Yer Blues

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I have an instant problem with scene descriptions of rottin' dead dogs and mayflies and greasy spoons with good old truck drivers sayin' where they've a'trucked to. I especially don't like readin' about some lowdown Robert Johnson tune playin' as a title card says we're in the southern Indiana lowlands in the year 1985. When Ronald Reagan was in the White House and scratchy 78 rpms of Johnson's Delta blues songs were heard almost everywhere, and were cherished in the hearts of the people.

Colorful, sweaty, earthy, pre-corporatized

Hollywood sure loves the idea of rural Middle America bein' a land where there ain't no Walmart or Starbucks or nothin' like that, and where workin' men called Slim and Buck and Jethro sip from half-pint whiskey bottles and roll their own makins and order eggs, taters 'n' bacon as they wipe sweat from their brows with tattooed forearms.

comment #1

Edward says ...

I'd think in Southern Indiana there'd be something country playing. Unless the OC owner is black.

Hard to judge a script by one page, but it seems very familar, nothing new or original.

comment #2

Mr. Blood Vessel says ...

..while being waited on by tough but lovable women who are filled with iced tea and regional brand cookies.

again..bleh..

comment #3

Balthazar says ...

What delightful film is this?

comment #4

tjfar67 says ...

Is this the new untitled Woody Allen script?

It reads like someone trying to parody Stephen King.

comment #5

BlueRaymondBabbit says ...

Gran Torino!

comment #6

George Prager says ...

More like there ain't no Perkins or Cracker Barrell or Steak n Shake.

It is true that my parents have to drive for an hour just to go to a friggin Red Lobster.

comment #7

Mgmax says ...

Also, if the sun and maggots have been at a dead dog for days, there won't be blood and probably not much flesh.

Maybe that's the title, There Won't Be Blood.

Yeah, this just reeks of authenticity. The author has authentically never been east of the Staples Center.

comment #8

MilkMan says ...

It's hard to get a lay of the land when you're always 35000 feet in the air. You think you can tell whats going on down there but all you can see are earthy shapes and small bright grids. Better to watch Doc Hollywod again. Or Forrest Gump. The Classics never go out of style.

comment #9

austin111 says ...

Good lordy, no wonder it's called "Low Dwellers".

comment #10

oranthal james says ...

Wells, I bet you love Jonah's monologue about Slow Joe Paulson and his pilly-packer that werent no bigger than caterpillar.

You definitely thought Cormac's funeral sequence was genius - you specificially loved when the priest recites 'now that he has come home you ordered the best calf to be killed for feast'.

Script sucks.

comment #11

lazespud says ...

Jesus this rings all wrong on every account. I live in the Puget Sound area and nobody, especially truckers, would say they trucked "near Puget Sound." They'd say Seattle, or maybe Tacoma...

And lets face it, while Robert Johnson is the recognized genius father of blues, his music has never been played in truckstops over the last 40 years. In fact, until that complete recordings set came out in 1990 (five years after this scene takes place), he was almost totally forgotten except with folks like the Rolling Stones and Eric Clapton.

If they really want to capture the blue collar, midwest, heartland of 1985, they'd probably have, oh I don't know, Alabama playing in the background, playing one of their three dozen or so completely unremarkable songs that were so popular around that time. Ten years later it would have been Garth Brooks and tens years after that Rascal Flatts. But never Robert Johnson. Ever.

(unless the restaurant is run by some wise beyond his years hipster... but that's a whole 'nother movie.

Since it seems like this movie jumps around in time, why do a get the feeling there's a previous scene that says "Title Card: 1970, Los Angeles." "The opening riff of Creedence Clearwater Revivial's Fortunate Son comes across a beat-up car radio in as the hero flys down the Pacific Highway in his dusty camaro convertible with the wind flying in his hair."

comment #12

corey3rd says ...

Seeing how its Indiana in '85, shouldn't there be a John Cougar Mellencamp song playing?

comment #13

Balthazar says ...

Oh God, I'm going to throw up: http://www.firstshowing.net/2008/03/21/low-dwellers-draws-leo-dicaprio-and-ridley-scott/

Remember the name of this film. Low Dwellers is getting some early, very positive rumoring with folks likening it as mix of A History of Violence and No Country for Old Men. If that wasn't interesting enough, apparently it was written by Brian Ingelsby, a "twenty-something working as an insurance salesman in Pennsylvania" who has yet to even get his feet wet in Hollywood. Now we hear, via Hollywood Reporter, that Leonardo DiCaprio and Ridley Scott have teamed up to star and possibly direct (respectively).

