Discland
edited by Jonathan Doyle
Cloverfield [BLU-RAY] (Paramount Home Entertainment, 6.3.2008) Disguised under deliberately goofy, yet deliciously edible-sounding, aliases such as Cheese and Slusho, Matt Reeves' Cloverfield was produced and rushed into theaters under an equally appetizing shroud of secrecy. From last year's incredibly elusive Super Bowl ad to the film's viral marketing campaign, Cloverfield had everybody scratching their heads and drooling in anticipation. Aside from the as-yet untitled title and the Blair Witch-ian visual style, the film's biggest appeal was the enigmatic creature who was last (un)seen hurling the decapitated head of the Statue of Liberty onto the crowded streets of New York City. All we knew about the mysterious beast was that it was big and angry. Now that the highy-anticipated project has come and gone, one question has fortunately been answered: Cloverfield was a major success. (continued)

Upcoming


July 2

Hancock

July 3

The Whackness

July 4

Diminished Capacity

Gonzo: The Life and Work of Hunter S. Thompson

Holding Trevor

Kabluey

We are Together

July 9

Full Battle Rattle

July 11

A Man Named Pearl

August

Eight Miles High

Garden Party

Harold

Hellboy II: The Golden Army

Journey to the Center of the Earth

Meet Dave

Roman Polanski: Wanted and Desired

The Stone Angel

July 18

A Very British Gangster

Before I Forget

The Dark Knight

The Doorman

Felon

Lou Reed's Berlin

Mad Detective

Mamma Mia!

Space Chimps

Take

Transsiberian

July 22

Two Tickets to Paradise

July 23

Boy A




 

"Transformers"

I saw Michael Bay's Transformers (Dreamamount, 7.2) at 10 pm last night in that big spiffy theatre on the Paramount lot -- the one with really superb sound and projection quality that was built in '97 or thereabouts. Movies are always presented at their very best in this theatre. I was beaming start to finish as I watched a digitally-projected Zodiac there last March. So on a high-quality projection level at least, I was honestly looking forward to seeing Bay's latest, even if it is about Mustangs and boom-boxes and helicopters turning into giant robots.


So it came as a surprise to realize that aside from the spectacular CG footage, Transformers doesn't look all that good. The color has a rote, clammy, flatly-lit quality that suggests it was shot too fast to allow the dp to deliver anything more. If you're into the pleasures of blue-chip action cinematography (my favorites include Paul Cameron's work in Gone in Sixty Seconds and David Tattersall's in Con Air), forget Transformers. It's not in the least bit luscious or painterly or anything along these lines.

Bay obviously knows how to make films look first-rate, but he handed the dp reins to Mitchell Amundsen, who'd done nothing but second-unit action-flick photography before this. Obviously he wanted a guy who would just do as he was told.

The cutting style of Transformers is, for me, too fast and raggedy and fragmented to provide any kind of gripping-narrative effect. Even some of the standard insert shots (like an early one of President George Bush's red-socked feet) look inferior. There's a lot of backstory and a lot to explain, but the film lurches and leaps from setting to setting at too breathless and spazzy a pace.

I know, I know...I'm not rolling with it because I'm not in my 20s and didn't play with Transformer toys when I was a kid in the late '80s or early '90s, right? I used to buy the action figures for Jett and Dylan when they were five, six and seven years old. I've lived through it; I remember it well.

I quite liked the opening action scene (set in Qatar) in the beginning -- it's a lot of fun. Jett, who stayed all the way through the 140-whatever minute length, says the big Optimus Prime vs. Megatron showdown in downtown LA definitely kicks ass. This element alone will do it for the target audience. The theatre last night was filled with under-30s. I could tell they didn't give a damn about anything as long as Bay was delivering the metallic bonks and thonks and heavy crunches.


There's some simple-dick dialogue in this thing that would choke a horse (including a couple of astoundingly stupid Optimus Prime lines about the internet and E-Bay), but who's going to care aside from guys like myself?

I can't talk about the performances (I could only feel sympathy for Shia LeBeouf, Josh Duhamel, Jon Voight, Anthony Edwards, etc.) or the theme or the plot particulars because it's all chemically-treated milkshake crap flying in your face. The bottom line is that I can't deal with an action movie that doesn't at least look cool -- cool between the CG spectacle shotts, I mean -- and so I left the film in my head before I finally did the Big Bold Thing and walked out at the 90-minute mark.

