Hairspray

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There will be no hating on Adam Shankman's Hairspray (New Line, 7.20) by me. It's a spunky early '60s musical with "fun" performances (i.e., spirited by way of pronounced insincerity), dead-on retro clothes and hair styles, some well choreographed musical numbers and a few laughs here and there. The trick is to watch it without getting bored or suffering a major migraine. I was going through my usual movie-agony spasms (leaning forward, hands covering bottom half of face, quiet groaning, frowning) but I'm a sorehead who doesn't get musicals, right?

John Travolta, Nikki Blonsky

Hairspray is wafer thin, full of shit, repetitive and broader than a barn door but it won't give you cancer or indigestion or anything along those lines. Standards are always put aside when a robust musical comes along and says with a wink, "Do you get where we're coming from? That we're all about singing, dancing, winking and arched eyebrows within the prism of early '60s nostalgia and culturally refer- enced air quotes? Of course you do! So relax and enjoy."

The fact that Hairspray is a mildly amusing one-note crock isn't bothering the critics so far. (It has a 100% Rotten Tomatoes rating as we speak.) They're calling it entertaining goodtime fizz because (a) their taste buds are corroded or (b) they know the middle-class mall crowd loves easy-to-get retro jukebox pablum, and they don't want to risk seeming elitist or clueless. Or both.

The original 1988 John Waters film of Hairspray (not a musical) was pat and shallow in a mocking-retro sort of way, and the Hairspray B'way musical was the same thing with big-heart songs and dance numbers. Now comes a big-screen musical version that follows the drill with a John Travolta fat-suit performance that's moderately okay, a spunky lead-girl performance by Nikki Blonsky and a couple of good-sport turns by Michelle Pfeiffer and Christopher Walken so...what's not to like? It's fine.

Which it is. As long as you don't mind totally pissing away the time it takes to watch it. As long as you can roll with the fizz and the bullshit and the gay Tin Pan Alley attitude. When it comes to musicals I'm more into Once or Hair or Cabaret or Carousel. Shows that came from something strong and real in the first place, and aren't so much into going "wooooh!"

Hairspray is set in a 1962 Baltimore that existed in some ways (the hair styles, clothing, cars and sets are perfect) and never existed in others. Cute bubbly fat girls like Blonsky (the truth is that she's dangerously obese) never, ever hooked up with slim good-looking guys back then. (It doesn't happen today either.) People who knew good music were into Little Richard and Jackie Wilson, but interracial socializing was rare and interracial dating wasn't noticable until the late '60s. The movie has the surface details down, but too much of the inside stuff is fanciful tripe.

Blonsky plays Tracy Turnblad, a perky high-schooler who dreams about dancing and becoming famous on a local rock-music dance show called the Corny Collins Show. Her mom Edna (Travolta) is more obese as Tracy, and her good-natured dad (Walken) runs a quirky toy and curio store. Tracy has the hots for Link Larkin (Zac Efron) after laying eyes during an audition to replace a Corny Collins dancer. Her relationship with Larkin pisses off the frosty blonde Amber Von Tussle (Brittany Snow) and her frosty blonde mother Velma (Michelle Pfieffer) somewhat, but what really throws them off-balance is Tracy's notion that the white-bread show should allow black kids to dance also.

Brittany Snow, Michelle Pfeiffer

Blonsky is very good and talented and likable, but she looks like a smiling little beach ball in a cartoon. I realize I've got a rep of being Jabbaphobic, but I really and truly don't have a problem with largeness as a rule. Plump is cool and fat happens, but extreme obesity is an affliction. Am I lying? To me a seriously obese person is like a drunk staggering around with a bottle of Jack Daniels.

Travolta has been telling interviewers that he tried to play Edna as a real woman and not as a guy giving a drag performance. That's true as far as it goes but it's mostly smoke because Travolta isn't the maestro here -- Shankman is -- and the scheme of the movie blocks any interest in real-people behavior. Edna emotes within the broad-ass emotional framework of a stage musical, but there's a ceiling with this kind of thing.

The bottom line is that you have to understand, agree with and follow certain rules of engagement in order to enjoy Hairspray. Maybe the reason I couldn't have fun is that I understand the rules all too well.

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Posted by Jeffrey Wells on July 15, 2007 at 11:29 AM

comment #1

cinefan says ...

Roeper and his guest critic this week were really high on the film and Travolta's performance in particular. I am still very sceptical. I know that I haven't seen the film and am only judging from the previews I've seen, but Travolta's performance looks distracting as hell and every scene I've seen him in he doesn't come close to disappearing into the role or eliciting any other reaction besides "Hey, look, it's John Travolta in a fat suit acting goofy!"

