edited by Jonathan Doyle

Cloverfield [BLU-RAY] (Paramount Home Entertainment, 6.3.2008) Disguised under deliberately goofy, yet deliciously edible-sounding, aliases such as Cheese and Slusho, Matt Reeves' Cloverfield was produced and rushed into theaters under an equally appetizing shroud of secrecy. From last year's incredibly elusive Super Bowl ad to the film's viral marketing campaign, Cloverfield had everybody scratching their heads and drooling in anticipation. Aside from the as-yet untitled title and the Blair Witch-ian visual style, the film's biggest appeal was the enigmatic creature who was last (un)seen hurling the decapitated head of the Statue of Liberty onto the crowded streets of New York City. All we knew about the mysterious beast was that it was big and angry. Now that the highy-anticipated project has come and gone, one question has fortunately been answered: Cloverfield was a major success. (continued)

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Titles in a Tight Box

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I meant to get into Jack Lechner's piece about bad movie titles yesterday (posted by Variety's Anne Thompson). It was apparently inspired by Quantum of Solace, the admittedly terrible title of the next James Bond film, but I can riff about movie titles for hours.

You know a movie title is bad, says Lechner, when (1) it's incomprehensible until you see the movie, but not intriguing enough to make you want to see it; (2) it sends a misleading signal about tone or content (example: Cinderella Man); (3) it's boring or (4) it's Ballistic: Ecks vs. Sever. But the reason some are bad (or at seem bad to some of us) is that they all have to be short and punchy. Which I tend to agree with, for the most part -- vague blah-blah titles turn me off as much as the next guy. I just don't see why it has to sort and punchy all the time.

I would also blame a general refusal among general audience to respond to titles with poetic elements -- metaphor, alliteration, allusion. Every movie title has to have a meat-and-potatoes quality, or no sale. Which means, generally speaking, that it also can't be too long.

Can anyone imagine a new movie being called This Sporting Life? (Not specific enough, what kind of sport?, too thoughtful) or If...? (way too vague and imprecise.) Or The Loneliness fo the Long-Distance Runner? Or The Dark at the Top fo the Stairs? or How Green Was My Valley?

I've never gotten over the decision to remake Jacques Tourneur's Out of the Past -- a title with a vaguely eerie, haunting quality -- and call it Against All Odds, which seethes with machismo and feels like a sports allusion of some kind. That, to me, was the ultimate example of a movie title dumb-down.

Mark Caro's Pop Machine's ran a Worst Movie TItle Ever poll a few months ago -- here. And here's the sum-up of the many nominees.

Elements of Style<< previous | next >>Honest Admission

Posted by Jeffrey Wells on March 13, 2008 at 4:42 PM

comment #1

Stephe96 says ...

I seem to recall one writer with the opinion that, nevermind the movie, "Fatal Attraction" was hands-down the best movie title ever.

By the way, speaking of misleading movie titles...does anyone have any idea why it was called "Superbad?"

Posted by Stephe96 at March 13, 2008 5:21 PM

comment #2

Nate Ford says ...

She Wore a Yellow Ribbon...? Although in Joanne Dru's defense, she did in fact where a yellow ribbon.

Posted by Nate Ford at March 13, 2008 5:23 PM

comment #3

Nate Ford says ...

She Wore a Yellow Ribbon...? Although in Joanne Dru's defense, she did in fact where a yellow ribbon.

Posted by Nate Ford at March 13, 2008 5:24 PM

comment #4

Nate Ford says ...

She Wore a Yellow Ribbon...? Although in Joanne Dru's defense, she did in fact where a yellow ribbon.

Posted by Nate Ford at March 13, 2008 5:25 PM

comment #5

Nate Ford says ...

She Wore a Yellow Ribbon...? Although in Joanne Dru's defense, she did in fact wear a yellow ribbon.

Posted by Nate Ford at March 13, 2008 5:27 PM

comment #6

Wrecktum says ...

I love "Quantum of Solace" by the way.

I've always believed that the title of a film is pretty meaningless in terms of its success.

Posted by Wrecktum at March 13, 2008 5:33 PM

comment #7

cbuckie says ...

Actual title of a new Clive Barker film "Midnight Meat Train" A Japanese film title I always thought poetic "To Sleep so as to Dream"

Posted by cbuckie at March 13, 2008 5:36 PM

comment #8

dangovich says ...

So that's four votes for "She Wore a Yellow Ribbon?"

I submit "Johnny Mnemonic," if only for the fact that it's a bad idea to chose a title that 90 percent of the population can't pronounce.

Posted by dangovich at March 13, 2008 5:42 PM

comment #9

BlueBomm says ...

