comment #1

AJW says ...

R. Lee Ermey.

comment #2

jeffmcm says ...

John Goodman in Raising Arizona.

comment #3

Mr B says ...

Come on now, Live Wire is one of the best crappy Saturday afternoon HBO movies ever.

Liquid like water bomb that someone can drink? Pierece Brosnan kicking the tail off all of his bond roles?

There are bad movies out there, and then there are the bad movies that kick ass. Come on Jeff, get with the program.

comment #4

Bilge says ...

Hot air balloons and/or zeppelins are usually a sign of a movie that's got problems. At the very least, it's a sign of a production out of control. The only sorta-exception I can think of is Terry Gilliam's THE ADVENTURES OF BARON MUNCHHAUSEN, which is a great movie, even though it is *also* a production out of control.

BLACK SUNDAY is another one, maybe, but I'd need to see it again.

comment #5

scooterzz says ...

i've learned over the past several months of reding this site that there are a whole lot of people who just can't wrap their minds around the idea of a 'good bad movie'....pity that....

comment #6

K. Bowen says ...

Any film where someone says "Copy that" into a walkie-talkie.

comment #7

scooterzz says ...

also pity the person who spells 'reading' 'reding'....

comment #8

jeffmcm says ...

I just saw Southland Tales over the weekend and it, too has a zeppelin in it.

comment #9

le corbeau says ...

Kids or old people swearing. Though Talladega Nights did pull the former off ("You made that grace your bitch").

comment #10

Arran says ...

I think an original soundtrack by a band you've never heard of is a harbinger of a bad movie.

I have no idea why that came to mind.

comment #11

MiraJeffAICN says ...

I completely disagree Arran. Case in point, Explosions in the Sky and Friday Night Lights. I'd never heard of the band before then and they made the whole movie. They appear in the Diving Bell trailer and they kick ass live so...

comment #12

Ray says ...

How about the constant screaming in "The Mist?"

God, that movie really, really sucks.

http://therecshow.com/2007/12/03/the-mist-a-review/

comment #13

BurmaShave says ...

MiraJeff, I am in total agreement about Explosions in the Sky. Peter Berg has used them to superb effect, both in FRIDAY NIGHT LIGHTS and THE KINGDOM. The World is Not a Cold, Dead Place is one of my favorite EPs of this decade.

However, I hope you've seen this. Glorious:

http://www.funnyordie.com/videos/102

comment #14

bmcintire says ...

I'd say the greater the number of songs in a film that you might hear on any city's Jack-FM station, the greater the suckage. Triple that suckage matrix when they appear in the trailer.
The only obvious exception I can think of would be BOOGIE NIGHTS, but that film's soundtrack apparently laid the groundwork for these "Familiar FM" radio formats, so it is technically exempt.

comment #15

Dirty Harry says ...

Montages. Especially montages set to pop songs.

Jeff: What did you think of Southland? I say with no hyperbole that it was the worst movie I've ever seen: Writing, acting, cinematography, editing, structure, pacing... The worst.

comment #16

jeffmcm says ...

I would agree it was a huge mess, but (a) I can forgive a movie for being a mess if it offers enough sporadically amusing or interesting things as ST did here and there - a scene, a dialogue snippet, a visual, etc. The scene where (spoilers, like it matters) Jon Lovitz shoots Amy Poehler and the other guy automatically makes it a better movie than Norbit; and (b) I've seen much worse examples of all of those craft elements in dozens of other movies over the years. Saw IV, for example, makes Southland look a tidy classical narrative with superb cinematography.

The worst movie I've seen this year, however, was a 9/11 conspiracy movie/deluded vanity project that played at the Sunset 5 called Severe Visibility. It was like a badly-acted, tedious version of Loose Change with actors.

My personal'worst movies of all time' though are generally ultra-cheap grindhouse-style movies from the late 60s-early 70s. You couldn't pay me to sit through Psyched by the 4-D Witch again.

comment #17

Craptastic says ...

Ray-- "The Mist" rules you and will find you wherever you are. Beware.

I know Wells said Al Pacino was excluded but he's just lost it as an actor. He's ALL screaming and no acting. Been doing the same song and dance since "Scent of a Woman".

May be off the subject a bit... but the most OBNOXIOUS movies I've ever seen are the entire filmography of Stephen Sommers. I can take a beating but that guy needs to f-ing learn how to tone it down and just tell a story.

Oh, and Dirty Harry, check out any Rudy Ray Moore film. I'm not defending 'Southland' at all but I'm sure you'll change your tune once you see the technical minds at work in those films.

However, the first 'Dolemite' does feature the line, "Man, I'm so bad, I kick my OWN ass twice a day".

comment #18

Marty Melville says ...

