The Gods Make Mad

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I admire and respect the moves and the intent of Speed Racer (Warner Bros., 5.9), which I saw last night at the Leow's IMAX near Lincoln Center. Right away I was saying to myself, "All right, this is out there....infuriating but brilliantly out there." But it offers almost nothing in the way of genuine personal charm (except for the monkey, Chim-Chim) and I began looking at my watch starting around the 45-minute mark. Honestly? More like a half-hour in.

This is a deranged, steroid-cranked family-action movie...the work of madmen -- undeniably brash and looney and, I feel, desperately in need of a quaalude. Speed Racer is a piece of very audacious, high-quality....I was going to say "torture" but it's not. It's extremely nervy filmmaking, clearly, but the Wachowskis are way too caught up in fulfilling their "we're cooler than any of you!" vision and in being at least two if not three giant steps in front of everyone else in terms of creating a new film vocabulary in order to explore and shake the cage while ostensibly telling a story, and a lame-ass one to boot.

The Wachowskis are so zonked by the design dreams in their own heads that they've delivered a new kind of monster-budget insanity. They've made this movie for themselves, first and foremost, and for open-minded (or at least fair-minded) critics, and certainly for film history...but they haven't concurrently "served the corporation" and made a film that people over the age of 8 or 9 can settle into very easily or comfortably. Or even settle into with some effort. I didn't sit there consumed with loathing for this thing. It's too fascinating for that. But it's also a movie that's saying over and over, "Look at us! Look at what we're doing!" It's too breathtaking to really entertain. And as pleased as I was by the verve-and-moxie element, I was dying for it to end.

You have to throw out the rule book and accept that this movie is using an entirely different kind of spaceship and orbiting the earth in a way that is going to vaguely piss you off but at the same time dazzle you. Or certainly intrigue you. The refusal to conventionally cut or fade or wipe from one scene to another -- awesome. But it's not done in a way that gives any sort of familiar, recognizable pleasure, and as square as this sounds, you really do need some of that in a movie. You have to keep feeding and massaging the square guy while introducing the new hipster, and there's very little square-massaging going on in this thing.

Speed Racer certainly isn't pleasurable to sit through, character-, theme- or story-wise. In subjecting their audience to the same old pure-hearted individual contender vs. the corrupt corporation horseshit, the Wachowskis are showing their elitist-sadist colors. If it was good enough for Japanese anime and and other graphic media in its day, they seem to be saying, it's good enough for us right now...and if you don't like it, tough! Watching it is a bondage-and-discipline game -- you feel trussed up and bound with Andy and Larry (or whatever his name is now) applying the cool whip.

But it's more than a little ironic that for a movie that trots out the evil-corporate-mogul business for the 189th time, Speed Racer is drenched in synthetic splendor that's been bought and paid for by corporate cash. And it's way, way too long. It should have been a 95-minute deal, tops, but it goes on for two hours and 9 minutes.

The racing sequences are insane. You never have any idea about what's going on. Shots don't build or match up or pivot off each other. They collide in a kind of surreal cartoon madness. The geometric/spatial relationships between the racing competitors are almost always a complete mystery. Off with the editor's head! And the martial arts combat sequences are nothing -- fatally boring, by my book.

The performances are okay, but I found more fascination in the face of Chim-Chim than anything the humans came up with. I loved that fucking monkey, and began to really dislike -- hate! -- the Wachowskis for only using him for typical animal-reaction cutaway shots. If they'd only dwelled on his facial reactions for seven or eight seconds at a time (or more!). But no -- over and over they do a quick Chim-Chim laugh cut and then back to Emile Hirsch or John Goodman or Christina Ricci or Susan Sarandon or the mugging, heebie- jeebie supporting players. Fuck! (And I don't like to use profanity unless it fits.)

comment #1

p.Vice says ...

If only someone would think to put just as much work into the story, themes, and characters as they do the special effects... they might really be onto something there.

comment #2

Ogami Itto says ...

So it's worth seeing for Chim-Chim's performance? I'll wait for the DVD.

comment #3

wayne76 says ...

Jesus, this sounds like torture.

comment #4

Rich S. says ...