Well... we do get things like "Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind," "No Country for Old Men," and "There Will Be Blood," to name a few recent ones.

But it's true, none of them are quite "I Walked With a Zombie" or "They Shoot Horses, Don't They?"

Posted by BlueBomm at March 13, 2008 5:55 PM

comment #10

SinglemanParty says ...

In the "Michael Clayton" mold that Jack mentions, I nominate "Judy Berlin." Says nothing about the film and is utterly unmemorable, to the point that I have to look it up on IMDB whenever I want to recommend it to anyone. Should have been called "The Eclipse," perhaps.

Posted by SinglemanParty at March 13, 2008 5:56 PM

comment #11

korryer says ...

I read this news this morning. People on a celebrity and millionaire dating site called wealthysoulmate.com have been talking about it.

Posted by korryer at March 13, 2008 5:56 PM

comment #12

BostonBrand says ...

Perfect example: It was called "Superbad" because "Superbad" is a kickass title!

Posted by BostonBrand at March 13, 2008 5:57 PM

comment #13

Aris P says ...

One of the top head scratchers for me: "The englishman who went up the hill but came down a mountain", or whatever it was called.

Not to be outdone however, how's this for weirdest song title ever: ""She was Waiting For Her Mother At The Station in Torino And You Know I Love You Baby But It's Getting Too Heavy To Laugh" (Shawn Phillips).

Posted by Aris P at March 13, 2008 6:00 PM

comment #14

gruver1 says ...

Wells to Nate Ford: Four posts of the same comment...are you by any chance a technological moron?

Posted by gruver1 at March 13, 2008 6:15 PM

comment #15

Jeremy Smith says ...

SWITCHBACK, which once was GOING WEST IN AMERICA.

Posted by Jeremy Smith at March 13, 2008 6:28 PM

comment #16

Balthazar says ...

The Incredibly Strange Creatures Who Stopped Living and Became Mixed-Up Zombies!!?

Posted by Balthazar at March 13, 2008 6:31 PM

comment #17

BurmaShave says ...

Wells that was a little bit out of line. In Nate's defense the new format is apparently confusing people. Plus you've got a weird anti-spam/abuse filter that pops up sometimes. Are you perhaps drunk? Chill.

Posted by BurmaShave at March 13, 2008 6:46 PM

comment #18

corey3rd says ...

what about films adapted from books that remove the "title moment" in the script? A Clockwork Orange and Trainspotting?

Posted by corey3rd at March 13, 2008 7:22 PM

comment #19

christian says ...

You just changed your site to a sometimes less accessible format and you call an amiable reader a moron? Bad mood?

NO COUNTRY FOR OLD MEN sounds like a sequel to HOW GREEN WAS MY VALLEY.

QUANTUM OF SOLACE is a great title.

Posted by christian at March 13, 2008 7:46 PM

comment #20

Pinko Punko says ...

I thought the HE readers were pretty much unanimous in thinking "Quantum of Solace" was an awesome title.

Posted by Pinko Punko at March 13, 2008 8:07 PM

comment #21

Jay T. says ...

I didn't realize they had remade Out of the Past -- talk about pointless, the original is such a great film, very underrated film noir.

Posted by Jay T. at March 13, 2008 8:11 PM

comment #22

BurmaShave says ...

Anyone who has seen it knows how perfect of a title NO COUNTRY FOR OLD MEN is. Shouldn't that be the criteria?

Posted by BurmaShave at March 13, 2008 8:13 PM

comment #23

Jay T. says ...

I'm mixed on Quantum of Solace, but what confuses me is I thought I remembered Wells several weeks back saying he liked the title... ??

Posted by Jay T. at March 13, 2008 8:17 PM

comment #24

lazarus says ...

I always wanted to punch the person who came up with the title "Welcome to Woop Woop". What the hell WAS that?

Also, the title "I Walked With A Zombie" was all producer Val Lewton was given by the studio. He had to create a film out of nothing to fit that name, and turned out something surprisingly respectable.

Posted by lazarus at March 13, 2008 8:48 PM

comment #25

dangovich says ...

I didn't realize they had remade Out of the Past -- talk about pointless, the original is such a great film, very underrated film noir.

Very true. And of course, in the remake they slapped on a happy ending. Argh!

Posted by dangovich at March 13, 2008 8:48 PM

comment #26

MAGGA says ...

The Assasination of Robert Ford By The Coward Robert Ford About Two Hours And Forty Minutes In is a longish recent title.

Posted by MAGGA at March 13, 2008 8:50 PM

comment #27

lipranzer says ...

