Beyonce bikini shots

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What are you supposed to do when a series of Beyonce Knowles beach-bikini shots appear in Sports Illustrated? Just run them without comment? Well, I have a comment that I'm sure someone will take offense at. I think it's fair to say, given the subject matter, that Beyonce's stock has dropped ever so slightly because she doesn't have much of an "innie." There -- I've said it. I could explain why deep "innies" matter but this isn't Penthouse Forum. Okay, I'll explain it. Naah, forget it.

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Posted by Jeffrey Wells on February 14, 2007 at 3:36 PM

comment #1

slothroplt says ...

Now, I would expect a comment like that to come from a teenager, a young man whose idea of women stems greatly from the media and not real-life experience, but not from a middle-age man with a teenage son. What planet do you come from? Oh, that's right...Planet Hollywood, where beautiful is a marketing term and nothing more.

By any reasonable standard, Beyonce is a beautiful woman and I, for one, would enjoy the hell out of making love to her. Outie be damned.

Posted by slothroplt at February 14, 2007 4:01 PM

comment #2

bfm says ...

* grabs a tub of popcorn and sits back waiting for the shark feeding frenzy *

Posted by bfm at February 14, 2007 4:09 PM

comment #3

CambridgeCat says ...

*crams toungue back in mouth*

I'm sorry, did somebody say something?

Posted by CambridgeCat at February 14, 2007 4:22 PM

comment #4

Dan Revill says ...

Beyonce's beautiful. Only Jeff could find something to complain about when looking at swimsuit pics. Honestly man!

Posted by Dan Revill at February 14, 2007 4:27 PM

comment #5

Hallick says ...

An ex-girlfriend level obsession with Eddie Murphy...your underwhelming reaction to Beyonce's pictures...an intense fixation on weight and apppearances...I think I see what's going on here now.

Posted by Hallick at February 14, 2007 4:32 PM

comment #6

malibugigolo says ...

The malibu gigolo finds Wells too much to take today. What about that old picture of you in Bend, OR with a major case of scotchface? Have the contents of that paper cup ever been found or have they simply vanished like the WMD's.
You are not one to talk my little friend.

Posted by malibugigolo at February 14, 2007 5:12 PM

comment #7

jeffmcm says ...

His last sentence sounds like Wells has a weird fetish that he wants to talk about but won't.

Posted by jeffmcm at February 14, 2007 5:21 PM

comment #8

rocco says ...

Beautiful girl...woman...whatever...but two questions:

When did she get implants?

How many different people did SI use to photoshop these?

She looks like different people altogether in a few of these shots. Photo #3 looks particularly rejiggered.

Posted by rocco at February 14, 2007 5:55 PM

comment #9

Ju-osh says ...

delbomber:
In light of Jeff's odd bellybutton fetish post here, will you please tell us Jeff's 'anal sex porn fetish' story?

Posted by Ju-osh at February 14, 2007 6:54 PM

comment #10

Pablo VillaÃ§a says ...

Ok, that's probably a linguistic thing and I'll make an ass of myself for asking a question a 10-year-old would, but... what the hell is an "innie"?

Posted by Pablo VillaÃ§a at February 14, 2007 7:05 PM

comment #11

Pablo VillaÃ§a says ...

Oh. "innie" = "bellybutton"?!

My God... I can't express how relieved I am right now.

Posted by Pablo VillaÃ§a at February 14, 2007 7:07 PM

comment #12

Pablo VillaÃ§a says ...

Oh, man... I can't get over the fact that of all possibilities that crossed my mind (and, believe me, a LOT of possibilities crossed my mind), I never even came close to "bellybutton" being an "innie".

Now I feel dirty.

Damn you, Jeff, for all the therapy I'm going to need in order to avoid going the Jackie-Earle-self-castration route!!!

Posted by Pablo VillaÃ§a at February 14, 2007 7:35 PM

comment #13

D.Z. says ...

I can't wait to see more of her "work".