Posted by cinefan at July 15, 2007 2:32 PM

comment #2

PanTheFaun says ...

While not as good as it really should be, the movie is actually a lot of fun. But I DESPISED Travolta's performance. A lot.

Posted by PanTheFaun at July 15, 2007 2:40 PM

comment #3

George Prager says ...

Ian Sinclair is breaking out his kleenex and vaseline in anticipation.

Posted by George Prager at July 15, 2007 2:48 PM

comment #4

PanTheFaun says ...

Die.

Posted by PanTheFaun at July 15, 2007 2:55 PM

comment #5

George Prager says ...

"I'm an organ doner"

You mean that you're an organ donor.

Posted by George Prager at July 15, 2007 3:00 PM

comment #6

Rod32303 says ...

THIS is what you call no hating?

Posted by Rod32303 at July 15, 2007 3:03 PM

comment #7

alynch says ...

Jeff, if Blonsky is what you consider to be "extreme obesity", then you've been living in California far too long.

Posted by alynch at July 15, 2007 3:06 PM

comment #8

NYCritic says ...

I was not a big fan of the stage show and thought the music was very bland when I first heard it. After repeated listening, however, I finally "got" it. There's a sort of subversive quality to it just like there was to Waters' original film.

The musical worked for me -- I am no fan of Travolta's -- normally despise him in anything. Here his performance was okay - he's not particularly memorable, but he CAN sing (which Fierstein can't) so hearing the songs performed by a singer was something of a revelation.

Jeff, you really have to get over your thing about heavy people. Not everyone can look like Calista Flockhart or these anorexic models. People come in all shapes, sizes and colors. That's one of the messages of the film -- and so what if the heavy girl gets the hunk. It's a frigging fairy tale -- no one said it's a documentary about life in Baltimore in 1962. It's more how life SHOULD have been.

The film does have some slow spots in the middle section but overall it's just plain FUN. After seeing all these bloated sequels and bad movie musicals (THE PRODUCERS anyone? That's a piece of shit if ever there was one) -- HAIRSPRAY is just plain entertaining.

Oh and for the record, Jeff, I also really liked ONCE, loved HAIR (saw it 3 times when it was released), and CABARET.

Posted by NYCritic at July 15, 2007 3:16 PM

comment #9

DarthCorleone says ...

Rod32303 >> That's exactly what I was going to say.

Not that it matters. The odds of my ever seeing this movie are zero.

Posted by DarthCorleone at July 15, 2007 3:23 PM

comment #10

gruver1 says ...

Wells to NYCritic: Like I said, "I realize I've got a rep of being Jabbaphobic, but I really and truly don't have a problem with largeness as a rule. Plump is cool and fat happens, but extreme obesity is an affliction."

Posted by gruver1 at July 15, 2007 3:24 PM

comment #11

Tim says ...

I think this is the best review of a musical ever - spot on work Jeff. Thank you for going so I don't ever have to.

Posted by Tim at July 15, 2007 3:25 PM

comment #12

romeoisbleeding says ...

That photo of Travolta is enough to scare me off. I don't get it.. why doesn't everyone else see how truly creepy this guy really is? Fat suit... shmat suit. The guy is just creepy. Sorry. You would have to pay me to see this movie alot. I loved Once, loved Hair, and truly loved most of the classic musicals from years back. Oh..also hated Chicago. This is just one more reason I feel like I just don't fit into this decade. I know I am in the minority here and this movie will be a huge hit like the Hogs movie too. But I will not see it. No way.

Posted by romeoisbleeding at July 15, 2007 3:30 PM

comment #13

Earl Hofert says ...

"I was going through my usual movie-agony spasms (leaning forward, hands covering bottom half of face, quiet groaning, frowning)"

Boy, it must be so much fun to sit next to Wells at a movie. I suppose that the up side is that, to judge from many of his other comments in the past, he either leaves after an hour or doesn't bother to show up until the film is half over.

Posted by Earl Hofert at July 15, 2007 3:31 PM

comment #14

dangovich says ...

Man hands!

Posted by dangovich at July 15, 2007 3:31 PM

comment #15

Chicago48 says ...

Amateur critic here: Like Romeo, Travolta creeps me out and honestly he hasn't done anything worthy since pulp fiction, so I'm staying home. I don't like movie musicals either - the exception was Chicago and DG, and the only reason to go see them is to see the costumes honestly.

