Half a Heart

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At least one previous Get Smart trailer was a little dryer than this new one, which is obviously heavier on the gags. Meaningless, of course. No matter what message the trailers put out, the box-office fate is fixed and immutable. The vibe and the aroma have been out there for weeks -- months, really -- and the Gods have made their call.

I'm presuming that McCain voters will come out in droves. I can see them sitting in the dark, their silver hair glowing in the reflected light of the screen and going "Heh-heh! Heh-heh-heh! That's pretty funny....heh-heh!"

To paraphrase Melville's Captain Ahab, "All visible objects are but as pasteboard masks. Some inscrutable yet reasoning thing puts forth the molding of their features. The Get Smart trailers task me; they heap me. Yet they are but a mask. 'Tis the thing behind the mask I chiefly hate; the malignant thing that has plagued movie fans since time began; the thing that maws and mutilates our race, not killing us outright but letting us live on, with half a heart and half a lung."

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Posted by Jeffrey Wells on June 5, 2008 at 6:48 AM

comment #1

corey3rd says ...

what's funny for 25 minutes is extremely unfunny at 2 hours. Although judging from the trailer, Peter Berg can't keep it funny for two minutes.

Posted by corey3rd at June 5, 2008 7:16 AM

comment #2

Filthy Rich says ...

Peter Segal directed it, not Berg.

And Get Smart being supremely unfunny shouldn't be a surprise to anyone who sat through that engraging piece of turd, The Longest Yard.

Posted by Filthy Rich at June 5, 2008 7:27 AM

comment #3

Rich S. says ...

I must say, this is quite a post. Melville, McCain and Get Smart all tied into one (not exactly tight) little package. I guess the hatred for all things Hillary will be transferred to all things McCain.

A week ago, this post would have read, "I'm presuming that Clinton voters will come out in droves. I can see them sitting in the dark, their Pabst Blue Ribbon cans glowing in the reflected light of the screen..."

So the question becomes, if Obama is elected, and America thereby proves itself not to be a bunch of evil, short-sighted, ignorant rubes, where's all the hate going to go? I assume they're not going to cancel production on Beverly Hills Cop 4. If it tops, say, $40 million opening weekend, what then?

Posted by Rich S. at June 5, 2008 7:30 AM

comment #4

corey3rd says ...

From the Director of Tommy Boy and My Fellow Americans.....I can see why the funny isn't there. Peter Berg might have been able to make it work.

Posted by corey3rd at June 5, 2008 7:34 AM

comment #5

MadCrazyMovieHouse says ...

I know plenty of Obama supporters who want to see this.

Posted by MadCrazyMovieHouse at June 5, 2008 7:41 AM

comment #6

supertaster says ...

Here we go with the red-state shit again...

Wells JUST wrote this in a comment to someone:

The human drama is so much more interesting if you don't try and reduce it to this or that, if you catch my drift. Give it a little thought, think it through, weigh the pros and cons

...he'll paint every McCain voter with the same brush, but suggest that, say, every boomer is out of touch with a big head, bad hair, expanding waist, and ignorant about the difference between hardware and firmware and you're liable to get yourself banned...

Posted by supertaster at June 5, 2008 7:43 AM

comment #7

Walter Sobchak says ...

Okay, we're really trolling for hits, aren't we?

What's next, a statement from Wells saying something like, "The Hulk looks pretty lame, like something people who live in America or own dogs would like."

Posted by Walter Sobchak at June 5, 2008 8:03 AM

comment #8

Wrecktum says ...

Who cares about red states and blue states when you have a Hathaway rack-state staring right at you. Yum!

Posted by Wrecktum at June 5, 2008 8:14 AM

comment #9

Dublin101 says ...

"Who cares about red states and blue states when you have a Hathaway rack-state staring right at you. Yum!"

My feelings exactly, she's a total ride.

Posted by Dublin101 at June 5, 2008 8:20 AM

comment #10

poodleskirt says ...

Whenever I see the Village Roadshow logo on anything, I automatically assume the movie will be crap. Not unlike the Hollywood Pictures Sphinx, the MGM lion, the TriStar horsey, etc.

Posted by poodleskirt at June 5, 2008 8:25 AM

comment #11

The Winchester says ...

Why all the hate for Get Smart, when that Love Guru piece of crap looks infinitely more egregious an offender? Get Smart will probably have a few good laughs, courtesy of Carell or The Rock (not due to the light years beyond it's time script or direction), but that Love guru trailer makes me groan and roll my eyes like I was Wells hanging out with Seth rogen and Jason Segal and a bunch of jabbas in a Colorado Taco Bell.

Posted by The Winchester at June 5, 2008 8:52 AM

comment #12

corey3rd says ...

if you want to see Ann's rack, save your money on Get Smart and put Havoc on your netflix queue. Not a good fillm, but she drops top.

Posted by corey3rd at June 5, 2008 8:53 AM

comment #13

calraigh says ...

Hey Dublin, how fantastic that you've brought the phrase '' a total ride'' to Wells' blog. I love it!

Posted by calraigh at June 5, 2008 8:58 AM

comment #14

Jimmycrackcorn says ...

A friend wrote:

"Went to a preview of "Get Smart" last night and the new film was bad in just about every way you could imagine. The word play that marked the original TV series is barely present here. Substituted instead is bloated action sequences and predictable gunplay. Carell at times looks uncomfortable mouthing the famous phrases of the original ("Would you believe...", "Sorry about that Chief", and "Missed it by that much."). The big plot twist at the end is an easy guess. Best thing: Carell and Hathaway have a neat chemistry. Also a few cool cameos liven up this mess. However, my wife, who never saw the original, liked it and laughed throughout. Still will probably beat "Love Guru" opening weekend. The commercials for that are almost unwatchable."

