Death to "Balls"

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75% of the Rotten Tomatoes gang hates, hates, hates Balls of Fury. Let's all get together and sledgehammer this one to death before it gets rolling. The Metacritic rating is 42% positive, but that 's because of three critics who give it a thumbs-up -- the Seattle Post-Intelligencer's Andy Spletzer, the N.Y. Daily News' Elizabeth Weitzman and the Hollywood Reporter's Shari Linden. (They're entitled -- there's no one "right" way to regard a film -- but henceforth they're going to be watched for further irregularities.)

It would be cruel to hope for Dan Fogler's film career to be stopped in its tracks, but I've had an animal dislike for this guy from the get-go. Like Peter Jackson (whom Fogler resembles), he has no sense of restraint or Zen calm. He's a roly-poly ape. N.Y. Times critic A.O. Scott says he looks like "the love child of Jack Black and the pornographic-film star Ron Jeremy."

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Posted by Jeffrey Wells on August 29, 2007 at 10:36 AM

comment #1

christian says ...

but cinematical loves it!

Posted by christian at August 29, 2007 11:16 AM

comment #2

jeffmcm says ...

Not a fan of the 25th Annual Putnam County Spelling Bee, eh?

And of course, as usual, you're wrong about Peter Jackson.

Posted by jeffmcm at August 29, 2007 11:22 AM

comment #3

D.Z. says ...

The clips from TheMovieBox didn't quite grab me...

Posted by D.Z. at August 29, 2007 11:31 AM

comment #4

Geoff says ...

He's always been dead-on about Peter Jackson.

Posted by Geoff at August 29, 2007 11:33 AM

comment #5

Midwest Doug says ...

They previewed BoF at the Simpsons screening I went to a month ago -- there's a crowd primed to laugh. And not one chuckle at the trailer until the end, and that one was half-hearted.

Posted by Midwest Doug at August 29, 2007 11:39 AM

comment #6

jeffmcm says ...

No, "no sense of restraint or zen calm", which is kind of a meaningless statement to begin with coming from Wells, would apply well to Michael Bay or Tony Scott. Not to Jackson, who (even though he certainly has problems with cinematic bloat) has never forgotten to maintain a sense of the quiet personal moments that keep an audience attached to a character.

Posted by jeffmcm at August 29, 2007 11:40 AM

comment #7

Mark says ...

Who is Dan Fogler and when was his get-go?

Posted by Mark at August 29, 2007 11:41 AM

comment #8

Howlingman says ...

"He's always been dead-on about Peter Jackson."

Nothing breeds contempt like success ...

Posted by Howlingman at August 29, 2007 11:49 AM

comment #9

Terry McCarty says ...

Fogler was in the PUTNAM COUNTY SPELLING BEE musical on Broadway two or three seasons ago.

Here's a quote from San Antonio Express-News film critic Larry Ratliff (lifted from ROTTEN TOMATOES):
Fogler resembles a hybrid of the late John Belushi and 'Superbad' co-writer and co-star Seth Rogen, with many of the funny parts missing, or at least muted.

Posted by Terry McCarty at August 29, 2007 11:52 AM

comment #10

Geoff says ...

Look, when Sam and Frodo share a heartfelt moment on the molten lava rock, or even when Frodo awakens from his slumber to find his friends hopping into bed with him for a pillow fight, all bathed in a white, glaucoma haze, I get a big rubbery one too.

Posted by Geoff at August 29, 2007 11:52 AM

comment #11

jeffmcm says ...

There are pills you can take for that.

Posted by jeffmcm at August 29, 2007 11:56 AM

comment #12

Ian Sinclair says ...

It is often Peter Jackson's quiet moments that are among his most powerful: Frodo and Gandalf's "I wish the ring had never come to me" scene in Moria in FELLOWSHIP or Gandalf and Pippin's discussion of the meaning of death prior to the siege of Gondon in RETURN and especially Elrond's despair at Arwen's surrendering of her immortality in TOWERS. As happens all too aften, when it comes to Jackson's work, Wells is as clueless as he was with Alan Davis's SHOOT 'EM UP.

Posted by Ian Sinclair at August 29, 2007 11:57 AM

comment #13

Geoff says ...

While not a necessity, they are quite nice indeed....

Posted by Geoff at August 29, 2007 12:01 PM

comment #14

The Winchester says ...

And yet, he's such a good choice for that movie about Hitchcock, Number 13.

Balls of Fury: This year's Munich!

Posted by The Winchester at August 29, 2007 12:23 PM

comment #15

PerfectTommy says ...

Wait a minute, let me get this straight... A studio released a comedy without Judd Apatow having any relationship to it? Not writing or directing or producing or doing make-up or foley duties or anything?