I was killing time last weekend with my nephew playing a fighting game on the Wii. The action was so frenetic and the colors so bright, I had no idea what was going on or how to score any hits (and I was fairly proficient at Mortal Kombat back in the day). But my nephew knew exactly what was going on and what he was doing and accordingly kicked my ass.

It sounds like this movie was made for his generation, not ours. Remember when Ebert half-panned Cameron's Aliens because it had too much action without a let-up? I'm not sure anyone over the age of 20 is even qualified to critique a movie like Speed Racer.

I'm sure everything Jeffrey is saying is true. But at the same time, it sounds like the movie uses a visual vocabulary that someone not weaned on today's video game mayhem can even begin to understand.

comment #5

Rich S. says ...

And no matter what you think of it, expect to see it on every HD TV in every store in America (and probably Japan and Europe) around Christmastime.

comment #6

Mr. Muckle says ...

If I could get me a monkey like that, I'd never have to go to the movies again.

comment #7

actionman says ...

Wow, amazing review Wells, I will definitely wait till the HD DVD.

comment #8

Gaydos says ...

"pure-hearted individual contender vs. the corrupt corporation horseshit"

THERE WILL BE SPEED.

comment #9

Mgmax says ...

Great review, and it sounds like the two things that worried me are both realized fears: one, that it's pure sensation you can't take in as a movie, and two, that there's an inherent incongruity between an anti-big business message and a product as shiny and machine-tooled and technological as this...

comment #10

Midwest Doug says ...

Actionman, do you have a time machine?

Jeff, how do they go from one scene to another?

comment #11

breadlymoore says ...

Terrible movie, but even worse? It's in the same visual realm as SPY KIDS 3-D, yet every lousy critic who praises this heap of gloss mentions the film as being "revolutionary."

Outside of the focal tricks (nothing the Average Joe will notice), the film is a Rodriguez production retread, like the SHARKBOY/ LAVA GIRL abomination from years back.

Plus Hirsch is bland and useless in the role of Speed. He does NOTHING in the movie.

comment #12

mjn says ...

Sounds like a movie everyone will be raving about 10-15 years from now, citing how innovative it was.

In the future, the lucky 8-year olds of today (the ones with open-minded parents) will say how cool it was to see it on the big screen. While the jaded pretenders will say they were on board the whole time with the movie, while not divulging that they tried to kill it with their prejudgements and cynicism leading up to its theatrical release.

comment #13

Walter Sobchak says ...

I always find it fascinating how many people are willing to watch crap at home, as if crap is better handled in your living room.

"It looks awful! No way I'm paying ten bucks to see it in the theater. I'll wait 'till it comes out on DVD and rent it. Then, I'll spend two hours of my life watching it on my own television instead of something really good, or even 'Law and Order' for that matter."

comment #14

Mgmax says ...

Walter, the reason is 1) you can surf the Web on your laptop while it's on, 2) you can turn it off after 20 minutes, no harm, 3) you can fast forward it to get to the good parts (I showed my wife the all-Kurt Russell version of Death Proof the other night in about a half hour), etc.

comment #15

btwnproductions says ...

Even Armond White didn't like it.

comment #16

D.Z. says ...

Funny that this is the same week Jeff discussed Heaven's Gate. I hope that's not what we're getting from Speed Racer...

comment #17

K. Bowen says ...

Jeff, a really good job at an intelligent negative review. But man, have film critics simply lost their ability to be blown away by a movie. Here's a film that's breaking new ground, and all these critics shrug and go re-watch that stalker fantasy Forgetting Sarah Marshall.

comment #18

K. Bowen says ...

"Sounds like a movie everyone will be raving about 10-15 years from now, citing how innovative it was. "

MJN, yeah, basically. I mean look at the post a couple before you. Speed Racer hasn't been released yet, and people are already on message boards claiming it rips other movies off. Usually they wait until at least Saturday night.

comment #19

messiahcomplexio says ...

So the over 50 crowd is surprised the "kids movie" wasn't made for them?

Maybe there will be a DVD directors cut where

The supposed death of speed's brother turns him into an abusive alcoholic.

Trixe gets knocked up by racer X, which leads to a bloody rivalry between speed and X on the track.

Pop beats mom with a greasy wrench and is arrested for abuse...

and the kid and the monkey are inappropriately "diddled" by the family priest.

