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Ishtar
(May, 1987)
The Seven-Per-Cent Solution (OOP)
(Ross, 1976)
The Devils
(Russell, 1974)
The Pirates of Penzance
(Papp/Leach, 1983)
The Fortune
(Nichols, 1975)
-30-
(Webb, 1959)
Betrayal
(Jones, 1983)
Play It As It Lays
(Perry, 1972)
The Outfit
(Flynn, 1973)
Alex in Wonderland
(Mazursky, 1969)
The Legend of Lylah Clare
(Aldrich, 1968)
In The Cool of the Day
(Stevens, 1963)
That Cold Day in the Park
(Altman, 1969)
Thumb Trippin'
(Masters, 1972)
Midas Run
(Kjellin, 1969)
At Long Last Love
(Bogdanovich, 1973)
Brewster McCloud
(Altman, 1972)
Outcast of the Islands
(Reed, 1951)

Reader Submissions
1930's-1950's
The Moon's Our Home
(Seiter, 1936)
Sh! The Octopus
(McGann, 1937)
The Mating Season
(Leisen, 1951)
Bad for Each Other
(Rapper, 1953)
The Phenix City Story
(Karlson, 1955)
Run of the Arrow
(Fuller, 1956)
House of Secrets
(Green, 1956)
Saint Joan
(Preminger, 1957)
Macabre
(Castle, 1958)
The Fiend Who Walked the West
(G. Douglas, 1958
Five Gates to Hell
(Clavell, 1959)
1960's
Key Witness
(Karlson, 1960)
Summer and Smoke
(Glenville, 1961)
The Chapman Report
(Cukor,1962)
Bachelor Flat
(Tashlin, 1962) [on Hulu]
The L Shaped Room
(Forbes, 1963)
The Chalk Garden
(Neame, 1964)
A Thousand Clowns
(Coe, 1965)
You're a Big Boy Now
(Coppola, 1966)
The Whisperers
(Forbes, 1967)
Dark of the Sun
(Cardiff, 1968)
Skidoo
(Preminger, 1968)
Last Summer
(Perry, 1969)
The Comic
(C. Reiner, 1969)
1970-1974
The Revolutionary
(Williams, 1970)
The Landlord
(Ashby, 1970)
Diary of a Mad Housewife
(Perry, 1970)
Tropic of Cancer
(Strick, 1970)
I Never Sang for My Father
(Cates, 1970)
Sometimes a Great Notion
(Newman, 1971)
Marriage of a Young Stockbroker
(Turman, 1971)
The Music Lovers
(Russell, 1971)
Drive, He Said
(Nicholson, 1971)
The Steagle
(Sylbert, 1971)
The Last Movie
(Hopper, 1971)
Made For Each Other
(Bean, 1971)
The Day the Clown Cried
(Lewis, 1972)
Hickey & Boggs (OOP)
(Culp, 1972)
The Carey Treatment
(Edwards, 1972)
Pete 'n' Tillie
(Ritt, 1972)
Slither
(Zieff, 1973)
Man on a Swing
(Perry, 1974)
Open Season
(Collinson, 1974)
The Tamarind Seed
(Edwards, 1974)
Law and Disorder
(Passer, 1974)
Homebodies
(Yust, 1974)
Stardust
(Apted, 1974)
Celine and Julie Go Boating
(Rivette, 1974)
1975-1979
Rafferty and the Gold Dust Twins
(Richards, 1975
At Long Last Love
(Bogdanovich, 1975)
Hearts of the West
(Zieff, 1975)
Welcome to L.A.
(Rudolph, 1976)
W.C. Fields and Me
(Hiller, 1976)
Citizens Band
(Demme, 1977)
Twilight's Last Gleaming
(Aldrich, 1977)
Looking for Mr. Goodbar
(Brooks, 1977)
Girlfriends
(Weill, 1978)
Movie Movie
(Donen, 1978)
The Medusa Touch
(Gold, 1978)
American Hot Wax
(Mutrux, 1978)
Hot Stuff
(DeLuise, 1979)
Scavenger Hunt
(Schultz , 1979)
Players
(Harvey, 1979)
Rich Kids
(Young, 1979)
Nightwing
(Hiller, 1979)
Screams of a Winter's Night
(Wilson, 1979
When You Comin' Back Red Ryder?
(Katselas, 1979
1980's
Resurrection
(Petrie, 1980)
The Awakening
(Newell, 1980)
Simon
(Brickman, 1980)
God's Angry Man
(Herzog, 1980)
Fast-Walking
(Harris, 1982)
Twice Upon a Time
(Korty & Swenson, 1983)
Trouble in Mind
(Rudolph, 1985)
When the Wind Blows
(Murikami, 1986)
Housekeeping
(Forsyth, 1987)
The Glass Menagerie
(Newman, 1987)
Patty Hearst
(Schrader, 1988)
Drowning by Numbers
(Greenaway, 1988)
Haunted Summer
(Passer, 1988)
The Decline of Western Civilization Part II: The Metal Years
(Spheeris, 1988)
1990's
Old Times
(Curtis, 1991)
Prospero's Books
(Greenaway, 1991)
City of Hope
(Sayles, 1991)
The Baby of Macon
(Greenaway, 1993)
King of the Hill
(Soderbergh, 1993)
Dadetown
(Hexter, 1995)
SubUrbia
(Linklater, 1997)