Posted by PerfectTommy at August 29, 2007 12:40 PM

comment #16

bmcintire says ...

Jeff,
If you want a sports orineted, unfunny comic spoof to hate, you might as well aim your sights at THE COMEBACKS as well. The trailer (which makes the film look like a sports-movie parasite along the lines of SCARY MOVIE and DATE MOVIE and EPIC MOVE) received not a single laugh either time I saw it in front of SUPERBAD. My soul cries for David Koechner. Of course, this is being directed by the same douche responsible for THE HOT CHICK, so he should have expected what he got from this turd.

Posted by bmcintire at August 29, 2007 12:56 PM

comment #17

D.Z. says ...

Ebert was surprisingly generous and gave it 2 1/2 stars.

Posted by D.Z. at August 29, 2007 1:28 PM

comment #18

nycfilmguy28 says ...

Jeff, I wouldn't rush to judgment on Fogler just based on one silly role. Can you imagine how hard it must be for him to break into this business? Who can blame him for starring in a deeply foolish, bottom-feeding comedy if it gets him noticed, at least. He was great when I saw him in the Spelling bee musical and is an interesting choice for playing Hitchcock, I think.

And anyway, your dislike seems almost entirely grounded in his physical appearane--which, while relevant for an actor, isn't everything. It's not like he's trying to be Cary Grant!

Posted by nycfilmguy28 at August 29, 2007 1:44 PM

comment #19

christian says ...

god bless ebert but his critical standards can be atrocious.

Posted by christian at August 29, 2007 2:05 PM

comment #20

Mcflyboy says ...

I like Ben Garant and Tom Lennon. They seem like funny, intelligent guys. I thought they just wrote these shitty studio comedies so they could get their "edgier" comedies made. But Garant directed this as well, so I don't know what to think anymore.

Posted by Mcflyboy at August 29, 2007 2:14 PM

comment #21

jeffmcm says ...

I had no idea that "ping-pong" is a registered trademark owned by Hasbro. Between Transformers and this movie, they're on the move!

Posted by jeffmcm at August 29, 2007 2:27 PM

comment #22

BurmaShave says ...

A.O. Scott is a loser for feeling he has to explain who Ron Jeremy is. In addition to being needless, it also ruins the flow of his joke.

Posted by BurmaShave at August 29, 2007 3:34 PM

comment #23

Aunt Sassy says ...

"The Metacritic rating is 42% positive, but that 's because of three critics who give it a thumbs-up -- the Seattle Post-Intelligencer's Andy Spletzer, the N.Y. Daily News' Elizabeth Weitzman and the Hollywood Reporter's Shari Linden. (They're entitled -- there's no one "right" way to regard a film -- but henceforth they're going to be watched for further irregularities.)"

Yes, clearly these "critics" are a threat to journalistic integrity and society at large for rendering their opinion on a movie THEY'VE ACTUALLY FUCKING SEEN. Thank God dedicated thought police like yourself are manning the wire to prevent us from experiencing another cultural Chernobyl. Jesus Jeff, do you ever read this stuff out loud before you post it? You sound an like Goebbels denouncing degenerate art.

"It would be cruel to hope for Dan Fogler's film career to be stopped in its tracks, but I've had an animal dislike for this guy from the get-go."

So I'll do all I can (in my pathetic passive-agressive way) to tear him down every chance I get.

"Like Peter Jackson (whom Fogler resembles), he has no sense of restraint or Zen calm. He's a roly-poly ape."

Hmmm...this also sounds familiar. Tell me, Jeff. When did you first... become... well, develop this theory?

"I first became aware of it, Mandrake, during the physical act of love. Yes, a uh, a profound sense of fatigue... a feeling of emptiness followed. Luckily I... I was able to interpret these feelings correctly."

Posted by Aunt Sassy at August 29, 2007 3:38 PM

comment #24

frankbooth says ...

So who turned down the lead? Jack Black, obviously -- but who else?

Posted by frankbooth at August 29, 2007 8:51 PM

comment #25

MovieBob says ...

Yeah, the movie doesn't totally work, but it's inoffensive and pretty funny overall. It's going to grow a cult-following who'll defend it PASSIONATELY based on a few key jokes and characters. The main nice will be hardcore "seen everything at the store I worked at" B-movie geeks who get into the whole ironic appreciation of crappy 80s B-action movies deal. Here's the acid test: When Cary Hiroyuki-Tagawa shows up, if you A.) immediately recognize him by name and B.) are really glad to see him, you will like this.

Posted by MovieBob at August 29, 2007 9:36 PM

comment #26