Stolen bike
When someone takes something from you it feels like a kind of rape. Like some kind of home invasion. I'm feeling that now because my $450 bicycle -- a really nice one, my pride and joy -- was stolen last night. It was locked to a sign pole in front of the Clarity Screening Room building at 100 Crescent Drive, where I went for my second viewing of Alejandro Gonzalez Innaritu's Babel and a small after-party.
I knew it was gone and filing a theft report was probably a waste of time all around, but I called the Beverly Hills Police three times anyway between 11 and 11:45 pm. They never managed to send a car over. I finally took a cab home. Stuff like this puts you in a foul and bitter mood. I feel like joining a support group for people who've gone through similar traumas. Maybe the guy who stole it will meet with appropriate payback some day. I wish I could go to Don Corleone for justice.
It was a dark green racing bike with slightly thicker tires and a really nice squishy seat, and a little strobe light on the front bars and a rear-facing red-blinker light , and dual collapsable baskets for putting groceries into. And it had one of those great compressed-air horns on the front bars -- a horn so loud that it would make SUV-drivers stop cold.
I loved seeing Babel again. I'm more convinced than ever that it's going to do well with paying audiences over 25 or 30 because it's about parenting and children, and who outside of childless singles doesn't have strong feelings about that? Memories and worries and regrets to dip into? It sank in emotionally a little deeper because I saw it at home in a more settled frame of mind, and not in one of those cranked-up states that I'm always in during the Cannes Film Festival.
Posted by Jeffrey Wells on July 27, 2006 at 1:35 PM
comment #1
jason says ...
I know the feeling. My wife's car was smashed into and they took her purse, phone and digital camera and it messed with her head for several weeks. It is almost always drug addicts.
Posted by jason at July 27, 2006 2:37 PM
comment #2
Anonymous says ...
With all due respect, the comparison between the loss of your bike and rape is really one of the more egregiously ridiculous and offensive you could have come up with. Love your site, love your passion for movies, and hope that a perspective will come your way that will help you come to your senses about this.
Posted by Anonymous at July 27, 2006 2:50 PM
comment #3
B says ...
I think his point was that he felt violated. If you really are offended by him saying that you need to get a life.
Posted by B at July 27, 2006 3:06 PM
comment #4
Anonymous says ...
Probabaly these guys: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4ryBd0Er5Jo&eurl=http%3A%2F%2Fwww%2Egawker%2Ecom%2F
Posted by Anonymous at July 27, 2006 3:06 PM
comment #5
travis b. says ...
it is definitely a sense of violation. and it happens so often, that the police very rarely give a shit about minor thefts such as a bike, or ones car getting stolen into. irritating.
Posted by travis b. at July 27, 2006 3:14 PM
comment #6
travis b. says ...
"stolen into?" i meant broken into....
damn
Posted by travis b. at July 27, 2006 3:16 PM
comment #7
Brian says ...
You should go look for it. I bet it's at the Alamo, in the basement.
Posted by Brian at July 27, 2006 3:21 PM
comment #8
Anonymous says ...
While I understand the point you're trying to make, comparing rape with having your bike stolen is pretty offensive.
But more about Babel. How did you think the performances hold up on second viewing? This is one the films I'm most looking forward to.
Posted by Anonymous at July 27, 2006 3:28 PM
comment #9
Anonymous says ...
snakes on a plane, man. snakes on a plane.
Posted by Anonymous at July 27, 2006 3:36 PM
comment #10
B says ...
If Jeff raped you then yeah. I can see how it's offensive. Otherwise stfu.
Posted by B at July 27, 2006 3:41 PM
comment #11
jay says ...
In New York, I have found that the people that work in bike shops are often familiar with the various bikes in and around their neighborhood, even just from seeing them locked up on the side of the street. It's a longshot, but might be worth giving the description to the folks at nearby bike shops with a $50 reward. They (and pawn shops) might also be aware of thieves if you want to take matters into your own hands.
