Return of Dergarabedian

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Since writing a January 2003 slam piece about the exceedingly rote box-office spinmeister Paul Dergarabedian ("The Man Who Would Be Dull"), I've wondered every so often if anyone would voice a similar view. I had pretty much given up hope but now, four a half years later, it's finally happened. New York magazine's Vulture editor Dan Kois has written a 7.12 piece called "Paul Dergarabeidan Must Be Stopped."

"How many times can you write, 'Harry Potter was magic at the box office' before your will to live evaporates?," he says in one passage. "That's where Paul Dergarabedian comes in. Dergarabedian, who worked for box-office tracking firm Exhibitor Relations for fourteen years before starting his own company, Media by Numbers, in December, is the media's go-to guy for insipid quotes about the box office."

Here's how I put it way back when....

"Your eyelids are getting heavy. You're feeling sluggish, listless...under the weather. You don't have the flu or even a cold, but something's wrong and you can't figure out what.

"Then it hits you -- it's Monday morning and you've just finished reading a news story about the weekend box-office figures, and one of the industry analysts quoted was Paul Dergarabedian... that's it! You were thinking about taking a couple of aspirin and drinking plenty of liquids, when all the time it was just an involuntary reaction to a perfectly likable box-office analyst with a beard and a warm smile and a narcotizing way with words."

Editor's note: As the photo accompanying the New York piece confirms, Degarabedian has since shaved his beard.

"Dergarabedian is routinely requested by Hollywood industry analysts like the New York Times' Rick Lyman, USA Today's Scott Bowles, and Dave Germain of the Associated Press to explain the weekend numbers and give some kind of bland, toothless spin about which movie won or lost, and why," my '03 piece explained.

"Everybody likes Paul. He's a nice, dependable guy who always has the numbers at hand and is always ready to discuss them on Sunday afternoons, when box-office stories are usually written. And yet I feel he's giving the art of Hollywood box-office analysis an unfortunate taint of roteness and tedium. His pronouncements are almost oppressively mundane.

"I can't think of any statistic or judgment Dergarabedian has ever put forward that was wrong, but to me he always sounds so damnably measured, safe, underwhelming and status-quo affirming, which has a kind of Orwellian effect after a while.

"When box-office snipers suggested last May that the opening-weekend take of George Lucas's dreadful Attack of the Clones wasn't what it might have been (i.e., if word-of-mouth hadn't been so forbidding), Dergarabedian dutifully rushed to the defense of this contemptible film. ''George Lucas is bulletproof in terms of box office,'' he told Lyman. ''Regardless of what the critics say, people love these movies. To be the fifth installment in a series that's been around for 25 years and still to be making this kind of money is truly amazing."

"See what I mean?

"When Michael Ciepley wrote in the N.Y. Times that some observers "see the coming of Kill Bill and similar fare as the restoration of a new order" -- i.e., some kind of new cycle of cynical fetishized violence -- Dergarabedian brought a level-playing-field mentality to the discussion by noting "there will always be a desire by audiences to see more intense, more graphic or, in some ways, more realistic situations captured on film."

"Can't argue with that, can we?

"When Men in Black II, last summer's sequel to the 1997 megahit, earned an estimated $90 million over the five-day Independence Day holiday, Lyman wrote it had broken both the five- day Fourth of July record set by Independence Day in 1996 ($85 million) and the three- day record set by the original Men in Black in 1997 ($51.1 million). And all three movies starred Will Smith.

"Asked by Lyman for a quote about this noteworthy event, Dergarabedian said, 'Will Smith beat himself twice, which is pretty amazing.'

"Ask anyone who really knows this town, and they'll tell you there's a lot of drama, humor and intrigue to be found in the box-office battle each weekend.

"This or that movie tanked and some one's to blame, or a trailer has blatantly lied about the content of a just-opened film and audiences are feeling burned, or a good movie has opened poorly but might have a chance if the distributor will keep it in theatres and wait for the word-of-mouth to catch up. It's as exciting as anything that happens on a basketball court or on a football field. Just sussing out the different lies the studios are trying to float with the media in order to obscure what actually went down is a trip in itself.

"But you'd never know this from listening to Dergarabedian. Or should I say, you'd never know this from reading those regimented box-office stories tapped out by Lyman, Bowles, Germain and their like-minded colleagues?"

"Youth Without Youth"<< previous | next >>New Harry Potter totals

Posted by Jeffrey Wells on July 13, 2007 at 8:28 AM

comment #1

le corbeau says ...

Ever since you wrote that piece I've paid attention to how pedestrian Dergarabedian's commentary is. Often times he's really hilarious in how he couches something on the near side of safe in language like he's making a keen and novel observation-- "Transformers demonstrates that sometimes, America wants a splashy action movie and summer can be one of the better times to deliver one!" Yes, and they also like to go in the pool when it's 100 degrees out! I suggest buying stock in chlorine companies if it gets hot!

Posted by le corbeau at July 13, 2007 9:20 AM

comment #2

NYCBusybody says ...

"It's as exciting as anything that happens on a basketball court or on a football field."

