edited by Jonathan Doyle

Mafioso (The Criterion Collection, 3.18.2008) Nino Badalamenti is a supervisor in a car manufacturing plant who hasn't taken a vacation in over two years. On his way out the door to visit his beloved childhood hometown of Sicily -- with his blonde wife and daughters -- Nino is handed a package by his boss and asked to deliver it to a powerful and influential Sicilian gangster named Don Vincenzo. Once in Sicily, Nino has a hoot seeing friends and family, but his wife has trouble fitting in and is unfairly dismissed as a snob by Nino's family. Even more worrisome, Nino finds himself entangled in an intricate web of secret mafioso dealings and is eventually sent on an unexpectedly... elaborate errand. (continued)

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The Whackness

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Diminished Capacity

Gonzo: The Life and Work of Hunter S. Thompson

Holding Trevor

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Full Battle Rattle

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A Man Named Pearl

August

Eight Miles High

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Hellboy II: The Golden Army

Journey to the Center of the Earth

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Roman Polanski: Wanted and Desired

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A Very British Gangster

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Boy A

Houpt on Graham

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"And now here is Heather Graham, who demurs when you ask her age even though simple math shows it to be 37, shivering in a too-cold hotel suite wearing a borrowed dress that shows her arm flab and Versace shoes that pinch her feet, and she's promoting an inert little movie called Gray Matters that will perform so poorly in the U.S. it won't even be seen in Canada until the end of June, and then only in a straight-to-video release." -- from a Toronto Globe and Mail profile by Simon Houpt.

Arm flab? The disdain and outright cruelty contained in this graph is pretty stark. I've written snippy or unkind things about this or that performer, but I would never make it this mean. Houpt is a good writer, but where am I getting the feeling he may be dealing with with yin-yang feelings? (Wants to biblically "know" Graham, knows he can't, decides to trash her.) She's been on the ropes for some time now and...well, it's a tough road out there. For a lot of us. I don't see the point (or gain) in rubbing in the salt.

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Posted by Jeffrey Wells on June 28, 2007 at 04:26 PM

comment #1

GlassFamily says ...

You have lost your mind.

Posted by GlassFamily at June 28, 2007 05:38 PM

comment #2

Arran says ...

Anyone care to put together a compendium of all the things Jeff has said about Seth Rogen, Steve Martin et al?

Posted by Arran at June 28, 2007 05:42 PM

comment #3

sunny says ...

Jesus H. Christ! Did I just accidentally stumble onto a bitchy gossip site? WTF?

Posted by sunny at June 28, 2007 05:43 PM

comment #4

malibugigolo says ...

Wells: Go to the beach, listen to the surf, relax. On another note: Have you read Bruce Dern's new memoir "Things I've Said, But Probably Shouldn't Have"? You should. Great stuff from a GREAT actor.

Some great Dernsers abound. Ritchie needed at least three per movie.

Posted by malibugigolo at June 28, 2007 05:44 PM

comment #5

sunny says ...

Sorry, I thought Jeff wrote that. My deepest apologies. Simon Houpt needs his ass kicked.

Posted by sunny at June 28, 2007 05:47 PM

comment #6

gruver1 says ...

Wells to GlassFamily: And if I'd praised Houpt for savaging Graham and flat-out agreed with him that she's struggling and arm-flabby and all-but-over, I would be of sound mind and body? Something along those lines?

Posted by gruver1 at June 28, 2007 05:48 PM

comment #7

nemo says ...

Simon Houpt is not a gentleman.

Posted by nemo at June 28, 2007 05:59 PM

comment #8

IClavdivs says ...

That's just mean. Did she tease him when they were in school together or something? or does she look like the cute/popular girl in school who wouldn't even look at him once?

Posted by IClavdivs at June 28, 2007 06:00 PM

comment #9

GlassFamily says ...

