Tab Torture

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Every time I buy a few things for the refrigerator, I'm kinda forced to contemplate the seemingly tortured, sadly dysfunctional relationships of Brangelina and Tomkat. It's genuinely sickening the way the tabs keep hammering away. I'd become a loyal customer of any sensibly- priced market that doesn't stock them, just to avoid looking at those damn headlines.

I'll admit to a deep-down rooting interest in wanting to see Katie Holmes break free, but that's mainly because I've been brainwashed by the writings of anti-Scientology guy Mark Ebner. If I were Brad or Angie I'd commit to an absolute lifelong pact to stay together no matter what, just to be able to say "fuck you" to the tabs.

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Posted by Jeffrey Wells on April 9, 2007 at 5:34 PM

comment #1

jeffmcm says ...

Trader Joe's.

Posted by jeffmcm at April 9, 2007 6:05 PM

comment #2

Craig Kennedy says ...

It seems to me there have been a couple of recent developments in the tabloid mag game. It used to be a tabloid mag looked like a tabloid mag...in color but newsprint instead of glossy. Now they look like real magazines. Also, grocery stores used to keep them on the bottom shelf of shame of the impulse-buy rack. Now they're right in your face. You used to be able to filter them out unless you were super curious to see what Bat Boy was up to. Now, by the time you even realize what you're looking at, you know all the sordid details of this or that celebrity's personal life. I hate it.

Posted by Craig Kennedy at April 9, 2007 6:10 PM

comment #3

christian says ...

all this does is make me feel for cruise.

Posted by christian at April 9, 2007 6:22 PM

comment #4

jbf81 says ...

As much as I dislike Cruise I think is so unfair, I also fell badly for him too.

The more I read about tabloids, and the games behind those articles, the more I understand why Leonardo Dicaprio, Natalie Portman, Sandra Bullock and others actors NEVER talk about their personal lives. They can really hurt your career.

Posted by jbf81 at April 9, 2007 6:36 PM

comment #5

JD says ...

The tabloids seem to print the same headlines every week in the hope that they will eventually be correct. I've passed headlines saying Katie Holmes is breaking free or Brad and Angelina are breaking up fairly consistently every week for the last year... and it never seems to be true.

Posted by JD at April 9, 2007 6:37 PM

comment #6

D.Z. says ...

Jeff: Speaking of the supermarket, watch out for next week. There might be a strike.

Posted by D.Z. at April 9, 2007 7:20 PM

comment #7

Edward says ...

Just what has Batboy been up to?

Posted by Edward at April 9, 2007 7:41 PM

comment #8

alero says ...

What is really bad is that cable news programs and some newspapers use the trash written in these tabloid magazine as if they are fact.

Posted by alero at April 9, 2007 8:57 PM

comment #9

Jeremy King says ...

I hold women in our society responsible for this. I don't know how it is in New York or LA, but here in Chicago, I rarely, RARELY see a man sitting on the train or in a coffeeshop reading a STAR or an US Weekly...but I see a shitload of women reading them. Ages ranging from 15 to 60, but the biggest readers seem to be white women ages 18-28. They eat that shit up.

Personally, I don't know how they can do it. I would be embarrassed to sit somewhere in a public place reading that crap. It screams "I'm a shallow celebrity-obsessed, reality-television watching, looks-obsessed, says-"like" every-other-word twit!" Or maybe I'm wrong, and the young women I see reading it are really geniuses who only indulge in those magazines to decompress after a long day of being in an astrophysics think tank.

Posted by Jeremy King at April 9, 2007 9:12 PM

comment #10

Craig Kennedy says ...

Apparently as recently as October 2006, Bat Boy was spotted in the NYC subway tunnels. The Weekly World News website claims to have video of him riding on the top of a subway car. According to Wikipedia, he's also the subject of an "acclaimed off-Broadway musical" called, naturally enough: Bat Boy: The Musical.

Posted by Craig Kennedy at April 9, 2007 9:51 PM

comment #11

MoisesChiu says ...

Bat Boy: The Musical is one of the most entertaining musicals I've seen in the last few years. Last I heard, John Landis was setting it up as a movie...did it disappear?

Posted by MoisesChiu at April 9, 2007 11:00 PM

comment #12

Craig Kennedy says ...

That just makes my whole week. How did I not know about this? Oh yeah, my head is up my ass. Nevermind.

Posted by Craig Kennedy at April 9, 2007 11:08 PM

comment #13

frankbooth says ...

Cj,

Take a look and see if Bat Boy is up there, too. Might explain those pains you've been having.

Posted by frankbooth at April 10, 2007 1:01 AM

comment #14

vansmith says ...

very funny frankbooth, fucking bat boy!! yeah these tabs - there really pushing them hard, at the pavillion grocery store on santa monica they are all over the place, i leaf thru the enquirer when im checking out. come to think of it bat boy actually rang up my stuff!!!

Posted by vansmith at April 10, 2007 7:10 AM

comment #15

maria says ...

Jeremy, you live by your name.

I am a woman, and totally embarrassed by these women.
I'm 27,and also French. I read the paper's headlines because of sick curiosity, and predict all they say just by the cover.
I NEVER, EVER buy this shit.

Too bad they let themselves brainwashed by these hatred cons, harrassers.

I do feel bad for Cruise, but only him.
Holmes is winning all over for her fame and image. She can't lose against Tom, and she certainly can't loose any money...
As for Pitt Jolie, they are real media whores, selling pics of their babies, kids, toys, bed, kitchen...whatever the shit. F*ck them too.

Posted by maria at April 10, 2007 8:57 AM

comment #16

Craig Kennedy says ...

Hah Frank! That actually explains a great deal...

Posted by Craig Kennedy at April 10, 2007 10:06 AM

comment #17

christian says ...

jeremy is safly correct.

a lot of women suck up this gossip shit like mama's milk, whether it's tabloid mags or tv, they revel in the violation of other's personal lives so they can feel..empowered?

Posted by christian at April 10, 2007 10:35 AM

comment #18

christian says ...

i mean "sadly"....not roger arkoff.

Posted by christian at April 10, 2007 10:36 AM

comment #19

Craig Kennedy says ...

Christian, don't go ruffling Comic Book Guy's feathers again. He might have you sealed in mylar or something.

Posted by Craig Kennedy at April 10, 2007 10:50 AM

comment #20

nola says ...

I don't feel sorry for Tom. he asked the press to follow him and Katie all over Rome and Paris. I can't believe anyone thinks that "relationship" is real. They must be the same people who believed Howard K Stern was Dannielynn daddy.

Posted by nola at April 10, 2007 5:46 PM

comment #21