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All Right...
Tapping out my Incredible Hulk feelings didn't pan out. I've been saying to myself for the last six or seven hours, "I really should write this...c'mon, push it out." It's not a very interesting film to discuss because there's not much going on beneath it. But it's very efficient and it looks good and it moves right along, and as such is a much more satisfying sit than the one provided by Ang Lee five years ago. No one is going to feel burned.
Is it as good as Iron Man? I felt the same way about both, which is that neither is worth doing back-flips over, but they're both diverting, lean and mean, good enough, well crafted, etc.
I loved that that it's not another origin story...thank God! The most absorbing part takes place during the first 25 minutes or so, when Bruce Banner (Ed Norton) is hiding out in Rio de Janeiro and working at a soft-drink bottling plant and living in a grubby little apartment in a huge and fascinating hillside favella. The worst part is the big Hulk vs. Hulk fight at the end...boring. Heavy-duty fights between powerful monsters are completely boring unless one of the combatants has some kind of advantage over the other. It's like watching a battle of bad heavy-metal bands.
Norton's Banner is first-rate -- much less mopey and more than down-to-it than Eric Bana's. (Sorry.) Bill Hurt, the big military villain, looks freakish with a wiggy-looking wig and a stupid fake moustache. He looks like an ogre out of a Grimm Fairy Tale by way of Terry Gilliam.
Poor Tim Roth does an okay job as the Hulk's nemesis, but his head is growing larger and larger the older he gets -- he's looking like one of those bobbing-head football dolls -- plus his nose is getting bigger, his shoulders are way too narrow and he seesm to be as short as Dustin Hoffman. (He looks like a midget standing next to Hurt, and Hurt is no giant -- I've stood next to him myself.) Liv Tyler does a solid professional job as the girlfriend.
Posted by Jeffrey Wells on June 12, 2008 at 3:59 PM
comment #1
Aladdin Sane
says ...
Um...
Posted by Aladdin Sane
at June 12, 2008 4:27 PM
comment #2
Jeffrey Kunze
says ...
Maybe he needed to go spark a joint for motivational purposes and he'll finish it later...
Posted by Jeffrey Kunze
at June 12, 2008 4:31 PM
comment #3
gruver1
says ...
It's five graphs long. Too effin' bad if it's not long enough for ya. More tomorrow.
Posted by gruver1
at June 12, 2008 4:38 PM
comment #4
CinemaPhreek
says ...
To be a online film commentator yet be too lazy to take the 15 seconds it took me to come up with the fact that Ang Lee's version came out in 2003 (hence, five years ago) is... not sure, but begged to be commented upon.
Posted by CinemaPhreek
at June 12, 2008 4:39 PM
comment #5
gruver1
says ...
Wells to CinemaPhree: Thanks for the correction -- I'm racing to get outta here but it;s never too late to get it right.
Posted by gruver1
at June 12, 2008 4:43 PM
comment #6
Mumbleboy
says ...
It's saying something that this mini-review isn't a bash. Wells enjoying any superhero film seems to suggest a rave. Nice to hear.
Posted by Mumbleboy
at June 12, 2008 4:47 PM
comment #7
MilkMan
says ...
Bill Bixby went on television to announce that he was dying of cancer.
I remember him sobbing and not being able to control his grief.
Bill Bixby made the act of dying seem horrifying, which I'm sure it is, I'll find out soon enough, but still.
I've always had a romantic notion that a real man is someone who teaches you the proper way to die, that, in the end, this is the true measure of a man.
What a bunch of horseshit.
But still.
I bet Lee Marvin knew how to die.
Sterling Hayden.
Mitchum.
Robert Shaw.
We all know that Steve McQueen went out like a lunatic, and that has always colored my perception of him.
Supposedly Humphrey Bogart was a warrior in the face of death, and it sounds true.
For some reason I get the feeling that Nick Nolte might be in the Lee Marvin mold, although sometimes I think maybe not, maybe Nick is going to go out with crap in his shorts and squealing like a Somalian hausfrau accused of adultery and thus stoned in the village square.