"The only obvious exception I can think of would be BOOGIE NIGHTS, but that film's soundtrack apparently laid the groundwork for these "Familiar FM" radio formats".

Well, my first thought was, nope, THE BIG CHILL started that nasty trend, and then I thought, nope, MEAN STREETS had that Familiar FM thing going... but Scorcese's music choices are much more passionate and close to the bone... so maybe BIG CHILL does win for being the first of this vacuous category which has bred like cockroaches. Or maybe it was just the first to be so break-out popular.

comment #19

jeffmcm says ...

The Rudy Ray Moore movies are crappily made really entertaining.

comment #20

jeffmcm says ...

Stick a 'but' in there between 'made' and 'really'. Jeez, I feel like T. Holly.

comment #21

Craptastic says ...

My favorite in the RRM movies is the scene in Dolemite where the cops find the stolen furs in his trunk.

"There's NOTHIN' in my trunk, mannnn".

And the "kung-fu" moves that follow...

Christ, I could fill a whole strip with my favorite Dolemite moments.

Who's up for a RRM festival to ring in the holidays? I'll host one at my place. Who's with me?

comment #22

Arran says ...

"You best let me pass, else I be pulling these Hush Puppies out yo' mu'fuckin' ass!"

I've only seen Dolemite once, but that shit stays with you.

comment #23

jeffmcm says ...

By the way, isn't 'emphatic groaning' what Wells does when he's watching a movie he doesn't like?

comment #24

frankbooth says ...

"You couldn't pay me to sit through Psyched by the 4D Witch again."

Ever seen Something Weird? I think that's the one that begins with styrofoam wig heads having a conversation. Must be experienced -- you'd never believe it otherwise.

And drugs don't help. They only make it worse.

comment #25

jeffmcm says ...

The movie with the talking wig-heads is Gruesome Twosome.
Something Weird, though, is just crazy enough that I find it enjoyable. Not every movie can combine industrial accidents, witchcraft, and LSD experiments all at the same time.

comment #26

Craptastic says ...

If any of you fiends have seen the Orion release "Chatterbox"... many accolades shall be passed.

Hell, I'm geared up on this RRM party now. I'm completely serious... anyone in the L.A. area please let me know if you're into coming and I'll send all my info.

Its about time we had a HE party.

comment #27

Walter Sobchak says ...

Any movie with a group of girls/women singing along to a Motown oldie while using random objects as impromptu microphones....

oh, and btw.... a little off topic here, but the Prophet Mohammed is a pole-smoking, sloppy-bottom bitch.... I look forward to your fatwahs...

comment #28

Walter Sobchak says ...

....not that there's anything wrong with that...

comment #29

jeffmcm says ...

The mind reels at the concept of all of these people meeting up in person. One part of me imagines twenty nonstop arguments. Another part of me imagines twenty pale geeky guys and one or two females and a lot of awkward silences.

I'm in if it's before Dec. 22 or after Dec. 29. I would also pay cash money for a verified photograph of D.Z.

comment #30

jeffmcm says ...

Jinx.

comment #31

Silverscreenvideos says ...

Any movie with a group of girls/women singing along to a Motown oldie while using random objects as impromptu microphones....

No....a movie with a group of girls/women going on an impromptu shopping spree to a tune like "Girls Just Want to Have Fun."

Any movie which features a man getting hit, kicked or having a heavy object thrown at his crotch as a source of humor. Close runner up... any movie with more than one fart, poop or vomit joke.

Any movie in which the intelligence level of police, military or government agents is in inverse proportion to their rank while their smarminess level is in direct proportion to such rank.

comment #32

Craptastic says ...

Jeff,

I'll try to fill the apartment with more than two girls...if not, there's always Jumbo's up the street (where strippers go to pasture).

Hit me up at cromwellian@hotmail.com and we'll figure out when to do it up Dolemite style.

Anyone else who's interested, please do the same. All HE posters are welcome.

comment #33

Craptastic says ...

And as for any reservations as to arguments and such... I think it would be GREAT! Let's go balls out on one another face to face. I think it would be fun.

As for me inviting strangers to my apartment... I've posted for roommates on craigslist. I now know the meaning of the word fear.

comment #34

Spacesheik says ...

BLACK SUNDAY had an amazing climax featuring a helicopter and a blimp - that is one flick that needs to be remade, especially in today's climate.

CAPRICORN ONE was a rousingly entertaining pic because of the black helicopters chasing our principals.

Remember BLUE THUNDER with Roy Scheider and Malcolm McDowell - great helicopter flick.

I could go on but I wont.

comment #35

BurmaShave says ...

Craptastic, I will actually be in California over the holidays, so you never know. If I arrive and your bathtub is full of ice and there's Dexter-style plastic wrap all over the walls, I will not stay for more than a few hours.

comment #36

Howlingman says ...

