Two Lincolns

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There are now two Abraham Lincoln movies in the pipeline -- that serious weighty thing that Steven Spielberg will direct with Liam Neeson in the title role (i.e., the one I've been writing about since '05), and a weird-thoughtful comedy from director Mike Binder about Lincoln being somehow brought back to life by an electric charge of some kind or another, and grappling with life in 2007. I'm not kidding, and I think its an excellent concept. But what would you call it? Remancipator?

My first thought was "cool...Abe's back" but then I thought about this. A great legend of the 19th Century comes face to face with the mind-blowing and the tragic aspects of what this country has become is....not funny. A man from a world of sabers, horse and buggies, hoop skirts and top hats encountering obese people and SUVs everywhere, McMansions, global warming, George Bush, celebrity meltdowns, junk food, etc.? That's a kind of horror film.

But the more I thought about it, the funnier it became. A fish-out-of-water piece with all kinds of strange cultural undercurrents. Lincoln driving a car, visiting Banana Republic, taking a Pilates class, dealing with an iPhone, etc. He can't meet a nice bank teller and fall in love like Malcolm McDowell's H.G. Wells did in Time After Time. What would be do with himself? Become a pot dealer? A horse breeder?

In any event, Binder and Spielberg are sort-of bonded now. Binder says that Spielberg told him he'll start work on the Lincoln film as soon as he finishes work on Indiana Jones 4, which would be next summer or next fall.

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Posted by Jeffrey Wells on August 10, 2007 at 2:08 PM

comment #1

futureman says ...

Back for Seconds? That doesn't make any sense. How about The Weird Beard, The Hat is Back, or Presidential Recovery.

Posted by futureman at August 10, 2007 3:03 PM

comment #2

DarthCorleone says ...

Abe already visited us once and - when faced with the wondrous things that Bill and Ted showed him - had this to say:

"Be excellent to each other, and PARTY ON, DUDES!"

San Dimas High School football rules!!!

Posted by DarthCorleone at August 10, 2007 3:03 PM

comment #3

actionman says ...

i LOVE this idea of Binder's...hope this is true and actually happens.

Posted by actionman at August 10, 2007 3:06 PM

comment #4

bmcintire says ...

Your loyalty is admirable, though I can't believe you skipped over the obvious opportunity to type "Lincoln driving a Lincoln. . ."

Posted by bmcintire at August 10, 2007 3:06 PM

comment #5

Rothchild says ...

That's like The Boondocks, only with Abe instead of MLK Jr.

Posted by Rothchild at August 10, 2007 3:09 PM

comment #6

bmcintire says ...

My guess is that he would take one long look around the place, cry in desperation that John Wilkes Booth wasn't brought back to life with him and then shoot himself in the head. Sort of a circle of life thing.

Posted by bmcintire at August 10, 2007 3:10 PM

comment #7

Hallick says ...

If the script comes anywhere close to what that episode of "Boondocks" did with Martin Luther King Jr., I'm very very interested.

And for anybody who hasn't seen one of MLK's greatest speeches, it begins in the middle of this clip:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0U2QF2ad28E

Posted by Hallick at August 10, 2007 3:18 PM

comment #8

BurmaShave says ...

I remember, on the first day of my screenwriting class, a 40something nebbish (dead ringer for Wallace Shawn) was all excited about his spec script about Beethoven coming back in the 21st century. He was all excited about a scene where Beethoven hears the 5th Symphony as a cell phone ring tone and gets upset. The teacher immediately said "Beethoven was deaf". The guy never came back.

Posted by BurmaShave at August 10, 2007 3:19 PM

comment #9

William Goss says ...

Anyone else think it'd be kosher if Binder called this Man About Town as well?

Posted by William Goss at August 10, 2007 3:20 PM

comment #10

BurmaShave says ...

P.S. considering Binder's relationship with Speilberg, I sincerely hope Liam Neeson plays the role in both films.

Posted by BurmaShave at August 10, 2007 3:21 PM

comment #11

Ray says ...

Jeffrey, please do not encourage this Reanimated Abe picture.

I credited you with more brains than that.

Posted by Ray at August 10, 2007 3:22 PM

comment #12

Rothchild says ...

If Neeson showed up in both films, that would be genius. It reminds me of Woody Allen's original pitch for Sleeper. A four hour movie. The first two hours take place in New York (present day). The second take place in the future, with the same lead character as a fish out of water.

Posted by Rothchild at August 10, 2007 3:25 PM

comment #13

BurmaShave says ...