Posted by MilkMan
at June 12, 2008 5:05 PM
comment #8
gruver1
says ...
Wait...is Nick Nolte in trouble?
Posted by gruver1
at June 12, 2008 5:08 PM
comment #9
GeeseOPlenty
says ...
I kind of like that this review--which is nicely written and I did enjoy it--cuts off in mid-stream, and doesn't seem to have an ending. It's an homage to the last episode of the Sopranos.
Posted by GeeseOPlenty
at June 12, 2008 5:11 PM
comment #10
MilkMan
says ...
No, Jeff, sorry, i didn't mean to imply that Nick Nolte was dying, it's just that, he looks like the type that it could happen to at anytime, you know, with the way he's lived his life, all that booze and pot and cigarettes.
Maybe I should've used Paul Newman as an example.
It looks like Newman is going to die pretty soon, which makes me sad, because I've always liked him, HIM, not the characters he plays, but Paul Newman, the person.
I've really enjoyed his food products since I've been a little kid.
Started out with the spaghetti sauce, which I used to dump on everything I cooked, and now, to this day, I still have multiple Newman's Own foodstuffs in my kitchen, like his Lemonade, and his Ginger-O's, which are really addictive.
Paul Newman seems like the type who would travel towards death with a very caustic attitude, full of black humor and pranks.
I could totally see him pulling Joanne Woodward's leg during these last few months, having her walk into the room, and playing dead, then putting his reading glasses back on and telling her to come and sit on his lap while he rubs her neck.
But yeah, no, sorry, Nick Nolte is alive and grumbling.
Posted by MilkMan
at June 12, 2008 5:21 PM
comment #11
Jason
says ...
I'll bet animators love to hyper-dilate the mouths on yowling CGI critters.
"Dude, look how wide I made his mouth!"
"Awesome tendons, dude! Look at him quiver!"
"Yeah, man, the SFX guy better make it real."
The Lion in Narnia, the alpha male in I Am Legend, Spider-Man's Venom, Peter Jackson's Kong. And now Hulk.
Anybody else tired of this overcooked display of power?
I mentally dub a Wilhelm scream whenever I see this.
Posted by Jason
at June 12, 2008 5:57 PM
comment #12
CinemaPhreek
says ...
Milkman - where the FUCK did all that come from? Sounded like a D.Z. ADD ramble....
Posted by CinemaPhreek
at June 12, 2008 5:58 PM
comment #13
tophertilson
says ...
How exactly did Steve McQueen go out? You've got be curious now.
Posted by tophertilson
at June 12, 2008 6:13 PM
comment #14
Monument
says ...
Jason, you're absolutely right. One of the many things I didn't like about I Am Legend was the gigantic mouths on those vampires, or whatever they called them. I can buy a crazy vampire virus, but a virus that makes your mouth big enough to hold a softball?
I actually have a similar question about the Hulk. I can wrap my head around soft tissue increasing in size, but why or how would his teeth grow too?
Posted by Monument
at June 12, 2008 6:17 PM
comment #15
cjKennedy
says ...
CinemaPhreak, how long have you been coming here? That was Classic MilkMan. One of the things that keeps me coming back from time to time despite the aforementioned DZ.
Posted by cjKennedy
at June 12, 2008 6:39 PM
comment #16
chicagodad
says ...
Wells, I really like the way the review just sort of cuts out. It's a perfect match to your intro about the lack of enthusiasm to write it.
Good review. It said everything it needed to, and had the pleasing bobblehead section to boot.
Posted by chicagodad
at June 12, 2008 6:40 PM
comment #17
D.Z.
says ...
If I have time, I might give it a shot.
Posted by D.Z.
at June 12, 2008 7:08 PM
comment #18
The Winchester
says ...
Agreed. You really don't need to say anything more about the movie Wells. This is succinct, and if you find it half decent, I'm willing to bet that it won't disappoint me at all. And that's all I want from the flick.
Just don't see it a second time and have another Crystal Skull incident on your hands.
Posted by The Winchester
at June 12, 2008 8:14 PM
comment #19
Jimmycrackcorn
says ...