Posted by jay at July 27, 2006 3:47 PM
comment #12
NYCBusybody says ...
Yeah, Jeff, you really should do this in a Pee-Wee's Big Adventure/Charles Bronson's Death Wish style...go out, show no mercy, and get your bike back.
We'll all be pullin' for ya.
Posted by NYCBusybody at July 27, 2006 3:51 PM
comment #13
David Poland says ...
And you're never getting it back either.
Posted by David Poland at July 27, 2006 3:52 PM
comment #14
Count.Olaf says ...
This is funny because sometimes when I see Jeff's picture at the top I can hear him saying "I'm a loner, Dottie. A rebel...."
Not funny that your bike was stolen, though. That sucks. I'll bet it was the darn clown you chained it to...
Posted by Count.Olaf at July 27, 2006 3:58 PM
comment #15
jody says ...
Only $450? I just dropped $3400 on my Santa Cruz Blur LT. That either makes me styling and you the cheapskate, or you the smart one and me the idiot.
Posted by jody at July 27, 2006 4:10 PM
comment #16
T.H. Ung says ...
Everyone's having a bad day. Jeff was really careful to say "like a kind of rape." He would have been fine being less careful, because the term doesn't only describe violent and unwanted sexual acts. That's not to diminish the fact that rape is a serious and horrendous crime that takes many forms, is far too prevalent and takes a heavy toll on those who've been harmed. It would be far better to express something about your pain than accuse someone else of being ridiculous and offensive for using the term in acceptible language to describe a theft. I hope you realize that I'm very sorry that Jeff's analogy hurt you, and I'm trying to help you.
Posted by T.H. Ung at July 27, 2006 4:10 PM
comment #17
Pedro says ...
Does anyone know David Poland's whereabouts last night?
Posted by Pedro at July 27, 2006 4:12 PM
comment #18
Anonymous says ...
You know what would have been even more offensive? If he said "When you win the lottery, it feels like a kind of rape. You know... SO GOOD."
Posted by Anonymous at July 27, 2006 4:21 PM
comment #19
That's a lot of cheese says ...
3400 for a bike? Does it blow you?
Posted by That's a lot of cheese at July 27, 2006 4:24 PM
comment #20
Mathew says ...
"I hope you realize that I'm very sorry that Jeff's analogy hurt you, and I'm trying to help you."
Jeezus Cristus. Could we just cool it with the political correctness. This is a forum read 95% by single men (that's an exaggeration but necessary). Who gives a fuck if he used the term 'rape' to describe how he feels?
Posted by Mathew at July 27, 2006 4:24 PM
comment #21
Anonymous says ...
I've had more than a few very nice bikes stolen from me and I have sworn that if i ever, EVER catch some fucking asshole stealing anything, even if its not mine, I will beat the living crap out of them, cut their dick off and probably kill them. It does feel like rape, I've never been physically raped, but i can imagine how it must feel to be penetrated through some hole in your body against your will and I assure you, realizing your bike has been stolen feels exactly the same, and its something you never fully come back from... it sticks with you always, no amount of therapy will help... and it feels even worse when the police don't even give a shit about it and would rather spend their valuable time giving moving violations and eating donuts while wearing those fucking bullet proof vests that already make them look fatter (or like they are hiding a box of krisy kreme under their shirt). Does everyone understand how much this hurts, the hatred and anger inside, just waiting to peep its head out. Its been at least ten years since my last bike was stolen, I'm still mad as all hell!
Posted by Anonymous at July 27, 2006 4:34 PM
comment #22
Lisa says ...
Sorry to hear about you bike Jeff. Little random acts of theft vandalism and violence really piss me off. Glad you enjoyed Babel, tho. Based on what you've written, I am looking forward to this.
Posted by Lisa at July 27, 2006 4:35 PM
comment #23
Anonymous says ...
Matthew enjoys punishment.
Posted by Anonymous at July 27, 2006 4:38 PM
comment #24
T.H. Ung says ...