Transformers is going to put big money in a lot of pockets, but Michael Bay is digging himself deeper and deeper into that Michael Bay hole that he needs to climb out of. Are you reading this, Bay-o? You're obviously a very skilled guy and you're having fun with the logistics and of course you're getting rich, but you're going to hate, hate, hate yourself by the time you're 55 if you don't start making movies with a semblance of a soul. Jacob Marley's ghost said it to Ebenezer Scrooger -- save yourself!

As I came out of the theatre producer Tom DeSanto was standing in the lobby. "Hey, Jeff!" he said aloud. I just waved and half-smiled and said "hey!" and kept walking. It was embarassing, but what was I going to say?

Posted by Jeffrey Wells on June 29, 2007 at 02:39 PM

comment #1

George Prager [TypeKey Profile Page] says ...

You should have said: "My heart is full!"

Posted by George Prager [TypeKey Profile Page] at June 29, 2007 02:48 PM

comment #2

breadlymoore [TypeKey Profile Page] says ...

I thought Bay kept the editing down to a dull roar. There are a couple of shots that actually play out *gasp*

Posted by breadlymoore [TypeKey Profile Page] at June 29, 2007 02:49 PM

comment #3

wildphantom [TypeKey Profile Page] says ...

You've made some progress here Jeff. Almost implying that just because you didn't care for it that much you still appreciate others are going to have alot of fun. Been lacking in your other summer write-ups this year (although most of them have deserved the bashing).

Good honest stuff.

Some of the other reviews I've read of this movie in the trades I've been suspicious of. Almost like there's critics out there too scared to admit its not for them, and instead give it a pass and unconvincingly say its pretty great.

I'll be there opening day to see ILM's work and was expecting some nice photography which Bay movies nearly always deliver. Shame that side of it is below par.

This isn't a movie - its a big toy commerical. We all know that. Some of us will have fun - some of us will hate it. But we'll all go.

Posted by wildphantom [TypeKey Profile Page] at June 29, 2007 02:59 PM

comment #4

George Prager [TypeKey Profile Page] says ...

Poor little $200 million dollar movie. I think it needs me.

Posted by George Prager [TypeKey Profile Page] at June 29, 2007 03:01 PM

comment #5

actionman [TypeKey Profile Page] says ...

jeff--u missed the best part of the film. if you liked the way the CGI came across, how could you leave before optimus prime duked it out with megatron? i don't get it!?

Posted by actionman [TypeKey Profile Page] at June 29, 2007 03:04 PM

comment #6

Aladdin Sane [TypeKey Profile Page] says ...

Well I can't say I'm not surprised...but you seem to being more fair to it than I expected. I still can't fucking wait. And I'm the target audience. I'd be kinda disappointed if it had a plausible story. It's Transformers. It's supposed to be ridiculous.

Posted by Aladdin Sane [TypeKey Profile Page] at June 29, 2007 03:05 PM

comment #7

cjKennedy [TypeKey Profile Page] says ...

I can't wait to see Wells' pullquote in the full page ad tomorrow morning: "It's all chemically-treated milkshake crap flying in your face!!"

The weird thing though is even after this review basically confirmed every suspicion I already had about Transformers, the words "big Optimus Prime vs. Megatron showdown in downtown LA" still draw me to this goddamn thing. Never watched the cartoon, never played with the toys, but I'm not completely immune to the unholy joy of giant metal monsters beating hell out of each other and doing signficant collateral damage in the process.

Posted by cjKennedy [TypeKey Profile Page] at June 29, 2007 03:05 PM

comment #8

JD [TypeKey Profile Page] says ...

I respect Jeff's respect for good visuals, but someone needs to get this guy a subscription to American Cinematographer. This post features some of the weirdest adjectives I've ever seen used to describe cinematography. What the hell is "tony-sexy" and where can I buy some?

Posted by JD [TypeKey Profile Page] at June 29, 2007 03:21 PM

comment #9

jeffmcm [TypeKey Profile Page] says ...

Santa Monica Boulevard after dark.

Posted by jeffmcm [TypeKey Profile Page] at June 29, 2007 03:24 PM

comment #10

T.Holly [TypeKey Profile Page] says ...

No that's tawdry, not tony.

