Esquire covers (Jolie, Johansson)

email this story
read comments (23)
post a comment

The hottest Esquire cover in several years, perhaps decades. I bought a copy in Newark airport last week, but until yesterday a thumbnail capture wasn't viewable on the Esquire site....slackers.

The star of Michael Winterbottom's A Mighty Heart as she doesn't appear in the film

The Jolie cover, of course, in no way makes up for the magazine's (and particularly editor A.J. Jacobs') surreal, shark-jumping, bordering-on- deranged obsession last year with Scarlett Johansson. Esquire has been on indefinite probation status because of this. If it weren't for those "What I've Learned" pieces, I would be boycotting the magazine right now over this. The only thing that will make up for the Johansson fixation right now is an online mea culpa statement from Jacobs and an apology from the editors.

Joe Queenan said it in the Guardian last December and I tried to explain the same thing last March: Johansson is over. Until she lucks into another semi-startling, Match Point-level part or re-invents herself in some other way.

Johansson's acting repertory, Queenan said, "consists of staring intently at the person she is speaking to, keeping her lips spread apart, and hoping no one will notice that she is no threat to Meryl Streep, and not all that much of a threat to Hilary Duff."

Radical Honesty<< previous | next >>Moore in Sacramento

Posted by Jeffrey Wells on June 13, 2007 at 8:11 AM

comment #1

christian says ...

brad pitt is undoubtedly one of the luckiest humans on planet earth. in its history.

Posted by christian at June 13, 2007 8:54 AM

comment #2

Craig Kennedy says ...

Admit it Jeff, you just don't like Scarlett because she was in a Sofia Coppola movie.

Of all the obsessions to be irritated over, that's a pretty silly one. She's lovely to look at and since the acting skills you hate so much aren't required for magazine covers or interviews, what's the harm?

There were a couple of years there where Angelina seemed kind of 'over' as well. I think this column shows she's recovered nicely. Same thing could happen with Scarlett.

Posted by Craig Kennedy at June 13, 2007 9:09 AM

comment #3

NYCBusybody says ...

Scarlett's got a nice body, yes, but her face does nothing for me, and that husky, dimwitted voice of hers seriously and honestly is almost enough to make me gay.

Posted by NYCBusybody at June 13, 2007 9:11 AM

comment #4

Bocephus says ...

Scarlett was HILARIOUS in The Island. That movie was the best comedy I've seen in decades.

Posted by Bocephus at June 13, 2007 9:13 AM

comment #5

vansmith says ...

It's all about Jolie now, Scarlett is the babysitter you bang but Jolie is the MILF you love. plus jolie would stab scarlett if she found out about you two..

Posted by vansmith at June 13, 2007 9:27 AM

comment #6

Craig Kennedy says ...

Vansmith, if you work out a way to have both at the same time, let me know.

Posted by Craig Kennedy at June 13, 2007 9:33 AM

comment #7

Jay T. says ...

Man, you really need to get over this hang-up of yours with Scarlett Johansson. Did she shoot you down after a proposition in an elevator or something?

Posted by Jay T. at June 13, 2007 9:34 AM

comment #8

Ogami Itto says ...

"Man, you really need to get over this hang-up of yours with Scarlett Johansson. Did she shoot you down after a proposition in an elevator or something?"

Wells is still bitter because girls like Scarlet J. ignored him in high school. He really needs to move on ...

Is Joe Queenan the really effeminate, snotty guy who pops up on Letterman every so often?

Posted by Ogami Itto at June 13, 2007 10:12 AM

comment #9

Earl Hofert says ...

C'mon, Jeff. . .it isn't like Scarlett is fat or Hispanic. What did she do to you--turn down the killer chicken script to do "Lost in Translation" instead?

BTW--the grumpy old man who likes to position himself as the hepcat among hepcats still reads "Esquire"? I thought that magazine was "over" after they tried outing Kevin Spacey and did their big OJ interview.

Posted by Earl Hofert at June 13, 2007 10:13 AM

comment #10

Ogami Itto says ...

"C'mon, Jeff. . .it isn't like Scarlett is fat or Hispanic. What did she do to you--turn down the killer chicken script to do "Lost in Translation" instead?"

Angelina looks awfully Hispanic in those "A Mighty Heart" previews. Does anyone know if she's short and brings her kids to the movies with her?

Posted by Ogami Itto at June 13, 2007 10:23 AM

comment #11

nemo says ...

Arf!

Esquire has been "over" every other decade going back to the 1930s or 1920s or whenever it started. It was "over" in the 1970s. But it keeps coming back. Kind of retro old-school, like that casino Jon Favreau and Vince Vaughn went to on their Vegas road trip in "Swingers".

Posted by nemo at June 13, 2007 10:45 AM

comment #12

jeffmcm says ...

There's some serious cognitive dissonance at work between this magazine cover (look at me because I'm sexy!) and Jolie's new movie (respect me because I'm a serious actress!).

Posted by jeffmcm at June 13, 2007 10:48 AM

comment #13

Larry says ...

Hey, if you think Scarlett Johansson is bad, years ago in the "women we love" section these suck-ups listed Tipper Gore.

Posted by Larry at June 13, 2007 11:04 AM

comment #14

Craig Kennedy says ...

True Jeffmcm, but Angelina actually seems to be pulling off having it both ways.

Posted by Craig Kennedy at June 13, 2007 11:15 AM

comment #15

vansmith says ...

jolie has it however she wants, sexy and serious.

Posted by vansmith at June 13, 2007 11:25 AM

comment #16

fnt says ...

Jeff, not finding Scarlett Johansson attractive is more proof positive that you don't get what's going on out there, and live in a rich-older-liberal-guy realm that allows for only brief glimpses and glancing comprehensions about the hotness of chicks.

Posted by fnt at June 13, 2007 11:58 AM

comment #17

erniesouchak says ...

Yes, let's hear it for junkie chic.

Posted by erniesouchak at June 13, 2007 12:08 PM

comment #18

foxnewsisfake says ...

http://www.esquire.com/cover-detail?year=2001&month=2

Posted by foxnewsisfake at June 13, 2007 2:02 PM

comment #19

D.Z. says ...

I usually don't consider chicks who have bigger foreheads than boobs to be hot...

Posted by D.Z. at June 13, 2007 5:20 PM

comment #20

Rich S. says ...

Monica Bellucci may be the only woman in the world who can spar with Angelina Jolie on that turf.

Posted by Rich S. at June 14, 2007 5:47 AM

comment #21

SnarkyTown says ...

Umm.... Anyone else see the outline of the head of a very generous penis right where one would expect it to be? And how concerned should I be that I find this enormously exciting?

Posted by SnarkyTown at June 14, 2007 7:39 AM

comment #22