What caught the duo's attention is probably the bidding war that ensued which included the likes of Warner Brothers and Fox. Ryan Kavanaugh's Relativity Media (American Gangster, Vantage Point, The Bank Job) came away with the rights, however, giving Ingelsby quite a nice payday.

An early synopsis for Low Dwellers reads: "Set in Indiana in the mid-1980s, the movie centers on a man (DiCaprio) trying to assimilate into society after he's released from jail, only to find someone from his past pursuing him to settle a score. In addition to the pursuer, a third male character and a female love interest are said to figure prominently in the script."

comment #14

lazespud says ...

But this was a truckstop, right? Mellencamp may have been from Indiana, but he was definately not playing truckstop music at the time (now it would fit right in as classic rock)...

comment #15

oranthal james says ...

Slim's fuckhead of a brother deserved to be stomped. No reason why Slim should be so vengeful.

Stupid script. I piss on it.

comment #16

MilkMan says ...

Who the fuck reads firstshowing.net? Leonardo DiCaprio probably has a hard time remembering who he slept with last night, let alone the name of some script written by a panicky, desperate frat guy living in Philadelphia.

You want to know what no one cares about? Pennsylvania.

That would be good place to set the movie. You could even film the movie there if you were feeling adventurous. All those bloated guys with goatees. I don't know how easy it would be for Leo to find pussy, but if he did he would most likely find the absolute best the area has to offer. Leo gets first dibs. On scripts, on girls, on everything.

But I'm sure he is excited about Low Dwellers. That's probably all he is talking about right now as he wraps up another day at the pool.

If I was Leo I would want to look for a script with a Nazi as the main character. Leo would make a good Nazi. And lookey, lookey what I have here, a script, written by a guy named Mattias Wagner. The title of the script is Berlin. Here's a sample of the dialogue.

"Are you Jewish?"
"Yes."
"Your mom?"
"Yes."
'Your father?"
"Half."
"Do you have one relative that is Aryan?"
"I don't think so."
"Give me a name and I'll make sure you get help."
"I can't think of one."
"Don't waste any more time!"
"I have a cousin in Vienna."
"Quick!"
"I forgot his name."
"Paul?"
"No."
"Paul Berger?"
"I don't know a Paul Berger."
"Are you sure?"
"Wait."
"I can't wait. They are getting ready to shoot you. Just tell me you know Paul Berger and I will help you."
"I can't. I don't know Paul Berger."
"Then I can't help you."

I can totally see Leo holding back the tears during that scene. He's good at holding back the tears. I would be crying to if I had to make a choice between Bar Rafeli and Aimee Teegarden. That's not really much of a choice, is it? Who would you vote for? That's what we're voting for today.

comment #17

BurmaShave says ...

They should probably call this RONALD REAGAN BLUES. Captures the 80s.

comment #18

Joe Leydon says ...

OK, I am curious. I am going to ask a question, and -- maybe foolishly -- I expect truthful answers: How many folks on this bliog actually have been to a truck stop in Middle America or the Deep South? Either recently or even 20 years ago?

comment #19

americanrat says ...

Joe -

I have been to more than I could count. Missouri, Kansas, Illinois, Oklahoma, Texas and Virginia.

The most memorable time was at the Midway Truck Stop near Columbia, Missouri, New Year's Eve 1990 -1991. We wanted pancakes and ended up buying a bunch of coke and weed from these crazy old bikers. Long, crazy night and there was no Robert Johnson music playing anywhere.

The most "authentic" truck stop I have ever been to was just south of Dallas on I-35-E. I don't know the name, but it oozes the sort of feel that this screenwriter was striving for. As near as I could tell, it's owned by a middle aged South Asian couple, as is just about every interstate motel, truck stop, gas station, etc. in Red America these days.

comment #20

Mgmax says ...

"How many folks on this bliog actually have been to a truck stop in Middle America or the Deep South? Either recently"

http://www.flickr.com/photos/mgmax/2292653401

comment #21

corey3rd says ...