Who doesn't enjoy good word play like that: "When you win the lottery, it feels like a kind of rape. You know... SO GOOD." Matthew, I think there's a boner waiting for you over in the 3:43pm post.
Posted by T.H. Ung at July 27, 2006 5:29 PM
comment #25
B says ...
Mathew:
Isn't "Jeezus Cristus" a big PC too? ;)
Posted by B at July 27, 2006 5:33 PM
comment #26
B says ...
big = bit = it's 3:33am = i should be sleeping = morning comes soon = if i don't get to get i'm going to feel like i've been raped when i try to wake up = i stole jeff's bike = big = bit...
Posted by B at July 27, 2006 5:35 PM
comment #27
B says ...
2nd get = bed = zZzZzzz
Posted by B at July 27, 2006 5:36 PM
comment #28
CCA says ...
I had (literally) every bike I owned as a kid stolen. Pity me.
Posted by CCA at July 27, 2006 6:00 PM
comment #29
Jon says ...
Im really sorry to hear your bike got stolen, in a way I like you more on how human you've become and just how a normal guy you are, pity. But than I thought to myself and realize you were at a party where you met the director of Babel and you saw Babel twice while I've yet to watch it for another 4 5 whatever months. I feel really bad for you because you lost your bike, the bike you loved riding around LA in, the bike with the basket, and it nearly brings me to tears reading your demise. But than I realize your an asshole and you deserve for hating Peter Jackson and Keira so much that this is your karma, and I hope Jackson gets news of you losing your bike, so he can feel better at the end of the day on how much better he is than you. Damn I feel bad.
Posted by Jon at July 27, 2006 6:28 PM
comment #30
Eric says ...
I had a bike stolen out of my parking garage recently. It's like an epidemic. Not only was the bike in a gated garage, but it was locked to a thick concrete column with one of those really good chains, all within a one-hour period of being upstairs. It does leave you in a foul mood. Mine wasn't even a very good bike. But shit, man, it was mine.
Posted by Eric at July 27, 2006 7:53 PM
comment #31
Joe Tate says ...
Jeff, I know what you're saying, being a victim of theft. It is a bit of a mind-wipe, and it eats at you. Awful.
But......
I have to give thumbs up to the people who brought up PeeWee's Big Adventure here. I laughed out LOUD, and a lot. These comment sections were the best idea Jeff.
Love this site,
-J
Posted by Joe Tate at July 27, 2006 9:12 PM
comment #32
nemo says ...
$3,400 for a bike. Man, the first two cars I owned didn't cost that much. You're going to be crying when that bling on wheels gets stolen.
Posted by nemo at July 27, 2006 9:49 PM
comment #33
Anonymous says ...
you shouldn't have left it outside jeff..
Posted by Anonymous at July 27, 2006 10:52 PM
comment #34
Anonymous says ...
You know what would have been even more offensive? If he said "When you win the lottery, it feels like a kind of rape. You know... SO GOOD."
Posted by Anonymous at July 28, 2006 5:16 AM
comment #35
Joe Gillis says ...
Having a bike stolen in Los Angeles is the kind of serendipitous violation of personal space that can send reverberations throughout that entire multi-lingual community. I can see the meth addict who swiped it now, hazily hitting Jeff's air-powered horn only to shock himself into a fatal accident. Will the westside housewife who strikes and kills him in her black Range Rover even realize she has repaid, in karmic terms, what Jeff has suffered, a hundred times over? Or will she flee from the scene, desperately late already for her lunch with Alejandro Gonzalez Innaritu? And how does Stanley Kubrick figure into the cosmic overview?
Posted by Joe Gillis at July 28, 2006 5:42 AM
comment #36
Joe Greenia says ...
Signposts are no good for securing bikes. On most modern signposts the pole is easily lifted from the base by removing a single bolt (which is very often already missing).
Posted by Joe Greenia at July 28, 2006 7:19 AM