Get on the milkshake train

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Open letter to Paramount Vantage marketing: 26 years ago the buzz-phrase that sold Frank Perry's Mommie Dearest among urban movie buffs was "no wire hangers!" My memory is fuzzy but I don't think Paramount marketers got around to using the phrase in its Mommie Dearest newspaper ads and one-sheets until fairly late in the run, if at all. (Was it used for the home video campaign? I can't remember.)

Thanks to Dave (last name withheld by request) for this illustration

My point is (and I'm sure you don't need me to tell you this), you shouldn't make the same mistake with There Will Be Blood. You need to get on the milkshake train now.

"I drink your milkshake!" is the golden ticket that will sell this thing with the people who are too lazy to read reviews and don't care that much about awards. It's simple, it's viral, it's primitive...it will travel. Make the "I drink your milkshake" T-shirts, hand out the buttons and bumper stickers, cut the TV and radio ads that emphasize the line over and over, and sell this brilliant but undeniably gnarly film as a kind of half-melodrama, half-hoot.

Selling Blood for what it is will mean, I suspect, not very much business. Even if it wins awards. A milkshake campaign will, in a sense, dumb the movie down, yes, but it will make it seem more accessible to casual moviegoers. The more it gets around, the more Average Joes will say to each other, "Have you seen it? What's this milkshake thing?"

You should also go with "draaaaaaaiiin-age!" in some way, shape or form.

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Posted by Jeffrey Wells on January 9, 2008 at 10:19 AM

comment #1

Mumbleboy says ...

I'd like the image to combine the milkshake at the bottom with a derrick at the top, maybe with a straw sticking out. Let the visuals reflect the deeper meaning, just like the film does. At least to my reading of the film.

I'd make this myself, but my T-shirt press isn't up and running yet. Question: what type of permission or royalties would you have to get/pay to use a quote from a film on an independently produced T-shirt? Not using any image from the film, of course, but maybe only the quote and maybe the title. The image would be original.

Posted by Mumbleboy at January 9, 2008 10:51 AM

comment #2

AJW says ...

http://youtube.com/watch?v=rZ-FAV9fBII

Posted by AJW at January 9, 2008 10:54 AM

comment #3

Ray says ...

Great idea ... in fact, I started looking for a link to buy the damn thing as soon as I saw it!

www.therecshow.com

Posted by Ray at January 9, 2008 10:56 AM

comment #4

Geoff says ...

I'd love to see how they would mix it up in a TV ad.

Posted by Geoff at January 9, 2008 11:02 AM

comment #5

Craig Kennedy says ...

Great, now I can finally stop wearing that 'Little Lebowski Achiever' t-shirt.

Must everything be reduced to t-shirt, bumper sticker or coffee mug?

Posted by Craig Kennedy at January 9, 2008 11:12 AM

comment #6

Bart Smith says ...

As someone who hasn't yet seen THERE WILL BE BLOODÃ¢â‚¬â€and won't get to until next weekend when it finally opens hereÃ¢â‚¬â€I don't get the "I drink your milkshake" quote. I don't know its context in the movie and don't find it particularly enthralling on its own. So I'm not sure exactly how this is going to drive the average moviegoer to the theatre to see the movie.

Posted by Bart Smith at January 9, 2008 11:13 AM

comment #7

christian says ...

I thought Paramount pulled the campaign to highlight the movie's camp quality...wasn't it something like "The Baddest Mother of Them All"? Of course, in a film about child abuse, it's pretty sick.

Posted by christian at January 9, 2008 11:16 AM

comment #8

JaySmire says ...

My wife's favorite line isn't the milkshake one, it's- "your nothin' but a bastard in a basket". She's already spreading that one around.
Score two for There Will Be Blood.

Posted by JaySmire at January 9, 2008 11:17 AM

comment #9

ZayTonday says ...

BASTARD FROM A BASKET!

Posted by ZayTonday at January 9, 2008 11:18 AM

comment #10

ZayTonday says ...

"I'm your brother... from another mother."

Posted by ZayTonday at January 9, 2008 11:19 AM

comment #11

corey3rd says ...

I thought that was the catch phrase from "There Will Be Spunk."

Posted by corey3rd at January 9, 2008 11:19 AM

comment #12

JD says ...

Jeff, you don't work in marketing for a reason. You really think a prestige picture would benefit from cheesey milkshake t-shirts? This is right up there with your brilliant "no headaches!" idea for the Beowulf 3D marketing campaign.

Posted by JD at January 9, 2008 11:23 AM

comment #13

The Winchester says ...

And not for nothing, Beowulf provided me with an even bigger headache than Transformers.

Posted by The Winchester at January 9, 2008 11:26 AM

comment #14

Mr. Peel says ...

Give it a year or two, there'll be a band named Bastard From A Basket.