Joe, My wife's side of a family runs a truck stop in the Deep South. Oddly enough I've never heard any Robert Johnson being played on the PA. And In my history of gassing up in Truck stops across this great nation, I've never f'n heard a Robert Johnson song when I've gone inside to pay up or get a drink. Is this a truck stop frequented by music historians? I could understand Willie, Hank, Hank Jr. or Johnny Cash. But Robert Johnson? I haven't even been a black owned gas station here in the South and heard Robert Johnson. You know who listens to Robert Johnson? Well educated, trust fund white guys - not the salt of the earth truckers of America.

this is about as authentic as a frozen pizza.

comment #22

Bonifer says ...

I grew up in Jasper, Indiana. (If you look closely, you can catch my high school playing Hickory in 'Hoosiers'). As much as I love many people in southern Indiana, the culture, such as it is, consists mostly of getting drunk and eating too much.

I do have some great memories from growing up back there. (Wells knows about some of them.) The eccentric characters are interesting, So are the artists and some of the entrepreneurs. The Amish are interesting. The rest are just not that engaged in the dialogue. The racism I experienced back there is sickening. There are many small towns back there that could use some hardworking immigrant families to move in and get things rolling. This is in fact happening. It will force many people in those small towns to face things they've never had to confront before. Like Obama said. And it will be good for everyone when they do. When this happens I can see those little dormant towns -- Winslow, Stendal, Oolitic, Paoli, Huntingburg, Zoar, Birdseye, Spurgeon, Shoals -- I can name a hundred of them - I can see them coming back to life.

comment #23

lazespud says ...

To Leydon --

Pretty much every other day on my way from from work over the last three years (until about three months ago), I stopped at the same "Donna's Truck stop" in Marysville Washington... certainly the largest truck stop on I-5 between the Canadian Border and Oregon.

They sell a lot of tapes and CDs there; a whole lot of Johnny Rebel (overtly racist southern music). Never encountered any Robert Johnson though.

Sorry I didn't conform to your assumptions...

comment #24

GlassFamily says ...

I am from Southern Indiana and I can tell you with absolute certainty that no truck-stop, bar, restaurant, shoe store, livery stable, etc., etc., etc would ever, EVER play Robert Johnson. In fact, i never even heard of him until I went to college (late 90s) and that was from my artsy-fartsy type friends. Someone mentioned that something like Alabama would be played, and that would be absolutely correct. My grandparents owned a bar around this time, which I kind of grew up in, and there was a shit-ton of Alabama and the Oak Ridge Boys and people like John Anderson. Of course, you got your Hank Williams Jr. and David Allen Coe as well.

The funny thing is, it's still exactly the same. I love the place, honestly I do, and respect it as my own personal motherland and would never relinquish the experiences I accrued there. However, it's like stepping into a time warp when I go back for holidays or whatnot. The tastes, cultural and otherwise, are exactly the same as they were 20 or 30 years ago. Hell, the bar i went to in college has the same songs on the jukebox now that they had when I went there.

Mellencamp MIGHT have been played, but I don't recall it from any parts of my childhood. The interesting thing about Mellencamp is he is kind of a notorious asshole to all of the "small-town" folk who's lives he rapes for material. I'm not saying that this is a strange occurrence: most stars are assholes. It's just strange that he is such a revered figured in the state. Honestly, he is truly Godlike in Indiana, despite the fact that he displays nearly none of its politics.

Oh, and there probably wouldn't be a dead dog by the roadside. it would most assuredly be cleaned up. There was a guy (I believe he was tagged "the lionman") who would drive around cleaning up roadkill. I am not even joking.

comment #25

Balthazar says ...

Jeffrey, can you give us a second page from this wunderboy script to shred to pieces tomorrow? This was FUN!

comment #26

T. Holly says ...

This is so funny: "In white culture, giving away information about a film or TV series is considered as rude as spitting on your mothers grave." Come on Jeff, do it. Please.

http://stuffwhitepeoplelike.wordpress.com/2008/03/09/85-the-wire/

comment #27

Major Calloway says ...

Shit. I'm going to regret this, but I gotta play along....

Slim. Mulby. Jeez.

Is Mulby wearing handcuffs? (If you gotta think, you gotta blink. Clarity at first glance, please.)

Do we have a mayfly wrangler?

