edited by Jonathan Doyle

Cloverfield [BLU-RAY] (Paramount Home Entertainment, 6.3.2008) Disguised under deliberately goofy, yet deliciously edible-sounding, aliases such as Cheese and Slusho, Matt Reeves' Cloverfield was produced and rushed into theaters under an equally appetizing shroud of secrecy. From last year's incredibly elusive Super Bowl ad to the film's viral marketing campaign, Cloverfield had everybody scratching their heads and drooling in anticipation. Aside from the as-yet untitled title and the Blair Witch-ian visual style, the film's biggest appeal was the enigmatic creature who was last (un)seen hurling the decapitated head of the Statue of Liberty onto the crowded streets of New York City. All we knew about the mysterious beast was that it was big and angry. Now that the highy-anticipated project has come and gone, one question has fortunately been answered: Cloverfield was a major success. (continued)

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December 31

Defiance

Good

January 2

Cargo 200

January 7

Silent Light

January 9

After Dark Horrorfest 2009

Bride Wars

How About You

Not Easily Broken

The Unborn

Yonkers Joe

January 16

Chandni Chwok to China

Cherry Blossoms

Hotel for Dogs

My Bloody Valentine 3-D

Notorious

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January 21

Of Time and the City

Late Numbers

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Prom Night, opening today in roughly 2700 theatres, is tracking at 70, 31 and 17 -- obviously the film to beat this weekend. What kind of coarse jungle genes do you need in your system to be looking forward to this thing? Don't the under-25s realize that buying a ticket to it is tantamount to stenciling the words "shameless moviegoing cretin" on their foreheads?

As critic Brian Orndorf has observed, "Stop me if you've read these ingredients before: a PG-13 horror picture, a remake of an 80s cult classic, directed by nondescript filmmaker, pathetically kept from critics to avoid unpleasant opening-day reviews, and starring a roster of insipid young actors? Surely this means only the finest quality Hollywood has to offer!"

David Ayer's Street Kings (Fox Searchlight) is running just behind at 50, 38 and 15. Opening in roughly 2500 theatres, it'll be nipping at Prom Night's heels all weekend. They'll both do moderately well. The final tallies will be what they will be. What do you really care...am I right? What does the modest box-office fate of Street Kings have to do with anything, much less the price of rice? What does it mean at the end of the day?

Smart People, the relationship movie starring Dennis Quaid (sporting a beard and a pot belly) and Sarah Jessica Parker, will be bringing up the rear. It's tracking at 48, 26 and 6.

I should have posted this yesterday, but the action on left-click button on my primary computer has been getting worse and worse so I finally took it into the shop yesterday morning, and in so doing left the latest tracking data on the C drive without a copy.

Galumphs Persist<< previous | next >>Sequel To The Stupids

Posted by Jeffrey Wells on April 11, 2008 at 7:49 AM

comment #1

shepherd12345 says ...

"Coarse jungle genes" may be my favorite wells-ism of all time.

Posted by shepherd12345 at April 11, 2008 8:48 AM

comment #2

shepherd12345 says ...

i can't believe i just fumbled my favorite wells-ism of all time. "genes."

Posted by shepherd12345 at April 11, 2008 8:50 AM

comment #3

The Winchester says ...

Yeah, that's a damn fine Wells-ism. And it makes me feel good about being a low thread count-er (and a Rogen-esque low thread count galumph with an 8 of a girlfriend too good for me, to boot) as now it feels like there's a subsect worse than I.

Posted by The Winchester at April 11, 2008 8:56 AM

comment #4

bmcintire says ...

All three of these look terrible, but the ad campaign for SMART PEOPLE, with it's use of SIDEWAYS green to remind us that it was produced by one of the same guys that produced SIDEWAYS, smacks of desperate turd polishing. Would it even be getting a theatrical release without Ellen Page's presence? It almost seems like they chose the release date based on the fact that JUNO is streeting on DVD next Tuesday.

Posted by bmcintire at April 11, 2008 8:57 AM

comment #5

Wrecktum says ...

Why would a PG-13 horror movie like The Ruins bomb, but another PG-13 horror movie released one week later is projected to open #1?

Posted by Wrecktum at April 11, 2008 9:19 AM

comment #6

breadlymoore says ...

RUINS wasn't PG-13.

Posted by breadlymoore at April 11, 2008 9:24 AM

comment #7

Wrecktum says ...

Well, there you go then.

Posted by Wrecktum at April 11, 2008 9:29 AM

comment #8

JackeyAces says ...

Of the 3 flicks Smart People is the most vomit inducing. The trouble with the modest successes of Juno (great) & Little Miss Sunshine (OK) is the avalanche of crap imitators that we can expect for about the next 2 years. Smart People is just the first turd to roll down from the Hollywood Hills. A movie called smart people should have to be smart The wasting of a talented cast (excluding the witch from sex & the city) also ticks me off.

The other 2 you clearly know what your getting yourself into just from watching the commercials. As long as were going to have a drinking of 21, 15-20 will go see these type movies. Its just about getting out of the house with your friends & away from their parents. I'm sure they spend the whole flick Iming each other mocking the flick Or at least I hope so!

I know Jeffie didn't mean it this way but "coarse jungle genes" could be construed as racist.

Posted by JackeyAces at April 11, 2008 9:54 AM

comment #9

gradystiles says ...

Street Kings will not be nipping at the heels of Prom Night all weekend. I don't think it's even going to be all that close.

Posted by gradystiles at April 11, 2008 10:03 AM

comment #10

corey3rd says ...