Posted by T.Holly [TypeKey Profile Page] at June 29, 2007 03:34 PM

comment #11

Geoff [TypeKey Profile Page] says ...

Con Air is a fucking blast to watch. But I've never understood Jeff's appreciation for Gone in Sixty Seconds. I mean, yeah, it had that "texture" and all, but as a whole it's really painful for me.

But anyways, I'm kind of interested in this lighting complaint. I was under the impression that this was the same guy who lit The Island for some reason so I thought it was going to look good. And it would make sense for Bay to just hire a guy to "tell what to do."

Posted by Geoff [TypeKey Profile Page] at June 29, 2007 03:37 PM

comment #12

nemo [TypeKey Profile Page] says ...

"What the hell is "tony-sexy" and where can I buy some?"

You'll find it in aisle 5, in the display next to "Democracy-Whiskey-Sexy!"

Posted by nemo [TypeKey Profile Page] at June 29, 2007 03:38 PM

comment #13

Edward Havens [TypeKey Profile Page] says ...

The problem with cinematography today IMHO, as I briefly touched on in my article about the Jesse James movie that you were kind enough to link to, is that the art of cinematography is being lost in this day of DI. You don't need a Haskell Wexler or a John Toll or a Robert Richardson anymore. Just shoot the scenes with available light (outdoor during daylight) or with a good amount of artificial lighting (indoors or at night) and just like the DI colorist work with the director and the DP on a computer a couple months down the road. Want a little more metallic blue tinting? Drain the color out so it looks like a memory from the 1940s? They'll get to it later.

Takes "We'll fix it in post" to a whole new level.

Posted by Edward Havens [TypeKey Profile Page] at June 29, 2007 03:41 PM

comment #14

T.Holly [TypeKey Profile Page] says ...

So is this going to be a Cinematography magazine cover story, because it's already the editors guild mag cover story. I think "taken to the Bay woodshed" was actually in there somewhere. In my travels, I'll fax it to you, Mr. Wells.

Posted by T.Holly [TypeKey Profile Page] at June 29, 2007 03:43 PM

comment #15

sweet_billy [TypeKey Profile Page] says ...

yeah, but WHAT ABOUT MEGAN FOX?!?!?!?!

Posted by sweet_billy [TypeKey Profile Page] at June 29, 2007 03:44 PM

comment #16

T.Holly [TypeKey Profile Page] says ...

Oh wait, he's paperless, I'll scan it.

Posted by T.Holly [TypeKey Profile Page] at June 29, 2007 03:45 PM

comment #17

Josh Massey [TypeKey Profile Page] says ...

"I'd be kinda disappointed if it had a plausible story."

That's the kind of thinking I can't get behind. As I said on my own blog, special effects only hold me for so long. At some point, the storytelling has to take over. And with Transformers, that just didn't happen.

Posted by Josh Massey [TypeKey Profile Page] at June 29, 2007 03:46 PM

comment #18

Reint [TypeKey Profile Page] says ...

Just saw it. DIE HARD 4.0 is a friggin' masterpiece compared to this boring pile o' crap. All the cool shots were in the trailer.
Megan Fox is hot, that's about it.

Oh well, so much for high expectations. It's Bay. I should've learned by now.

Posted by Reint [TypeKey Profile Page] at June 29, 2007 04:26 PM

comment #19

Wolfie X [TypeKey Profile Page] says ...

FilmJerk fucked SueShap.

Posted by Wolfie X [TypeKey Profile Page] at June 29, 2007 04:42 PM

comment #20

scooterzz [TypeKey Profile Page] says ...

at the junket for 'transformers', bob orci opened by saying, 'we would only agree to write this if it was more than just a great big toy commercial'---- as junketeers were leaving, paramount handed out great big toys......i was amused....

Posted by scooterzz [TypeKey Profile Page] at June 29, 2007 04:43 PM

comment #21

BurmaShave [TypeKey Profile Page] says ...

Wells, you have no business writing about a movie you walked out of, except to say you missed half of it and leave it at that. That's just the truth. This isn't CANNIBAL HOLOCAUST or I SPIT ON YOUR GRAVE. Suck it up and take it like a man, or keep your mouth shut.

Posted by BurmaShave [TypeKey Profile Page] at June 29, 2007 05:11 PM

comment #22

Nick Rogers [TypeKey Profile Page] says ...