Two that set me off ...

1. Cool as heck character slowly walking towards camera as something explodes behind them and their nonplussed reaction, that says "look how cool I am, I don't flinch when stuff blows up behind me." I always hope for a stray piece of shrapnel to bury itself in the back of their head.

2. Character standing in the rain, arms outstretched, face tilted to the sky and smiling, revelling in the ... wetness? Sure it was kinda of appropriate in Shawshank (guy did crawl through poop), but has been repeated ad nauseum ever since.

comment #37

Fudge Ripple says ...

Any movie with a scene set at a health club, particularly when the main characters are acting as if they just ran a marathon instead of 20 minutes on the Stairmaster. Bonus demerits for the "falling off the treadmill" gag. (Dodgeball being the exception.)

comment #38

le corbeau says ...

Character standing in the rain, arms outstretched, face tilted to the sky and smiling, revelling in the ... wetness?

If you watch TCM on Sunday night, the silent film intro montage has this shot from Noah's Ark (1929). It probably wasn't new then. (But at least in that case it's motivated by the fact that he's just been miraculously cured of his blindness.

comment #39

MAGGA says ...

"Well, my first thought was, nope, THE BIG CHILL started that nasty trend, and then I thought, nope, MEAN STREETS had that Familiar FM thing going... but Scorcese's music choices are much more passionate and close to the bone... so maybe BIG CHILL does win for being the first of this vacuous category which has bred like cockroaches. Or maybe it was just the first to be so break-out popular."

I blame American Grafitti

comment #40

nemo says ...

"My personal'worst movies of all time' though are generally ultra-cheap grindhouse-style movies from the late 60s-early 70s."

You won't find much to talk about if you ever meet Tarantino and Rodriguez.

What I love (not!) about bad movies with helicopters is when the main characters think they're safe on top of a building or a cliff, and then suddenly a helicopter rises up behind them. As if you can't hear a helicopter sneaking up on you from a mile away. From two miles away!

On the other hand, I've always been a sucker for the helicopter versus motorcycle duel in The Gauntlet. As well as the Greyhound bus versus the entire police force of Phoenix, Arizona.

Ingmar Bergman's Through a Glass Darkly (of all people!) also features a scary and effective scene using a helicopter.

comment #41

christian says ...

Count me in for the RRR fest. We showed DOLEMITE in a 70's b-movie class at Berkeley. Higher education baby!

I'll bring some SKIDOO rarities. And tabs of Owsley LSD still wrapped in foil from 1967.

And hopefully, I won't have to actually call you Craptastic in person.

comment #42

christian says ...

And as we know any movie where a character falls to his knees screaming "NO!" as the camera rises overhead -- which despite being rendered senseless by The Simpsons, is still being used today.

comment #43

lipranzer says ...

Howlingman, I completely agree with you on number 2 on your list. I'd add to that any movie that uses rain to indicate this is a scene fraught with portent, or to show the hero going through some kind of baptism of fire, or to show the downward spiral of a character. I admit, I'm biased in that I don't like rain, but this is a metaphor that's constantly overused.

Also, my warning flag goes up whenever the devil is a character. I take the point of view that the devil, if he exists, would be how Albert Brooks describes him in BROADCAST NEWS, especially the fact that he's, I don't know, SUBTLE!

comment #44

nemo says ...

I've never seen it, but there's some Joseph Losey film from the early 70s called Figures in a Landscape. Apparently the entire film consists of Robert Shaw and Malcom McDowell as two escaped convicts in some unnamed Latin American country who spend the entire film on the run across inhospitable terrain from a menacing black helicopter.

People who have seen it seem to admire it. It sounds like some weird companion piece to Vanishing Point, that cheesy masterpiece of early 70s alienation in the desert.

comment #45

PerfectTommy says ...

Because someone had to, the trailer for Dolemite:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IkjExJqf34o

comment #46

Dave says ...

I agree with the helicopter rule, unless of course, the helicopters are central to the plot (Blue Thunder is a great guilty pleasure-- seriously, did Roy Scheider piss people off or something? The guy's always watchable, one of the great "faces" in movies. . . I guess Seaquest can kill anybody's career).

I will add my own personal "warning sign" pet peeve: movies set in Mexico, around Mexico, anything to do with Mexico.

I just don't find Mexico interesting. At all. And whenever Mexico shows up in a movie, it's always the same damn cliches-- mariachi bands, dusty villages, sweaty men. Even the "good" movies that involve Mexico-- Once Upon a Time in Mexico, Three Burials, etc.-- fall victim to this stuff. The "bad" movies about Mexico, however, are too numerous to count.