There's a lot of teens who hate their shallow classmates that would enjoy seeing a precious prom night get ruined by a serial killer. Knowing that the big mouth jock won't be getting back his security deposit on the tux rental is something an outcast 11th grader can feel entertained by. What kid cares about haunted south american tombs?

Posted by corey3rd at April 11, 2008 10:06 AM

comment #11

jackfly11 says ...

I think Welles forgets what it was to be under-25. I wouldn't go anywhere near this film now, but when I was 16, this type of schlock would've been the shit. (I sat through some dreadful late-80's horror films in my youth.)

This might look like garbage to an older critic but there's no question it's perfectly fine for a teenage trip to the cineplex on a Friday night. "Coarse jungle genes" might be overstating things a little...

Posted by jackfly11 at April 11, 2008 10:23 AM

comment #12

Matthew Lucas says ...

Corey, I'm 21 and I wouldn't go near that shit.

Hell, I wouldn't have gone near it when I was 16.

The only new release I'm looking foward to this weekend is "The Visitor."

But I'm not exactly your typical college student...I guarantee "Prom Night" will be packed with teeny-bopper idiots at my local multiplex who will emerge exclaiming what a great movie it is.

My generation has no taste.

Posted by Matthew Lucas at April 11, 2008 10:43 AM

comment #13

Matthew Lucas says ...

Sorry, I meant to direct that post to Jackfly, not Corey.

Posted by Matthew Lucas at April 11, 2008 10:44 AM

comment #14

Nick Rogers says ...

Wells, if you watched "Friday Night Lights," you'd know Scott Porter isn't an "insipid" actor. Or Idris Elba from "The Wire," for that matter. "Prom Night" being insipid itself, though, is practically a given.

Posted by Nick Rogers at April 11, 2008 10:57 AM

comment #15

Nick Rogers says ...

My bad. Brian Orndorf originated the line. Wells just bolded it.

Posted by Nick Rogers at April 11, 2008 10:59 AM

comment #16

rockne says ...

For those of us who follow these things and enjoy following these kinds of things, we like looking at the numbers and wondering what each movie will do.
How is this any different than, say, a sports enthusiast opening his paper each day and perusing the stats and the picks of how teams will do...just in this case...movies and their performance are what's interesting...the tracking and how people go to the movies is interesting.
So...it means at least a little something to me...is that so bad?

Posted by rockne at April 11, 2008 11:00 AM

comment #17

JackeyAces says ...

The only way Prom Night could've been cool is if they let John Waters direct it.

Posted by JackeyAces at April 11, 2008 11:22 AM

comment #18

Pelham123 says ...

I can't understand why anyone over 17 would go to see this. A PG-13 slasher film? I can certainly understand why the 10-15 year old crowd would rush to see something like this. Dumb "horror" for kids who don't know any better.
And Idris Elba -- I'm happy to see him getting work, he was majestic as Stringer Bell in "The Wire", but for God's sake Hollywood is this all you can find for him to do? He's been in a Tyler Perry movie, "28 Weeks Later" and now this -- a sure to be a watered down slasher film.

Posted by Pelham123 at April 11, 2008 11:38 AM

comment #19

breadlymoore says ...

"Wells, if you watched "Friday Night Lights," you'd know Scott Porter isn't an "insipid" actor. Or Idris Elba from "The Wire," for that matter."

See the movie, and you'd be fooled too.

BTW, the review doesn't include Elba in the "insipid" group. He gets the "smell the fart" acting award here. Deservedly.

Posted by breadlymoore at April 11, 2008 11:40 AM

comment #20

Aris P says ...

The reason the studio deemed it necessary to make this slasher film pg-13, is that its a pile of shit, and they have to make all the money they can. This movie has a 1 week window. Period.

Posted by Aris P at April 11, 2008 12:56 PM

comment #21

actionman says ...

Leydon gave it a pass

http://www.variety.com/review/VE1117936781.html?categoryid=31&cs=1

Posted by actionman at April 11, 2008 2:45 PM

comment #22

lipranzer says ...

I do know people who will reluctantly drag themselves to PROM NIGHT because Elba's in it, but I agree, he needs to get better movies.

I wouldn't call SMART PEOPLE a "turd" - the relationship between Dennis Quaid and Sarah Jessica Parker (whom I'm not a fan of) is nicely done - but it does feel thrown together from spare parts of other movies. THE VISITOR is a much better "middle-aged widower professor who's emotionally closed off learns to open up" tale.

Posted by lipranzer at April 11, 2008 3:20 PM

comment #23

frankbooth says ...

Elba needs a new agent. It's shocking how thoroughly he's been wasted in his movie roles so far.

Maybe there's only room in Hollywood for one English black guy with a funny name.

Posted by frankbooth at April 11, 2008 5:42 PM

comment #24

MattyCurtis says ...

First time poster and a Wire fanatic. Yes, Idris Elba is not being served well by his agent. Although I understand he is a part of the dearly departed Minghella's No. 1 Ladie's Detective Agency series coming soon on HBO. Have no idea if it is a big role or not. The man should be doing so much more. I wonder how much he got paid for Prom Night and what his feelings about its merit are...

Posted by MattyCurtis at April 11, 2008 10:07 PM

comment #25

thatmovieguy says ...

I have to say I took heart when my 13-year-old niece said she and her friends have been making fun of PROM NIGHT ever since the commercials started airing. If only more of her elders had the same attitude. "Horror classic" -- ha! It was a piece of trash 28 years ago and I doubt the material has improved with age.

Posted by thatmovieguy at April 12, 2008 10:08 AM