Where's Don Murphy now?

Posted by Nick Rogers [TypeKey Profile Page] at June 29, 2007 05:28 PM

comment #23

BurmaShave [TypeKey Profile Page] says ...

My last comment was a bith harsh. I dont know what's gotten into me. I just got back from SICKO and I'm all filled with hopeless rage.

Posted by BurmaShave [TypeKey Profile Page] at June 29, 2007 05:32 PM

comment #24

frankbooth [TypeKey Profile Page] says ...

"Some of us will have fun. Some of us will hate it. But we'll all go."

Speak for yourself, sucker.

Posted by frankbooth [TypeKey Profile Page] at June 29, 2007 06:13 PM

comment #25

bostonlackey [TypeKey Profile Page] says ...

Saw it at the LA Film Fest Wednesday night:

Verdict: **

Why did I think this was going to be different? Despite the heady premiere setting, the incredible vibe in Westwood Village, the giant robots they set up in the street, the drinks, the food, the beautiful chicks walking around, Spielberg and moderate expectations - this still was a major disappointment.

Not that I was expecting Coen Brothers material but how hard is it to make a giant robot movie?

Here's the most surprising thing, too. It's not totally Bay's fault. The script is AWFUL. Totally incomprehensible. The mythology is murky at best, the "rules" are violated repeatedly and we have absolutely no clue what's going on. Seriously, do we really need shadowy government ops and conspiracies and cover-ups and blah, blah, blah?

The rundown...

Bay - All of his bad tendencies are on display here. Too many characters. Too much bad humor. Too long. Too overwrought. Too...everything. And yet, there are some spectacular set pieces at the beginning and he shows decent restraint in holding back the reveal of the robots - save for one awesome cold open. You can feel the urge to do a Jaws thing and not fully show the beasts until about 30 minutes in but it all goes awry and by the time the final smackdown occurs, it's all cut, cut, cut - the usual shit. C+ for him.

The Script - total failure. They mishandle everything. Terrible introductions of the characters, terrible reveals, feeble "twists". They provided no structure or logic whatsoever, the dialogue is woeful and the pointless Pentagon scenes and military dribble should have been completely discarded. You literally have no idea what the hell is going on and the climax is so random and tacked on, you could hear people laughing/expressing disbelief at how lamely the day is saved. Continuing the Jaws example, if at the end, a giant whale suddenly came along and swallowed the shark. F.

LeBouf - tries his best and is pretty funny. I have to admit - the kid's got chops. Unfortunately, the movie just falls apart around him. B+

Megan Fox - officially the hottest woman on the planet. Good God. A+++

Voigt - totally wasted. His story angle should have been jettisoned. B

Jon Turturro - an embarrassment. A humiliating, bug-eyed travesty. F.

Special FX - what would you expect? Brilliant. A.

Editing - What starts out as kind of an 80s Zemeckis/Spielberg film - the introduction of an outlandish scenario to suburban America - is quickly sliced and diced and shaky-cammed into a mishmash.

The film is a technical marvel which is why it is so surprising that the robot action is kind of lame and limited.

And finally, the unpardonable sin...2 1/2 hours. Egads.

You could feel the goodwill - which was at an all-time high - just being sucked out of the audience.

Still, this thing will bank $500 mil.

Posted by bostonlackey [TypeKey Profile Page] at June 29, 2007 06:17 PM

comment #26

Don Murphy [TypeKey Profile Page] says ...

Don is right here.

Not much to say.
Bostonlackey is just lying- everyone Wednesday was THRILLED at the movie. Not that that matters. But he is lying.

And Jeff's being Jeff. He just reviewed a movie he didn't see all of. Then he'll ask us to buy a blog ad. Then wonder why Paramount cuts him out of the next screening. Then call me and say, hey, can I interview about the career of Bay or somesuch. Cyclical and predictable.

Posted by Don Murphy [TypeKey Profile Page] at June 29, 2007 06:32 PM

comment #27

bostonlackey [TypeKey Profile Page] says ...

Lying? No. Sorry, Don, I'm not. Granted, I was at the National Theater, not the Fox where the hoi-polloi was gathered so maybe the experience of the sycophants was different. But in the cheap seats, it was definitely mixed. Like I said, I tried to give it its props and it is the best Bay movie since The Rock, whatever that means.