I like all these paintings I'm seeing of the Hulk, like the one above, but they're confusing me, because I had heard this was supposed to be a live-action movie.
Posted by Jimmycrackcorn
at June 12, 2008 8:33 PM
comment #20
frankbooth
says ...
A few weeks ago, there was zero chance I'd see this. Now I'm actually considering it.
Anybody seen Mgmax lately? He didn't get banned, did he?
Posted by frankbooth
at June 13, 2008 12:35 AM
comment #21
thasos
says ...
Could we just stop attacking actors' physical appearances, unless they've shamefully let themselves go to the extent that it hinders a performance, like, say, Brando's insistence on above-the-waist shots in "The Score" on account on being a big fatass?
The whole what-the-fuck, he-has-no-hair-routine is just getting really tiring.
Posted by thasos
at June 13, 2008 2:28 AM
comment #22
frankbooth
says ...
Thasos is right.
Stop making fun of Hulk's big mouth. He's very sensitive about it.
Posted by frankbooth
at June 13, 2008 9:42 AM
comment #23
Private Ryan
says ...
Glad you liked it, Wells. As I said in my comment on your previous Hulk post, Toronto audiences seem to be getting a real kick out of it. Partly because it was shot here; but mostly because this is a town full of smart movie lovers who can recognize this as the fun, rock 'em sock 'em, summer popcorn flick it is intended to be. Lots of fun Easter eggs and inside jokes make it much more enjoyable than expected. I think with Maguire, Downey Jr., Norton, and Bale acting as today's action leading men, the future looks much more bright and quirky than the days of Van Damme, Seagal, and Schwarzenegger. Anybody else remember Sly as Judge Dredd? Case closed.
Posted by Private Ryan
at June 13, 2008 1:22 PM
comment #24
JckNapier2
says ...
The most troublesome and frustrating portion of The Incredible Hulk is the absolute lack of chemistry between Norton and Tyler. This is where the neutering of the material is most obvious. In Ang Lee's flawed but interesting film, the relationship between Banner and Ross was messy, complicated, and adult. There were hints of romantic discord, the tinniest hint of past abuse, but they truly loved each other as human companions and friends. Jennifer Connelly's Betty Ross was a completely three-dimensional character with her own wants and goals, her own ideas and ambitions, and her own demons. Not so here.
Liv Tyler's Betty Ross is only a love interest, a prize to be won in a battle between her boyfriend and her father. She is reduced to the most conventional sort of love interest, existing only to drop her life to aid her long-lost lover without the slightest regard, making moon eyes at her man because the story gives her nothing else to do. She literally has not a line of dialogue for the first thirty-seven minutes, and almost none of her dialogue is anything other than the usual 'No!', 'Don't hurt him!', and 'Help!' variety. While Connelly was an intelligent and independent scientist, Tyler is never once shown doing anything scientific, and it's almost impossible to believe that she is an educator. Jessica Alba's Sue Storm from the Fantastic Four films is a more credible scientific genius, since we actually see her partaking in science from time to time. Even for this genre, the thin and empty role given to the female lead is rather pathetic. Apparently, and this is the disturbing part, making a film more appealing to the masses means not allowing 'the girl' to be anything other than 'a girl'.
The finished film is proof that Norton and Letterier were right in their fight with Marvel. And, in hindsight, it's a good thing that Norton and Letterier's fights went public, because now no one can blame them for this unfortunate result. It's so thin and so dumb that it is actually far more boring than the admittedly bloated 2003 Hulk. Ironically, this just proves Roger Ebert's old rule: no good film is ever too long and no bad film is ever too short. Even at it's truncated 110 minute running time, The Incredible Hulk is much too long.
PS - The only time my audience got excited was during the Lou Ferrango (sp) cameo and during the final scene, with 'that cameo'.
Posted by JckNapier2
at June 13, 2008 5:49 PM
comment #25
Richardson
says ...
"making a film more appealing to the masses means not allowing 'the girl' to be anything other than 'a girl'."
That sounds like making it more like the source material, and the 'Transporter' movies, so it's not a surprise.
Posted by Richardson
at June 13, 2008 6:54 PM
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