Ejaculate of a Horse

email this story
read comments (15)
post a comment

What's made clear in Jackass: Number Two when Johnny Knoxville and Chris Pontius take a couple of swallows of horse semen "is that in a society still driven by the Christian right and red-state morality, 30-year-old men with wives, girlfriends, and masculine reputations to uphold still cannot whip out the lubricant and give in to their primal urge to slip it into the backdoor.

"And unfortunately for these poor, subdued men -- two of whom have children -- the only real outlet for the repressed sexual frustration is to drink the ejaculate of a horse, or stand around in the nude and inflict pain on one another, while anointing the appropriately named Wee Man as their phallic mascot. It's a cheerless state of affairs -- nearly a year after Jake Gyllenhaal and Heath Ledger mainstreamed man-love into our cultural zeitgeist -- that this group of men still must play with poisonous snakes in lieu of one another's sexual members or, worse still, substitute the goring of a bull's horn for the feel of a man." -- from Dustin Rowles' review on Pajiba!, a forum for "scathing reviews by bitchy people."

DOAP trailer<< previous | next >>"Departed" judgments

Posted by Jeffrey Wells on September 29, 2006 at 7:32 PM

comment #1

D.Z. says ...

I don't think the Jackasses are sexually repressed. They're simply trying to be edgy. If they only had gay sex, no one would care. Look at Brokeback Mountain. It still did well, in spite of the homophobes who voted for Bush. (Of course, Tom Green jerked off a few animals, and it ruined his career. But then his 15 minutes were about up, anyway.)

Anyway, so how does it feel for you Republiscum out there to know that Mark Foley's into hot male action? Ranks right up there with Cheney's lesbian daughter and Bush's gay hooker posing as a reporter. Stop hating, and start coming out of the closet. You'll have less blood on your hands that way.

Posted by D.Z. at September 29, 2006 8:50 PM

comment #2

hiviper says ...

oh fer chrissakes, I read that review a couple of days ago and I think this guy is totally over-analyzing the suppressed gay thing. Jackass is all about a 12 year old sensibility to idiodic doo-doo and dick jokes. Knoxville said himself they got their ideas from Roadrunner cartoons. Half the fun is watching these bunch of idiots laugh at their own stupid pranks.

Posted by hiviper at September 29, 2006 9:37 PM

comment #3

Nicol D says ...

He He.

Oh to be enlightened and evolved. The intellect of these people is astounding.

Pretty impressive critical writing, huh Daniel?

He He.

Posted by Nicol D at September 29, 2006 10:10 PM

comment #4

Craptastic says ...

I love Nicol D. She's the best on this site. The only one that makes sense.

All hail the D.!

Posted by Craptastic at September 29, 2006 10:18 PM

comment #5

D.Z. says ...

Nicol: "Oh to be enlightened and evolved. The intellect of these people is astounding."

At least I graduated from college with higher than a C-average and can pronounce "nuclear".

"Pretty impressive critical writing, huh Daniel?"

At least it's more poignant than the Muslim-bashing text chosen by your nazi pope.

Posted by D.Z. at September 29, 2006 11:06 PM

comment #6

Eddie says ...

I just like the URL for this page.

Posted by Eddie at September 30, 2006 12:03 AM

comment #7

jeffmcm says ...

Who's Daniel? The review was written by a Dustin. Is D.Z. Daniel?

I don't agree with the overall conclusion, but in a movie where a group of men stand around watching another man force beer up his anus, it's not completely wrong either.

Posted by jeffmcm at September 30, 2006 12:29 AM

comment #8

crabbieshollywood.blogspot.com says ...

What does horse semen taste like anyway? Maybe it's good.

Posted by crabbieshollywood.blogspot.com at September 30, 2006 3:16 AM

comment #9

JChasse says ...

Slant:

As Sam L. Jackson said in "Pulp Fiction", sewer rat might taste like pumpkin pie, I ain't eating it (And not just because I don't like pumpkin pie).

Posted by JChasse at September 30, 2006 5:29 AM

comment #10

Nicol D says ...

"At least I graduated from college with higher than a C-average..."

Daniel, with the posts you write, I'm willing to believe you got an A+.

He He.

Posted by Nicol D at September 30, 2006 5:58 AM

comment #11

Argen says ...

None of this detracts from the fact that Firehose Rodeo is five different flavors of wonderful.

Posted by Argen at September 30, 2006 9:48 AM

comment #12

corey3rd says ...

tastes like chicken jism

Posted by corey3rd at September 30, 2006 12:24 PM

comment #13

Eddie says ...

Ë†Ë†Ë†Ë†Ë†Ë†Ë†

That's a bumpersticker if I ever saw one.

Posted by Eddie at September 30, 2006 7:30 PM

comment #14

Nate West says ...

Now that stuntmen are routinely replaced with CGI figures in movies, the nervy antics of the Jackass crew harken back to Buster Keaton and Harold Lloyd. The horse semen is more a Fatty Arbuckle reference.

Posted by Nate West at October 1, 2006 4:19 AM

comment #15