All right this is the last one, but:

"Binder says that Spielberg told him he'll start work on the Lincoln film as soon as he finishes work on Indiana Jones 4, which would be next summer or next fall."

Shouldn't Speilberg be done with IJIV by the late fall? No reason he can't edit it while filming LINCOLN, is there? His brisk pace has never hurt a film, or rather I should say no faults in his films are because he was working too fast. And I don't care what you pussies say, MUNICH rocks.

And Binder's film needs to be called TOP HAT.

Posted by BurmaShave at August 10, 2007 3:28 PM

comment #14

DarthCorleone says ...

It wouldn't be too much of a stretch to say that if you healed Beethoven from death you might also be able to restore his hearing. That guy gave up too easily.

Posted by DarthCorleone at August 10, 2007 3:28 PM

comment #15

christian says ...

why does my head hurt so today?

Posted by christian at August 10, 2007 3:30 PM

comment #16

astrophore says ...

Hey, long-time lurker, first-time poster. I'm thinking MAN FROM ILLINOIS, ELDER STATESMAN or THE OLDEST REPUBLICAN.

I'm also partial to ABE 2.0: WHIG IN THE CITY.

Or $5.01 BLUES, to go after the highly prized numismatic audience.

And for the European sequel, what about LINCOLN CONTINENTAL?

Posted by astrophore at August 10, 2007 3:37 PM

comment #17

gruver1 says ...

Wels to Burman Shave: "Top Hat" is perfect...that's it. The title issue has been settled. And yes, of course -- Liam Neeson should star in both films.

Posted by gruver1 at August 10, 2007 3:37 PM

comment #18

MilkMan says ...

The first thing Honest Abe is going to want do when he arrives in the year 2007 is hump Hayden Panetierre.

Mike Binder is a schnook. Seriously, this movie will be about as good as that turd starring Meg Ryan and Hugh Jackman. Speaking of, James Mangold has a ridiculously oversized ego for someone who stole Roger Donaldson's career.

Posted by MilkMan at August 10, 2007 3:39 PM

comment #19

dangovich says ...

Just pray the Wayans brothers don't get ahold of this premise.

Posted by dangovich at August 10, 2007 3:45 PM

comment #20

Josh Massey says ...

A man from a world of slavery, 50-year life spans, uneducated women, minorities who can't vote, civil war, little access to the world around oneself...

Gee, you're right Jeff, the world was so much better then!

Posted by Josh Massey at August 10, 2007 3:49 PM

comment #21

Hallick says ...

"Wels to Burman Shave: 'Top Hat' is perfect...that's it. The title issue has been settled."

Darn it - so much for my "Monopoly" script...

Couldn't you just go with "Sic Semper-What?" or "How Did The Play End Anyway?".

Posted by Hallick at August 10, 2007 4:00 PM

comment #22

westegg says ...

How about BACK TO THE THEATER? THE NON-DEPARTED? I KNOW WHO KILLED ME: ABE'S STORY?

Take 'em all! :D

Posted by westegg at August 10, 2007 4:03 PM

comment #23

DarthCorleone says ...

Didn't I hear someone was going to actually try to make a MONOPOLY movie?

I thought a riff on "Sic Semper Tyrannis" might be a good idea as well. I just wanted to tie it into some snide remark about the current administration.

Posted by DarthCorleone at August 10, 2007 4:18 PM

comment #24

MickTravis says ...

I dunno.

Sounds like a pitch to Griffin Mill.

As said before, it was already kind of covered in "Bill and Ted."

It also kind of reminds me of "Kate & Leopold." And "I.Q." ("it's Einstein in the suburbs!").

I'm hungry. I'm thinking Moo Goo Gai Pan. Who's with me?

Posted by MickTravis at August 10, 2007 4:21 PM

comment #25

zoey says ...

Since Lincoln was rumored to be clinically depressed, he would fit right in today (and probably be first in line for lexipro). How about "The Cat in the Hat Comes Back" if the Seuss estate goes for it?

Posted by zoey at August 10, 2007 5:01 PM

comment #26

StewartforPresident says ...

Man, you guys are missing the obvious humour.

Title

"What the Fuck"

Plot.

Abe Lincoln the first Republican President from 1860 returns to 2007, faced with the Republican Party of today hilarity ensues.

Acts:

Our Political base is the south?

40 acres and a Mule? (scene: Abe walking into an urban Barbershop)

Bush?

Abe runs our of money, turns to professional wrestling to spread his message and raise money.

Posted by StewartforPresident at August 10, 2007 5:51 PM

comment #27

azmoviegoer says ...