Posted by bostonlackey [TypeKey Profile Page] at June 29, 2007 06:42 PM

comment #28

bostonlackey [TypeKey Profile Page] says ...

And I agree with you, reviewing a half-viewed movie is not fair.

Posted by bostonlackey [TypeKey Profile Page] at June 29, 2007 06:43 PM

comment #29

D.Z. [TypeKey Profile Page] says ...

Jeff: "Bay obviously knows how to make films look first-rate"

Since when?

"I know, I know...I'm not rolling with it because I'm not in my 20s and didn't play with Transformer toys when I was a kid in the late '80s or early '90s, right?"

Actually, mid-80s, but you seemed to tolerate TMNT, so it's obviously not you.

"Transformers is going to put big money in a lot of pockets,"

I have a feeling it'll be another Grindhouse myself...

cj: "Never watched the cartoon, never played with the toys, but I'm not completely immune to the unholy joy of giant metal monsters beating hell out of each other and doing signficant collateral damage in the process."

Then just get some Gundam and Macross. It'll be less painful.

boston: "Not that I was expecting Coen Brothers material but how hard is it to make a giant robot movie?"

I'm still surprised Andrzej Bartkowiak was able to fuck up Doom.

"It's not totally Bay's fault. The script is AWFUL"

So you're saying that Armageddon's script was somehow a masterpiece?

"Still, this thing will bank $500 mil."

It'll be lucky to make it to $150 million.


Posted by D.Z. [TypeKey Profile Page] at June 29, 2007 07:33 PM

comment #30

bostonlackey [TypeKey Profile Page] says ...

D.Z. - re: Armageddon, well of course not, where did I imply that? I gave Bay his fair share of blame. But usually the Bay-isms override any other consideration of the film. At least here, there moments - mostly in the first 30 minutes - where he was positively restrained and toying with the notion this could be something different, especially when the first 2 set pieces (the attack on the Army base and the gunfight/air attack at the desert town soon afterwards) are quite spectacular. Someone else said it before - you could actually see what was going on. Imagine. But it all slowly unwinds as the wayward script meanders on and Bay returns to form so that by the end, we are watching nothing but a whole lot of indiscernible movement, loud orchestral cues and whiplash editing.

Posted by bostonlackey [TypeKey Profile Page] at June 29, 2007 07:50 PM

comment #31

cjKennedy [TypeKey Profile Page] says ...

DZ, nothing against Gundam or Macross, but I should've said "giant photorealistic metal monsters"

Don't worry, I'm not paying money to see it, but I'll gladly sneak in a couple weeks down the road after paying to see something else that might help prevent the inevitable damage to my soul.

Posted by cjKennedy [TypeKey Profile Page] at June 29, 2007 09:14 PM

comment #32

BurmaShave [TypeKey Profile Page] says ...

D.Z., Michael Bay knows how to make good-looking films. Their technical and visual aspects are usually superb. That's why we don't mind returning to BAD BOYS or THE ROCK with such frequency, and why a few of us still get a begruding kick out of ARMAGEDDON.

I'm also surprised to hear about Turturro's awfulness. Bay movies are usually filled with strong character actors in supporting roles (William Forsythe in THE ROCK, but actually Cage and Connery are both marvelous in that; Pantoliano in BAD BOYS/II; Thornton and Will Patton in ARMAGEDDON).

He's capable of very solid filmmaking. You must admit that the 40 minutes of attack on Pearl Harbor are expert and intense, and that Alec Baldwin and Jon Voight are outstanding. That's why the rest of it being such crap is so heartbreaking. I still always expect a good time with Bay.

Posted by BurmaShave [TypeKey Profile Page] at June 29, 2007 11:20 PM

comment #33

scooterzz [TypeKey Profile Page] says ...

bostonlackey--i'm slightly confused by your post...so were you in cheap seats (with the hoi polloi) or at the premier with the rich folk?..

Posted by scooterzz [TypeKey Profile Page] at June 29, 2007 11:57 PM

comment #34

Reint [TypeKey Profile Page] says ...

"Here's the most surprising thing, too. It's not totally Bay's fault. The script is AWFUL."

Every director gets the script he wants/deserves. I'm pretty sure it IS Bay's fault.

Posted by Reint [TypeKey Profile Page] at June 30, 2007 01:30 AM

comment #35

Reint [TypeKey Profile Page] says ...

