Magic of Lassie

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All right, hold up on those no-one-cares- about-Lassie sentiments. It's running a 92% positive rating on Rotten Tomatoes and a critic I respect told me a couple of hours ago that he "bawled like a baby" when he saw it a few days ago.

Could this G-rated British programmer be made of the actual right stuff? You can't blame me for presuming that this modest little film, opening 9.1 via the Samuel Goldywn Co., was just a run-of-the-mill family flick featuring auto-pilot paycheck performances by costars Peter O'Toole and Samantha Morton. Has anyone ever seen The Magic of Lassie (1978) with Jimmy Stewart? Stewart sang a song over the opening credits, and I haven't forgotten that. It was horrible.

Please understand that HE is not preturnaturally cynical about dog movies, and that the two publicists at Rogers & Cowan who are handling the film for Goldwyn never even sent me a screening invitation (a man-about-town who goes to just about everything didn't get an invitation either), and also that I tried to track them down a little while ago and they're out and their voicemail isn't working. I tried Goldwyn and they're "out to lunch" also.

The only thing that gives me concern is a review by Onion critic Scott Tobias that says writer-director Charles Sturridge "doesn't mess with the Lassie formula -- he provides plenty of dog-porn shots of the collie bounding through scenery in slow motion."

Every now and then a movie about a family and a lost dog can be okay, and if you can't find a place in your heart for flicks of this sort then you shouldn't be reviewing movies. You have to be emotionally receptive; you've got to leave your heart door unlocked in case the right movie comes knocking.

That said, I'm going to admit to something that perhaps I shouldn't admit to. When I read the phrase "dog porn" I naturally...you know. And I think a lot of us would ike to see a Lassie movie in which Lassie's brother Laddie develops a special relation- ship with Scarlett Johansson. She could play a rich Scotsman's unfaithful wife who develops an extraordinary bond with Laddie, and it could be set, like Lassie, in the England and Scotland of the 1940s. I'm not suggesting a stupid dog-porn flick, for God's sake. I'm thinking of a story that includes genuine tenderness and vulnerability and intimacy of a very special sort. We all know that animal eroticism is very big on the internet and is one of the last remaining taboos, and it's just a matter of time before the right filmmaker approaches it with taste and discretion. I know it sounds like I'm kidding, but I'm not. Not entirely, I mean.

Nagisa Oshima's Max, Mon Amour, a monkey-relationship movie with Charlotte Rampling , broke the barrier back in '86, Given this precedent, going canine 20 years later, especially in today's mock-salacious environment, wouldn't even be seen as nervy.

comment #1

L.B. says ...

Still on the meds, Jeffrey? Get out of the house for a bit. Have a walk or something.

As for the movie, I had no idea this was coming out. But the posters in the other thread were so enthuiastic for it that it's on my list now.

comment #2

NYCBusybody says ...

Wow. Doesn't Harry Knowles have infamous reviews, like when he cried at "Armageddon"?

I think this is Jeff's "review" like that. Memorable stuff.

I agree, though. Sometimes it's best to let these things sneak up on you. However, growing up in a household where my little sis played "Milo and Otis" all damn day sometimes, treacly animal movies make me wary.

comment #3

Mgmax says ...

Leaving aside the last few paragraphs... I'd much rather take my kids to a Lassie movie than yet another wisecracking-animals computer animation movie.

comment #4

T.H.Ung says ...

I don't think you'd have gone if you got invited. You missed this one like "Step Up."

comment #5

berg says ...

the bitch is back ... Lassie that is ... here is the reason the film is awesome despite the "auto-pilot paycheck performances" and some clumsy plot turns ... Why does Lassie return after initially fleeing the Dinklage campground? Why does Lassie bring the strangers when they meet couple together? What bond does Lassie hold with the long hair dachshund or for that matter what psychic bond does Lassie use to comminicate with the Loch Ness Creature? ... Lassie is a force of nature and like a force of nature changes everything in its path, equalizes rich and poor, restores the balance of life ... woof

comment #6

caslab says ...

This is like the third time in the past few months that Jeff has brought up animal porn in a semi-positive light. It's really creeping my shit out.

comment #7

T.H.Ung says ...

Just noticed that L.B.'s back at the top. Dude, you gotta see these shots of Scarlett http://www.angelfire.com/de/palma/ --I totally get the rich Scotsman's unfaithful wife having a tender, vulnerable and intime affair with a Laddie.

comment #8

GeeseOPlenty says ...

Seriously Jeff. This post made me smile a bit, but ultimately, let's not hear more about your "beasts of burden"--okay, sport?

comment #9

T.H.Ung says ...

I can't imagine anyone would show up here if it weren't for the free associating riffs leading down film memmory lanes. Now, how bout how the hand's doing?

comment #10

nemo says ...

I like both Bill Clinton and Jeffrey Wells. I like what they stand for, and they've both done a lot of good for the world.

But I don't want Bill Clinton anywhere near my niece, and I don't want Jeff Wells anywhere near my dog.

comment #11

T.H.Ung says ...

He can take my beagle Mabel for a walk any day. I met Eric Idle and his beagle Bagel walking Mabel.

comment #12

D.Z. says ...

Who knows? Lassie might be a refreshing change from all the cg animals families have had to sit through lately.

comment #13

T.H.Ung says ...

"Lassie has, in fact, always been a boy, despite the feminine appellation, just as she/he has always been a source of unabashed emotion, tears, grins and dog love. What Lassie doesn't evoke is doubt: If there's a sure thing in the entertainment world, Lassie seems to be it." from
http://www.newsday.com/features/printedition/ny-ffmov4862660aug27,0,4624540.story

comment #14

EDouglas says ...

Lassie tucks!?!?

comment #15

Gabriel says ...

I'd love to see Scarlett look into Lassie's eyes and say, "That old Yorkshire Mountain got us good."

comment #16

EDouglas says ...

BTW, IGN has some funny pieces on this which aren't your typical junket write-up:

http://filmforce.ign.com/articles/729/729545p1.html
http://filmforce.ign.com/articles/729/729102p1.html
http://filmforce.ign.com/articles/728/728778p1.html

Nice to see that there are some Lasse fans in the internet geek set.

comment #17

monetnj says ...

It just so happens, a movie about dog eroticism called Sleeping Dogs Lie is coming out at the end of September. Looks more like a comedy than a "tasteful and sensitive" portrayal, but maybe it can satisfy Jeff's dog lust. Check out the trailers on Apple's site:

http://www.apple.com/trailers/independent/sleepingdogslie/

comment #18

The Bandsaw Vigilante says ...

Peter Dinklage as a travelling puppeteer?

I'm so there.

That said, after the whole "dog-porn" schpiel, does anyone else here suddenly have Stephen King "MISERY'S HOBBY" images flashing through their brainpan?

comment #19

JoeGreenia says ...

Yow. So the new Lassie movie leads to something about inter-species erotica? I blame the internet.

Our inner censor. Sure, he can be dangerous, but we dismiss him at our peril.

On the other hand, anything with O'Toole and Morton in it has my attention.

comment #20

a1 says ...

"Nagisa Oshima's Max, Mon Amour, a monkey relationship movie with Charlotte Rampling , broke the barrier [....]"

Charlotte Rampling? Wow, *there's* a shocker. Is there *any* taboo Mrs. Zardoz wouldn't break?!

-L-

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