comment #1

The Winchester says ...

Shatner. Definitely Shatner

comment #2

Arran says ...

Good answer, Winchester.

I have wanted to punch Freddie Prinze Jr on many occasions...

No, I've got it. Harmony Korine. Talent-free fuckbag.

comment #3

Craptastic says ...

Ratner. Brett fucking Ratner.

He's SO unaware of the feces clustered screener tape he received from a certain A-list director's office upon multiple, MULTIPLE (x2) annoying "But I'm Brett Ratner!" requests.

Still wonder if he got sick from it.

Think I'm kidding? Guess again.

Geek boys, rejoyce. I dones it for thee.

comment #4

D.Z. says ...

Quentin Tarantino, for helping to make remakes the norm instead of the exception.

comment #5

Arran says ...

What a surprise, DZ makes an asinine, unsubstantiated comment.

If you'd like to list all the "remakes" Tarantino has done to make this the "norm", I'm all ears. (And yes, I know Dogs is considered something of a ripoff of City On Fire.)

comment #6

iamanerd says ...

Matthew McConaughey--easiest one of the biggest overactors and blowhards of this generation. Shatner could be his corner man.

comment #7

le corbeau says ...

Emma Thompson. I can't tell you how many times I've seen some innocent young hopeful staggering home from Thompson's Malibu compound, covered in blood and bruises and nearly catatonic after one of Emma's coke-fueled nights of rough trade. And the police can do nothing because they know Thompson's posse-- Winslet, Bonham-Carter, Linda Hunt-- will come after anyone who testifies against her. It's high time someone ended her reign of terror with the savage beating she deserves.

Also Captain Kangaroo, but he's dead.

comment #8

Josh Massey says ...

Verne Troyer. Because I can't box for shit.

comment #9

lesterg says ...

Just because I was forced to watch "The Greatest Game Ever Played" last night, I'll go with that pudgy little shit, Shia LeBouf. Everything about that kid rubs me the wrong way.

And Iamanerd is right: Emma Thompson needs to be taken down. A buddy of mine had the nerve to ask her for her autograph at the premiere of Nanny McPhee. She complied, but two days later Richard E. Grant showed up at his work and castrated him with a bottle opener.

comment #10

p.Vice says ...

Julia Roberts. I'd love to knee her in the crotch and knock some of her teeth out.

comment #11

T. S. Idiot says ...

Because I've never quite gotten his reputation as the greatest thespian of his generation, because the pugnacious punk seems always to be spoiling for a fight anyway, because of the maudlin embarrassment that is I Am Sam, and because I hate Mystic River, I would love to beat the shit out of Sean Penn.

comment #12

L.B. says ...

Zach Braff. We've had the Thrilla in Manilla. We've had the Rumble in the Jungle. This would be the Long-Overdue Payback for Your Ridiculously Overrated and Vapid Directoral Debut. (Still working on the rhyme.)

comment #13

postalchris says ...

The guys on the phone from India are only doing exactly what their bosses tell them to do. Trust me, I've met some of them: they sincerely want to help. Reserve your ire for their corporate paymasters.

comment #14

JoeGreenia says ...

Toby Jones. I just don't want to get hurt.

comment #15

NYCBusybody says ...

Larry Clark or Michael Moore, although...

Wilford Brimley's just askin' for it...

comment #16

sardine says ...

I would like to see the young James Caan punch you out JW.

Stupid question, Jeffery

comment #17

Rob says ...

This is outside of the movie realm, but definitely that horror-in-hot-pants Fergie.

Also Teri Hatcher, Josh Lucas, and second votes for McConaughey and Zach Braff.

comment #18

Argen says ...

I'll take some critic action. Scott Holleran from Box Office Mojo and Cole Smithey (self-annointed dipshit). There's something about their writing (and general opinions) that just inspires violence.

I'll second the Fergie.

comment #19

NYCBusybody says ...

Oooh, critics, hadn't noticed they were game.

David Walsh.

comment #20

mizerock says ...

I've also got the back of the support staff from India - they are just as helpful as they are allowed to be by The Man. The guy you really want to pummell is the CEO that decided that his yearly bonuses and stock options were more important than customer service. So the only solution was to throw callers into Phone Mail Hell (and no, pushing "zero" won't get you a real person on the line, ha ha!).

comment #21

storymark says ...

I might have said Uwe Boll a week ago, but given that I've just watched him take down 4 guys in a row, and I havn't been in a fight since 6th grade, I may have to rethink.

Joel Schumacher. He's still got it coming for Bat-nipples.

comment #22

mizerock says ...

I'm not a violent man, but right after "In the Company of Men" came out, I was ready to pummel Aaron Eckhart. Yes, I can normally separate the actor from the character - but he owned the character of "Chad" so completely -

I'm sure he would understand the beating and take it as a compliment to his acting abilities.

comment #23

L.B. says ...

Agreed that anger at the Indian support staff is a bit misplaced. The general degredation of customer service is the fault of the decision-makers, many of whom have a good beating coming.

comment #24

Mr. Muckle says ...

Shoot, I'd let Helena Bonham-Carter punch me until she got tired and horny.

comment #25

le corbeau says ...

I want to have her abortion.

comment #26

crabbieshollywood.blogspot.com says ...

I'd fight Russell Crowe, as long as I got to have a crowbar or a mace or something.

comment #27

The Winchester says ...

I second the Braff fight too.

AS for critics, I know I could take on Earl Dittman.

Does anyone think that Jeff should take on Poland in something like this? My money's on Jeff.

comment #28

Josh Massey says ...

Have you actually SEEN Dittman? I don't think he could beat you up, but I don't think he'd actually feel your punches either.

comment #29

NYCBusybody says ...

