comment #1

christian says ...

i'm sure all the kids at the el capitan will be really scared.

comment #2

Jesse Perry says ...

As soon as I heard this thing was 170 minutes long, my interest vanished.

comment #3

Rob says ...

Wow, sounds riveting.

comment #4

breadlymoore says ...

A sloppy writer at AICN? Nooooo wayyyyyy!

McWeeny is gonna Hulk-out over this.

comment #5

Jayne Gacey says ...

Johnny Depp has expressed interest in doing more of these. He's going to try to turn it into his James Bond. God help us all.

comment #6

frankbooth says ...

Speaking of sloppy:

"...the final Star Wars prequel trilogy was darker than the first two."

How many trilogies does that make? I know, I know, it felt like six or seven when you were sitting through them, but really now.

I know that you're a very deliberate writer. Maybe you're just bad at math. (And no fair amending the article without a notation in order to make me look more insane than I am!)

comment #7

Jean says ...

I'd rather see 5 "Miami Vice" movies than see another POTC flick...

comment #8

PanTheFaun says ...

I saw "At World's End" yesterday... I know this means nothing in the grand scheme of things (especially since I really disliked "Dead Man's Chest") but I can't even begin to get across how much I HATED it.

To be fair, it's less boring than "Dead Man," but I think this is a far worse movie. It chiefly suffers from incoherence and bizarre flights-of-fancy.

I seriously think the Academy should consider revoking Depp's nomination from the first one.

comment #9

Arizona Joe says ...

Before the first one, I thought Pirates was going to be some banal crap churned out by suits using the name brand of a Disney ride. All in all, the films have been more adult and interesting than could be expected.

Johnny Depp is compelling, even in mediocre fare. He's a real movie star.

I will watch most anything with Keith Richards in it. Even with the rucks and creases, he's still just about the coolest person ever. He has the image of excess and dissipation. But Richards is intelligent on many levels.

comment #10

PanTheFaun says ...

He also is in this three-hour piece of shit for less than 60 seconds. Don't spend your money based purely on Richards.

And please explain how "Dead Man's Chest" was adult and interesting?

comment #11

LYTrules says ...

What Pan labels the bizarre flights of fancy are exactly why I liked part 3 the best of the series -- it has some really weird Gilliam-esque tangents that I feel fairly sure are at Depp's insistence.

And the only reason it didn't get an R-rating is because it's Disney and Bruckheimer -- this is the most violent Disney movie ever.

I think Jeff will like it more than he expects to.

comment #12

PanTheFaun says ...

Sure, it's strange, but my "incoherence" labeling isn't referring to scenes such as the multiple Sparrows (what I'm assuming you're primarily thinking of when daring to compare this piece of shit to Gilliam), but to the incomprehensible action sequences and the dozens of plot tangents.

comment #13

christian says ...

so that means i can also miss the third episode in the "trilogy"? cool.

comment #14

Bocephus says ...

Multiple Sparrows!? OMG Pan you just ruined the movie for me. I hope you die of cancer.

comment #15

KC says ...

I adore Johnny Depp. I have, really and truly, since "What's Eating Gilbert Grape". I can watch him butter toast and be enthralled.
But here's an interesting article I read, http://www.thenewsroom.com/details/329255?c_id=kc and as much as I love Captian Jack, I'd have to agree!

comment #16

christian says ...

except that the author says THE GOONIES is "the best buddy action comedy of the past 30 years".

BZZZZZZZZZ. you're outta there!

comment #17

WJ says ...

I don't see why everyone bitches about the Pirates series. I never got into the films in the first place, but I've seen both and they're not that bad. That said, without Depp and Rush the first would have been a Cutthroat Island-sized disaster. Bloom and Knightly have as much screen presence and personality as a pair of dead fish.

Both of the films delivered on their promise, nothing more or less. They're mildly entertaining for two hours and leave you by the door of the theater a little seasick from popcorn and the shaky camera.

I'll probably see this one in the fall at my uni's $3 theater or on DVD. But, as always, with low expectations.

comment #18

Rob says ...

I still find it baffling that Depp was nominated for the first one. I guess it was partially makeup sex for Edward Scissorhands and Ed Wood...

comment #19

Dan Revill says ...

Don't forget Rob, he also won the SAG for POTC...so obviously enough people liked it (even if he perhaps won cos of a split vote).
It's a fun performance, and it was quite unusual for what was supposed to be a mainstream film. I think the Oscar nom was deserved.

comment #20

Craig Kennedy says ...

Depp deserved something for the first Pirates since without him the movie would've been unwatchable. He fought for that characterization and saved the movie.

comment #21

christian says ...

i love those aicn spolier filled reviews:

"then sparrow walks into a room and he smiles but a skeleton hits him and he falls once but almost falls again as bottles roll then the music starts and sparrow winks as he stumbles up and..."

comment #22

Joshua Mooney says ...

I'd rather watch Bill Nighy in "State of Play." Or almost anything else, I suppose. He's really "got" something, hasn't he?! I was always surprised (well, sort of), that "Still Crazy" wasn't a bit of an indie hit. (Anyway, I'll watch Bill in anything.) Depp's great as Jack, of course. But it doesn't make a movie worth watching. It hasn't twice now (and I've watched good bits of both). I can't imagine it will a third time. Let everyone associated with this one put $100 million in their coffers! (Especially Nighy.) Why NOT? That's the movies today, innit? God bless P.T. Barnum.

comment #23

le corbeau says ...

