comment #1

Craig Kennedy says ...

I'm getting an irritating 300 vibe off this thing, but then Jeffrey hated 300, right? And he generally dismisses the fantasy genre, but he's over the moon about Beowulf.

Is it just the 3D?

comment #2

storymark says ...

Beowulf fought Grendel in the nude in the book as well.

comment #3

chicbn872 says ...

I refuse to watch 300 or Beowulf. I'm sure the effects are fantastic and all but I just don't want to see half-naked men roll around and fight. Call me a homophobe, but I just won't watch it. I don't need to see oiled up dudes in loin cloths.

comment #4

MilkMan says ...

This is the perfect movie to see if you've just kidnapped a five year old from Toys R' Us.

comment #5

Monument says ...

"I don't need to see oiled up dudes in loin cloths."

Sure you do, it builds character.

comment #6

christian says ...

"I just don't want to see half-naked men roll around and fight."

I bet you watch a lot of sports.

comment #7

lazarus says ...

MilkMan: I got mine at Chuck E Cheese; is Beowulf still perfect for me or should I be thinking Netflix?

comment #8

lar8 says ...

shock value humor! wait for the other shoe to drop! congrats.

comment #9

Craig Kennedy says ...

My post kidnapping screening schedule is all set, but what do I unwind with after I've buried the bodies out by the interstate? Beaches?

comment #10

rocco says ...

Sometimes people laugh not as a defense mechanism but becuase they are amused by extremely hammy writing or inadvertent double-entendres that should have been obvious to the writer, to the actor, to the director, editor, etc...why does everything always have to be so Freudian??

comment #11

p.Vice says ...

This review is what we call "progress" in this here modern age. Maybe they fought demons in the nude back in the dark ages, but in these times I don't see any of our soldiers trucking off to kill those evil muslims with their cocks floating in the breeze. Then all they'd be talking about on CNN is how well-hung our military is compared to those Iraqistanis.

comment #12

DavidF says ...

Tell me, Joey, do you like movies about gladiators?

comment #13

MilkMan says ...

Post-corpse burial you're going to need a little pick-me-up, so my suggestion would be either Over the Top or Streets of Gold, the Joe Roth-helmed boxing movie with Klaus Maria Brandauer, Adrian Pasdar and Wesley Sniped, which was my favorite movie back in 1986, or, as I like to call it, the Year of Living in Locked Closets.

comment #14

Craig Kennedy says ...

I can't abide Stallone, so Streets of Gold it is. I'll wash it down with a little Tuff Turf starring Kim Richards' stunt breasts. Had a crush on her as a lad watching Escape to Witch Mountain. That will put me back in the dark place. The cycle repeats.

comment #15

JeffK says ...

I saw this 2 nights ago, and I (as well as other audience members) misheard "meade" for "meat". And thus there were quite a few immature chuckles towards lines such as "Many men have tasted the kings 'meat'" and "much merriment in the kings great 'meat' hall". As for the nude fight, I'm glad the filmmaker's had the guts to go through with it and stay true to the poem, but you could feel every guy in the audience tense up and consider taking off their 3-D glasses, just in case 'something' were to fly up in their faces.

To its credit, Beowulf isn't as dumbed down as most of its cinematic bretheren, but I can't form an opinion on it because most of the time I was simply gawking at the 3-D and how real most of the characters looked. As a technical demo and a spectacle, Beowulf succeeds, but as a film, I think I'd have to see the 2-D version to take it all in.

comment #16

Jay T. says ...

Or, sometimes people just laugh at bad dialogue because it's bad dialogue.

comment #17

T. Holly says ...

"One can only assume it snuck around 300's R rating by being an animated movie -- 'You know, for kids' --only Beowulf is not a kids movie. The nervously tittering perpetual horniness aside this is an adult drama? albeit one suffering from arrested development. This is not to say that it?s a fussy high-minded period drama. Merely that it's not a kid's movie. Too bad really since the 'acting' isn't expressive enough for potent drama and the real kick is in the visuals which kids might love."

Brought to you by Nathaniel Rogers
http://www.zoom-in.com/blog/2007/11/review_beowulf_in_3_d

via Kris Tapley
http://www.nydailynews.com/gossip/r_m/2007/08/09/2007-08-09_hes_got_a_kid_to_bing_up.html

comment #18

T. Holly says ...

I've got nothing against Roger Avary, but Angie's embarrassed I'm talking about her nipples again.

http://www.sfgate.com/cgi-bin/article.cgi?f=/c/a/2007/11/15/DD93T8RFF.DTL

comment #19

York "Budd" Durden says ...

3-D, animated, or otherwise, it will be tough to top Viggo's battle in the buff.

comment #20

Craig Kennedy says ...

I'm going to ask this one more time: Do I really need to see it in IMAX or is a regular theater in 3D good enough?

comment #21

Cosimoto says ...

THis is pretty funny:

BaioWulf: The Trailer

http://tinyurl.com/yvdhtu

comment #22

T. Holly says ...

cj, I paraphrased Avary here. You decide what to do.

http://hollywood-elsewhere.com/archives/2007/11/avary_again.php

comment #23

christian says ...

