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Cloverfield [BLU-RAY] (Paramount Home Entertainment, 6.3.2008) Disguised under deliberately goofy, yet deliciously edible-sounding, aliases such as Cheese and Slusho, Matt Reeves' Cloverfield was produced and rushed into theaters under an equally appetizing shroud of secrecy. From last year's incredibly elusive Super Bowl ad to the film's viral marketing campaign, Cloverfield had everybody scratching their heads and drooling in anticipation. Aside from the as-yet untitled title and the Blair Witch-ian visual style, the film's biggest appeal was the enigmatic creature who was last (un)seen hurling the decapitated head of the Statue of Liberty onto the crowded streets of New York City. All we knew about the mysterious beast was that it was big and angry. Now that the highy-anticipated project has come and gone, one question has fortunately been answered: Cloverfield was a major success. (continued)

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"The thing about America, is that it is without walls. You can get almost anywhere if you insist upon it. There are no credentials for [talk-show hosting]. There's no kind of credentials to be president! Except age and place of birth. It's kind of a low bar. I hope that next time people go to the polls they vote for the guy who can read rather than the guy they'd rather have a beer with." -- Real Time's Bill Maher talking to Time's Ana Marie Cox.

Wells response: As Maher knows, red-state cultural conservatives -- particularly the religious types -- have pretty much one goal in mind when they vote for President, which is get a person into the White House who will uphold and reaffirm right-thinking, God-fearing cultural and religious values in this country, and thereby help to stop the once-great U.S. of A. from sliding into the crawling green swamp of liberal anything-goes values, the most odious of these being (a) gay marriage, (b) stem-cell research and pro-choice, and (c) buying into the "myth" of global warming (which, if it really catches on, will keep hard-working people from burning all the fossil fuels and punching as big a hole in the Ozone layer as they damn well please, because it's their absolute God-given right as free Americans to destroy the world if they so choose).

That is why so many red-state Mensas out there use the "Dating Game"criteria. They're interested in what kind of person the candidate is deep down. Does he/she a reasonably modest and humble sort? Does he/she believe in a higher power? Is he/she decent, compassionate, folksy? Does he/she understand and empathize with the values of regular working people as opposed to the rich blue-state elites? This is why Barack Obama may have a real chance -- because he's very sincere and dug in on the Christianity-God stuff, and because he doesn't radiate effete east-coast power-broker vibes.

Of course, many in the rural red-state genius camp are suspicious of people of non-Anglo pigmentation and couldn't possibly vote for a President whose middle name is Hussein. "What's in a name?" William Shakespeare once wrote. "That which we call a rose would smell as well by any other name." I don't keer whut yuh say -- I ain't votin for no guy with a name like that to run this country.

O'Neil/Wells post-Oscar chat<< previous | next >>Copplas's "Youth Without Youth"

Posted by Jeffrey Wells on February 28, 2007 at 7:02 AM

comment #1

NYCBusybody says ...

Yep. That's what we care about. Although for us non-religious conservatives, the gay thing isn't as big a deal. But the anti-liberal elite thing is pretty much the driving factor. People tend to vote for people they're culturally comfortable with, which is why Giuliani actually will stand a good chance. He may not be rock-solid conservative down the line, and domestic-family issues could hurt, but his entire vibe..his entire BEING...it just SCREAMS "no-nonsense, East-Coast Marxist-hatin', man's man, ignore the whining liberals and get shit done". That's gonna sell, big time. I'll vote for it.

Posted by NYCBusybody at February 28, 2007 8:02 AM

comment #2

Rich S. says ...

"[I]it is a tale
Told by an idiot, full of sound and fury,
Signifying nothing."

- Macbeth, Act V, Scene V

"No, I love being reduced to a cultural stereotype."

- Allison Porchnik, Annie Hall

Posted by Rich S. at February 28, 2007 8:14 AM

comment #3

NYCBusybody says ...

And Obama will NOT come out of the primary campaign with his extraordinarily vague "let's all get along, I can appeal to moderate Republicans" vibe. He's a liberal through-and-through, and just because he "goes to church" doesn't mean religious voters will vote for him if he's completely liberal on religious issues.

And if anyone thinks the massively funded, triangulation-oriented Clinton camp won't attack, attack, attack on that line, just wait. Obama aligning himself with "Geffen-Hollywood" just isn't a good idea, in the long run.

I think Kerry actually would have won if not for one thing - the Whoopi Goldberg Hollywood-fundraiser anti-Bush quote that he smiled along to. I know tons of moderate-to-conservative swing-voter types in middle-America, and that was a huge, HUGE talking point. I think Obama's gonna make the same mistake. He'll need Hollywood fundraiser money, and one of them is gonna put their foot in their mouth, and what's he gonna do, scold 'em?

Posted by NYCBusybody at February 28, 2007 8:14 AM

comment #4

Mgmax says ...

"There's only two kinds of people I can't stand... people who are intolerant of other people-- and the Dutch!"

