"Journey" 3D

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The trailer for Journey to the Center of the Earth 3D (New Line, 7.11) tells you it's more of a kiddie movie -- a logic-free comedy for anyone over the age of 8, or anyone who happens to be a cretin -- than any kind of half-gripping adventure-thriller.

It seems to want to be a poor man's Indiana Jones film (including a Temple of Doom thrill ride on a train track inside a mine) but the trailer is basically selling a goofy-ass special-effects ride about a visit to the Bullshit Adventure Theme Park where everything can and will happen on an expedition to the earth's core.

Brendan Fraser, Josh Hutcherson and Anita Briem are the three travellers who run into hot lava, oceans, dinosaurs and whatnot. Pretty much the same stuff that James Mason and Pat Boone encountered in their 1960 adventure flick of the same name. The difference is that the '60 version had a scowling second-banana villain who referred to the experience of nightly sleep as "little slices of death." I've never forgotten that line. Going to sleep is, in a sense, like dying...or so Carl Sagan once remarked.

The Mummy films killed Brendan Fraser's believability factor. He pocketed those fat paychecks, but his name became synonymous with second-tier, FX-driven adventure fantasy that didn't add up for anyone except the moron crowd that will pay to see anything as long as they can guzzle their 32-ounce Cherry Cokes and gorge on gallon-sized containers of popcorn dripping with anhydrous butterfat.

Rickman's big fall in Die Hard

The most hateful thing about stupid adventure films -- about all adventure films made by people given to mediocre thinking and imagining, especially since the success of Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon -- is how falling from any height never results in any harm to anyone. You can fall from a 75-story building, from a mountaintop, from a cliff, from a stepladder -- and you will never, ever be hurt. And I mean not even bruised. There's a trailer clip of the Journey 3D trio free-falling for several seconds -- long enough to fall from the height of two World Trade Center towers stacked on top of each other -- and they're saved by falling into a pool of water.

Falling is one of the most fearsome real-life horrors imaginable, but on-screen it's become an exercise in casual gymnastics. Think -- when was the last time anyone died or was even injured from falling in a major action-adventure film? Was it Alan Rickman's fall at the end of Die Hard, which was 20 years ago? HINTERLANDS WARNING! SPOILER AHEAD!: (Blankety-blank's death fall in In Bruges and Martin Sheen's in The Departed don't count because these films were straight dramas.)

The Journey 3D director is Eric Brevig, who's mainly worked in special-effects (his only previous directing gig was for Xena: Warrior Princess on the tube in '95). The screenwriter is Michael Weiss, whose previous credits are War Stories with Oliver North" (1 episode, 2006) and The Remarkable Life and Mysterious Death of General Patton (2006, TV episode).

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Posted by Jeffrey Wells on February 18, 2008 at 9:44 AM

comment #1

Rich S. says ...

Also, don't forget the scene in the original where the villain eats Mason's sidekick's pet duck and the sidekick basically kills him for it. Bet THAT won't be in the new one.

Posted by Rich S. at February 18, 2008 10:42 AM

comment #2

BlueBomm says ...

*THIS IS AN "IN BRUGES" SPOILER, SO DON'T READ ON IF YOU HAVEN'T SEEN THE MOVIE*

...but Gleeson's big drop in that film is pretty devastating, body-wise.

Posted by BlueBomm at February 18, 2008 10:47 AM

comment #3

storymark says ...

I seem to recall Martin Sheen getting a bit bruised from his fall in The Departed.

Posted by storymark at February 18, 2008 10:48 AM

comment #4

Rich S. says ...

Although, oddly enough, you might be able survive a fall to the center of the Earth (if you fell all the way to the center) owing to the fact that you would be weightless:

http://www.straightdope.com/classics/a1_165.html

Okay, there's a lot of assumptions you'd have to make, but it's an interesting hypothesis.

Posted by Rich S. at February 18, 2008 10:51 AM

comment #5

Jeffrey Overstreet says ...

Must we recount the various deaths-by-falling in The Lord of the Rings? (Saruman, Gollum, Wormtongue...)

Posted by Jeffrey Overstreet at February 18, 2008 10:54 AM

comment #6

AJW says ...

Didn't Bruce Wayne hurt his ribs falling from an apartment window in "Batman Begins"? It wasn't a devastating injury, but it was better than watching Peter Parker bounce off sidewalks, fire escapes and trash dumpsters in the second Spider-Man with nothing but a slight grimace and rub of his lower back.