"Michael Bay knows how to make good-looking films."

I disagree. I think Bay has the uncanny ability to make multimillion dollar movies look cheap.

Posted by Reint [TypeKey Profile Page] at June 30, 2007 01:36 AM

comment #36

Terry McCarty [TypeKey Profile Page] says ...

Curious to find out if TRANSFORMERS, like ARMAGEDDON before it, gets a Criterion DVD edition.

Posted by Terry McCarty [TypeKey Profile Page] at June 30, 2007 03:33 AM

comment #37

jghoward [TypeKey Profile Page] says ...

Reint is right. You can't say that a film's flaws are not entirely the fault of a director of Bay's stature ... Bay got exactly the script he wanted. So if the "script" had any flaws (or what you perceive to be the script, I assume you only saw the movie and didn't read the script), that is entirely the fault of the director and/or producers.

Posted by jghoward [TypeKey Profile Page] at June 30, 2007 04:50 AM

comment #38

jghoward [TypeKey Profile Page] says ...

Where is it written that a film critic must watch the entire movie, even if he finds it so bad that he is compelled to leave before the ending? That is an honest reaction, which is the best we can hope for from a critic. The first job of a film is to keep you in your seat for the duration. Failing that is to fail Job #1. If a movie is so bad the reviewer finds it unbearable to sit through, I want to know about that. That's an informative review, IMO.

Posted by jghoward [TypeKey Profile Page] at June 30, 2007 04:53 AM

comment #39

Mgmax [TypeKey Profile Page] says ...

Pearl Harbor is one of the most wrongly hated and jeered at movies of the last two decades. I'm not saying it's great, but it's a solid three stars (Leonard Maltin style), with terrific only-CGI-could-show-you-this battle scenes, and a decent enough story that's somewhat true to the naively optimistic movies of the 40s and genuinely touching at times (I love that Affleck wants to save himself for marriage-- you may not believe that in a million years, but you know, it really was a different time and not everyone rutted like a weasel then).

Part of the reason Bay makes a cynical, stupid toy robot movie now is because he was mocked for attempting something that had tender, innocent moments in it and wasn't just Will Smith 'tude throughout. We helped make him into the giant robot he is today by favoring some things and laughing at others.

Posted by Mgmax [TypeKey Profile Page] at June 30, 2007 06:23 AM

comment #40

thatmovieguy [TypeKey Profile Page] says ...

You have a point, Mgmax. PEARL HARBOR tried to duplicate the sentimental style of the period and was ridiculed. So TRANSFORMERS, perhaps as self-defense, keeps reminding its audience "this is really stoo-oopid!" again and again through terrible jokes, awkward slapstick and over-the-top performances (the long riff on masturbation with LeBeouf's parents is painful, but not painfully funny, and why anyone still hires the one-note Anthony Anderson (aka "I hope I'll be Chris Rock when I grow up") to tarnish their movies is a continuing mystery; his pop-eyed, squealy characterization of a supposedly brilliant computer hacker is about half a step up from the glory days of Mantan Moreland and Willie Best. The visual effects are terrific, as they ought to be, but the story is a muddle and when the Autobots start saying things like "my bad!" and "you wanna piece-a-me?" we're sent straight to Saturday Morning Cartoon Land. It will open, but I think word of mouth will be tepid at best, outside of pre-teen boys and the geeky types who want to remain adolescents forever. If HARRY POTTER AND THE ORDER OF THE PHOENIX is any good at all, it will steal a lot of TRANSFORMERS' thunder. If you want a really rewarding fantasy film, save your money and see STARDUST in August.

Posted by thatmovieguy [TypeKey Profile Page] at June 30, 2007 07:02 AM

comment #41

jse33 [TypeKey Profile Page] says ...

It'll be lucky to make it to $150 million.

Posted by D.Z. at June 29, 2007 07:33 PM

Don't be shocked if it earns that much from Tuesday-Sunday next week.

Posted by jse33 [TypeKey Profile Page] at June 30, 2007 07:45 AM

comment #42

christian [TypeKey Profile Page] says ...

