Cheatin' Hearts
Cheatin' Hearts
Two movies about issues of trust, truth-telling and fidelity between loving couples played during the Toronto Film Festival, and the lessons of both -- Tony Goldwyn's The Last Kiss (which opened Friday) and Bob Goldwaith's Sleeping Dogs Lie (Samuel Goldwyn, 9.29) -- are pretty much the same but told from different gender perspectives.
They both say don't lie to your partner about anything -- lies are poison-- but at the same time don't tell them the absolute 100% truth, which can be worse than lying.
The Last Kiss is about 30 year-old architect Zach Braff freaking about girlfriend Jacinda Barrett suddenly being pregnant and deciding to go on a hot date with a pretty college sophomore he meets at a party (Rachel Bilson), and the very same night getting busted by Barrett when one of his good buddies fails to lie for him. Braff begs for forgiveness, telling Barrett that nothing happened (which is true) but she makes him leave their home anyway. Naturally, he goes right over to Bilson's place and plays hide the python.
The next day Barrett has begun to relent and is thinking about taking him back, but Braff has been given fatally bad advice by her dad (Tom Wilkinson), to wit: "Unless you're completely honest with her, you'll lose her." So a little later on when Barrett says to Braff, "You really didn't sleep with her?", he spills the beans....and their relationship is all but toast. Hello? Total candor can be ruinous.
Sleeping Dogs Lie, directed and written by Goldwaith, is about another relationship ruptured by truth. Sweet, emotionally adjusted Amy (Melinda Page Hamilton) is persuaded by her nice-guy finance John (Bryce Johnson) to share every last little truth about her past. Encouraged, once again, by an idiotic parent (her mother) as well as a friend at work, both of whom urge complete honesty, she tells John her kinkiest sexual secret, which is that she once gave her dog a blowjob.
Does John take it like a man? Of course not. He freaks. He's repelled. Lesson repeated: there are some things you should never share. Whole hog truth-telling is a recipe for disaster.
Obviously The Last Kiss has more to say about guys lying or not lying to their wives or girlfriends, and Sleeping Dogs Lie addresses just how honest women should be with their boyfriends or husbands.
From a guy's POV, one of the worst things you can do to a girlfriend is to say, "I fucked somebody else." Or to let her find this out if you did. Knowledge of infidelity hurts like a sword-stabbing. It breaks the other person's heart and pretty much destroys whatever trust you had with them before. It's a terrible thing to do to anyone you care for and respect.
I'm basically saying that the important thing is to never let your partner feel the pain of knowing what you've done if you've done it. If, I say. The important thing for a cheater (a one-timer or a serial) is to be an astonishingly good liar, and that means covering your tracks like a CIA agent in East Germany in the early '60s, and making absolutely dead sure that she never finds out, even accidentally.
Cheating is obviously not a good thing for any relationship, but if you ever wade into those waters do so with the utmost caution and take it very, very seriously. That's all I'm saying.
People are going to do what they're going to do. Nobody's perfect. Fidelity is the best policy but how many of us can say we've never sniffed around and maybe let something happen once or twice? Down cycles and odd episodes and tomcat compulsions come and go. I'm not advocating cheating, but if it happens -- if -- go there with the utmost consideration for your partner's feelings, which means you need to keep them totally, totally in the dark.
Guys always tell their girlfriends or wives that their past relationships with other guys means nothing. They're lying. They do mean something, and they will judge the shit out of you if you tell them too much. There is nothing to be gained by spilling every last detail about an ex-boyfriend, or boyfriends. You can only lose by doing so.
Posted by Jeffrey Wells on September 17, 2006 at 5:40 PM
comment #1
jesse
says ...
Interesting column, but I'm not sure that the movie itself (in the case of The Last Kiss) was saying that dishonesty is the best policy. That is, I don't think Wilkinson's character's advice is supposed to be read as bad (or maybe he's so damn convincing as an actor that I couldn't tell). I felt like the movie was saying that truth-telling may be the harder and more taxing and possibly relationship-ending thing to do in those situations, but sometimes you have to do the honorable and tougher thing.
Of course, the film doesn't really address what the Braff/Barrett relationship is going to be like afterwards -- not directly, anywhere. But though I had mixed feelings about the movie itself -- a little too slight, a little too casual, maybe even a little bit lazy -- I liked the ending's ambiguity on this matter.