Come on CJ, you KNOW you want to see it at City Walk.

But it's clear the only way to go is IMAX.

comment #24

Craig Kennedy says ...

The thing is T., I don't give a shit about Angie's CG'd nips. I can get airbrushed nippage in Maxim magazine for free at 7-Eleven when I'm getting a bucket of Slurpee.

I'm not sold on the whole blowing a 35mm frame up to the size of IMAX thing. Did they really render it at a resolution that will look better than shit in IMAX?

If so, City Walk here I come.

comment #25

T. Holly says ...

I'm assuming Roger meant it for everything, but it was the nips that stood out, and best illustrated the improvement, over Real D, for him.

comment #26

Craig Kennedy says ...

Ok, but if I drag my ass up to City Walk and there is no happy ending...Well, in the words of Lee Marvin in Point Blank: Someone's got to pay.

comment #27

T. Holly says ...

You know what had a great ending that I just got around to seeing? Michael Clayton.

cj, as opposed to hauling your ass where? If you don't like it, I'll pay you.

comment #28

jeffmcm says ...

That's nice. It's the kind of guarantee you'd hope to see coming from someone who is pretending to have been involved in the story stage.

comment #29

T. Holly says ...

You mean Ian Sinclair, who BTW, is first to comment (and under his real name) at Klye Smith Online. Go figure.

comment #30

Craig Kennedy says ...

Wait a minute T, why are you campaigning for Bukkakewulf all the sudden? I thought you were kind of against it.

And which ending are you talking about regarding Michael Clayton? Are you talking about the climax or are you talking about the cab ride?

comment #31

T. Holly says ...

You're an adult male -- this movie was made for you and it's a watershed, turning-point, event, so you sort of have to. I just want to see it get ripped to shreds for being mysogenistic, pandering to an underage crowd and lying about heroes coming home.

comment #32

Craig Kennedy says ...

Ok, ok. Beowulf. IMAX. 3D. I just realized The Bridge has IMAX so I'll drive across town and see it there instead of City Walk.

comment #33

MovieBob says ...

For what it's worth, I just say it in "regular" theatre 3D and it worked just fine. Also, the movie REALLY kicks ass. The mocap animation style still isn't exactly where it NEEDS to be to really work, but you can see clearly here what the possibilities are for the future. But more importantly, the script and most of the acting is really dynamite, well-done, grownup stuff. It's just a damn, damn, DAMN good movie.

comment #34

Sarcastig says ...

If you thought that review was funny, check out Nick Schager's one over at Slant. Less crude, but more effective, intelligent, and funnier.

comment #35

Rich S. says ...

Ebert's review is also very, very funny.

comment #36

T. Holly says ...

bigfan0808, aka WealthyRomance, aren't you the hack who gives people herpes, AIDS and computer viruses?

comment #37

scooterzz says ...

one of the crowds i saw this with was laughing out loud at the whole 'austin powers' aspect of how many ways they could hide our hero's manhood.... and along those lines, when i read the poem a million years ago, i took 'fighting naked' to mean 'without armor' (not actually naked).....
having seen the movie in both 3-d versions, i've gotta say that imax is, hands down, the way to go.....

comment #38

T. Holly says ...

scooterzz' a both way-er and he won't even confirm what I keep harping about. Maybe it's too "kiss and tell" for him. Maybe "hands down" is some kind of cheekiness, like Black Snake Moan's "it's hotter down south." Consider the issue to be strictly a post-production tech, digital resolution issue, not a purient one, and reconsider indulging me on the litmus test detail, as if we were filmmakers testing it in a screening room in Hollywood on N. Serrano Ave. in the not to distant future.

comment #39

scooterzz says ...

t-- what exactly is a 'both way-er' and what exactly am i supossed to confirm? (you do tend to harp though...i'll give you that)....

comment #40

Ian Sinclair says ...

T. Holly is just a blowhard with little breath.

comment #41

T. Holly says ...

In the IMAX version, when Jolie was on camera (in all her scenes), did you, like I, clearly see her nipples beneath her gold paint? Since you, like Roger Avary have seen it in IMAX and Real 3-D, you can weigh in, if you're capable, on the issue -- it's not purient. Thanks.

comment #42

T. Holly says ...

pru·ri·ent

Thanks for correcting me Ian.

comment #43

T. Holly says ...

I'll let it go, because I'm either parsing things too much or being too futuristic for you. Anyway, you're a writer, not a filmmaker. There are more important issues to me, such as: it's really not cool to embarrass actresses. I read somewhere Jolie said she was excited to work with Zemeckis and gave him carte blanche, and she was surprised with the results given that she thought she was going to be a lizard. I don't know how much of that is true, but I don't think it's trivial to wonder about how actresses feel about the technology, or the visual differences across platforms or about test screenings (which Roger said they couldn't do.) Sorry, I'm a good listener, I'll try less hard, next time.

comment #44

dd says ...

I'm sure the effects are fantastic and all but I just don't want to see half-naked men roll around and fight. Call me a homophobe, but I just won't watch it. I don't need to see oiled up dudes in loin cloths.

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