing the bottom of your rancid 50-cent Good Will pot and cursing out Jerry Bruckheimer under your breath.
Could be. It all starts with the pad.
Posted by Bubba Ho Tep at July 27, 2006 6:25 AM