Posted by AJW at February 18, 2008 10:57 AM

comment #7

lesterg says ...

And New Line just keeps cranking out that hits!

In terms of falling: what about Bill Pullman in The Grudge? He ends up looking something like a human pretzel after taking the fatal plunge.

Posted by lesterg at February 18, 2008 10:58 AM

comment #8

christian says ...

Kong fell.
But it was beauty killed the beast.

Posted by christian at February 18, 2008 11:07 AM

comment #9

McSuperfly says ...

The "Slices of death" quote comes from Edgar Allen Poe: Sleep, those little slices of death; Oh how I loathe them.

I think Wes Craven used it at the start of A Nightmare on Elm Street

Posted by McSuperfly at February 18, 2008 11:09 AM

comment #10

lazespud says ...

Ah the Wells spoiler tradition continues; considering Bruges is playing IN ONE FUCKING THEATER IN SEATTLE right now (sort of close to where I live), and hasn't yet reached the hinterlands, I greatly appreciate Jeff telling me that Brendan Gleeson dies in the film. THANK YOU SO FUCKING MUCH!

Jeez Jeff... is it power thing? It really isn't too difficult to throw in a "spoiler warning". This isn't 40-year-old Eddie Coyle, this is a movie that many of us haven't even had the opportunity to see yet.

Posted by lazespud at February 18, 2008 11:10 AM

comment #11

McSuperfly says ...

Correction: Edgar Allan Poe

Posted by McSuperfly at February 18, 2008 11:11 AM

comment #12

AJW says ...

The best part about that is that Wells went back and edited the In Bruges part into his post after BlueBomm commented about it WITH SPOILER TAGS.

Posted by AJW at February 18, 2008 11:18 AM

comment #13

Jason says ...

Count me in on the IN BRUGES spoiler outrage. It's playing in exactly one theater here in the Twin Cities. I've been meaning to see it, but... Fuck, shit, fucking shit-fuck!

Posted by Jason at February 18, 2008 11:25 AM

comment #14

OddDuck says ...

There is absolutely no excuse for that In Bruges spoiler. Complete bullshit.

Seriously, what the fuck is going on in Wells' mind when he does shit like this?

Asshole.

Posted by OddDuck at February 18, 2008 11:27 AM

comment #15

MAGGA says ...

The irony, lazspud, is that that spoiler was not in the post when I read it. I avoided the spoiler in the comments section because of the warning, and it was you who spoiled it for me. No hard feelings, of course, I understand you could not know that Jeff re-edited his post.

Posted by MAGGA at February 18, 2008 11:29 AM

comment #16

Radewart says ...

Thanks alot, for ruining "In Bruges"!

Posted by Radewart at February 18, 2008 11:31 AM

comment #17

christian says ...

Jeff spoils your milkshake!

Posted by christian at February 18, 2008 11:41 AM

comment #18

DarthCorleone says ...

I echo the discontent with the In Bruges spoiler. Having read the comments, though, I do find some amusement in the way that it happened.

Restricting myself to action-adventure, I'm just brainstorming here...

Kenneth Branagh's villain died by falling in the awful Wild, Wild West. (I might be wrong, but I think I recall your commenting on the clever way that was shot in contrast with the rest of the movie, Mr. Wells, in that it focused on Will Smith's reaction shot as opposed to the impact.)

That Nazi in Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade died by falling, although he was also partially crushed by the tank that fell with him.

Sean Bean's bad guy died by falling at the end of Goldeneye.

That's all I have at the moment.

Posted by DarthCorleone at February 18, 2008 11:43 AM

comment #19

Edward says ...

Just what the world needs. There have been a couple made for TV JTTCOE films. I believe one new one has just shown recently.

Brendan Fraser was good in: Blast From the Past, The Quiet American and especially Of Gods and Monsters.

Posted by Edward at February 18, 2008 11:44 AM

comment #20

Josh Massey says ...

Hey, I deserve to get the movie spoiled - after all, I haven't made the effort to see the film in the single Atlanta theater it's playing for the nine whole days it's been there.

And feel free to spoil Vantage Point as well. I mean, it hasn't been released yet, but if I really wanted to see it with no spoilers, I would have searched out a ticket to a free screening.

(Moments like these really are a window into Jeff's soul).