Posted by Mr. Peel at January 9, 2008 11:34 AM

comment #15

scooterzz says ...

the 'mommie dearest' campaign that featured the tag 'meet the baddest mother of them all' with a huge wire hanger illustration ran for about a week a month into the movie's release....it got pulled after major complaints to the studio from perry and dunaway....

Posted by scooterzz at January 9, 2008 11:43 AM

comment #16

Bocephus says ...

So, basically Jeff is saying that Plainview's milkshake will bring all the boys to the yard?

TWBB isn't playing in San Antonio yet, I hope we get it soon so I can finally get the milkshake and drainage jokes.

Posted by Bocephus at January 9, 2008 11:49 AM

comment #17

The Winchester says ...

Shirts are good annd all, but I'm waiting for my Daniel Plainview action figure, (equipped with milkshake and bowling pin) to use with the burning oil well playset!

Posted by The Winchester at January 9, 2008 11:54 AM

comment #18

The Winchester says ...

Shirts are good annd all, but I'm waiting for my Daniel Plainview action figure, (equipped with milkshake and bowling pin) to use with the burning oil well playset!

Posted by The Winchester at January 9, 2008 11:57 AM

comment #19

Craig Kennedy says ...

You're going to be sorely disappointed bocephus. Neither of them are exactly a "Here's Johnny" Shining moment. Much fuss is being made of nothing.

Posted by Craig Kennedy at January 9, 2008 12:05 PM

comment #20

T. S. Idiot says ...

I'll buy a miniature burning oil derrick.

Posted by T. S. Idiot at January 9, 2008 12:25 PM

comment #21

BlueBomm says ...

A friend suggested "Late Night With Daniel Plainview," essentially a perfect inversion of Nicholson's "HEEEERE'S JOHNNY!" line in The Shining.

Every show opens with a monologue that begins "Ladies and Gentlemen..." and goes on to illustrate some very rational and convincing words about the quality of that evening's program.

Soon after, he has a milkshake drinking contest with his first guest, during which he stands on the far side of his desk with a really long straw, and when he "wins" (there's some kind of visual 'straw meter' about who's drinking more) the audience says along with him, "I DRINK YOUR MILKSHAKE! I DRINK IT UP!"

And then at the end of every week, the audience votes on the "worst guest" and he bowls at them with a giant rubber bowling ball.

Posted by BlueBomm at January 9, 2008 12:34 PM

comment #22

BlueBomm says ...

And every night, he signs off with, "Thank you. That was one goddamn helluva show."

Posted by BlueBomm at January 9, 2008 12:43 PM

comment #23

Zimmergirl says ...

So contrived. So dumb and unfunny. Fanboygasm hitting the ceiling here. The only phrase floating around that isn't from Juno is from No Country for Old Men.

Posted by Zimmergirl at January 9, 2008 1:08 PM

comment #24

BlueBomm says ...

Zimmergirl- Your bitter 'tude makes you look like a FFFFFFFOOOL!

Posted by BlueBomm at January 9, 2008 1:15 PM

comment #25

jeffmcm says ...

What phrase from No Country for Old Men are you talking about?

Posted by jeffmcm at January 9, 2008 1:19 PM

comment #26

Unison says ...

My favorite part was when he started bellowing "Boy!!" like Angus Scrimm from Phantasm and shouting "I AM THE THIRD REVELATION!"

Posted by Unison at January 9, 2008 4:24 PM

comment #27

The Winchester says ...

Is Zimmergirl perhaps referring to "Friendo"? I didn't think that caught on, despite my numerous attempts with gas station attendants across the southwest.

Posted by The Winchester at January 9, 2008 4:32 PM

comment #28

K. Bowen says ...

Can I order it with an "I am not Avery" button?

Posted by K. Bowen at January 9, 2008 4:34 PM

comment #29

jeffmcm says ...

Winchester, I actually was thinking she was confusing the two movies.

Posted by jeffmcm at January 9, 2008 5:17 PM

comment #30

MrG says ...

I'm not McLovin' any of this t-shirt b.s.

Posted by MrG at January 9, 2008 5:21 PM

comment #31

Geoff says ...

Hey, are typical academy dvd screeners like Wells has anamorphic? Good quality?

Posted by Geoff at January 9, 2008 5:30 PM

comment #32

The Winchester says ...

Jeffmcm, I realize it was probably just confusion.

I just wanted to try and bring "Friendo" back.

(2 times now, Friendo! Now I've drank YOUR milkshake!)

Posted by The Winchester at January 9, 2008 5:34 PM

comment #33

Craig Kennedy says ...

I refuse to let go of Friendo, Winchester, but then it's no secret I'm a huge dork.

Posted by Craig Kennedy at January 9, 2008 5:51 PM

comment #34

ZayTonday says ...

This year all the screeners I've seen have been anamorphic. Some are really good quality while some are CRAP (There Will Be Blood = 2 discs, crappy picture)

Posted by ZayTonday at January 9, 2008 6:41 PM

comment #35