GlassFamily to Wells: I'm not saying that, and I'm not necessarily saying that your comments are as savage as Houpt's, although I don't find them far off, particularly your utter disdain for anyone who has set foot in a flyover state or had a beer in their hand. I'm just saying that it is coming awfully damn close to pot/kettle territory and if you can't see that, then, you know, "you have lost your mind."

Not to go back through the litany of close-to-Houpt calls, but your handful of articles on the over-ness of Scarlett Johansson spring to mind. And this is coming from someone who enjoys your site's movie content. It is the articles where you write about people's appearance and/or hollywood stock value that keep me from going batshit-crazy-in-love with Hollywood Elsewhere.

Posted by GlassFamily at June 28, 2007 06:00 PM

comment #10

T.Holly says ...

She's had it coming for some time now. I wish it were as simple as too many blow-outs and peroxide, but something seems missing.

Posted by T.Holly at June 28, 2007 06:27 PM

comment #11

Hallick says ...

"Arm flab? The disdain and outright cruelty contained in this graph is pretty stark."

And pretty redundant too, considering how self-devastating her quotes are in the rest of the profile. I'm actually worried for the girl. She's going to wind up one of those stars they find dead and bankrupt in a run-down hotel room, getting gnawed on by the rats.

Posted by Hallick at June 28, 2007 06:43 PM

comment #12

Ogami Itto says ...

"... but I don't really like hearing people's reactions. I like to be in a bubble and I like to have a group of people around me, have the crew as a family." -- Heather Graham

Apparently she subscribes to President Bush's philosophy of life....

I never really understood her appeal to some people (aside from her good looks), and I haven't liked her in any movie except "Boogie Nights."
I think she's a case study of looks taking you only so far; without the talent, you end up in a t.v. series that lasts one episode and direct-to-video garbage.

Posted by Ogami Itto at June 28, 2007 06:57 PM

comment #13

cinefan says ...

I wonder what the heck happened to Graham's career. I remember her in the late 90s starring in Boogie Nights, Scream 2, and Austin Powers 2 and her career seemed to be going very strong and then all of a sudden it just seemed to lose momentum completely and now she's starring in films that go straight to dvd.

Posted by cinefan at June 28, 2007 07:00 PM

comment #14

Midwest Doug says ...

Geez, another Canadian puff piece. Rave on, Rollergirl!

Posted by Midwest Doug at June 28, 2007 07:31 PM

comment #15

JD says ...

Graham did great work in two of the best American movies of the last several decades (Drugstore Cowboy, Boogie Nights) and for that reason alone, she should be immune to this kind fo abuse. I always thought she was incredible in those two movies, especially the Boogie Nights limo sequence, and it's really not her fault that nobody else was offering meaty roles.

And Ogami, you're being ridiculous. That quote is very specifically about the acting process and has nothing to do with George W. Bush's worldview. As for her good looks, Graham's definitely proven that, in the hands of a good director, she can do great things with or without her good looks.

Posted by JD at June 28, 2007 07:56 PM

comment #16

Jay T. says ...

Wow, that's pretty harsh... and also partly untrue - Heather Graham looks pretty damn good in person.

Posted by Jay T. at June 28, 2007 08:18 PM

comment #17

corey3rd says ...

she was fun on Scrubs.

So she's been a part of a bunch of films that haven't gone anywhere. Do you think that an actress can just pick or choose everything? Did I miss the Variety headlines that Heather Graham blows off making The Queen?

Posted by corey3rd at June 28, 2007 08:54 PM

comment #18

Ogami Itto says ...

"I'm trying to think less ... That's what I've been learning as I get older: Think less. Thinking a lot is not as productive as I thought it was when I was a kid, you know? Like, I'd be much better off to basically never think."

-- Heather Graham, philosopher/thespian

Posted by Ogami Itto at June 28, 2007 09:26 PM

comment #19

BurmaShave says ...

JD, don't forget SWINGERS.

Jeff is totally dignified in his indignation. He may go after guys like Seth Rogen, but he's talking about buying schlubs in the situation they're in. I don't happen to agree with his quibble, but it's an objective criticism. He would never say "Rogen is wearing a t-shirt that shows arm flab." Not to mention, chauvinistic as it may be to say, Graham is a woman, and there should be a different standard of decorum.

