"Charlie Wilson's War" quotes

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I've had a copy of Aaron Sorkin's Charlie Wilson's War screenplay on my desktop for months, but I wasn't going to run any portions (if at all) until later in the year. It's a good script -- good enough to make me feel optimistic about this Mike Nichols-Tom Hanks-Phillip Seymour Hoffman-Julia Roberts political dramedy, which doesn't open until 12.25.07 -- but there's plenty of time to run anticipatory warm-up pieces.

Now comes an AICN review/reaction of a Charlie Wilson's War research screening by a guy named "PENNENINK." It's a 90% positive piece with three samples of Sorkin's dialogue. Sample #1 (spoken by Hoffman's character: "I'd like to hold a meeting to review the ten different ways in which you're a douchebag." Sample #2: asked why Texas Congressman Charlie Wilson (Hanks) only uses big-breasted women as his secretaries, a woman in his office answers: "Mr. Wilson has a saying -- you can teach a girl to type but you can't teach her to grow tits." Sample #3: Wilson, reflecting on U.S policies in the Middle East and elsewhere, says at the end that "as usual, we come in [to a country], change the politics and leave. But you know what? That ball? It keeps bouncing...even after we've left."

Hey, how come an early Charlie Wilson's War teaser-trailer hasn't made the rounds? The movie opens 14 weeks from now -- a flick of an eyelash -- and there's not even a bare-bones website up yet. Universal's strategy seems to be to just stretch out in the hayloft and wait it out -- i.e., create anticipation by doing nothing -- and then blast ouf of the barn and throttle up the engine starting in (I'm guessing) mid to late November.

The big question, of course, isn't whether or not the public will take to this movie, but what will Variety's Robert Koehler have to say? As Koehler goes, so goes the too-hip-for-words, inbred-cineaste clique...and if this crowd is against you, they can interrupt or at least interfere with awards-talk momentum. Just a thought.

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Posted by Jeffrey Wells on September 8, 2007 at 8:45 AM

comment #1

Breedlove says ...

anyone care to translate that last comment for us plebes?

Posted by Breedlove at September 8, 2007 9:55 AM

comment #2

gruver1 says ...

Wells to breedlove: If you've got a smart political film that's just a little bit square and a little bit mainstreamy-y, the Koehler-ites being against you can deliver a certain debating-hall tipping factor, depending on your susceptibility. These guys are the vanguard of the anti-"Elah" drum beaters, for instance -- and without the Koehler-like critics hating on this film (and, of course, Paul Haggis), the fence-sitters might tumble for it more readily.

Posted by gruver1 at September 8, 2007 10:00 AM

comment #3

Breedlove says ...

Never mind...Jeff expounded right after I commented.

Posted by Breedlove at September 8, 2007 10:02 AM

comment #4

Breedlove says ...

Gotcha Jeff.

Posted by Breedlove at September 8, 2007 10:03 AM

comment #5

Breedlove says ...

Well I'm certainly looking forward to it. Nichols seems back on the upswing. I have high hopes after CLOSER. Hanks and Roberts seem like they're about due to be in a big, important movie again...whatever that means...I'm curious to see exactly how this story plays out, not having read the book. If Charlie Wilson was a big supporter of the mujahadeen and the insurgency against the Soviets in the early days, which we now know led directly into Al Qaeda/Bin Laden...is he portrayed as a hero? A fool? It sounds like a fascinating story.

Posted by Breedlove at September 8, 2007 10:10 AM

comment #6

Mike Ock says ...

I heard Jeff asked Mike Nichols how Julia Roberts's tits look in the movie, and Nichols wrote back, and I quote "Mezzo mezzo".

Posted by Mike Ock at September 8, 2007 10:25 AM

comment #7

gruver1 says ...

Wells to Ock: I haven't once considered the shape or slope of Julia Roberts breasts ever...not once, not for a split second. Seriously, you wanna get slapped around? You're cruising for it. If you consider it unethical for journalists to have chummy-ish e-mail relationships with directors, you're a cub scout and you need to wise up. If you consider it unethical for journalists to give frank opinions to these directors about their films in these e-mails, then you're living in a monastery somewhere in the middle of France. If you consider it unethical for journalists to relax, confess and generally let down their hair with these directors (including comments about boobs and what-have-you), then you're a bit of a prig. And if you think I'm going to be this candid or relaxed with a director I know and like ever again, you're very much mistaken.

Posted by gruver1 at September 8, 2007 10:57 AM

comment #8

EOTW says ...