I'm going to be the first to let the cat out of the bag and say that yes, I'd hit a girl, and her name would be Nora Ephron.

comment #30

Dixon Steele says ...

Mizerock, after watching Eckhart beating the crap out of Josh Hartnett in the ring in DAHLIA, you may want to reconsider...

comment #31

sardine says ...

SOFIA COPPOLA has it all over you, JW. She is the knock-out Queen. She is intelligent and you are NOT. Marie Antoinette is THE BEST MOVIE OF THE YEAR. You, JW, are the WORST PERSON OF THE YEAR.

comment #32

Rich S. says ...

Tom Cruise, as long as he promised not to use Sith lightning on me.

comment #33

MrThompson says ...

Trolling isnt an art, but some people try way too hard.

comment #34

Midwest Doug says ...

Rob Schneider because a) he represents joyless, thoughtless film-making and b) I think I'd win.

comment #35

Nicol D says ...

There's no point in dodging this one; I'd have at DiCaprio.

Just to prove to everyone that I was right; I wouldn't hit him though...I'd just intimidate him to the point where he broke down and cried like a little baby girl.

comment #36

sardine says ...

jw....the knock-out queen strikes again. Are you down.....? read the sarris take on MA>

comment #37

D.Z. says ...

Arran: Kill Bill's a remake of Lady Snowblood.

comment #38

L.B. says ...

Seriously, D.Z., give it a rest. You're becoming a parody of yourself and that's no easy task. Nor is it one anyone would want to accomplish.

comment #39

Craig Kennedy says ...

I don't even know if he reviews movies anymore, but I'd like to punch Michael Medved in the kidneys until he pees blood. Political leanings aside, if anyone ever had a face that shouted "Please mister, throw me to the ground and kick me in the balls swiftly and repeatedly because I'm a smug, sanctimonious little shit worm" it's Medved.

Seriously, aren't you getting annoyed just thinking about him right now? Can't you just feel your fingers closing around his wind pipe as he flails impotently then squeaks futilely in one last protest before his eyeballs roll back into his rotten skull and his lifeless body slumps flaccidly to the cold ground?

As you're burying his body out by the interstate, your thoughts turn to that little douche monkey who played the son on Who's The Boss...

comment #40

Arran says ...

Seriously DZ: just fuck off. You really didn't get enough attention as a child, did you?

Right, last time I respond to that ignorant cock/cunt and his bullshit "corrections". I'll now join everyone else in just ignoring him/her.

comment #41

Burbanked says ...

I'm ashamed to admit that this, without a doubt, the most entertaining thread I've ever read here.

comment #42

Burbanked says ...

OH, and I'd take out Michael Bay and break the fingers he uses on the editing machine like they were so many popsicle sticks.

comment #43

Dan Revill says ...

The fucking cocksuckers who decided to cancel Deadwood are high up on my list...

Gotta say Brett Ratner, because he annoys me to no end.

George Lucas for Jar-Jar Binks in Episode I and jumping the shark and not showing us the Clone Wars except in cartoon form. I may go easy on him though, since I do love Episode III.

comment #44

Dan Revill says ...

Forget all of that! I thought of someone even more deserving of my wrath - Richard Roeper!!!

comment #45

Sergio says ...

Gosh, that's a tough question since there are SO MANY to choose from, but if I had to pick one then it would be Sofia Coppola. The most overrated and annoying filmmaker working today who makes some of the dullest films on the screen. Both The Virgin Suicides and Lost in Translation didn't fail to make me nod off. I can just imagine what's in store for me in Marie Antonnette. That N.Y. Times piece of her shopping in Paris was the last straw. Why do they do these photo spreads with her as if she's some gorgeous model? Has she looked in a mirror lately? Then again maybe a couple of rounds in the ring might improve her looks. Let's face it, if her last name was Jones instead of Coppola would anybody give a fuck?

comment #46

Arran says ...

Sergio, you're clearly Jeffrey. No one's fooled. ;)

comment #47

kadoogan says ...

Evangeline Lily. Not because I hate her, but because I'm sure her fighting style would lead to a long series of clinches and holds which would inevitably devolve into a wrestling match.

comment #48

D.Z. says ...

Arran: "Seriously DZ: just fuck off. You really didn't get enough attention as a child, did you?"

It's nice to know you have the communication skills of a true Quentin fan.

comment #49

Sergio says ...

AARAN

No way I'm Jeffrey. I am ME! Is it impossible to believe that more than one person can't stand Sofia Coppola? Anybody out there agrees with me and Jeffrey?

comment #50

Ortega says ...

I'd like to take a shot at Stuart Townsend. The guy's a black hole of charisma, an awfully boring presence whose mere presence automatically lowers the quality of any movie or TV show he's around. I still think the best directorial decision Peter Jackson ever did was to substitute him for the Vig at the last minute. Oh, and he's boning Charlize Theron; if that's not a good enough excuse, I don't know what is.

comment #51

Ortega says ...

I'd like to take a shot at Stuart Townsend. The guy's a black hole of charisma, an awfully boring presence whose mere presence automatically lowers the quality of any movie or TV show he's around. I still think the best directorial decision Peter Jackson ever did was to substitute him for the Vig at the last minute. Oh, and he's boning Charlize Theron; if that's not a good enough excuse, I don't know what is.

comment #52

Ortega says ...

Sorry for the double post

comment #53

ZacharyTF says ...

Freddie Prinze Jr. for being a talentless douchebag and Howie Mandel for being a pompous dickhead who can't shake people's hand and tries way too hard to be funny. He's reason #1 I can't stand Deal or No Deal.

comment #54

jumpy says ...

damn those indians! just kidding, i'm Indian. see? http://www.sevillepictures.com/media/image/photos/large/parti_ph10_hr.jpg