All-"Snakes" Day

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Just before the chariot race sequence in William Wyler's Ben-Hur, Messala (Stephen Boyd) says to Judah Ben-Hur (Charlton Heston), his childhood friend-turned-mortal enemy: "So, Judah...this is the day." And verily I say unto ye that today -- Thursday, 8.17 -- is the Day of Reckoning for Snakes on a Plane.

Snakes shows tonight around the country -- call it All-Snakes Day -- and tens of thousands of film fans will attend, of course, and I'm asking here and now for quickie reviews to be sent in quickly so I can get some kind of consensus up by late tonight.

I'm seeing Snakes at a screening at the Mann Chinese tonight at 9 pm through the good graces of New Line Cinema, although I may not file until very late or first thing tomorrow morning. I'll see how it goes. But anyone who can bang out something tight and intelligible -- four or five graphs -- and send it along fast will see it run on HE within hours, I promise.

And now I have to visit a doctor and get a tetanus shot because my left hand is swollen from an infection that came from accidentally stabbing myself with an exacto knife three or four days ago and faiing to disinfect and clean it out thoroughly enough...great. So no more postings for two or three hours.

English-Japanese Translation<< previous | next >>Coppola and "Patton"

Posted by Jeffrey Wells on August 17, 2006 at 9:45 AM

comment #1

tholl-yung says ...

Oh man, exacto knife sounds so old media, but really, get better soon. My right index finger has been killing me for months since my dog jammed it between a pole and her leash and I couldn't free it, so I can relate. I don't think anyone should say anything derogatory about you until you are back. Don't be expecting my review, but I'll pass your offer along to a few who mixed it and know it intimately.

Posted by tholl-yung at August 17, 2006 10:48 AM

comment #2

sardine says ...

hydrogen peroxide....never be without it. it disinfects everything.

Posted by sardine at August 17, 2006 11:26 AM

comment #3

blythecummings says ...

So New Line IS screening the film for press?

What a bunch of liars!

I guess "Fans first" is just a bunch of bullshit.

Fuck it...I'll wait for DVD on this one.

Posted by blythecummings at August 17, 2006 11:43 AM

comment #4

PaulKolas says ...

Jeff,

Not to be picky, but what Stephen Boyd says to Charlton Heston as they are lining up for the chariot race is: "This is the day, Judah, it's between us now". I should know considering how many times I've seen "Ben Hur" in my life.

Paul Kolas
Worcester, MA

Posted by PaulKolas at August 17, 2006 11:49 AM

comment #5

p.Vice says ...

Seriously, who gives a good goddamn about this movie. It's crap any way you slice it. How many rubes decide to waste their money on it is beyond pointless.

Posted by p.Vice at August 17, 2006 11:55 AM

comment #6

jeffmcm says ...

The 10pm screening at the Chinese 6 is already sold out. In your face, p.Vice!

Posted by jeffmcm at August 17, 2006 12:02 PM

comment #7

The Hey says ...

I'm more pissed off by the fact that New Line is showing it off an hour earlier to the press using the main Chinese theatre and showing it in Digital.

The fans that made SoaP what it is and the first to pay money for it are stuck watching it in the crappy annex theatre next door.

Posted by The Hey at August 17, 2006 1:00 PM

comment #8

Nicol D says ...

Tonight at 10, I'll be seeing a horror film of such tragedy and dread it will make SOAP look like a family film: Woody Allen's Scoop!

Posted by Nicol D at August 17, 2006 1:20 PM

comment #9

Truman says ...

blythecummings and The Hey -

If Jeff is going to a 9:00pm screening at the Chinese, then, indeed, he's going to the premiere, which is tonight....at 9:00pm at the Chinese. There are no press screenings, nobody lied. I guess the 10:00pm public screening is next door at the Mann Chinese 6.

Okay? Just wanted to sort that out. Thanks.

Posted by Truman at August 17, 2006 1:30 PM

comment #10

Joshua Mooney says ...

Indeed, Jeff-- Olde Skool media! Love it. What's next, you gonna burn yer fingers on the hot wax machine during paste-up? Seriously though, I know well how an injured hand thwarts the work of a writer. People who don't type for a living don't get it at all.

Speaking of pain: Snakes On a Plane. Thank Christ THIS particular boil is about to burst. The pustular swelling of the hype has been sending daggers from my left ass-cheek to my brain for months now. So let's get on with the lancing of this motherfucker already.

Finally, Bruno Kirby. His death made me realize I truly admired his talent. The guy was unique. I can't explain. I didn't give a shit about most of the movies he was in, but when he was onscreen, I watched. Always. His voice. His confidence given his stature. That's fucking acting. His television work showed his range. But in the end I always go back to his Young Clemenza in "Godfather II." Small role but he nailed it, made it memorable. Maybe it's as simple as the way he flattens himself against the wall of the house he and De Niro are robbing, when the flatfoot comes up and knocks and peers in-- and he levels the gun just so, while otherwise still, silent and invisible. He's a veteran housebreaker.