Posted by Josh Massey at February 18, 2008 11:44 AM

comment #21

Edward says ...

Just what the world needs. There have been a couple made for TV JTTCOTE films. I believe one new one has just shown recently.

Brendan Fraser was good in: Blast From the Past, The Quiet American and especially Of Gods and Monsters.

Posted by Edward at February 18, 2008 11:46 AM

comment #22

thegreatmags says ...

Gee thanks for the goddamn "In Bruges" spoiler. Wonderful!

Posted by thegreatmags at February 18, 2008 12:00 PM

comment #23

Abbey Normal says ...

The presence of Brendan Fraser pretty much guarantees you're dealing with poor man's something.

Posted by Abbey Normal at February 18, 2008 12:01 PM

comment #24

Cadavra says ...

Wells apparently hasn't seen a lot of Disney animation. The villains almost always fall to their deaths.

Also: Nicholson in BATMAN.

Posted by Cadavra at February 18, 2008 12:09 PM

comment #25

gruver1 says ...

Wells to Spoiler Whiners: Sorry, but I put in that parenthetical because I felt I needed to respond to what BlueBomm had already written. In the reader replies...the second from the top! I just put a CAPITAL LETTERS warning in, if that consoles anyone. I saw "In Bruges" last month, it's been around for a while, it's not the ending but the journey, etc.

Posted by gruver1 at February 18, 2008 12:10 PM

comment #26

Mark says ...

Jason Bourne had a noticeable limp after falling 6 stories ontop of another guy. He couldn't even run full speed after that fall. jk.

BTW - History will prove that The Departed was a comedy.

Posted by Mark at February 18, 2008 12:14 PM

comment #27

Edward says ...

SPOILER
The rat at the end of The Departed was definately funny.

Posted by Edward at February 18, 2008 12:36 PM

comment #28

lazespud says ...

OK all --

I suggest we just move on from this tragedy. Jeff; my suggestion to you is to never assume, ever, that you're not going to piss off folks when you reveal plot points, (even for little-seen 40 year old movies). I'm glad you got to see Bruge last month, but it's only been playing in most of the country for a week, and in precious few theaters at that.

But regardless, I'll move on and somehow get on with my life... just please put a little warning in the future. Even if you want to make fun of the spoiler by calling us yokels in the warning... just post a tiny little warning. It solves everything.

Seriously, I've read you religiously from Mr. Showbiz, to Reel.com, to ViewAskew, to HE, but spoilers are the kind of thing that make me and other passionate filmgoers just stop reading. It's not because we don't love your stuff; we do. It's because we are the specific group of filmgoers that want to experience quality movies as fresh as possible... We don't want to spend our times watch films like "in Bruge" wondering, "is it now when Gleeson gets killed?"

Posted by lazespud at February 18, 2008 12:38 PM

comment #29

Wrecktum says ...

Disney characters always fall to their death because, otherwise, the MPAA would be forced to rate the films higher than a G. A fall allows the filmmakers to show a character dying without actually showing the death on screen. No knives, no guns. Only gravity!

Posted by Wrecktum at February 18, 2008 12:52 PM

comment #30

Josh Massey says ...

So we're supposed to read the comments before the post? Good to know.

Posted by Josh Massey at February 18, 2008 12:52 PM

comment #31

renorambler says ...

I'm sorry, I won't argue that Fraser is our greatest living actor or anything, but a quick look at his imdb resume shows an ok mix of small and large film roles. Even some good guest turns on Scrubs. Unless you're A lister all the way (only a handful of those powerbrokers in Hollywood) most "second-tier" actors try to mix up the paycheck movies with some pieces that require more chops and maintain some credibility. Few actors have the clout to control everything in a production and insure that they are only seen in top level films. Cut the guy some slack. There is an awful lot of luck involved and we all know it.

BTW, Sir Ian McKellen praised BF up and down on the Charlie Rose show for his naturalistic acting. Those so eager to criticize an actor's choices so flippantly should probably consider sticking it up their arses.

Posted by renorambler at February 18, 2008 12:55 PM

comment #32

christian says ...

GODS & MONSTERS would not have worked without Fraser. I think he's very good and wish he could chomp off some meatier roles.

Posted by christian at February 18, 2008 1:33 PM

comment #33

Joe B. says ...

I was wondering about the tag at the end of the trailer; something like "The First Live-Action Digital 3-D Movie EVER."

What about Spy Kids 3D?