Wow.

Posted by NYCBusybody at July 13, 2007 9:26 AM

comment #3

christian says ...

"And yet I feel he's giving the art of Hollywood box-office analysis an unfortunate taint of roteness and tedium."

the art? christ. gimme a break.

"box office analysis" is taint, rote and tedious.

Posted by christian at July 13, 2007 10:02 AM

comment #4

pbjmahwah says ...

What's amazing to me is that newspapers keep going to this guy for quotes that the reporter/columnist could have just stated themselves. And what exactly does Dergarabedian DO for a living beside come up with insipid quotes. Is he THE source for obtaining box office receipts? How do BoxOfficeMojo or BoxOfficeGuru get their numbers. . . . .?

Posted by pbjmahwah at July 13, 2007 10:04 AM

comment #5

Wrecktum says ...

Heaven forbid that anyone offer moderate, uncontroversial controversy. Perhaps Wells would like Paul more if he railed against all the fat, Mexican moviegoers who go see audience-pleasing gunk every weekend.

Posted by Wrecktum at July 13, 2007 10:15 AM

comment #6

OddDuck says ...

So Wrecktum, what you're saying is that you're all for Dergarabedian's brand of "insightful" commentary?

Posted by OddDuck at July 13, 2007 10:36 AM

comment #7

Breedlove says ...

The interesting part of that link to me was Jeff referring to his good friend David Poland. I thought they used to be buddies when I first started reading them, and then suddenly they were mortal enemies, and I've never been exactly sure how that happened. Surely this is worth a column.

Posted by Breedlove at July 13, 2007 10:48 AM

comment #8

tholl-yung says ...

It's all in the name; Exhibitor PR, Paint By Numbers. Like someone else is going be around Sunday afternoon?

Posted by tholl-yung at July 13, 2007 10:52 AM

comment #9

tholl-yung says ...

I think the exacto knife stabbing did it.

Posted by tholl-yung at July 13, 2007 11:02 AM

comment #10

Wrecktum says ...

"So Wrecktum, what you're saying is that you're all for Dergarabedian's brand of 'insightful' commentary?"

I never said it was insightful, did I? Remember, most Americans don't follow boxoffice closely (nor should they, in my opinion) so a middle of the road commentary that hits a specific point is exactly what's needed for non-industry papers. Even if that specific point seems obvious and pandering to industry experts, there's still a utility for the average American.

Posted by Wrecktum at July 13, 2007 11:13 AM

comment #11

jeffmcm says ...

We already pay way more attention to box-office news than we should, so jazzing it up beyond Dergarabedian's bland platitudes would be pointless. Just because he doesn't share Wells's contempt for everything, he gets picked on.

Revenge of the Sith was still the highest-grossing movie of 2005, nor was it 'contemptible' (in my humble opinion).

Posted by jeffmcm at July 13, 2007 12:26 PM

comment #12

Aunt Sassy says ...

"Just sussing out the different lies the studios are trying to float with the media in order to obscure what actually went down is a trip in itself."

But not half as much of a trip as trying to suss out the different lies Jeff tries to float with us in order to obscure what's really going on inside that smirking melon of his.

If I understand you correctly, the point of this posting is to indicate that people and corporations spin public perception in order to present themselves and their product in the best light possible. Wow. You've totally blown me away with your awesome powers of perception. Thank God I can count on you, Jeff, crusader against showbiz hypocrisy, not to engage in such shallow and vapid practices. Keep on fighting the good fight!!

Posted by Aunt Sassy at July 13, 2007 12:53 PM

comment #13

swhitty says ...

Certainly there are other b.o. experts out there who give good, or better quotes. Gitesh Pandya at www.boxofficeguru.com is smart. I also used to talk to Russ Leatherman a lot, who founded moviefone and was good at explaining tracking numbers.

Daily journalism -- web or print -- is full of compromises and sometimes the authority who gets quoted most often is the person who answers the phone. If folks use him too much, it's because Paul is always helpful and on the spot, as anyone who has to report a story in an hour on a Sunday morning knows well.

His quotes skew a little boosterish, sure. But he understands the numbers, and I'd rather repeat his occasionally bland responses than give more space to some pundit who's just throwing around hyperbole based on his friendship with the director or love of the genre or godknowswhat.

Basically, Paul doesn't deserve the pile-on.

Posted by swhitty at July 13, 2007 2:01 PM

comment #14

BurmaShave says ...

I still maintain that is ATTACK OF THE CLONES had been in Mandarin, you critics would all be calling it a masterpiece.

Posted by BurmaShave at July 13, 2007 2:31 PM

comment #15

cm65 says ...

Jeffrey Wells is not always to everyone's taste, with his cranky, misanthropic persona. However, with this post, he leavens the snarkiness with extensive quotes from another writer, which could prevent the widespread alienation caused by most of his efforts. We're already seeing some lively response to this, and I can foresee this post attracting readers, and comments, for perhaps as much as another day or two.

Posted by cm65 at July 13, 2007 4:08 PM

comment #16