Occasionally, renaming something to a less "quirky" title works (as much as I would have liked to have seen a movie called I WAS A TEENAGE TEENAGER, CLUELESS works pretty well), but mostly, they don't. My two least favorite examples were COP GIVES WAITRESS $2 MILLION TIP being changed to the bland IT COULD HAPPEN TO YOU, and BOOKWORM being changed to the generic THE EDGE.

Posted by lipranzer at March 13, 2008 9:59 PM

comment #28

K. Bowen says ...

I love Quantum of Solace. Totally different.

Posted by K. Bowen at March 13, 2008 10:23 PM

comment #29

Walter Sobchak says ...

I always thought the titles of Sidney Poitier films of the 60's had a similar, poetic-ish sound to them. Perhaps because of the success of "Raisin In the Sun". "Lilies of the Field", "A Patch of Blue", "To Sir With Love", "In The Heat of the Night", "For Love of Ivy".

If you don't think of the movie itself and instead listen to the title they sound like dime store novelettes.

Posted by Walter Sobchak at March 13, 2008 10:36 PM

comment #30

cbuckie says ...

"Can Hieronymus Merkin Ever Forget Mercy Humppe and Find True Happiness?" and "The Sisterhood Of The Traveling Pants"

Posted by cbuckie at March 13, 2008 10:44 PM

comment #31

christian says ...

And never forget WHO IS HARRY KELLERMAN AND WHY IS HE SAYING THOSE TERRIBLE THINGS ABOUT ME?

Posted by christian at March 13, 2008 10:48 PM

comment #32

Rosebudsthesled says ...

I don't think Seth Rogen even knows why it's called SUPERBAD. Which makes me laugh, because it's a funny movie title.

I think the absolute worst movie title, aside from HIERONYMUS MERKIN... has to be Ray Dennis Strickler's THE INCREDIBLY STRANGE CREATURES WHO STOPPED LIVING AND BECAME MIXED UP ZOMBIES. I don't think anything else comes close to those two.

QUANTUM OF SOLACE is a bad title simply because I can't pronounce it. But I'm sure the film will kick ass.

Posted by Rosebudsthesled at March 13, 2008 10:50 PM

comment #33

cinemascopian says ...

When Good Titles Turn Bad. And Bad titles Turn Even Worse. I wrote about the name-rape of movie titles when translated into foreign languages over at my blog.

Posted by cinemascopian at March 13, 2008 11:31 PM

comment #34

Jay T. says ...

The worst trend in titles is not the shortening, but the lengthening. ENOUGH with colon and sub-title bullshit...

Posted by Jay T. at March 13, 2008 11:40 PM

comment #35

UnChien says ...

I nominate VIOLENT SHIT 2, and GAY NIGGERS FROM OUTER SPACE as some of the more atrocious movie titles out there.

Posted by UnChien at March 14, 2008 2:10 AM

comment #36

Stephe96 says ...

Probably THE most interesting book-to-movie title change is the case of "Rocket Boys," by Homer Hickam. When the book was turned into the Jake Gyllenhaal movie, it was re-titled "October Sky."

That's a perfect anagram of the original title!

Posted by Stephe96 at March 14, 2008 4:13 AM

comment #37

George Prager says ...

SUPPOSE THEY GAVE A WAR AND NOBODY CAME

Posted by George Prager at March 14, 2008 5:58 AM

comment #38

btwnproductions says ...

In recent years, GIGLI.

As fellow posters have shown, retitling adaptations is a tricky business. I'd let HOW GREEN WAS MY VALLEY, THE DARK AT THE TOP OF THE STAIRS, JOHNNY MNEMONIC, etc., stand, and hope and pray my preselected audience (which will be familiar with the work at hand) won't be deterred and will encourage others to see it. And if you're arthouse-bound anyway, why not AGORA, a film destined to play 150 screens in its run?

Latest terrible title, even for arthouses: The French-made HEARTBEAT DETECTOR. Anything with "heart" is suspect.

Posted by btwnproductions at March 14, 2008 8:52 AM

comment #39

rr3333 says ...

'Stepmom' and 'The Fish That Saved Pittsburgh'.

Also, I'm with Jeff on the quadruple poster. I havent see anyone here quadrupiling their posts since the new format came on (and the new format is not confusing! Just click 'Post' and wait 20 seconds).

Jeff: As being the headmaster ... Arent you able to erase the 3 dupes anyway?

Posted by rr3333 at March 14, 2008 9:20 AM

comment #40

anti-sardine says ...

I think Richard E. Grant is great, but I had zero interest in seeing the film "Wah-wah" after hearing it's title. Why in the hell would you doom your film with a dumb decision like that?

Posted by anti-sardine at March 14, 2008 10:48 AM

comment #41