And another thing - why couldn't a real fat woman play the Travolta part? That I don't get and didn't get the orig. Broadway show.

Oh and btw, more broadway to movies coming really soon. I can't stand it.

Posted by Chicago48 at July 15, 2007 4:20 PM

comment #16

Wrecktum says ...

Wells, have you ever received a CT scan? I'm concerned about all the migraines you claim to get.

Posted by Wrecktum at July 15, 2007 4:24 PM

comment #17

J. Huff says ...

I really like quite a few movie musicals, among them others that nobody has mentioned including 1776, Fiddler on the Roof, and Jesus Christ Superstar. Maybe these are middle-brow, though I tend not to think so. But there is a lack of depth that has crept into musicals lately, an almost-giddy enthusiasm to either be naughty for the sake of itself (i.e. Chicago) or to nod and wink at real situations that are far more painful than they show (i.e. Hairspray, the movie version of Rent). I just don't think they're very fun to watch. But then again, probably the last movie musical I loved was Everyone Says I Love You. Haven't seen Once yet.

Posted by J. Huff at July 15, 2007 4:32 PM

comment #18

Moneypenny says ...

This is completely off-topic but funny enough to try:

Was unfortunately exposed to this crappy
"emo" song by someone who thought I might like it (that 'friend' has since been fired) and it was KILLING me as to where I've heard the melody in the chorus before... Then I got it and burst out laughing.

So let's play a game to see who else can figure it out. Hint: The song it rips off comes from something having to do with both movies and television...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=L7Fl2yWalH4

Posted by Moneypenny at July 15, 2007 4:39 PM

comment #19

LYTrules says ...

"And another thing - why couldn't a real fat woman play the Travolta part? That I don't get and didn't get the orig. Broadway show."

Because the role was originated by a transvestite named Divine, who became famous from Waters' movies. It was his/her last role.

But yeah, putting a celebrity in drag isn't anywhere near as radical as simply casually casting a real-life transvestite as a woman in a PG movie.

Posted by LYTrules at July 15, 2007 5:01 PM

comment #20

Rothchild says ...

Depeche Mode?

Posted by Rothchild at July 15, 2007 5:02 PM

comment #21

berkguru says ...

Travolta is in the movie for 2 reasons:

1. He is a great dancer and fatty 300 lb women out there couldn't pull off what he does

2. He is a homo and is secretly thrilled at playing a woman

Movie looks pretty good

Posted by berkguru at July 15, 2007 5:07 PM

comment #22

Moneypenny says ...

Nope...

I'll make it a little easier:

It chorus rips off the theme song from a television show that involves movies.

Posted by Moneypenny at July 15, 2007 5:07 PM

comment #23

CitizenKanedforChewingGum says ...

"Wells to NYCritic: Like I said, 'I realize I've got a rep of being Jabbaphobic, but I really and truly don't have a problem with largeness as a rule. Plump is cool and fat happens, but extreme obesity is an affliction.'"

Classic JW formula = complain about something, followed by backhanded apology and assurance that he can "roll with something," finished off with a regressive statement that just proves how much he truly can't roll with it.

Do you really act like that around your friends? Because I've heard some of your audio interviews with actresses and frankly, you come off as a bit of a suck-up. Will the real Jeffrey Wells please stand up?

If you just tell us right now that D.Z. handles all of the online posting, the conspiracy will be solved. Really.

Posted by CitizenKanedforChewingGum at July 15, 2007 5:12 PM

comment #24

Chris Willman says ...

Chicago48: There is absolutely no reason why the role couldn't be played by a woman. I asked the people involved in creating the Broadway production if they would ever consider casting a woman. They said they'd thought about it, as replacements for Fierstein came to mind, and decided not to. I think it's a combination of paying homage to Divine and just working a gimmick. Meanwhile, I will give serious props to the first community that puts on the show and hires an actual fat chick on the basis of gender-blind casting.

Posted by Chris Willman at July 15, 2007 5:34 PM

comment #25

Ian Sinclair says ...

I have to side with Jeff on this one. I have a problem with both lightweight musicals and camp, so I'll be sitting this particular dance out.

Posted by Ian Sinclair at July 15, 2007 5:55 PM

comment #26

The Winchester says ...

Speaking as a husky fellow myself, I gotta say that "Jabbaphobic" is one of the funniest words I've ever read. Funnier than an iphone in a blender funny.

Nicely done Jeff Wells.

Posted by The Winchester at July 15, 2007 6:00 PM

comment #27

swhitty says ...