Posted by BurmaShave at June 28, 2007 09:53 PM

comment #20

malibugigolo says ...

Ogami Itto:

Or as Bukowski's gravestone reads: "Don't Try"

Posted by malibugigolo at June 28, 2007 09:59 PM

comment #21

scooterzz says ...

WHA?!?!.....i can not imagine any normal human being sitting next to heather graham and thinking 'arm fat'.......she may not be a great actress but she looks amazing (up close and on screen).....

Posted by scooterzz at June 28, 2007 10:31 PM

comment #22

MilkMan says ...

A renowned world-class lay, Heather Graham was indoctrinated into the system by none other than James Woods, then passed around like a million-dollar joint until she landed in the hands of Gigolo/Auteur Ed Burns, who proceded to bogart her down to a roach, which is what she has become, at least in the eyes of the Military-Entertainment Complex. But anyone who doubts Graham's bonafides need only rent Diggstown, where she looks and acts and dresses like a dirty Southern-Fried cartoon come to life. As for Boogie Nights, I ascribe her nuanced performance to a case of dead-on casting and the directorial capabilities of Paul Thomas Anderson. After all, no one had ever been able to squeeze even close to a human performance out of Burt Reynolds, and the more I watch Boogie Nights, the more I begin to think that Reynolds' performance, more than any other in the movie, is beautiful. It's a shame that Reynolds was such a lazy actor, because he had potential. I remember that at one time he was touted as the New Clark Gable, a title that now seems to belong to George Clooney. However, George Clooney is not the New Clark Gable; George Clooney is the New Burt Reynolds. And Vince Vaughn is the New Chevy Chase, which means it can only be a matter of weeks before someone announces that they will be remaking Seems Like Old Times starring Vaughn and Kate Hudson, with Ben Stiller filling in for Charles Grodin. But that is not relevant to what we are talking about. What we are talking about is Heather Graham, and all I have to say is that Heather Graham at age 37 is hotter than any woman I've ever been lucky enough to know, in the biblical sense, which isn't that amazing when you consider that only two woman have ever let me sleep with them: my wife and a cyst-stricken divorcee in some acting class I took in the mini-mall next to Casa Vega back in the Summer of '91 after I had been kicked out of USC for poor grades.

Posted by MilkMan at June 28, 2007 11:37 PM

comment #23

scooterzz says ...

casa vega.....mmmmmmmmmmm, cheese.....

Posted by scooterzz at June 29, 2007 12:12 AM

comment #24

BurmaShave says ...

MilkMan has said it all. Nothing needs to be said about any topic ever. Hall of Fame.

Posted by BurmaShave at June 29, 2007 12:50 AM

comment #25

hiviper says ...

:golf clap: to Milkman.
well done

Posted by hiviper at June 29, 2007 01:59 AM

comment #26

Silverscreenvideos says ...

Heather Graham at 37 is still better looking than the overwhelming majority of women at any age, and she'll still be attractive at 47 or 57.

Heather may have flabby arms, but Simon has a flabby mouth.

I've seen a picture of Simon Houpt and he is exactly what you would think. A skinny, four-eyed nerd with a bad hairdo who has probably spent his entire life jerking off to and getting turned down by women who look like Heather Graham. He probably wore out his videotape of Boogie Nights rewinding her nude scene over and over.

So now he has a bit of clout in that some newspaper is willing to pay good money to listen to his drivel and it's payback time.

What an obviously pathetic jerk.

Posted by Silverscreenvideos at June 29, 2007 02:26 AM

comment #27

Fred Mounts says ...

GlassFamily: Well said!

Posted by Fred Mounts at June 29, 2007 04:22 AM

comment #28

EDouglas says ...

As the person who wrote this:

"How bad does a movie have to be for Heather Graham to remove her name from the credits?"

I'm not sure if I can comment.