Posted by jesse
at September 17, 2006 8:12 PM
comment #2
caslab
says ...
thank you very much, jeff, for not using the plot of sleeping dogs lie as another jumping off point into your thoughts on bestiality.
Posted by caslab
at September 17, 2006 8:18 PM
comment #3
PaulKolas
says ...
"Liar Liar" covered pretty much the same ethical/unehtical territory with Jim Carrey's broader, uber manic style, and carried the idea of telling the truth to OCD extremes. It is human nature to lie when it suits us, and even though we love the idea of total fidelity as it pertains to our own fragile feelings (read: EGOS), we sometimes forget to put ourselves in our partner's shoes when we feel that urge to validate our attraction factor to others. Jeff, why don't you start a Cheaters Anonymous program in LA, a kinder and gentler version of Sexaholics Anonymous?
Posted by PaulKolas
at September 18, 2006 4:58 AM
comment #4
Bandersnatch
says ...
Thank you, Dr. Phil. Good God. If I wanted relationship advice I'd read Ask Amy.
Speaking of Amys, anybody watched "Chasing Amy" lately? A movie about a guy who does, in fact, "judge the shit" out of his girlfriend for her past and ends up realizing, too late, that he lost a great relationship because he couldn't get past his own ego. She moves on, and he's stuck pining away for her.
PaulKolas, I love Liar Liar (I don't care who knows it), and one of the things I like about it is the point it makes that Carrey's sleazeball has been lying so long that he's managed to deceive himself into thinking he's a great guy. All the enforced truth-telling, while it reunites him with his son, reconciles him to his ex-wife, blah blah blah, mainly serves to show him what a bastard he is. That's the big problem with Jeff's whole "lying will make everything okay" theory - lie long enough and you can't see the truth anymore.
Speaking of Dr. Phil...
Posted by Bandersnatch
at September 18, 2006 8:13 AM
comment #5
Monument
says ...
What's the deal with Architects as main characters in romantic comedies and or dramas? Is it just me or has this type of character been done to death. Are architects really that sexy? Personally, after living in Southern California most of my life, I'd like to slap the shit out of 99% of the architects responsible for our boring bone colored suburban sprawl. The Brady Bunch, Three Men and a Baby, Sleepless in Seattle, Life as a House, The Lake House....I know there's more.
Posted by Monument
at September 18, 2006 8:33 AM
comment #6
jesse
says ...
Monument, you're right about architects... it's become beyond cliche. It must be the number one profession in the movies outside of the cop/lawyer/doctor axis. Filmmakers use it because it's an easy way to paint the character as "creative" and soulful yet also financially secure, so they don't have to worry about any pesky economic realities. (Notice that in "Last Kiss," Braff's character freaks when his girlfriend suggests buying a house... because of fear of commitment, not because, you know, houses are incredibly fucking expensive! I would LOVE to be in the position where the only thing that could keep me from buying a house is fear of commitment.) Of course, by repeating this so often, for me a film character playing an architect, in most cases, is now shorthand for a certain kind of low-key soullessness. Oh, he's supposed to be creative but not one of those unpredictable (or worse, poor!) "creative" types.
Posted by jesse
at September 18, 2006 8:59 AM
comment #7
nola
says ...
I have not seen The Last Kiss. I liked the original and don't understand why it had to be remade. Zach is no Stefano Accorsi. I see they changed the ending for the remake and made the character he had the affair with older.
Has anyone seen both?
Posted by nola
at September 18, 2006 9:50 AM
comment #8
Bandersnatch
says ...
The main character in the forthcoming "The Namesake" is an architect, as he is in the novel. But he struck me as pretty soulless, so I guess it fits. Jacinda Barrett plays his girlfriend, by the way. Apparently she's creating a niche for herself: "Architect's Love Interest."
Architect (in movie-speak, anyway) also carries with it "smart" but somehow without the "nerdy" that usually goes with "smart." So architect gets chosen before, say, particle physicist.
Posted by Bandersnatch
at September 18, 2006 10:25 AM
comment #9
tholl-yung
says ...
Nola, canvassing Rotten Tomatoes, 9 have, 5 to 4.