Posted by Mgmax at February 28, 2007 8:23 AM

comment #5

vansmith says ...

what is a conservative, bush and his boys have just finished looting the treasury for billions of dollars in wars and bin laden is still out there, what is a liberal - someone who doesnt want to fight? 9-11 was the best thing that could have happened to rudy, he's an old empty suit, red staters wont vote for an eye talian, a black or a woman, that leaves who, edwards or mccain, mccain rudy could beat edwards obama. gay marriage talk is just to scare people

Posted by vansmith at February 28, 2007 8:49 AM

comment #6

vansmith says ...

mmm i dont know, could mccain rudy beat edwards obama, what would the vegas line be on that..

Posted by vansmith at February 28, 2007 8:56 AM

comment #7

Monument says ...

Giuliani has no shot, mainly because of the creepy moral issues. Married to his second cousin, moving his girlfriend into the mayor's mansion before he divorced his wife. I don't know if the red staters are gonna support him.

Posted by Monument at February 28, 2007 9:22 AM

comment #8

Mr. Muckle says ...

It's hard for me to believe, based on the evidence, that very many people on either the left and right wings are actually what we could call "thinkers." There is a huge amount of knee-jerk reactionary response to things.

We don't even go so far as to examine the actual meanings of the words "liberal" and "conservative," preferring to stir up an emotional attachment to labels as a way of asserting dominance. But we need to be both liberal and conservative. "Liberal" means to me something like "generous." And "conservative" means "not wasteful." Everyone is a mix of both these qualities, but applied in different ways to different things.

The population everywhere is by and large not grown out of emotional reactivity, and we're pushed around like cows by media and advertising (including the political). Until we demand a little more penetrating intelligence in our discourse, we're stuck like pirates on a raft, bobbing up and down with the waves, waiting for someone to come and save us.

Posted by Mr. Muckle at February 28, 2007 9:41 AM

comment #9

MathewM says ...

Man Wells you really don't get it. Probably never will. Bush won for the same reason Clinton won and Reagen before that etc. There's a pattern figure it out.

Posted by MathewM at February 28, 2007 9:45 AM

comment #10

hiviper says ...

not to mention his intolerant, petty, egotistical personality. Most people forget that prior to 9/11 and before he became "America's Mayor", the majority of New Yorkers couldn't wait to see his ass fly out the door. This was the man who drove out Bratton, the Police Commissioner responsible for drastically cleaning up crime in the city, over petty jealousy.

Posted by hiviper at February 28, 2007 9:53 AM

comment #11

rocco says ...

I'm not going to even try to engage in this emotional squabble, but I will say this: the idea that "blue-state" mentality is any more refined or is derived from a position of education or enlightenment is complete and utter horseshit. Come to Philly, the gateway to the south, where you'll find the only thing separating our bubbas from Iowa's bubbas is the line that they pull in the election booth. Philly...a city where 80% of the people vote "blue," yet gorge themselves to the point where it perenially ranks amongst the fattest in the country, and movies like 'RV,' and 'Night at the Museum' thrive...behavioral characteristics that people such as Jeff like to pretend do not exist amongst their precious progressive-minded, (d)-voting comrades.

Some food for thought...I can't resist...the RC Church should be separated from the "fundamentalist" category...it SUPPORTS stem-cell research (but draws the line at sourcing them from aborted fetuses), opposes gay marriage--while preaching the dignity of homosexuals--only on the stance that two men (or women) can not BY NATURE conceive children, and recognizes the Theory of Evolution while correctly maintaining that a belief in it and God are not mutually exclusive.

Posted by rocco at February 28, 2007 10:31 AM

comment #12

cjKennedy says ...

I thought the same thing as hiviper. The easiest thing a mayor can do to look in charge is throw the junkies and whores in jail and to my outsider's eye, that's all Rudy had done until 9/11. On the urging of...was it Mgmax?...I watched the grilling Rudy endured at the hands of that Hannity clown on Fox and I've got to admit he came off much better than I expected. He didn't backpedal from his largely liberal stance on social issues even though Hannity was doing his best to torpedo his campaign right then and there.

I don't profess to know how your average hard core righty thinks or how many of them actually make up the Republican party, but for now I just can't see Rudy making it through the primary. If all they care about is electability, then Rudy is probably their guy, but if they're going to continue to get hung up on gays and guns and abortions and illegal immigrants then I think he's screwed.

Posted by cjKennedy at February 28, 2007 10:33 AM

comment #13

jeffmcm says ...

Hey NYCDB, you realize there are no Marxists in America anywhere except for some really old guys in a few big cities and a couple of crazy University professors, right?

Along similar lines, I rarely vote _for_ Democrats, but almost always vote _against_ the right-wing Republicans who want to destroy the country.

Posted by jeffmcm at February 28, 2007 10:38 AM

comment #14

Edward says ...

NYCBB makes me want to fly my socialistic, hippified, freak-flag high!

Posted by Edward at February 28, 2007 11:08 AM

comment #15

rocco says ...

...and fossil fuels play no role in the contextual health of the ozone layer...really, like I said in another post, leave it to the scientists and stick to what you know, namely lynching asshole comedians...deal? Not only are you not helping the cause, you make yourself look as impressionable and wanting as, oh I don't know, those on whom religious fundamentalists prey.

Posted by rocco at February 28, 2007 11:21 AM

comment #16