edited by Jonathan Doyle

Cloverfield [BLU-RAY] (Paramount Home Entertainment, 6.3.2008) Disguised under deliberately goofy, yet deliciously edible-sounding, aliases such as Cheese and Slusho, Matt Reeves' Cloverfield was produced and rushed into theaters under an equally appetizing shroud of secrecy. From last year's incredibly elusive Super Bowl ad to the film's viral marketing campaign, Cloverfield had everybody scratching their heads and drooling in anticipation. Aside from the as-yet untitled title and the Blair Witch-ian visual style, the film's biggest appeal was the enigmatic creature who was last (un)seen hurling the decapitated head of the Statue of Liberty onto the crowded streets of New York City. All we knew about the mysterious beast was that it was big and angry. Now that the highy-anticipated project has come and gone, one question has fortunately been answered: Cloverfield was a major success. (continued)

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"After watching Evan Almighty, I noticed that the exiting audience -- pale, wan and harrowed -- were collectively singing the post-movie equivalent of the lamentations of Jeremiah, emitting cries not unlike those of the sorely tested Job or the benighted citizens of plague-fatigued Egypt, and generally cursing His Holy Name with every obscenity in the biblical lexicon.

"All the Big Questions popped rapidly into my mind: 'Why does God inflict Bad Movies on Good People?' and more pertinently, 'How can we know for certain that God is good if he permitted this piece of dung to reach our screens?'

"Certainly Evan Almighty ('a laugh-drought of biblical proportions,' one critic called it) performed a breathtaking miracle by making Steve Carell unfunny, but the film should have believers and nonbelievers alike down on their knees praying for funnier comedies." -- thus sayeth (or said-ith) The Guardian's John Patterson.

Norton's not a tribe member<< previous | next >>"Once" = comfort food

Posted by Jeffrey Wells on July 29, 2007 at 1:20 PM

comment #1

bagelfilm says ...

Anyone remember that Dudley Moore film from the 1980s, "Wholly Moses"?

Posted by bagelfilm at July 29, 2007 2:01 PM

comment #2

jeffmcm says ...

This is a waste of criticism, especially since the movie wasn't that bad, nor was its reception by audiences.

Posted by jeffmcm at July 29, 2007 3:28 PM

comment #3

George Prager says ...

jeffmcm should get a job doing PR for tobacco companies.

Posted by George Prager at July 29, 2007 3:36 PM

comment #4

jeffmcm says ...

Did you see the movie, George? I did, and while it's not very good, it's not worthy of this level of hyperbolic outrage - on top of which, there is no actual criticism or insight in the piece, just a lot of angry huffing and puffing to show the readers that Patterson is still as disdainful of Hollywood product as his peers. It was a waste of time to write it and it's a waste of time to read it.

Posted by jeffmcm at July 29, 2007 3:48 PM

comment #5

George Prager says ...

I rest my case.

Posted by George Prager at July 29, 2007 3:54 PM

comment #6

jeffmcm says ...

What case? Evan Almighty never killed anyone. There have been many much movies this year much more worthy of 'audience members were on their knees praying to God for forgiveness' pieces - again, did you see it?

Posted by jeffmcm at July 29, 2007 3:59 PM

comment #7

George Prager says ...

NEWSFLASH: jeffmcm to join the John McCain as strategist.

Posted by George Prager at July 29, 2007 4:01 PM

comment #8

George Prager says ...

I meant the John McCain campaign. No I didn't see it. I saw the sadistically unfunny preview that rain during an `Office" marathon on NBC. That was enough. Talk about torture porn.

Posted by George Prager at July 29, 2007 4:04 PM

comment #9

jeffmcm says ...

George, now you're just being annoying. It's not a good movie, but I saw at least ten movies this year that it was better than. What do you get out of Patterson's comments that you didn't already know?

Posted by jeffmcm at July 29, 2007 4:08 PM

comment #10

George Prager says ...

When people perceive something as being ridiculous and grow to hate it and everything that it stands for, they can't get enough.

Posted by George Prager at July 29, 2007 4:16 PM

comment #11

The Winchester says ...

"When people perceive something as being ridiculous and grow to hate it and everything that it stands for, they can't get enough."

That sums up half the posts on this blog. Lord of the Rings? Comic books? Jabbas?

Posted by The Winchester at July 29, 2007 8:27 PM

comment #12

PanTheFaun says ...

jeffmcm... I actually like and mostly agree with your posts and find you often to be one of the few rational posters on here...

That said, I don't think the criticism of 'Evan Almighty' was particularly hyperbolic. I really think it was deserving of hatred, a genuinely evil film jam-packed with unfunniness ("The 40-Year-Old Virgin Mary"?!? Seriously??), preaching religion ("He chose all of us.") and wallowing in puerile gags that most of audience treated with stone faces (John Goodman getting covered in bird shit).

Seriously, one of the worst movies of the year. Not just a "not very good" one.

Posted by PanTheFaun at July 29, 2007 9:27 PM

comment #13

jimjonesiii says ...

jeffmcm is the new DZ.

Posted by jimjonesiii at July 29, 2007 10:00 PM

comment #14

jeffmcm says ...

Jimjones, that's brutal.

Seriously though, in my opinion, even though Evan was bad, I didn't think it was rancid, the same way Norbit was, or Hills Have Eyes II, The Hitcher, or (controversy!) 300.

Posted by jeffmcm at July 30, 2007 12:21 AM

comment #15

BurmaShave says ...

"It's not a good movie, but I saw at least ten movies this year that it was better than."

Did you see I KNOW WHO KILLED ME ten times this weekend? And did you pay 300 grand each time? It would explain a lot.

Anybody have any word on DAN IN REAL LIFE?

Posted by BurmaShave at July 30, 2007 12:54 AM

comment #16

bmcintire says ...

Thumbing through the most recent copy of LA Weekly, I nearly swallowed my tongue in shock. Of 30 films in current release (with the exceptions of the not-yet-reviewed I KNOW WHO KILLED ME and WHO'S YOUR CADDY), they are recommending 27 of them. Twenty-seven! This, from a paper that is generally as elitist toward commercial films as Chicago's Reader. Among those getting a "GO" nod: EVAN ALMIGHTY, NO RESERVATIONS, AN ARCTIC TALE, CAPTIVITY and TRANSFORMERS. Surely this is a sign of the Apocalypse.

Posted by bmcintire at July 30, 2007 2:16 AM

comment #17

bagelfilm says ...

Why did they put the dvd bonus stuff over the end credits, and why is the dance supposed to be so hillarious? Why did they cast an actress who cannot act as female lead? Why did they chose that particular cinematographer (terrible framing, flat lighting)? Why do the effects look better in Doctor Dolittle? And why didn*t they learn the lesson from Legally Blond 2 that stories about politics and comedy do not work. And what about the horrible music, both score and song? And finally, that giantic flood at the end, should claim many victims but looks only makes some bystanders wet???

Posted by bagelfilm at July 30, 2007 4:17 AM

comment #18