Upcoming

January 8

Bitch Slap

Waiting for Armageddon

Wonderful World

Youth in Revolt

January 15

January 22

Drool

Extraordinary Measures

The Girl on the Train

Elements of Style

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It is hurtful and degrading, I feel, to evaluate the sexual attraction levels of humans like a trade critic might evaluate the features of a new car or cell phone, but since Ashley Alexandra Dupre (a.k.a. Ashley Youmans), otherwise known as the prostitute who spent some private time with former New York governor Eliot Spitzer, being in the business of offering her sexual wares for big money, I want to clarify a point I made yesterday, which is that her nose is too big.

She has a kind of Beagle Boys nose, which is to say a nose that looks a tiny bit canine. If a professional cartoonist was to draw a charicature of Dupre, he/she would almost certainly give her the same kind of black-tipped dog nose that Disney's Goofy character had. Many cartoonists, in fact, have used dog noses.

I have one other comment. If I were a john about to pay $4500 for her services, which, in my mind, should result in the company of a woman with the most exquisite and delicate Michelangelo features imaginable (i.e., Kate Moss-level), I would also have concerns about her fingers, which are too thick. I'm not the first person to use the term "thick-fingered vulgarian," but it's a physical distinction everyone is familiar with. Refined, upscale, top-of-the-line women don't have thick or semi-thick digits, which come from being big-boned in general.

I wouldn't say this unless we were talking about a woman in the trade. AAD is currently famous in part because of how she looks and, of course, her willingness to offer intimacies for money, so I think it's fair, this one time, to offer views on this topic. Full disclosure: I've never paid for the company of a pro in my life, although it's hard to argue too strenuously with that famous Robert Towne line in The Last Detail, spoken by Otis Young: "Any [female intimacy moment] you get in this world you're gonna have to pay for, one way or the other."

A Test of Character<< previous | next >>Titles in a Tight Box

Posted by Jeffrey Wells on March 13, 2008 at 3:43 PM

comment #1

CitizenKanedforChewingGum says ...

Nostradamus say: this is going to be one ugly talkback.

Posted by CitizenKanedforChewingGum at March 13, 2008 4:28 PM

comment #2

T. Holly says ...

I just thought she had a stinky nose job. Youmans baby.

Posted by T. Holly at March 13, 2008 4:33 PM

comment #3

George Prager says ...

That's why she's a hooker. She has low-self esteem, especially about her short fingers (which I noticed right off the bat) and nose. Strippers, hookers, American Idol contestants, etc. spend a lot of time examining themselves in the mirror. There's a pychiatric term for it. Remember that scene in MOMMIE DEAREST when Joan Crawford couldn't stop looking at her legs in the mirror before a hot date with Steve Forrest?

Posted by George Prager at March 13, 2008 4:35 PM

comment #4

D.Z. says ...

I didn't know Jeff was a fan of Carl Barks. Anyway, I'm not sure how an anorexic coke-head is "exquisite".

Posted by D.Z. at March 13, 2008 4:36 PM

comment #5

Mgmax says ...

Remember, the context for the size of her nose was Eliot Spitzer.

Has everyone seen this? I would say the combination of nauseatingly simple-minded copy, and subsequent reality, makes it possibly the greatest example of political advertising-- at least since LBJ convinced us that it was important to defeat Barry Goldwater because otherwise, America might get involved in disastrous wars with Communist regimes:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=09gfnrXdrmE

Posted by Mgmax at March 13, 2008 4:40 PM

comment #6

christian says ...

Jeff, get help. Your posts are devolving into Paris Hilton-level observations that I would expect from Rush Limbaugh. And you support HOPECHANGEINSPIRATION but you're about one post from demanding yellow stars for "ugly people."

Get more out of life: Go out to a movie.

Posted by christian at March 13, 2008 4:49 PM

comment #7

Jay T. says ...

Well, if she had model-level looks, she'd probably be a model and not a hooker, so it makes a lot of sense.

And mentioning Kate Moss, she looks a hell of a lot better with her clothes on than off.

Posted by Jay T. at March 13, 2008 4:53 PM

comment #8

erniesouchak says ...

Wells, you crack me up. Really. Maybe Spitzer stuck to low-light hotel rooms and let his imagination do the rest?

Posted by erniesouchak at March 13, 2008 4:57 PM

comment #9

MathewM says ...

