edited by Jonathan Doyle

Cloverfield [BLU-RAY] (Paramount Home Entertainment, 6.3.2008) Disguised under deliberately goofy, yet deliciously edible-sounding, aliases such as Cheese and Slusho, Matt Reeves' Cloverfield was produced and rushed into theaters under an equally appetizing shroud of secrecy. From last year's incredibly elusive Super Bowl ad to the film's viral marketing campaign, Cloverfield had everybody scratching their heads and drooling in anticipation. Aside from the as-yet untitled title and the Blair Witch-ian visual style, the film's biggest appeal was the enigmatic creature who was last (un)seen hurling the decapitated head of the Statue of Liberty onto the crowded streets of New York City. All we knew about the mysterious beast was that it was big and angry. Now that the highy-anticipated project has come and gone, one question has fortunately been answered: Cloverfield was a major success. (continued)

Upcoming

July 2

Hancock

July 3

The Whackness

July 4

Diminished Capacity

Gonzo: The Life and Work of Hunter S. Thompson

Holding Trevor

Kabluey

We are Together

July 9

Full Battle Rattle

July 11

A Man Named Pearl

August

Eight Miles High

Garden Party

Harold

Hellboy II: The Golden Army

Journey to the Center of the Earth

Meet Dave

Roman Polanski: Wanted and Desired

The Stone Angel

July 18

A Very British Gangster

Before I Forget

The Dark Knight

The Doorman

Felon

Lou Reed's Berlin

Transsiberian

July 22

Two Tickets to Paradise

July 23

Boy A

McDonald's Malaise

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Late start (I'm tapping this out from a McDonald's in West L.A. between sips of black, stomach-searing "premium roast" coffee) and lots to get into. But first I have to drag myself out of this neon-lit formica hell hole, and it's hard to do that because I keep thinking of one more thing to say or post or link to.

I'll definitely get into Young @ Heart, a doc about a late-in-life singing group ("singing" being a different thing than "signing," as in the signing of checks) that is easily -- easily -- the most emotionally affecting film of the year, although it can't qualify, sad to say, for a Best Feature-Length Documentary Oscar due to an '06 British TV airing. Doesn't matter. Essential viewing either way. Because we're all going there, and because we all need to sing.

And Kimberly Peirce's Stop-Loss, the best film opening this weekend (and an Iraq War-related that deserves, for once, to be discussed without mentioning the emphatic non-interest in this general topic among Gorilla Nation filmgoers).

And Olivier Assayas' Boarding Gate, a moody, offbeat Paris-Hong Kong thriller with Asia Argento that I finally caught last weekend and turned out to be much, much than expected.

I just can't get into this stuff while sitting in a McDonald's. You'd think they'd offer free wi-fi but nooo -- you have to pay $2.95 for two hours. Everyone eating here is from a budget-conscious socio-economic strata. There's a guy sitting two tables away who sounds like he's close to having a heart attack, what with the red face and the heavy panting that just keeps going and going. People should show respect for others in a public place by putting a lid on this stuff. No groaning, coughing, moaning, nose-blowing or hyper-ventilating. Keep it together already. I'm trying to write here. You don't see Starbucks customers going through their death throes.

"Big Baby" Scanned<< previous | next >>Abby Mann Passes

Posted by Jeffrey Wells on March 28, 2008 at 10:37 AM

comment #1

T. S. Idiot says ...

How can you stand the smell of the greasy eats?

Posted by T. S. Idiot at March 28, 2008 11:41 AM

comment #2

christian says ...

No, in Starbucks I have to hear the sound and fury of too much self-absorption. But Jeff, there's dozens of wi-fi coffeeshops in LA. Blogging at McDonald's with the hoi polloi?

Posted by christian at March 28, 2008 11:44 AM

comment #3

maribou says ...

OMG -- I agree with Jeff on "Young@Heart" and on "Stop Loss" -- I feel so strange....

Posted by maribou at March 28, 2008 11:45 AM

comment #4

actionman says ...