"A DEAD DOG - MORNING - SUMMER"
Paragraphs could be written about what's wrong with this.

Who do we have to play the character of WRITTEN WORDS?

"Four years later" AND "1985"? Is our intended audience too stupid to do basic math? Or was there a title in the previous scene saying "Some year or other"? And "Lowlands"? Do I need this? Does Southern Indiana have highlands? Do I care about any of this? I think not. How about just "Four years later."?

How many GUARDS is that? Seven? Three? Fourteen? (Very minor, but goes to the point of writer competence....and a very important point it is.)

"...not joyous or doleful." Great, that helps....thanks. This will keep our star from playing it as if he's just married his pregnant high school sweetheart.

(I'm not even touching the dead dog. Good thing it's easy to cut....even if the director shoots it.)

"INT. ROADSIDE RESTAURANT - MORNING"
...(sigh)...fine, close enough.

"A RECORD PLAYS ROBERT JOHNSON BLUES"
Before this script makes its way to someone like J. Wells, maybe we should figure out some basic screenwriting rules....no?

Are we still in the Southern Indiana Highlands here? Or are we somewhere outside Clarksdale, MS?

By all means, yes: making the trucker fat is more interesting than the norm....and making the eggs runny as well. Is the doberman two booths down eating flaccid pancakes?

Even though I only have one page at my disposal, here's what I can tell: the only appeal this trucker character has to any worthwhile actor is...a paycheck. "There are no small roles"? Here's one. Good luck getting anyone worthwhile in it...
What's that? You don't care? Then that's why your movie world won't work.

Why is the owner "O.C."? Is not the "shack" empty except for the trucker and the dog? I'm confused. Is the owner on an intercom? Is the fat trucker shouting to the back room? WTF?

The only other thing I have left to say is that I see the words "strapping, virile" together on the opposing page. And quite a few "n' "s in the dialogue. Umm.....

But I infer from some previous posts that there's some heat for this screenplay. So I must concede that there is more to screenwriting than just getting the surface right. (That is, if you have access to those who aren't hoping for the slightest reason to jettison it, since they have a bazillion others to go through....) Maybe the story that lies beneath all of the above is gangbusters. That's certainly worth something....more than a nothing story that's formatted all properly 'n such....

comment #28

lazespud says ...

"Mayfly wranger."

That's goddamned funny.

I think DiCaprio should stick to Scorscese...

comment #29

malibugigolo says ...

I've never had runny eggs in Indy.

Bev Hills?
You bet your ass.

comment #30

Rich S. says ...

My father interviewed for a position in a small town in southern Indiana in the late 70s (we lived near Chicago). Ultimately, he turned it down because the man interviewing him admitted there was still a very strong Klan influence.

My brother in law is from Southern Indiana, and he has the thickest southern accent of anyone I've ever met.

And, yes, I've been to a several dozen southern and rural truck stops in my day.

comment #31

DavidF says ...

Uh, Lazespud - the only way to argue Robert Johnson was forgotten until 1990 is to ignore the existence of Ralph Macchio's classic film CROSSROADS. And I don't know that you meant to do that.

comment #32

Mgmax says ...

DavidF, the only way to argue Robert Johnson was forgotten is to ignore all the 60s cover versions by British bands.

Still, Cream is a lot more likely to be playing on that jukebox than Johnson himself.

comment #33

corey3rd says ...

But Crossroads didn't come out till spring of '86 - so even if this Truckstop cinemphile was inspired to play Robert Johnson after seeing the Karate Kid play the blues, he's still a year off the action.

comment #34

Jay T. says ...

This is our country...

shit, did someone say Mellencamp? Fuck that guy...

comment #35

Balthazar says ...

Maybe this film is intended as "Crossroads 2: Electric Boogaloo"

Who's the best Ralph Macchio lookalike currently working?

comment #36

MASON says ...

Gotta love how everyone is ragging on this thing and talking about stuff like "screenwriting rules." Bitter failed screenwriters much?

comment #37

Balthazar says ...

Snarky bitterness rocks!

comment #38

hiviper says ...

...and God help you if you use voice-over in your work, my friends. God help you. That's flaccid, sloppy writing. Any idiot can write a voice-over narration to explain the thoughts of a character.

comment #39

MickTravis says ...