"That's why we don't mind returning to BAD BOYS or THE ROCK with such frequency"

speak for yourself kemo sabe.

and nobody "ruined" bay after his lashing on PEARL HARBOR -- it was a highly cynical effort to marry TITANIC to TORA TORA TORA and the resulting mash up earned its dishonor.

his films show a lack of care about story, characters, dialogue etc, and they're bouyed by a fetishistic jingoism that makes me wanna hurl. he's a adman through and through and it shows in every avid fucked frame.

and yes, thorton and willis are good in ARMAGEDDON, but i don't think it was bay who pushed their acting chops.

Posted by christian [TypeKey Profile Page] at June 30, 2007 08:31 AM

comment #43

MAGGA [TypeKey Profile Page] says ...

I just saw this at a pre-premiere in Oslo and had an absolute blast! Loved this movie! I found the humour hillarious, the action and FX great, the story surprisingly self-aware and B-movie like. To me Bay succeeded in making the kind of ironic B movie pastiche that Tim Burton has failed at a number of times, combining the wink-wink with actual good movie moments. Granted I have forgotten what was funny about it now, and I had a few spliffs the night leading up to this morning show, but who over fifteen will not when seeing this film? As much as I hate almost all big Hollywood franchises of the last five years, this one reminded me why I go to those kinds of films in the first place. Weak points: it dragged at times, it was pro-millitary (though not without jabs at blind faith in gouvernment) and... well, who cares. I hope this makes mucho coin. By the way, do these machines use gasoline? Where do they get it? The sequel could be a very funny global warming movie...

Posted by MAGGA [TypeKey Profile Page] at June 30, 2007 10:23 AM

comment #44

LYTrules [TypeKey Profile Page] says ...

bostonlackey--i'm slightly confused by your post...so were you in cheap seats (with the hoi polloi) or at the premier with the rich folk?..

I can clarify for bostonlackey -- the L.A. premiere took place across three theaters in Westwood simultaneously.

He (and I) were at the National, the best actual theater of the three. The elite were at the Fox. The unlucky overflow crowd were at the less-than-epic Regent. We all got to go to the same party afterwards.

Posted by LYTrules [TypeKey Profile Page] at June 30, 2007 10:27 AM

comment #45

cjKennedy [TypeKey Profile Page] says ...

I don't know Mgmax, if Box Office Mojo's numbers are to be believed, Pearl Harbor cost $140 and made $449 worldwide. If Bay learned anything from that it's that yes, you really can make a bajillion dollars by marrying the action movie and the love story.

More likely I think he learned the Transformers lesson from The Island where he took a smart and potentially interesting piece of sci-fi and completely gutted it, ducking every opportunity to do something original that didn't involve wrecking stuff.

With Transformers, he's not even pretending it's smart sci-fi. Not that there's anything wrong with that. At least you know what you're getting.

Posted by cjKennedy [TypeKey Profile Page] at June 30, 2007 10:45 AM

comment #46

BurmaShave [TypeKey Profile Page] says ...

MAGGA, might I ask why being pro-military is a bad thing? Pro-intervention, pro-Iraq, yeah I could see the gripe, but seriously, why is pro-military a bad thing all of a sudden? I'm surprised you didn't express dismay that more Americans weren't killed in it. Am I going to have to break out the whole thing about Oslo being occupied by Nazis? Am I really going to have to do that?

Posted by BurmaShave [TypeKey Profile Page] at June 30, 2007 10:47 AM

comment #47

MAGGA [TypeKey Profile Page] says ...

"MAGGA, might I ask why being pro-military is a bad thing?"
Uhm, yeah, bad phrasing, I guess. I do get a queasy feeling when movies feel like recruitment tools, but your point is taken. And no, I do not have an interest in seeing Americans killed on-screen.

Posted by MAGGA [TypeKey Profile Page] at June 30, 2007 10:59 AM

comment #48

MAGGA [TypeKey Profile Page] says ...

"There's some simple-dick dialogue in this thing that would choke a horse (including a couple of astoundingly stupid Optimus Prime lines about the internet and E-Bay"

I found them laugh-out-loud funny. The only two things that were more absurd was the cop-car turning into a giant robot, forcing Shia down on a car and asking if he was Loverboy 69 or whatever it was, and the yellow car urinating on John Turturro. Oh, and the secret of the cube being imprinted on a couple of antique glasses. Brilliant!