Kate Moss is not sexy. There's something cold about her as well as most other super models. Women need some vulnerability about their looks to make them attractive to a man. Perfection is boring.

Posted by MathewM at March 13, 2008 4:58 PM

comment #10

jaredsap says ...

I asked Ashley if she had any comment on the picture in the upper-right hand corner of this site.

"$4500 ain't worth it."

Posted by jaredsap at March 13, 2008 5:05 PM

comment #11

T. Holly says ...

christian's right but Jeff's insanity is fun. Next up, David Poland will detail Spitzer's loney future as he burns through his legacy and faces jail time.

Posted by T. Holly at March 13, 2008 5:06 PM

comment #12

Devin Faraci says ...

I love this blog.

Posted by Devin Faraci at March 13, 2008 5:13 PM

comment #13

The Hoyk says ...

There is a press-friendly alternative version of your THE LAST DETAIL quote, a two-man quip from Anthony Shaffer's first screenplay of SLEUTH:

Milo Tindle: A turnstile in the bedroom?

Andrew Wyke: One way or another, one always pays to get in.

Posted by The Hoyk at March 13, 2008 5:16 PM

comment #14

mutinyco says ...

Well, if nothing else, she's certainly a step up from Monica...

Posted by mutinyco at March 13, 2008 5:18 PM

comment #15

lindenen says ...

For a split second, when I saw her picture on Drudge, I thought it was Sarah Silverman. Then I read the headline and looked more closely.

Posted by lindenen at March 13, 2008 5:19 PM

comment #16

Mr. Muckle says ...

Man, I had the same thought when I saw her hands. I think the term is usually "short-fingered vulgarian" though. I don't know why. It's not PC these days to judge character based on physiognomy, but a lot of that kind of analysis seems to have some basis in fact. Look at all the jocks with big chins, for example. Exaggeration at the bottom of the face tends to indicate an exaggerated physicality.

Posted by Mr. Muckle at March 13, 2008 5:20 PM

comment #17

mutinyco says ...

Better than Monica but not Donna Rice class...

Posted by mutinyco at March 13, 2008 5:23 PM

comment #18

Dave says ...

Can we eliminate the $4500 meme already?

The most expensive escorts went for that price. She went for $1000 an hour.

Posted by Dave at March 13, 2008 5:32 PM

comment #19

Mgmax says ...

"I think the term is usually "short-fingered vulgarian" though. I don't know why."

Spy devised that as mock-Timese* for Donald Trump.

* Timese refers to the fact that when it first began, Time used lots of pithy descriptors over and over to refer to the same person, among other stylistic tics.

Posted by Mgmax at March 13, 2008 5:34 PM

comment #20

BurmaShave says ...

Wells, get some help.

Posted by BurmaShave at March 13, 2008 5:47 PM

comment #21

Aladdin Sane says ...

Yes, she's hideous. Let's throw her under a bus!

In fact we'll rid the world of all the not quite perfect lookers out there. All we can have is perfect and ugly. No shades of gray!

Posted by Aladdin Sane at March 13, 2008 6:15 PM

comment #22

corey3rd says ...

As if spitzer saw her nose. Judging from the word leaking out - he was probably wearing a leather mask with zippers. and a tube to breathe through. The man didn't see hookers for sex - he went to be humiliated. After a hard day of ball breaking others, he enjoyed a woman giving him a hard kick in the nads.

Posted by corey3rd at March 13, 2008 6:26 PM

comment #23

diadaro1 says ...

[Diadaro1 has broken the HE law about vulgar slash-and-burn name-calling, and has been escorted out of the house. Say goodbye to him & wish him a fulfilling time on other sites.]

Posted by diadaro1 at March 13, 2008 7:32 PM

comment #24

Sonic Boom says ...

Between this and the Jason Segal post, Wells has reached a new level of simultaneously making me laugh at his ludicrous comments and shaking my head in complete disbelief. He's becoming the Art Bell of entertainment blogs.

Posted by Sonic Boom at March 13, 2008 7:42 PM

comment #25

MAGGA says ...

LOL'ed at the clip, but these one is even funnier if you consider the Obama resonances.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ckPiB9FIHbY&NR=1

Posted by MAGGA at March 13, 2008 8:45 PM

comment #26

gansibele says ...

"It is hurtful and degrading, I feel, to evaluate the sexual attraction levels of humans..."

Liar. You talk about people's physical "shortcomings" constantly. There's a name for your condition: cacophobia.

Posted by gansibele at March 13, 2008 9:20 PM

comment #27

alan says ...

Wow. Just wow. The postings here get increasingly unhinged on a daily basis. Most of the time I laugh, but sometimes I want to cry.

I frequently want to go away from this site and not come back. And then I read something interesting here, like the post about bad movie titles, or the one about a movie based on Hypatia of Alexandria, and it causes me to want to return. Dammit.

Posted by alan at March 14, 2008 10:41 AM

comment #28