Bad Tits

This "Fifty Best Breasts in Film History" piece (dated 10.9, which is tomorrow) on the Film Threat site is a bore and a time-waster. The YouTube clips stink, for one thing. It's the kind of online wank that makes you hate yourself for dancing through it even for four or five minutes.

Posted by Jeffrey Wells on October 8, 2007 at 1:58 PM

comment #1

le corbeau Author Profile Page says ...

Plus, come on people. Obvious omission, Annette O'Toole, Cat People remake. Paul Schrader is going to hell for that swimming pool scene, the least we can do is show our appreciation.

Susan Sarandon giving them lemon juice in Atlantic City is another obvious miss. That one even has good dialogue to explain it later, how many gratuitous breast scenes can say that?

Posted by le corbeau Author Profile Page at October 8, 2007 2:15 PM

comment #2

Joe Leydon Author Profile Page says ...

Heh heh heh! He said TITillating! Heh heh heh!

Posted by Joe Leydon Author Profile Page at October 8, 2007 2:18 PM

comment #3

MilkMan Author Profile Page says ...

The Best Breasts in Film History belong to Carice Van Houten, the star of Verhoven's Black Book. They are perfect.

Diane Lane in The Big Town comes in second, followed by Ludvine Sagnier in Swimming Pool.

I'm sure there are many more, those are just the three sets that stand out for me at the moment.

But seriously, rent Black Book and tell me those are the best breats you've ever seen.

Posted by MilkMan Author Profile Page at October 8, 2007 2:58 PM

comment #4

Joe Leydon Author Profile Page says ...

"But seriously, rent Black Book and tell me those are the best breats you've ever seen."

Er, well, MilkMan, speaking as someone who has seen bare female breasts in real life, I would have to say... Ah, no, I can't. You made it too easy for me.

Posted by Joe Leydon Author Profile Page at October 8, 2007 3:12 PM

comment #5

MilkMan Author Profile Page says ...

Joe: I don't understand your comment. Mine, the last sentence at least, was chock full of typos. I meant to say, "and tell me those aren't the best breasts..." But still, I'm glad that you've seen real hoots. I don't know what it is about the dudes that post on this site always having to affirm their hetero-bonafides.

Posted by MilkMan Author Profile Page at October 8, 2007 3:17 PM

comment #6

va Author Profile Page says ...

Another obvious omission - Virginia Madsen.....I do agree with Jeff W., and I would like to lobby Jeff to post his own list, with still from his private collection as accompaniment. Oh- and Uma Thurman, circa Jennifer 8 - horrible movie, but great bathtub....

Posted by va Author Profile Page at October 8, 2007 3:41 PM

comment #7

lesterg Author Profile Page says ...

Film Threat? Is it 1992?

Posted by lesterg Author Profile Page at October 8, 2007 4:11 PM

comment #8

MilkMan Author Profile Page says ...

I forgot:

Emily Mortimer in Young Adam.
Rose McGowan in Going All The Way.
Kimberly MacArthur in Malibu Express.

AND

The Girl in the last scene of Kentucky Fried Movie.

Don't worry, I'll think of more. Even if I'm the only one pushing this thread forward, I will soldier on.

Posted by MilkMan Author Profile Page at October 8, 2007 4:24 PM

comment #9

nemo Author Profile Page says ...

So there's a reason they call you MilkMan.

Posted by nemo Author Profile Page at October 8, 2007 4:30 PM

comment #10

MilkMan Author Profile Page says ...

Jah. I am Milkman. Now really, I'm the only guy who reads this site who has a mental file of hoots in his head? C'mon. Let's play.

Posted by MilkMan Author Profile Page at October 8, 2007 4:36 PM

comment #11

MilkMan Author Profile Page says ...

I give up.
Fine.
How about this:
I AM REALLY LOOKING FORWARD TO THE RETURN OF THE CLASSICAL APPROACH TO NARRATIVE. IS JAMES GRAY'S WE OWN THE NIGHT THE FIRST OF THE NEO-CLASSICAL FILMS? OR IS IT JUST THE LAST GASP OF AN OLD WAY OF TELLING THE SAME STORY.

There. I feel much better about myself.

Posted by MilkMan Author Profile Page at October 8, 2007 4:58 PM

comment #12

Wyatt Donnelly Author Profile Page says ...

Jeffrey is just upset Vinessa Shaw wasn't listed....

Posted by Wyatt Donnelly Author Profile Page at October 8, 2007 4:58 PM

comment #13

PerfectTommy Author Profile Page says ...

Okay, Milkman, I'll add to the breast thread so you won't be lonely. From "Barnyard" those udders on the male cows.

Posted by PerfectTommy Author Profile Page at October 8, 2007 5:20 PM

comment #14

nemo Author Profile Page says ...

At this point I wish I could remember the lyrics to Loudon Wainwright's "Rufus Is a Tit Man" ...

Posted by nemo Author Profile Page at October 8, 2007 5:43 PM

comment #15

Caustic712 Author Profile Page says ...

I agree with Jeff that the Film Threat presentation is pretty poor (wouldn't stills have done a better job than those horrible YouTube clips?)... but that didn't stop me from going through most of the piece.

Susan Sarandon is a glaring omission... and it seems odd, given the hoopla around Swordfish and Monster's Ball, that Halle Berry didn't make the cut.

And as far as my own list... Heather Graham and Angelina Jolie (does no one remember Gia?).

And lastly, I was surprised that a list of this nature didn't include Anita Ekberg, Mamie Van Doren or Gina Lollobrigida... but maybe Jessica Rabbit was included to cover this whole category.

Posted by Caustic712 Author Profile Page at October 8, 2007 5:44 PM

comment #16

movieirv Author Profile Page says ...

how about victor mature?

Posted by movieirv Author Profile Page at October 8, 2007 6:04 PM

comment #17

frankbooth Author Profile Page says ...

Sorry to tell you this, but I'm pretty sure Uma had a body double in Jennifer 8. When you don't see the face and the breasts in the same shot, it's a dead giveaway

Baron Munchausen and Dangerous Liaisons, on the other hand...

Milkman, try Water Drops on Burning Rocks for more of lovely Ludivine.

Posted by frankbooth Author Profile Page at October 8, 2007 6:06 PM

comment #18

Dzayson Author Profile Page says ...

Dammit! Someone beat me to the obvious Vinessa Shaw joke!

Posted by Dzayson Author Profile Page at October 8, 2007 7:05 PM

comment #19

BurmaShave Author Profile Page says ...

I remember when I saw DANGEROUS LIASIONS with my mother and Uma's breasts first popped out I muttered "Holy shit!". Probably the most awkward moment of my life.

Posted by BurmaShave Author Profile Page at October 9, 2007 12:04 AM

comment #20

DavidF Author Profile Page says ...

Can't you also see Uma in Baron Munchausen? I haven't seen it in a while but I'm pretty sure...

Posted by DavidF Author Profile Page at October 9, 2007 7:32 AM

comment #21

christian Author Profile Page says ...

No Julie Andrews from her famous scene in SOB?

Hey, wha' happened?

Posted by christian Author Profile Page at October 9, 2007 10:10 AM

comment #22

dd Author Profile Page says ...

Sorry to tell you this, but I'm pretty sure Uma had a body double in Jennifer 8. When you don't see the face and the breasts in the same shot, it's a dead giveaway

Baron Munchausen and Dangerous Liaisons, on the other hand...

Designer Handbags

Posted by dd Author Profile Page at May 12, 2010 12:51 AM

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