Posted by Joshua Mooney at August 17, 2006 2:40 PM

comment #11

christian says ...

Snakes On A...what?

Is this a movie or somethin'?

Hmmm. Never heard anything about this here snakey plane thing...

Posted by christian at August 17, 2006 2:41 PM

comment #12

Teh Awesome says ...

The screening was big dumb fun, and the audience was just as cool as I thought it would be. I wish the movie would have tried a bit harder, and put some actual snakes on the plane, instead of CGI animatics. I only counted one close shot of a real snake in the movie. I remember the scene in Natural Born Killers when Mickey and Mallory are in a desert surrounded with snakes, that had more jumpscares for me than SoaP.

Posted by Teh Awesome at August 17, 2006 10:02 PM

comment #13

Teh Awesome says ...

So far, the geeks like it.

Best of AICN Talkback (edited):

i saw this last night...
by FrenchBastard03 August 17th, 2006
08:29:29 PM CST
...and it was glorious! no seriously, just go in expecting exactly what the title hints at, and youll have a lot of fun, promise, especially the two "bathroom" scenes. those are gonna be large crowd reaction gold. oh and also look out for "puking in a bag" scene. overall to be honest though, i think the cg snakes steal the show away from sam jackson, he's actually kind of bland here and the best scenes are of snake attacks, not the smack down (or lack thereof) that sam puts on the snakes.

********************

CGI on a Plane
by rctowns August 17th, 2006
11:45:55 PM CST
So...were the snakes supposed to look real?

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Oh yeah.
by ShaolinDolemite August 17th, 2006
11:57:45 PM CST
I totally dug this flick. Fun as hell B-movie ride. If the title makes you want to see the film, then you know what to expect. Take it for what it is- a fun B-movie. This has to be as close as I've ever gotten to a grindhouse experience. People were laughing, clapping and every now and then somone would yell at the screen- it was a blast (and I'm one of the biggest sticklers on people behaving in theaters, and I still loved the experience). Go see with the right frame of mind and enjoy. ****/*****

*********************

That ruled
by nerdcore August 18th, 2006
12:04:25 AM CST
I wasn't sure what to expect other than a few good SLJ lines and cool snakebite deaths, but that kicked way more ass than I expected. I had maybe one very short "I wonder what time it is?" moment, but otherwise I was entertained for the whole thing. The friend I went with pointed out that this could be the next Rocky Horror, and I could totally see it having a long life at midnight screenings.

*********************

Posted by Teh Awesome at August 17, 2006 10:15 PM

comment #14

Teh Awesome says ...

HA!
by Audets70 August 18th, 2006
12:25:30 AM CST
Just saw it and yes...the haters have to eat HUGE CROW!!! THe crowd was off the hook. Far better than Star Wars or X-Men. People had snakes everywhere......started throwing them at one point during the end credits! People were chanting SNAKES and HISSING through the whole film. First appearances by the snakes, Jackson and David koechner got HUGE applause. The deaths were great, it wasnt campy at all--but had decent humor....'SNAKES ON CRACK!'.....aand it even had the music video in the end. And I have no words for the infamous line. Half the theatre stood up and EVERYONE screamed it out along with Sam!!! THen it got a 2 minute cheer!!! By far one of the best films of the year and THE best theatre expierence Ive ever seen. Oh....did I mention the crowd was so into it that NOT ONE cell phone rang! And better yet.....people LOVED it! Take that haters! I do recommend people try and see this with a HUGE crowd. It makes it so much better. And finally......Sunny Mabrey is so beyond hot! That guy from Empire Records has an awesome wife!

**************

Best $7.25 I spent lately!
by Anakin Whoopass August 18th, 2006
12:34:03 AM CST
I haven't had that much fun at a movie in a long time. The audience was totally into every disaster/cop movie cliche, every snake attack, and every sam jackson moment. It delivered what the hell I wanted and I don't think anyone in the theater was disappointed. I would never go back, I'd never buy the DVD or even rent it, but I had more fun tonight with Snakes on a Plane than with any movie I would see multiple times or add to my collection. And I don't care if that makes any sense or not!

********************

I'm done pasting AICN talkbacks to HE, I just wanted to save HE people from skimming through 150's "First!" and other senseless comments to get to the actual geek reaction to SoaP.

Posted by Teh Awesome at August 17, 2006 10:48 PM

comment #15

Nick Rogers says ...

Just saw it in Illinois and I, along with the crowd, loved every minute of it. I wholeheartedly agree with the midnight screening. Those who don't see it with geeked- and geared-up crowds will be missing out. Slow setup, to be sure, but no disappointment once it gets to the obvious. Samuel L. is sort of on badass autopilot, but he knows he's a backseat to the snakes, which is fine. I haven't laughed as hard at any comedy this year, which is part of the point. As my friend said, anybody who doesn't like it at some level is a douchebag. My line for the T-shirt: "That's all you talk about, Troy!" Most ridiculous dialogue deus ex since "Batman and Robin." A great time.

Posted by Nick Rogers at August 17, 2006 10:51 PM

comment #16