edited by Jonathan Doyle

Cloverfield [BLU-RAY] (Paramount Home Entertainment, 6.3.2008) Disguised under deliberately goofy, yet deliciously edible-sounding, aliases such as Cheese and Slusho, Matt Reeves' Cloverfield was produced and rushed into theaters under an equally appetizing shroud of secrecy. From last year's incredibly elusive Super Bowl ad to the film's viral marketing campaign, Cloverfield had everybody scratching their heads and drooling in anticipation. Aside from the as-yet untitled title and the Blair Witch-ian visual style, the film's biggest appeal was the enigmatic creature who was last (un)seen hurling the decapitated head of the Statue of Liberty onto the crowded streets of New York City. All we knew about the mysterious beast was that it was big and angry. Now that the highy-anticipated project has come and gone, one question has fortunately been answered: Cloverfield was a major success. (continued)

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"Jesus...!"

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Speaking of Peter Falk, the following is a true story, witnessed first-hand by myself: It was '83 or '84, and I was in a quality hardware store on a Saturday afternoon somewhere in deep Hollywood. And suddenly I heard laughing and joshing coming from two or three guys standing around the checkout counter, which was just out of sight. Then I heard some guy say, "Heyyy...detective!" with the other guys laughing like he'd just said something truly brilliant and inspired.

And then I saw Falk coming down the aisle next to mine, angry and exasperated at being ribbed in such a coarse and lunkheaded way. He said "Jesus!" at least twice, although it may have been three times. He said it with a mixture of agony and disbelief, as if to say "these assholes are unbelievable...really fucking unbelievable" And the chowderheads who were Colombo-ing him didn't give a damn how rude they were being or how stupid they were making themselves look. All they knew or cared about was that Detective Colombo was in their midst and they were going to have fun with this while it lasted. They were like children having fun heckling a gorilla in a cage at a zoo.

There are guys like this all over, in every country. But the guys like this who live in Pennsylvania will probably be voting for Clinton or McCain.

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Posted by Jeffrey Wells on April 15, 2008 at 12:53 PM

comment #1

MDOC says ...

uh, right. There is a bright side. Mabe these simple people will vote for Obama because he is spending the most on advertising in PA. Simple people are highly susceptible to advertising aren't they?

Posted by MDOC at April 15, 2008 1:21 PM

comment #2

Rich S. says ...

I thought this was kind of an interesting story, but I was beginning to wonder what the point was. I should have known.

"I watched The Wild Bunch again the other night and I was struck by how much the kids at the beginning torturing the scorpion with the ants reminded me of the way the media treats Obama...."

Posted by Rich S. at April 15, 2008 1:22 PM

comment #3

Sweetbubba says ...

More like the people voting for Obama will be indulgent, self-obsessed, elitist types who are disdainful towards celebrity gawkers who are less polished at the pursuit than they are, and who think that ettiquette towards pampered celebs is a top 3 political issue.

Posted by Sweetbubba at April 15, 2008 1:32 PM

comment #4

nemo says ...

I sure didn't see that conclusion coming from the story that preceded it. Foolish me.

Posted by nemo at April 15, 2008 1:34 PM

comment #5

George Prager says ...

"ALVY SINGER OVER HERE!!!!!"

Posted by George Prager at April 15, 2008 1:37 PM

comment #6

corey3rd says ...

I met a guy who was working at Universal. He was sick of parking in a far lot and noticed that certain stars & directors had reserved parking spaces that were never used. so he started claiming them. Terrence Malick's spot was one of his favs. One day he's in his office working away when he hears a stranger scream, "Where the f' is _____." The guy walks out of his office and there's Peter Falk cussing him out for parking in his spot. The guy just kept laughing cause there's Columbo calling him a "Motherf'n a-hole."

Posted by corey3rd at April 15, 2008 1:47 PM

comment #7

BurmaShave says ...

Did Peter Falk die? Don't scare me.

Posted by BurmaShave at April 15, 2008 1:56 PM

comment #8

PerfectTommy says ...

A long time ago, a friend of mine went to a screening in LA, I think it was "Being There". Well, Peter Falk was in the row in front of him. About half way through the film, Falk fell asleep and was sleeping none too quietly for the remainder of the film.
My friend didn't say this, but I think the fact that Falk fell asleep during a film indicates the actor voted for Reagan in the then upcoming election.

Posted by PerfectTommy at April 15, 2008 2:02 PM

comment #9

Michael says ...

Wells, where exactly were you when this happened? I think it's relevant. Does that mean the guys like that in CA voted for Hillary or McCain, too? The guys like that in Hollywood?

Posted by Michael at April 15, 2008 2:35 PM

comment #10

Joe Leydon says ...

Damn, Prager! You beat me to the quote!

Posted by Joe Leydon at April 15, 2008 2:36 PM

comment #11

Mgmax says ...

I've sat here and started and abandoned five parodies of this post. It's truly beyond my capabilities to send up.

Posted by Mgmax at April 15, 2008 2:37 PM

comment #12

PerfectTommy says ...

Actually, I think guys like the idiots in Wells' story tend not to vote at all.

Posted by PerfectTommy at April 15, 2008 2:38 PM

comment #13

dinther says ...

Sweetbubba, did you intend to spell "ettiquette" incorrectly?

Intentional or not, it made me laugh, thanks.

But I wonder: does laughing at a wrongly spelled word make me elitest?

Posted by dinther at April 15, 2008 3:00 PM

comment #14

Mr. Muckle says ...

When celebs get bitter they turn to religion ("Jesus") and hardware.

Posted by Mr. Muckle at April 15, 2008 3:18 PM

comment #15

dangovich says ...

I don't fully understand this post but I wanted to note the "Obame is an elitist!" suggestion. This Republican talking point, dutifully honored by the McCain-loving media, is one of my personal favorites. Obama, who was raised in difficult circumstances by a single mother, is elitist, while children of privilege like Hillary and McCain are just like the working stiffs of America. I particularly enjoyed recent Hillary's beer drinking performance in Pennsylvania.

Keep swilling the Kool Aid, people. It's easier than trying to think for yourselves.

Posted by dangovich at April 15, 2008 4:03 PM

comment #16

dangovich says ...

The above should read "Hillary's recent."

Posted by dangovich at April 15, 2008 4:05 PM

comment #17

Mgmax says ...

What privileges did McCain enjoy from 1967 to 1973, Dangovich?

Honestly. I haven't beat that drum about Obama but if you're going to claim that the families even of officers in any of the Armed Services exactly live a life of "privilege" as a civilian would define it. you got a lot to learn.

Posted by Mgmax at April 15, 2008 4:07 PM

comment #18

GlassFamily says ...

I hear that you can trace nazism back to a run-in between Hitler and Peter Lorre.

Posted by GlassFamily at April 15, 2008 5:38 PM

comment #19

GlassFamily says ...

I hear that you can trace nazism back to a run-in between Hitler and Peter Lorre.

Posted by GlassFamily at April 15, 2008 5:38 PM

comment #20

MattyCurtis says ...

If Obama is unable to garner a significant portion of the asshole vote in PA or elsewhere in the country, he stands no chance in the general election :)

When thinking of HE's political posts this year, the phrase that keeps coming to my mind is "blinded by hatred"

Posted by MattyCurtis at April 15, 2008 5:56 PM

comment #21