It's a HUGE warning sign to me, telling me that I'm just not likely to enjoy this movie.

comment #47

dangovich says ...

Any movie where an adult struggles to put a diaper on a baby.

Any movie where a women screams expletives at people while giving birth.

comment #48

christian says ...

I know what you mean, Dave, what about THE WILD BUNCH or BRING ME THE HEAD OF etc.? Most of Peckinpah's films had Mexico scene or two. And then there's THE PROFESSIONALS to boot. And of course we can't leave out ROLLING THUNDER or the underrated THE BORDER.

comment #49

PerfectTommy says ...

Yeah, Dave, that Mexico thing is why "No Country for Old Men" is only my favorite movie this year as opposed to all time.
Of course, I like "The Three Amigos", so what do I know.

comment #50

Walter Sobchak says ...

Bonus points for pointing out the "walking away from explosion" scenes.... (somehow, the Coens get away with it, partly because Javier has his mind on theft, and not showing us his cool indifference...)

That shot always kills me..... I mean, please.... like you aren't the LEAST bit interested in turning around and watching something blow up?.... you're THAT cool?

Just watched Dolemite trailer.... NICE.... and what better locale for a bad-ass fight than a Ralph's parking lot? I say none...

color me there

comment #51

jeffmcm says ...

Nemo re: grindhouse pictures - the 70 were the best of times, they were the worst of times. I can live with a Psyched by the 4D Witch if it means that I also get Q: The Winged Serpent, Fight For Your Life, and Swinging Cheerleaders.

Also, I think the Bergman movie you're referring to is Shame, maybe?

comment #52

bmcintire says ...

If a trailer shows the slapsticky, sudden slip and fall of a character, that is generally more than enough to keep from from seeing the actual film. The trend lately has been focused almost exclusively on women, especially those unable to navigate high-heels or karaoke stages. Tiresome and unfunny.

comment #53

Intense Guy II says ...

Montage w/song can be very good.

Case in point:
http://www.intenseguys.com/intense_guys/2007/12/rushmore-1999.html

comment #54

nemo says ...

I worship next to Michael Moriarity at the altar of Q: The Winged Serpent.

Not familiar with Fight For Your Life, and Swinging Cheerleaders. I'll have to look them up.

Bergman's Shame features some truly frightening overflights by fighter jets at tree-top level. They seem as alien and otherworldly as The Winged Serpent himself.

I'm not sure there can be spoilers for a Ingmar Bergman film, but be warned.

There may be a helicopter in Shame as well -- it's been 30 years since I've seen either film. But I'm pretty sure Through a Glass Darkly has an appearance by a helicopter at the end. It arrives on the island to transport the mentally ill young woman back to the mainland after she's lost her last moorings in reality.

My memory is that the camera is looking out the window of the house, and the helicopter suddenly appears without warning to fill up the entire window. By this time you're so deeply enmeshed the young woman's psychic meltdown you think it must be a hallucination of hers. Like the jets in Shame, like His Lordship The Winged Serpent Himself, the helicopter appears frighteningly alien, like a enormous insect or lizard.

Of course I may be just imposing one of my own 1970s drug-induced hallucinations on my memory of that film.

comment #55

jeffmcm says ...

Oh yeah, I was thinking of those jets.

comment #56

christian says ...

FIGHT FOR YOUR LIFE is a disturbing revenge thriller about probably the most evil racist in American film history, played by William Sanderson (who'd rather forget it) as he tortures a black family. Unpleasant but gripping. Just released on DVD. BTW, Sanderson is one of the great movie psychos here.

SWINGING CHEERLEADERS is Jack Hill's proto-feminist t&a cheerleader flick. Good stuf.

Why do I know this?

comment #57

le corbeau says ...

"I worship next to Michael Moriarity at the altar of Q: The Winged Serpent."

Which calls for a recitation of Roger Ebert's story about it at Cannes. He went up to Samuel Z. Arkoff, the mogul of American International, and commented, "I can't believe there's this hilarious Method performance by Michael Moriarty in the middle of all that dreck." To which Arkoff replied, "The dreck was my idea!"

comment #58

le corbeau says ...

"Well, my first thought was, nope, THE BIG CHILL started that nasty trend, and then I thought, nope, MEAN STREETS had that Familiar FM thing going... but Scorcese's music choices are much more passionate and close to the bone... so maybe BIG CHILL does win for being the first of this vacuous category which has bred like cockroaches. Or maybe it was just the first to be so break-out popular."

I blame American Grafitti

Blame Kenneth Anger's Scorpio Rising.

comment #59

christian says ...

Blame THE BLACKBOARD JUNGLE.

comment #60

jeffmcm says ...

Fight For Your Life is basically a Black version of Last House on the Left, and with a happy ending.