How about "Lincoln Lives"..."We've got you, Abe"......"Lincoln Redux"...."Lincoln to the future"....

Posted by azmoviegoer at August 10, 2007 6:04 PM

comment #28

christian says ...

speaking of resurrecting the dead:

Warner Independent Pictures has set "The Shield" exec producer Kurt Sutter to write and make his feature directing debut on "Awaken the Dragon."Noir-style remake of "Enter the Dragon," the 1973 martial arts classic that made Bruce Lee a global star, will be produced by John Wells, Fred Weintraub and Paul Heller.

John Wells Prods. is based on the Warner lot, and Weintraub and Heller were producers of the original WB-distributed film.

Sutter said he's writing "Awaken the Dragon" as a contemporized drama about a lone FBI agent who pursues a rogue Shaolin monk into the bloody world of underground martial arts fight clubs.

so now lincoln should fight bruce lee.

Posted by christian at August 10, 2007 6:17 PM

comment #29

Ogami Itto says ...

LOG CABIN REPUBLICAN: Abe comes back from the dead, falls in love with a handsome cowboy, has some comical hijinks with a sassy gay black sidekick (who helps him hook up with the cowboy), and then he fights Bruce Lee.

Posted by Ogami Itto at August 10, 2007 6:40 PM

comment #30

StewartforPresident says ...

"LOG CABIN REPUBLICAN: Abe comes back from the dead, falls in love with a handsome cowboy, has some comical hijinks with a sassy gay black sidekick (who helps him hook up with the cowboy), and then he fights Bruce Lee."

I Hear Cuba Gooding Jr. is available.

Posted by StewartforPresident at August 10, 2007 6:45 PM

comment #31

le corbeau says ...

REMANCIPATOR

then the sequel can be

REMANCIPATOR 2: WITH MALICE

Posted by le corbeau at August 10, 2007 7:34 PM

comment #32

azmoviegoer says ...

Mike B, are you out there anywhere? We could really use your opinion on this thread. I thought my "Lincoln to the Future" (sounds like "linking to the future") was actually pretty good, especially given the whole bolt of lightning angle that Jeff mentioned. Am I reaching here, Mike?

Posted by azmoviegoer at August 10, 2007 7:41 PM

comment #33

MAGGA says ...

"A man from a world of slavery, 50-year life spans, uneducated women, minorities who can't vote, civil war, little access to the world around oneself...

Gee, you're right Jeff, the world was so much better then!"

You have read this site before, right? Everything was always better in the past, in every way, logic and facts be damned.

Posted by MAGGA at August 10, 2007 8:47 PM

comment #34

nemo says ...

Lincoln coming back to life in 2007? Makes me think of Max von Sydow's line in "Hannah and Her Sisters":

"If Jesus came back and saw what's going on in His name, He'd never stop throwing up."

Posted by nemo at August 10, 2007 8:59 PM

comment #35

Ogami Itto says ...

"A man from a world of slavery, 50-year life spans, uneducated women, minorities who can't vote, civil war, little access to the world around oneself..."

Now that I think about it, that sounds a lot like the current Republican agenda....

Posted by Ogami Itto at August 10, 2007 9:10 PM

comment #36

nemo says ...

There's gotta be a scene in there of Abe Lincoln driving the Lincoln Highway (US 30) to Lincoln, Nebraska in a Lincoln Continental while listening to Commander Cody sing:

My daddy said, Son
You're gonna drive me to drinkin'
If you don't stop drivin'
That hot rod Lincoln

They call US 30 the Lincoln Highway because it's linkin' the East and West Coasts.

Posted by nemo at August 10, 2007 9:11 PM

comment #37

Josh Massey says ...

"Now that I think about it, that sounds a lot like the current Republican agenda...."

Hilarious. You must have written that one yourself.

Posted by Josh Massey at August 11, 2007 3:04 AM

comment #38

Rich S. says ...

Sorry, Mike, luv ya, but this is a terrible idea. Lincoln is one of the most complex presidents we've ever had. As mentioned above, he was most likely clinically depressed. By today's standards, he was a racist and once said that if he could save the union without freeing one slave he would do so.

Most importantly, in prosecuting the Civil War, Lincoln (perhaps compelled by the circumstances) assumed near-dictatorial powers. In the name of security, he suspended the writ of habeas corpus. Don't think he would be so quick to condemn today's administration.

I'm sure these are issues that will be addressed in Spielberg's film, so Binder's film would almost have to seem flip by comparison. Stick with Bill and Ted.

Posted by Rich S. at August 11, 2007 7:06 AM

comment #39

le corbeau says ...