Posted by MAGGA [TypeKey Profile Page] at June 30, 2007 11:07 AM

comment #49

christian [TypeKey Profile Page] says ...

in this day and age, i don't think being pro-military is such a harbinger of good. see the file under iraq war. and iran is pro-military too. so is n.korea. is that so good?

but bay and bruckheimer films are jingoistic, celebrating might as right, with a quasi-fascist worship of power. which is fine if you're into authoritarianism, but don't think some of us haven't noticed.

more important, isn't it incredible that a studio would drop 150 plus million on a movie and nobody thinks that including phrase d'jour lines like "my bad" are utterly stupid and cliche by the time the film opens?

Posted by christian [TypeKey Profile Page] at June 30, 2007 11:14 AM

comment #50

BurmaShave [TypeKey Profile Page] says ...

Fair enough MAGGA, I just misunderstood you.

Good points christian. Very true about Bay and Bruckheimer. It's almost Uniform Porn.

Posted by BurmaShave [TypeKey Profile Page] at June 30, 2007 11:54 AM

comment #51

scooterzz [TypeKey Profile Page] says ...

lytrules--thanks...it was his misuse of the term 'hoi-polloi' that had me scratching my head...

Posted by scooterzz [TypeKey Profile Page] at June 30, 2007 12:01 PM

comment #52

bostonlackey [TypeKey Profile Page] says ...

Yeah, sorry about the lack of clarity scooterzz and thanks for the clarification LYtrules.

Indeed, my point was that at the National screening which I was at, the mood started high, high, high and ended low, low, low. These were festival pass holders, lower level PR/studio folks, general movie fans who shelled out the $25 to see it early, etc., - not the high powered folks at the Fox up the street.

Posted by bostonlackey [TypeKey Profile Page] at June 30, 2007 12:31 PM

comment #53

Wiggumx [TypeKey Profile Page] says ...

I never understood how Armageddon got a Criterion Collection release on DVD. It's a completely ridiculous film, and I assume that the producers, or Bay (or both) threw a bunch of money at the Criterion people and "bought" their Criterion edition.

Posted by Wiggumx [TypeKey Profile Page] at June 30, 2007 02:44 PM

comment #54

ZacharyTF [TypeKey Profile Page] says ...

"I never understood how Armageddon got a Criterion Collection release on DVD. It's a completely ridiculous film, and I assume that the producers, or Bay (or both) threw a bunch of money at the Criterion people and "bought" their Criterion edition."

Criterion licensed it so that they could make money to keep doing DVDs of the smaller and much more obscure films. I don't have a problem with it as long as they keeping bringing out DVDs that I want to check out. For the record, I used to own the Armageddon Criterion, but got rid of it after I didn't watch it for 2 years.

Posted by ZacharyTF [TypeKey Profile Page] at June 30, 2007 04:06 PM

comment #55

BurmaShave [TypeKey Profile Page] says ...

I believe THE ROCK also has one, doesn't it? But no one can really quibble with that, it's a classic. It's the ESCAPE FROM ALCATRAZ of Alcatraz assault movies.

Posted by BurmaShave [TypeKey Profile Page] at July 1, 2007 12:55 AM

comment #56

cjKennedy [TypeKey Profile Page] says ...

It's the best movie ever that rhymes with "the cock". Beyond that, I will concede nothing.

Posted by cjKennedy [TypeKey Profile Page] at July 1, 2007 04:29 AM

comment #57

Mgmax [TypeKey Profile Page] says ...

Better than this?

http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0164961/

Posted by Mgmax [TypeKey Profile Page] at July 1, 2007 07:01 AM

comment #58

cjKennedy [TypeKey Profile Page] says ...

I think I can say, sight unseen, Vidocq is better than The Rock so I retract my uninformed statement.

Posted by cjKennedy [TypeKey Profile Page] at July 1, 2007 10:03 AM

comment #59

Linda [TypeKey Profile Page] says ...

It's a Camaro, not a Mustang.

Posted by Linda [TypeKey Profile Page] at July 1, 2007 03:35 PM

comment #60

BurmaShave [TypeKey Profile Page] says ...

The pretentious piece of crap from the director of CATWOMAN? Let's see, Sean Connery + William Forsythe + John Spencer + Michael Beihn + Ed Harris + David Morse > Gerard Depardieu.

Posted by BurmaShave [TypeKey Profile Page] at July 2, 2007 11:44 AM

comment #61

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