We'll see how the movie does, but Travolta's woo-the-press shtick is getting old. If you wanna see how old, look here:

http://blog.nj.com/whitty/2007/07/travolta_rewind.html

Really. And I thought I was SPECIAL.

Posted by swhitty at July 15, 2007 6:22 PM

comment #28

Rob says ...

"2. He is a homo and is secretly thrilled at playing a woman"

Adam Sandler, is that you?

Posted by Rob at July 15, 2007 6:29 PM

comment #29

p.Vice says ...

Did nobody think of giving Travolta some hand make-up, for christ's sake? In that photo his face is smooth as a baby's bottom but that claw looks like it popped up from beyond the fucking grave.

Posted by p.Vice at July 15, 2007 6:58 PM

comment #30

Larry says ...

Musicals are one of the glories of Hollywood, though they haven't been making great ones with any regularity since the Freed unit closed down in the 50s. Still, every now and then something pops out that's fun, and the early word on Hairspray makes me want to go see it.

Posted by Larry at July 15, 2007 7:14 PM

comment #31

PanTheFaun says ...

Yes, everyone knows us homosexuals LOVE any chance we get to dress up like women.

We also exclusively play "Dancing Queen" at AIDS benefits, rape any men who dare drop soap around us, and shriek a high-pitched womanly squeal whenever forced to glimpse girl parts. Well, at least that's what I learned from I NOW PRONOUNCE YOU CHUCK & LARRY.

Posted by PanTheFaun at July 15, 2007 7:30 PM

comment #32

thatrader says ...

Pan,

You mean that's not how you act?

Moneypenny,

I give up. What TV theme song is that emo piece of trash you linked us to ripping off?

Posted by thatrader at July 15, 2007 7:36 PM

comment #33

Moneypenny says ...

Siskel & Ebert

Posted by Moneypenny at July 15, 2007 8:33 PM

comment #34

LYTrules says ...

Nice catch, P. Vice

Posted by LYTrules at July 15, 2007 8:37 PM

comment #35

Bilge says ...

Did Adam Shankman just get referred to as a "maestro"?

Posted by Bilge at July 15, 2007 8:37 PM

comment #36

tholl-yung says ...

S&E has a theme song? I really must know whether Anne's daughter Nora likes the movie. I shutter to think what will happen when she's away at college. Gays, teenage girls and MILF's may dig it -- I'm more a Catalina Bar and Grill girl.

Posted by tholl-yung at July 15, 2007 8:48 PM

comment #37

frankbooth says ...

T.Holly,

What's your shutter speed?

Posted by frankbooth at July 15, 2007 10:00 PM

comment #38

tholl-yung says ...

A million miles a minute from ear to ear.

Posted by tholl-yung at July 15, 2007 10:33 PM

comment #39

Reint says ...

"It won't give you cancer", Jeff Wells, Hollywood Elsewhere.

Man, put that on the poster!

Posted by Reint at July 16, 2007 1:18 AM

comment #40

Ogami Itto says ...

""It won't give you cancer", Jeff Wells, Hollywood Elsewhere.

Man, put that on the poster!"

I was thinking the same thing -- movies should actually be marketed like that.

Anyway, at least the "extremely obese" Nikki Blonsky isn't Hispanic.

Posted by Ogami Itto at July 16, 2007 4:11 AM

comment #41

Aunt Sassy says ...

"Yes, everyone knows us homosexuals LOVE any chance we get to dress up like women.

PanTheFaun, will you marry me? Seriously, between the both of us, we could write gay-panic comedies for middle America for the rest of our lives. We could invite Jeff over to our fabulous Silver Lake home (with gym and lap pool, because, you know, Jeff has a thing about fatties) and watch him stab himself repeatedly with a push pin when our conversations start to drag. Later, we'll put on the RAZZLE, DAZZLE VERSION of the CHICAGO DVD and watch Jeff go through his "usual movie-agony spasms (leaning forward, hands covering bottom half of face, quiet groaning, frowning)." Finally, a magical evening will be capped off when, momentarily disoriented by one his frequent migraines, we toss Jeff's marvelously sculpted body onto our pile of magenta throwpillows (coordinated with the buttplugs) and assrape him until dawn (leaning forward, hands covering bottom half of face, quiet groaning, frowning).

Jesus H. Christ, Jeff; I've never heard someone complain so much about so little. Are you sure, you're not the one wearing a dress? It really ruins the fantasy for me when you sound like you have less testosterone in your system than my mother (now there's a woman with balls). Take a Pamprin, clean the sand out of your vagina and grow a pair.

Posted by Aunt Sassy at July 16, 2007 9:55 AM

comment #42