To Rich S' point, I think Lincoln should come back and be investigated by Congress, the news media and Moveon for starting a needless war based on lies (that the South had no right to secede), when his real purpose was to facilitate building the transcontinental railroad along the northern route (No Blood For Rails!), for his gross abuses of the executive power and taking away basic rights such as habeas corpus, for the profiteering by Republican cronies such as Armour and Morgan, for not listening to more cautious aides with more experience like General McLellan, and for the fact that the South has become a quagmire under General Hooker. This talk that this surge under General Grant will somehow magically turn things around is evidence of obvious desperation; it's time to reach out to the Slave Power and negotiate a settlement that doesn't involve our imposing our way of life on them.

Posted by le corbeau at August 11, 2007 7:53 AM

comment #40

NYCBusybody says ...

Yeah, I think Lincoln would have greater issues with modern culture than McMansions and global warming.

I think he'd be pretty perturbed by all the black people walking around. The man freed the slaves, yes, but he WAS a white supremacist.

Posted by NYCBusybody at August 11, 2007 9:15 AM

comment #41

NYCBusybody says ...

And, let's not forget, a man who literally took over the government for a period of time, absolutely getting rid of habeas corpus, and gave his personal ok to Sherman's "Total War", which was basically to burn, rape, pillage, and utterly destroy any Southern town they came across. Kind of like Shock and Awe, only much, much meaner.

Actually, thinking about all that, I kind of like the guy.

Posted by NYCBusybody at August 11, 2007 9:18 AM

comment #42

Ogami Itto says ...

"Now that I think about it, that sounds a lot like the current Republican agenda...."

"Hilarious. You must have written that one yourself."

No, your whore mother helped me with it. She's good.

Posted by Ogami Itto at August 11, 2007 9:45 AM

comment #43

BurmaShave says ...

That was very unneccesary.

I totally wanted to boff Liam Neeson in THE CHRONICLES OF NARNIA. How wrong is that?!

Posted by BurmaShave at August 11, 2007 11:00 AM

comment #44

christian says ...

"Kind of like Shock and Awe, only much, much meaner.

Actually, thinking about all that, I kind of like the guy."

thanks for reminding us why republicans need to be out of power.

Posted by christian at August 11, 2007 11:27 AM

comment #45

Sean says ...

The correct title should be:

Lin-kenstein (or Lincoln-stein).

When you say it out loud, it makes sense.

Posted by Sean at August 11, 2007 12:41 PM

comment #46

Josh Massey says ...

"No, your whore mother helped me with it. She's good."

How much time did it take you to come up with that? I'm telling you - that's hilarious, man. You're a regular Dane Cook.

Posted by Josh Massey at August 11, 2007 2:21 PM

comment #47

le corbeau says ...

The man freed the slaves, yes, but he WAS a white supremacist.

To be fair, Lincoln was about as little of a white supremacist as anyone in that day, and when he makes a nod in that direction in his speeches (as he does several times in the Lincoln-Douglas debates), it's nearly always a weak endorsement made to set up a point which will aid the cause of blacks, as in the first debate:

I have no purpose to introduce political and social equality between the white and the black races. There is a physical difference between the two, which, in my judgment, will probably forever forbid their living together upon the footing of perfect equality, and inasmuch as it becomes a necessity that there must be a difference, I, as well as Judge Douglas, am in favor of the race to which I belong having the superior position. I have never said anything to the contrary, but I hold that, notwithstanding all this, there is no reason in the world why the negro is not entitled to all the natural rights enumerated in the Declaration of Independence, the right to life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness. [Loud cheers.] I hold that he is as much entitled to these as the white man. I agree with Judge Douglas he is not my equal in many respects-certainly not in color, perhaps not in moral or intellectual endowment. But in the right to eat the bread, without the leave of anybody else, which his own hand earns, he is my equal and the equal of Judge Douglas, and the equal of every living man. [Great applause.]

Notice how unenthusiastically he makes every claim for white superiority. Yes, we do seem to be different; hard to imagine we'll ever live together equally; I suppose if someone has to be on top, might as well be us; after all, they're not my equal in color (whatever that means) and MAYBE not in intelligence...

BUT, all that being said, everything in the Declaration of Independence ought to apply to them just as much as it does to white men, and while we're at it, the right to own the result of your own work ought to belong to them too (as it obviously cannot if they are anything less than free workingmen).

That's not a white supremacist, that's a clever tactician sneaking radical ideas of equality in under a blanket of cultural racism.

Posted by le corbeau at August 11, 2007 8:24 PM

comment #48