Hey, hiviper, I'm the guy you yelled at this morning!

That page reads very contrived and synthetic (not to mention costly in terms of music rights) but at the same time ... it is just one page.

Now I doubt JW would've posted it if it weren't indicative of the overall style, but still ... who wants to post one random page of their latest opus for critical review?

One thing I do know about truck stops and Waffle Houses in the south (and I've eaten in them my entire life) is that the music is rarely colorful, rarely even any good.

comment #40

Major Calloway says ...

Mason nails it. 'Scuse me while I go nurse a hangover...

comment #41

Edward Havens says ...

I wasn't aware this was a screenplay for a documentary.

Anyway, if this movie ever does get made, it will be rewritten so many times, it will eventually be about Pablo Escobar's travels to the Virgo Supercluster in order to find a hospitable planet for Earthlings whose home planet has died due to centuries of global warming.

comment #42

Mgmax says ...

Mason totally nails it! By definition, any carping about any aspect of any studio movie is simply the whining of failed screenwriters. You have one duty as a member of the audience and that is to buy your ticket and sit there and like it! Anything else is bad for the industry!

comment #43

T. S. Idiot says ...

The Stones' version of "Love in Vain" is pretty good.

comment #44

corey3rd says ...

Ralph was great in Beer League - along with the porn star that shot ping pong balls out of her crotch.

comment #45

Mgmax says ...

"Who's the best Ralph Macchio lookalike currently working?"

Hilary Swank

comment #46

VoiceOfReason says ...

Here we have far too many comments being made for such a minor post. Oh shit, look at me adding to it.

comment #47

T. S. Idiot says ...

There are no minor posts, only minor posters.

comment #48

frankbooth says ...

Mgmax,

I looked at your Flickr pics.

While it's true that no one lives forever regardless of lifestyle, you ought to watch that diet. Seriously. I've never seen so many photos of fried food in one place. Hog jowls and gravy?

And now I'm off to get roasted pork bahn mi. But that's different.

comment #49

Mgmax says ...

I have never eaten hog jowls and gravy!

It was baked beans with hog jowls in them (at B.E. Scott's in Lexington, TN). And, truth be told... they were a bit much even for me.

Anyway, YOU try spending a week in the South and not wind up eating a lot of fried food. The Chicago-based pictures are somewhat more temperate-- even if, alas, I shall never be thin enough for Jeff's exquisitely Californian standards of acceptability....

comment #50

Balthazar says ...

hiviper wrote: "...and God help you if you use voice-over in your work, my friends. God help you. That's flaccid, sloppy writing. Any idiot can write a voice-over narration to explain the thoughts of a character."

UNLESS you get Morgan Freeman to read the voice-over. Then it's pure fucking gold.

comment #51

Edward says ...

Balthazar added: "UNLESS you get Morgan Freeman to read the voice-over. Then it's pure fucking gold."

Except for Morgan Freeman reading the horribly written narration for "March of the Penguins."

comment #52

Major Calloway says ...

...and God help you if you use voice-over in your work, my friends. God help you. That's flaccid, sloppy writing. Any idiot can write a voice-over narration to explain the thoughts of a character.

Okay, that's it. One hour for lunch.

comment #53

dcc77 says ...

Like many of you, I've written a script and it was a grueling, soul-sucking undertaking that taught me humility and respect for those who succeed. So instead of lambasting this "frat boy" for one page of his less-than-authentic writing, why not at least give him SOME credit for beating the odds and getting DiCaprio and Scott attached to his property.

I'm no Buddhist, but please guys, let go of the hate or it will consume you.

comment #54

JBM... says ...

This guy really isn't some Joe Blow who off and wrote a script on a lark like the trades are making him out to be. He was an AFI screenwriting fellow for two years.

comment #55

cjKennedy says ...

...and so begins the tearing down of the shmo who achieved every screenwriter's spec-script wet dream.

comment #56

Mgmax says ...

I'm not in the industry, what do I care? You might as well ask me to get all concerned about the struggle of the guy who invented Cool Ranch Doritos. The person isn't important-- what's important is that here's a major movie which rings false from an early page. This is-- at least technically-- a movie site, I don't see why criticism can't start this early....

comment #57

christian says ...

Here comes CJ to pile on all the one-page hate. Not fair!

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