Posted by EDouglas at June 29, 2007 06:45 AM

comment #29

EDouglas says ...

Oh, I know who this guy is cause I've met him at junkets... "complete and total tool" is the best way to describe him. He tends to ask obnoxious questions that pisses off the talent.

Posted by EDouglas at June 29, 2007 06:46 AM

comment #30

maribou says ...

"Flabby arms"? Geez, he would never had said it if she were a man! I mean, wow -- not only do you have to have perfect breasts and ass and legs and hair and face -- now even a women's arms have to be perfect? Is there any body part that women aren't judged on?

Posted by maribou at June 29, 2007 07:21 AM

comment #31

StewartforPresident says ...

"Wants to biblically "know" Graham, knows he can't, decides to trash her."

I think psychologist refer to as transference.

It also shows your Peter Jackson, Eddie Murphy and Seth Rogen bashing in a whole new light.

Posted by StewartforPresident at June 29, 2007 07:37 AM

comment #32

StewartforPresident says ...

"Wants to biblically "know" Graham, knows he can't, decides to trash her."

I think psychologist refer to this as transference.

It also shows your Peter Jackson, Eddie Murphy and Seth Rogen bashing in a whole new light.

Posted by StewartforPresident at June 29, 2007 07:40 AM

comment #33

Bocephus says ...

arm flab is hot.

Posted by Bocephus at June 29, 2007 07:41 AM

comment #34

Arizona Joe says ...

The picture looks like a real life, older Roller Girl, coming or going from a set in Chatsworth. Graham allows typecasting.

And Milkman, kudos for summing up Ed Burns: Gigolo/Auteur. That he is. One might add effete hustler.

Posted by Arizona Joe at June 29, 2007 08:34 AM

comment #35

malibugigolo says ...

Burns will never be a complete Gigolo.

Stop the flaccid insinuations.

Posted by malibugigolo at June 29, 2007 08:51 AM

comment #36

malibugigolo says ...

MilkMan:

You rent Diggstown to see Bruce Dern hunting out of the back of a convertible Mercedes.
And for: "That picture...that's worth about...A WORD!!!!!"

Posted by malibugigolo at June 29, 2007 08:55 AM

comment #37

T. S. Idiot says ...

Forget the arm flab. Based on her gaunt face, girl needs to have herself a few milkshakes.

Posted by T. S. Idiot at June 29, 2007 09:41 AM

comment #38

Hickenlooper says ...

The misogyny in this thread is fucking unbelievalbe. And sad. Women just can't be given a break.

Posted by Hickenlooper at June 29, 2007 10:53 AM

comment #39

T. S. Idiot says ...

All right, then. Hickenlooper has worked with Sir Mick, a boy who could use a few milkshakes.

Posted by T. S. Idiot at June 29, 2007 11:35 AM

comment #40

George Prager says ...

I just looked at Simon Houpt's bio on the Toronto Globe and Mail. Guys who look like that deserve to be punched in the face every second of their life.
That goes for MilkMan as well.

Posted by George Prager at June 29, 2007 12:04 PM

comment #41

Hallick says ...

"The misogyny in this thread is fucking unbelievalbe. And sad. Women just can't be given a break."

Chalk it up to our general misanthropy here at HE. The misogyny at this go around is only incidental and really not an exception.

Posted by Hallick at June 29, 2007 10:19 PM

comment #42

BurmaShave says ...

Hickenlooper, I really enjoyed THE MAN FROM ELYSIAN FIELDS. MAYOR OF THE SUNSET STRIP was also you, right? Keep up the good work.

I also look forward to you and Sienna filming motion capture reshoots in 2032 for FACTORY GIRL: THE FINAL CUT.

Posted by BurmaShave at June 30, 2007 10:57 AM

comment #43

thorsen1nk says ...

Wow. Talk about the pot calling the kettle black Jeffrey "oh look at the fatties!" Wells.

Posted by thorsen1nk at July 2, 2007 10:37 AM

comment #44

kimi98 says ...