God, how many ways can I not give a shit about Pirates of the Caribbean 3: Shiver Me Timbers Yo-Ho-Ho and a Can of Whoopass? The three hours long way? The from the studio that brought you Shrek the Third way? The Johnny Depp is so insanely creative playing a pirate as... well, basically as Austin Powers when you come down to it way? The enough energy expended on CGI processing to end global warming way? The there's just nothing hipper on this earth than Keith Richards, except maybe for the $4.99 early bird special at Old Country Buffet way?

Pirates of the Caribbean, please go the fuck away. I would watch another Star Wars prequel, another Left Behind TV movie, another Sci-Fi Channel Original Series before I would sit in a fucking theater to have my head bashed in by you for three hours. Sincerely, Max Gaukler.

comment #24

mdc says ...

Kevin Maher in the Times (London) reviews/trashes it: "It's not all bad news. It does, eventually, end." Depp "formulaic and sitcom," etc., etc.

comment #25

PanTheFaun says ...

Bocephus, I actually laughed out loud at the cancer comment, so thanks for that.

In all honesty, if someone was actually looking forward to "Pirates 3" and I ruined the ending in the first line of a blog posting, I think I'd deserve a death wish or two.

However, the "Multiple Sparrows" I referred to is Captain Jack's first scene in the movie, so it's not really spoiling too much.

comment #26

jeffmcm says ...

Pirates and Shrek are from different studios.

comment #27

le corbeau says ...

Jeffrey Katzenberg left Disney? When?

Oops.

Okay, from the studio that brought you Meet the Robinsons...

comment #28

frankbooth says ...

Oh, and you also wrote "triology" instead of trilogy.

comment #29

christian says ...

at this point, i'd argue these studios are pretty fucking interchangeable with their soul and brain deadening disposable product -- which is all these things are in the end.

i can hardly wait to see who verizon discovers to be the next big filmmaker on "the lot"!

comment #30

Craig Kennedy says ...

Mgmax, we are in rare total agreement. I'm thumbing through my pocket bible right now to see if this is one of the signs that the Old Testament shit is about to hit the biblical fan or something.

comment #31

jeffmcm says ...

Does anybody agree with me that if you are an aspiring filmmaker, and you put a lot of time and effort into getting to be on "On the Lot" - and got on - you probably aren't really a good filmmaker?

comment #32

christian says ...

i've been thinking about that. clearly too much time. but once i found out that verizon requires you to "integrate" their shit into your film, the whole thing just don't fly. i'm sure the filmmakers have talent. but i don't like mark burnett.

comment #33

jeffmcm says ...

I never heard that Verizon thing either but any flimmaker with a shred of integrity should bristle at that idea. I hate Mark Burnett as well and the notion that Brett Ratner is qualified to judge anything beyond a wet t-shirt contest is pretty lame as well.

comment #34

Jayne Gacey says ...

This way to the egress.

comment #35

Jayne Gacey says ...

Also, I can't wait for TRANSFORMERS 3: UNICRON. TRANSFORMERS 2: ROBOTS IN DISGUISE was kind of a mess. Third time is always the charm.

comment #36

Joshua Mooney says ...

I'll be there, Jayne, as the minions stumble into the cold, grey light of day. Prodding them (electrically, if necessary) into the Republican voting booth. Becuz, as we all know, that's my thing. "It's my happening, and it FREAKS me out!"
---Z-Man

[This way to the egress.

Posted by: Jayne Gacey at May 22, 2007 09:26 PM]

comment #37

jeffmcm says ...

Josh Mooney: maybe people think you're a Republican because your sense of humor seems to be...difficult to understand.

comment #38

Craig Kennedy says ...

"On The Lot" was on TV in the background while I typed away at my computer. I could hear Ratner's voice and I'm now stupider for it.

comment #39

Jayne Gacey says ...

Ratner redeemed himself somewhat with his delightfully douchey performance as himself on Entourage.

comment #40

christian says ...

spielberg should be ashamed of teaming up with reality hack burnett to turn filmmakers into product pushing pimps. for a real bold reality experiment, go through the mountains of good scripts in town and don't pay one million bucks for WIN A DATE WITH TAD HAMILTON...

comment #41

christian says ...

of course, people like ratner love playing themselves as sleazy hacks so they can deflect actual criticism that they're...

comment #42

Jayne Gacey says ...

Now you're insulting WIN A DATE WITH TAD HAMILTON! ? You're a monster.

comment #43

Craig Kennedy says ...

Christian, first Spielberg needs to apologize for Always. Then he needs to apologize for producing a Michael Bay movie. After that he can go ahead and wash the Ratner stink off him.

And I like Spielberg.

comment #44

christian says ...

i love spielberg. and i would deny ever writing anything bad about him if i got the chance to work with him -- "no, mr. spielberg. i didn't blog that. there's this guy named DZ..."

comment #45

Craig Kennedy says ...

You'd ask him to sign your Hook poster.

comment #46

christian says ...

please cj. don't insult me.

first i'd buy a HOOK poster, then i'd get him to sign it. "it's very underrated, mr. spielberg. especially the rollerblading lost boys."