BTW Took my 8 year old nephew to see it.
He loved it, but felt that the corporate vs individual subplot didn't adequately explore the tensions that exist in today's increasingly interconnected world. " to not explore the economic strain such a high tech society would have on 3rd world countries, already struggling to compete in a world of limited resources? C'mon. It's a speed racer movie. I come in with expectations"

His words, not mine.

Oh, and he hopes they don't play dodge-ball at school on monday. There's an Asian kid with a really good arm who has it out for him.

Sigh...

comment #20

giantman says ...

Speed Racer is a tough movie to write a review about, it's obviously not a great film as films go, it isn't even a good story, but it certainly is something. And that something is freaking weird, zany, crazy ass fun. Personally I had a blast with it, although I got bored quickly and almost threw up a little in my mouth a few times.

I'm almost 42. My 14 year old also enjoyed it, although we both felt it was waaaaaay too long.

I can see where you are coming from Jeff and I honestly can't disagree. That's what makes it a strange experience. It will be interesting to see how audiences react and how well it does at the BO.

comment #21

Dzayson says ...

That last post was one of the best I've ever read at this forum. "this is a speed racer movie. I came in with expectations"= AWESOME.

Nice review, Wells. For some odd reason, though, I kind of want to see it anyway. Perhaps just for that monkey. Or because I have a friend who works at Arclight who can get me in for free.

comment #22

iamjoe says ...

Monkeys are always a guarrenteed sale. Always; its the only way to justify the money that Burton's Planet of the Apes made.

More monkeys, please.

comment #23

Adonis says ...

One of your best reviews in quite some time, Wells. Thank you for it.

The barrage of imagery might be in some ways better than the film's attempts to do the same.

comment #24

breadlymoore says ...

"Here's a film that's breaking new ground"

What's the new ground broken? What haven't we've seen before in SPEED? Since you have such a strong opinion that others can't see the genius, give me a list.

Corporate bad guys? Check.

Elaborate green-screen sets? Check.

Anime visuals? Check.

Family member legacy arc? Check.

Car-fu? Check.

Monkey-flinging-poop jokes? Check.

Hirsch unable to emote? Check.

comment #25

Rothchild says ...

It's pretty embarrassing when David Poland is right and you are all wrong. Especially when that has NEVER HAPPENED BEFORE. This is not a movie for old white guys. This is not a movie for cynical assholes. And to compare it to Spy Kids 3D shows you have no frame of reference and are struggling to classify what you've seen or haven't (which is the category most of you are in).

comment #26

LYT says ...

Chimpanzees aren't monkeys. They're apes.

comment #27

appleman says ...

To me, none of this matters. I will see it tomorrow. I expect to blown away. That the end of it.

I would have loved to have seen the studio reaction to it when they saw a finished print in February. With their test scores in hand.

comment #28

Mgmax says ...

"Chimpanzees aren't monkeys. They're apes."

Whatever, we'll make 'em Americans!

comment #29

breadlymoore says ...

"Chimpanzees aren't monkeys. They're apes."

Thank you for making my point.

comment #30

Zoidberg says ...

I had absolutely no interest whatsoever in seeing this film UNTIL I read Jeff's review right here....
I'm sure I won't like it; in fact, I doubt I'll even be able to sit all the way through it. However, after having read Wells' description of this film, I GOTTA see what the fuck he's talking about.

comment #31

K. Bowen says ...

"Here's a film that's breaking new ground"

What's the new ground broken? What haven't we've seen before in SPEED? Since you have such a strong opinion that others can't see the genius, give me a list.
"Corporate bad guys? Check.

Elaborate green-screen sets? Check.

Anime visuals? Check.

Family member legacy arc? Check.

Car-fu? Check.

Monkey-flinging-poop jokes? Check.

Hirsch unable to emote? Check."

I get it. You dislike it. What are you on about?

comment #32

The Winchester says ...

My favorite revelation about this review comes from the joy Wells finds in the monkey. For my money, nothing's funnier than a monkey.

Except a monkey in a tuxedo.

comment #33

Terry McCarty says ...

mjn wrote:
Sounds like a movie everyone will be raving about 10-15 years from now, citing how innovative it was.

At the very least, it's a candidate for the kind of cult status that Mike Hodges' FLASH GORDON still enjoys.

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