Posted by Joe B. at February 18, 2008 3:03 PM

comment #34

hypeful says ...

The JOURNEY 3D trailer was shown in 3-D before NIGHTMARE BEFORE XMAS 3D back in October and, more than anything, it looks like another all-around uninspired showcase for Disney's Digital 3-D. It's a shame this technology is only being used on lesser fare like MEET THE ROBINSONS, HANNAH MONTANA, Brendan Fraser falling like Wile E. Coyote, and the upcoming Pixar-less TOY STORY 3. Why not offer WALLâ€¢E in 3-D?

Posted by hypeful at February 18, 2008 3:20 PM

comment #35

Peterson says ...

Joe B - Spy Kids 3D was not done in Digital 3D which is a superior 3D process; they released it in the inferior and cheap single film red /blue glasses format that allowed it to be shown in any theatre without any special equipment.

Posted by Peterson at February 18, 2008 3:54 PM

comment #36

Josh Massey says ...

"and the upcoming Pixar-less TOY STORY 3"

News to me.

Posted by Josh Massey at February 18, 2008 4:08 PM

comment #37

Rich S. says ...

hypeful, I think it's been confirmed that after the merger, Lasseter went back and scrapped all the work that had been done on Toy Story 3 and went back to square one. Pixar didn't want to make TS3, but decided that if it was going to get made, they wanted to be the ones to make it.

Disney villains usually fall to their deaths not only because you don't actually see them die, but because the hero can play a part in the death without actually killing them. The villain is usually engaged in some sort of duel with the protagonist when it happens. But boy, does it happen a lot. The Little Mermaid and Sleeping Beauty are the only two Disney animateds I can think of off the top of my head where the hero actually kills the villain without the villain falling. Beauty and the Beast, Tarzan, Mulan, Snow White, Hunchback, etc. all have the villain dying by falling.

Posted by Rich S. at February 18, 2008 5:13 PM

comment #38

Midwest Doug says ...

How about Frank Nitti in The Untouchables, after getting the shove from Costner/Ness?

Posted by Midwest Doug at February 18, 2008 5:17 PM

comment #39

actionman says ...

the trailer for Journey 3-D looks abysmal

someone please make an amazing 3-D live-action action-adventure film

Posted by actionman at February 18, 2008 5:58 PM

comment #40

Wrecktum says ...

Rich S., don't forget The Lion King, Rescuers Down Under, Atlantis, Brother Bear (not the villain, the brother). Probably all of them.

As for Toy Story 3, it is indeed being made by Pixar, not Disney. Lee Unkrich, who co-directed Toy Story 2, is helming the third one, which is coming out in 2010. It was recently announced that it will be in 3-D, as will reissues of Toy Story 1 and Toy Story 2, which will both be coming out in 2009 before the release of Part 3.

Pixar was never on board with 3-D, but now they are. Maybe because their corporate masters have insisted they be.

Posted by Wrecktum at February 18, 2008 6:00 PM

comment #41

Wrecktum says ...

...not to imply that Pixar was forced to do 3-D because Disney is so heavily invested in it. Remember, Pixar experimented with a 3-D process when Lasseter directed Knick Knack back in 1989.

Posted by Wrecktum at February 18, 2008 6:02 PM

comment #42

BurmaShave says ...

I saw this trailer in front of BEOWULF as I'm sure many did. Looks horrible. CORALINE looked interesting. That was a fun experience overall though, took me back to my cough syrup days.

Posted by BurmaShave at February 18, 2008 6:13 PM

comment #43

Dave says ...

Fuck you, Jeffrey Wells.

Posted by Dave at February 18, 2008 7:29 PM

comment #44

hypeful says ...

@Rich S. & Wrecktum: Oops. My mistake - good news, then! I mistakenly recalled hearing that Disney was going ahead with production on a Pixar-less Toy Story 3 under some kind of contractual right to produce sequels to previous films. I was worried that they were going to take the series to infinity and beyond exploitation!

Posted by hypeful at February 18, 2008 9:28 PM

comment #45

Rich S. says ...

hypeful, you heard absolutely correct. Disney was planning on using their rights to their Pixar films to make sequels, some of which were rumored to be going direct to video. It was only after the merger that Lasseter decided to bring in Pixar talent and make TS3. So you heard the correct story, just not the ending.

Posted by Rich S. at February 19, 2008 7:10 AM

comment #46