Posted by D.Z. at February 14, 2007 7:44 PM

comment #14

bipedalist says ...

"delbomber:
In light of Jeff's odd bellybutton fetish post here, will you please tell us Jeff's 'anal sex porn fetish' story?"

You beat me to it. I was going to say, on the one hand - a non-innie, on the other hand, an anal porn fetish. Hm. Hm. Hm.

I have a theory: he's trying to holla to his girlfriend who no doubt has an innie. It's sort of sick-ass shout-out to the one he's currently boning (I hope not IN THE ASS).

I do enjoy my petty torments.

Posted by bipedalist at February 14, 2007 8:06 PM

comment #15

bipedalist says ...

p.s. noticing a theme - diss all castmembers of Dreamgirls day. Eddie Murphy wasn't enough; now he has to attack all of them from all angles.

IN THE ASS!

Posted by bipedalist at February 14, 2007 8:08 PM

comment #16

Craig Kennedy says ...

Thanks Pablo for my chuckle for the day. That was great.

And as for the anal porn rumors: This would fall on a list of Things I Don't Want To Know. Other items on the list include:
#7. How long I could last in the ring with Mike Tyson.
#26. How's the bathroom after Larry King has been in there for an hour?
and #14. What it's like to wear boxers made of porcupine...inside out.

Posted by Craig Kennedy at February 14, 2007 8:39 PM

comment #17

rocco says ...

On a business trip to London about two years ago I happened to run into Jeff in Soho...a few hours and about a dozen drinks later...umm, you know what, I'm gonna have to plead the fifth here...

...kidding, KIDDING!!

But seriously...nah, nevermind...I wasn't making it up, but I'm not perturbed enough by Jeff right now to embarrass him more than I have already...

Posted by rocco at February 14, 2007 9:00 PM

comment #18

nola says ...

Why is she in SI? Is she not over exposed enough?

Posted by nola at February 14, 2007 9:37 PM

comment #19

fnt says ...

But... How will this affect her Oscar chances?

Posted by fnt at February 14, 2007 10:51 PM

comment #20

Hallick says ...

"#26. How's the bathroom after Larry King has been in there for an hour?"

The seat? STILL not warm!

Posted by Hallick at February 14, 2007 11:35 PM

comment #21

Rich S. says ...

If you can find something to complain about in those photos, I think Tim Hardaway might have a problem with you.

Seriously, Jeff, is the eyesight failing or what?

Posted by Rich S. at February 15, 2007 7:29 AM

comment #22

storymark says ...

Ah, it's substanital, thought-provoking stories about the movie industry like this one that remind me, Jeff's right, this site is in no way a gossip site.

No, really.

Posted by storymark at February 15, 2007 7:31 AM

comment #23

Craig Kennedy says ...

Good one, Hallick.

Posted by Craig Kennedy at February 15, 2007 8:54 AM

comment #24

Circumvrent says ...

She has some set of hips...

Posted by Circumvrent at February 15, 2007 9:19 AM

comment #25

Rich S. says ...

By the way, Jeffrey and Hollywood Elsewhere are directly quoted in a Reuters' story posted on Yahoo news today referencing the Stop Eddie Murphy movement. The gist of the story is that Hollywood "heavyweights" are rallying around Murphy.

Jeff, you might want to call Michael Moore to see how he felt the day after W was re-elected. Then, assuming these really are heavyweights Reuters is talking about, you might want put a resume up on Monster.com. I'm sure you could get one of your old tabloid gigs back.

Posted by Rich S. at February 15, 2007 9:45 AM

comment #26

christian says ...

now this really makes me take beyonce seriously...

Posted by christian at February 15, 2007 10:10 AM

comment #27

iamanerd says ...

Um, yeah, even if you don't like her singing, songwriting, and acting, she is an incredibly attractive, still super young (Jeff likes that) woman. Let's get real. All of us dorks sitting at our monitors would love the chance to shag her silly.

Posted by iamanerd at February 15, 2007 12:03 PM

comment #28