Calm down, Wells. Please. I dig the site and check it out multiple times a day (even donated once) but you gotta know that the whole tits thing isn't going away and you'll just have to accept it. Sure, ban someone for a bit but that's the kinda thing you take on when you allow comments on your site.

Posted by EOTW at September 8, 2007 11:11 AM

comment #9

vansmith says ...

julia's tits haven't been worth mentioning since her oscar movie.(name escapes me, tits didn't)

Posted by vansmith at September 8, 2007 11:20 AM

comment #10

The Winchester says ...

I'd like to suggest instead of the "tits" thing, we bring back the "thread count". That was by far my favorite, and it just upped and disappeared.

Posted by The Winchester at September 8, 2007 11:27 AM

comment #11

Kristopher Tapley says ...

Apparently Nichols is notorious about not letting the studio see the film until very late. They don't have anything to work with now.

Posted by Kristopher Tapley at September 8, 2007 11:28 AM

comment #12

scooterzz says ...

seriously, after tomorrow the tit jokes are so last week.....and after over three hundred posts on several threads re: yumagate shouldn't we just let it die.....

Posted by scooterzz at September 8, 2007 11:51 AM

comment #13

D.Z. says ...

'"Sample #1 (spoken by Hoffman's character: "I'd like to hold a meeting to review the ten different ways in which you're a douchebag." Sample #2: asked why Texas Congressman Charlie Wilson (Hanks) only uses big-breasted women as his secretaries, a woman in his office answers: "Mr. Wilson has a saying -- you can teach a girl to type but you can't teach her to grow tits." Sample #3: Wilson, reflecting on U.S policies in the Middle East and elsewhere, says at the end that "as usual, we come in [to a country], change the politics and leave. But you know what? That ball? It keeps bouncing...even after we've left."'

So it's essentially watering down his part in the WTC being blown up and revising history to make him look like a hero? If that's the case, why not ditch Hanks and Roberts, and just get the remake rights to Rambo III?

Posted by D.Z. at September 8, 2007 12:41 PM

comment #14

Mike Ock says ...

Ock to Wells: I only considered it unethical that you asked the guy for pictures of this woman's tits, and even asked for out takes.

"Seriously, you wanna get slapped around? You're cruising for it."

Let's not even go there tough guy.

Posted by Mike Ock at September 8, 2007 1:03 PM

comment #15

BurmaShave says ...

D.Z., as usual, totally wrong.

Posted by BurmaShave at September 8, 2007 2:21 PM

comment #16

jeffmcm says ...

Thank you for saying it so I didn't have to, Burmashave.

Posted by jeffmcm at September 8, 2007 3:38 PM

comment #17

alynch says ...

I've never been able to get all that excited about this film because the god-awful monstrosity that was "Studio 60" left such a foul taste in my mouth to all things Sorkin. If it gets great reviews, I'll gladly give it a shot though.

Posted by alynch at September 8, 2007 4:27 PM

comment #18

lipranzer says ...

Alynch, I was very disappointed in "Studio 60" as well. However, that dealt with contemporary pop culture, which he seems to know little to nothing about. Politics is more in his wheelhouse, as The American President and "The West Wing" (when it was good) would attest.

Posted by lipranzer at September 8, 2007 6:59 PM

comment #19

D.Z. says ...

Wrong about what, exactly? Another shitty political comedy from Universal-like American Dreamz and Man of the Year-which pretends to have some satirical bite, but which is really just supporting the status quo, because GE loves any war which leads to more bomb sales?

Posted by D.Z. at September 8, 2007 8:02 PM

comment #20

BurmaShave says ...

Please read the book D.Z. This book. Any book. A book.

Posted by BurmaShave at September 9, 2007 5:10 AM

comment #21

D.Z. says ...

Movies rarely follow the book.

Posted by D.Z. at September 9, 2007 1:45 PM

comment #22

Sean says ...

I'm pretty sure the "grow tits" line is straight from the book, which is full of a lot of quotable stuff, especially for Hoffman, and is well worth reading.

Posted by Sean at September 10, 2007 8:43 AM

comment #23

Hopscotch says ...

I heard from a friend at Universal that a full trailer will debut in front of "The Kingdom" which comes out in three weeks.

he also happen to lone me that script (as well as Leatherheads...which I couldn't even finish) and I agree with Wells. Not great (I've read better), but LOTS of potential. And there are some great zingers in there.

Posted by Hopscotch at September 10, 2007 2:49 PM