Really, really want to see Boarding Gate

I loved the trailer for Young at Heart...will definitely netflix that one

Stop-Loss tomorrow afternoon, first time back to Arclight Hollywood in months. Looking forward...

Posted by actionman at March 28, 2008 11:45 AM

comment #5

maribou says ...

Just curious -- why can't "Young@Heart" qualify for the Best Doc race?

Posted by maribou at March 28, 2008 11:49 AM

comment #6

Mgmax says ...

Dude, go to Panera, free wifi and it'll be full of yuppie moms with Peg Perego strollers. (Sudden flash of the swimming pool scene in Little Children...)

Meanwhile, I look forward to next week's resumption of hostilities toward Gorilla Nation.

Posted by Mgmax at March 28, 2008 11:51 AM

comment #7

Rich S. says ...

I still haven't quite figured out which "Nation" Jeff thinks he belongs to. Obviously not Gorilla. He probably thinks it's Chimp, but they're a little too wimpy.

When you get right down to it, I say it's Orangutan. Snobby, elitist, bureaucratic and, especially, keepers of cultural purity.

Sorry, the shoe fits, Dr. Zaius.

Posted by Rich S. at March 28, 2008 12:18 PM

comment #8

Aladdin Sane says ...

"I hate every ape I see!
From Chimpan-A to Chimpan-Z!
No you'll never make a monkey out of me!
Oh my god, I was wrong! It was Earth, all along.
You finally made a monkey
Yes we finally made a monkey...
Yes, you finally made a monkey out of me!...I love you Dr. Zaius"
- Jeff Wells deathbed - date unknown.

Posted by Aladdin Sane at March 28, 2008 12:30 PM

comment #9

Bocephus says ...

I don't understand that picture, why is Criss Angel wearing a bra?

Posted by Bocephus at March 28, 2008 12:31 PM

comment #10

BurmaShave says ...

I have a feeling Asia Argento would be decidedly worse for your long-term health than an Egg McMuffin.

Posted by BurmaShave at March 28, 2008 12:34 PM

comment #11

Edward says ...

No movie with Asia Argento dressed like that could be all bad

Posted by Edward at March 28, 2008 12:44 PM

comment #12

Rich S. says ...

Long-term health, certainly. But, boy, in the short term....

Posted by Rich S. at March 28, 2008 12:54 PM

comment #13

George Prager says ...

Saw a trailer for YOUNG@HEART. Looks like absolute torture. Why do oldsters always have to act like retards to be considered "young?" Can't they sit at home and read a book? (Anyone remember the 80s british film NO SURRENDER? http://imdb.com/title/tt0089697/ ...where a punk group sings "DIE DIE DIE" to a group of "senior citizens")

Posted by George Prager at March 28, 2008 12:55 PM

comment #14

seduisant says ...

The "Young@Heart Choir" singing I Wanna Be Sedated by The Ramones. 1:33 of cinematic heaven:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=McCpBsH9cOQ

Posted by seduisant at March 28, 2008 01:00 PM

comment #15

Zimmergirl says ...

I don't know how gorillas got dragged into any of this. In truth, to call gorillas human-like would be to insult THEM.

As to the rest of his rant, lol. These are my favorite kinds of posts by Jeff, the ones where he really gripes about humanity in all of its disgusting glory.

Posted by Zimmergirl at March 28, 2008 01:13 PM

comment #16

Bocephus says ...

Yeah, Gorillas are peaceful, graceful, beautiful creatures. They are vegetarians for fucks sake. Please leave them out of this, it really is an unfair comparison.

Humans are more like chimps; violent, socially aggressive, disgusting creatures.

Posted by Bocephus at March 28, 2008 01:18 PM

comment #17

Rich S. says ...

Zimmergirl,

During an earlier version of this post, Jeff painted his fellow diners with a much broader brush and once again referred to them as "Gorilla Nation." He has since edited that reference out, maybe because as originally phrased, he included himself in the great unwashed masses of humanity. Which, of course, could never be his intent.

Posted by Rich S. at March 28, 2008 01:18 PM

comment #18