"What probably seemed natural and even amusing in the original comes off here like Barry Levinson's Diner done wrong." Atlanta Journal-Constitution, Eleanor Ringel Gillespie.
"The original was full of warmth, humor and poignance while the remake is full of rain clouds and navel-gazing." EricDSnider.com, Eric D. Snider.
"If you've never seen the superior Italian original, you may be captivated ... because I have (so can you; it's on DVD), I was diverted but hardly entranced." Las Vegas Review-Journal, Carol Cling.
"What happens in The Last Kiss may be a pitfall of translation: A European movie in which unhappiness reigns usually employs enough sense of the absurd to make it all palatable. Here, it's just unremittingly sad." Newsday, John Anderson.
"Who would have thought that the Hollywood version of a European film would be grittier and more downbeat than its predecessor?" Sun Publications (Chicago, IL), Josh Larsen.
"... Paul Haggis has turned the Italian romantic comedy L'Ultimo Bacio (2001) into something smarter, funnier, and more penetrating." Chicago Reader, J. R. Jones.
"... a considerable improvement on the conclusion of the original Italian film." Deseret News, Salt Lake City, Jeff Vice.
"... improves on the original in just about every way, thanks to just about everybody involved, starting with director Tony Goldwyn, and a cast headed by Zach Braff and the ubiquitous Jacinda Barrett." Detroit Free Press, Terry Lawson.
"... an American remake of a European original that works." Milwaukee Journal Sentinel, Mack Bates.
Posted by tholl-yung
at September 18, 2006 11:06 AM
comment #10
Dixon Steele
says ...
Big article today in the LA Times about Braff, detailing how he was rewriting Haggis' script and suggesting shots to Goldwyn.
Posted by Dixon Steele
at September 18, 2006 11:19 AM
comment #11
tholl-yung
says ...
Braff needs to be cut down to size. Cept for a couple of drug scenes, Garden State was puke.
Posted by tholl-yung
at September 18, 2006 11:36 AM
comment #12
kyle21
says ...
The Last Kiss is a truly poor film. The scrit is substandard. The storyline shallow. The acting pedestrian at best.
Posted by kyle21
at September 18, 2006 1:15 PM
comment #13
nola
says ...
Thanks Ashley. I read the LAT article. If this "man" is the voice of his generation our country is in worse shape than I thought.
Posted by nola
at September 18, 2006 1:30 PM
comment #14
Nicol D
says ...
A few things...
Marriage and having just a bf or gf are two different things.
If you cheat on your boyfriend or girlfriend, maybe it is a sign that you just need to break up. You should tell them and let'em decide.
If you cheat on your husband or wife...you effed up big time. Of course accidents happen, but you need to tell them. If you truly love or respect them, you will work out the rough patch.
By not telling them you are not allowing yourself to face the consequences of your actions and in essence are paving a path of denial that you in fact did nothing wrong...because there were no consequences.
Also, any woman or man that breaks up a marriage over one infidelity also is being too rash. People do fuck up, but that is not necessarily a reason to break up a marriage. I do believe honesty is the best policy.
Marriage is messy. It can only survive by letting the dirt hang out.
Oh...and Zack Braff is possibly the least charismatic male lead on the horizon right now.
Posted by Nicol D
at September 18, 2006 1:47 PM
comment #15
berg
says ...
THE LAST KISS should have been called PUSS WHIPPED ... Was I the only one who thought the female characters should have been the lead characters? And what is the deal with architects ... Keanu Reeves, Adam Sandler and now Zach Braff all playing architects, there were a couple of others this year - it is like the safe middle class occupation for a hollywood movie ... too bad Sketches of Frank Gehry only played a week ...
Posted by berg
at September 18, 2006 2:15 PM
comment #16
tholl-yung
says ...
Wives and girlfriends beware of your man's guy on guy action. Architects are very seductive, phallic iconic male figures, go figure.
Posted by tholl-yung
at September 18, 2006 2:39 PM
comment #17
Jay T.
says ...
"I'd like to slap the shit out of 99% of the architects responsible for our boring bone colored suburban sprawl."
Don't blame the architects, blame the penny-pinching developers who do everything they can to grind out every last cent. Most architects will tell you exactly this.
Posted by Jay T.
at September 18, 2006 7:15 PM