Posted by Jimmycrackcorn at June 5, 2008 9:02 AM

comment #15

Jimmycrackcorn says ...

I forgot to add: Clearly, my friend is a pro-choice environmentalist, and his wife is a poorly educated free-market tax-phobe from Appalachia. (I'm kidding.)

Posted by Jimmycrackcorn at June 5, 2008 9:06 AM

comment #16

Adonis says ...

Rich S. & Others,

Remember that Wells respects Che's mantra: There is always a people to be revolutionized. There are too many targets, so little time, and so many forced allegories equating political allegieance with pop media preferences.

Posted by Adonis at June 5, 2008 9:09 AM

comment #17

tommysunshine says ...

Hold on. Jeff you can't generalise like that. Even my old mate Burma Shave will back me up on this one. There are hundreds of thousands of Straight-Talk Express travellers whose sense of humor is sophisticated enough to view Steve Carrell, and all who sail in his latest doomed ship, as a posturing clown. In fact the only hope for this movie lies in all those young people who have been bingeing on the obama kool-aid like drunken sailors on shore leave going to see this film. To compound the misleading nature of this analogy, my man McCain has a rapier wit.
There are also many Republicans disdain the arts because they think it's a liberal stitch-up. Of course that's a shame. But when you say they're kissing the ground Steve Carrell walks on, can you blame them?

Posted by tommysunshine at June 5, 2008 9:09 AM

comment #18

Mgmax, le Corbeau says ...

I always thought they should have advertised Brokeback Mountain with "See Princess Diaries' Boobies!" That would have had the red-state McCain voters lining up, just in time to be told how prejudiced they are by some brie-swilling elitists from Hollywood.

Posted by Mgmax, le Corbeau at June 5, 2008 9:11 AM

comment #19

LADODGERS23 says ...

I saw Get Smart last week and it's horrible. Not even funny... Why WB would even think this is a summer movie is beyond belief

Posted by LADODGERS23 at June 5, 2008 9:36 AM

comment #20

cinefan says ...

Based on the trailer, the only reason I would consider going to see the film would be for Hathaway, who looks hot as hell in the film.

Posted by cinefan at June 5, 2008 9:58 AM

comment #21

BillRamsey says ...

The script was one of the worse things I have ever read. Really insipid. I really can't believe they greenlighted it. But the trailer kills, but when the movie comes out -- people will see how bad it is.

Posted by BillRamsey at June 5, 2008 9:59 AM

comment #22

K. Bowen says ...

Guh.

Posted by K. Bowen at June 5, 2008 10:19 AM

comment #23

Movie fan09 says ...

it will do well in its first weekend.

Posted by Movie fan09 at June 5, 2008 10:54 AM

comment #24

rockne says ...

How ridiculously sexy does Anne Hathaway look in that picture? I never thought she was really that sexy...pretty, but not sexy...but there...wow.

Posted by rockne at June 5, 2008 11:19 AM

comment #25

Richardson says ...

I don't know which movie I want to fail harder, 'Love Guru' or 'Get Smart'.

Posted by Richardson at June 5, 2008 11:34 AM

comment #26

ScottMendelson says ...

She does looks better in that picture than in any of the other stills released thus far (I used the same pic on my site in a post about the film yesterday). Truth be told, she looks better in this film than in anything she's done since Ella Enchanted (I doubt she'll top how gorgeous she looked in that goofy little film).

Posted by ScottMendelson at June 5, 2008 11:41 AM

comment #27

K. Bowen says ...

Let me revise and entend my renakrs.

Gabba gabba hey.

Posted by K. Bowen at June 5, 2008 1:18 PM

comment #28

breadlymoore says ...

"Peter Segal directed it, not Berg."

What's the difference?

Posted by breadlymoore at June 5, 2008 2:08 PM

comment #29

Major Calloway says ...

I can see them sitting in the dark, their silver hair glowing in the reflected light of the screen and going "Heh-heh! Heh-heh-heh! That's pretty funny....heh-heh!"

The other day this freakin' idiot in an RV with Nebraska plates going 40 on the interstate almost killed me when he moved into the right lane with his left turn signal on. Goddam McCain supporters. He was so clueless (or senile) he hadn't even scraped off the Kerry/Edwards sticker some previous owner had put on the rear bumper.

Posted by Major Calloway at June 5, 2008 2:09 PM

comment #30

ZayTonday says ...

Wells, you're completely underestimating this movie, just like I did before I saw it. That just makes it that much better when you do see it. The gags are great, plus the action sequences are VERY well done. The highlight is the chase scene centered around downtown LA (and the Walt Disney Center) at the end.

Posted by ZayTonday at June 5, 2008 2:42 PM

comment #31

Legowombat says ...

Dublin101 -

Hollywood Pictures - (the Sphinx that Stinks) - has had it's record of absolutely dire movies beaten by Revolution Studios. If you see the logo on the DVD Case, put it down immediately, and back away.

Have you ever seen a worse run of movies in your life?

http://www.imdb.com/company/co0003580/

There's only two movies there I rate as being watchable, (and, no, 'Punch-Drunk Love' isn't one of them).

Posted by Legowombat at June 5, 2008 3:24 PM

comment #32

filmfestivalgeek says ...

Most of you are probably right about the film sucking...

but rockne is right on about the way Anne looks..

...KNOCKOUT!!!!!!!!!!!

Posted by filmfestivalgeek at June 5, 2008 5:15 PM

comment #33

Jay T. says ...

I agree Anne Hathway looks hotter than ever in the promotional photos, trailers, etc. for this film. Sometimes she looks a bit like a clown, but not here (let's hope she learns to lay off that bright red lipstick).

Posted by Jay T. at June 6, 2008 1:34 PM

comment #34

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comment #35