Mess With Him

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You Don't Mess With the Zohan was a huge surprise for me in that I almost loved it. I was certainly cool with most of it -- smirking, smiling, content, zero pain. Either I was exactly on its wavelength from the start or it was on mine, but Zohan was the first dumbass Sandler comedy I've felt fairly okay about. I was actually charmed at times.

The trick is that it crosses the total silliness threshold early on and stays there. Plus it has actual political content, satirical machismo, fantasy narcissism, a kind of vaudevillian energy, crudely boorish but dead-on Hebe humor (and I know whereof I speak, being a former New Yorker and occasional Brooklynite) plus one relentlessly stupid performance after another -- Adam Sandler, John Turturro, Rob Schneider, Shelley Berman, Lainie Kazan, etc. Schneider and Turturro are off-the-planet funny now and then.

Zohan (Sandler) an Israeli superstud Mossad agent or whatever, fakes his own death to escape the repetition (i.e., constantly fighting Palestinians and other anti-Zionists) and realize his personal dream of becoming a hairdresser in the States. He knows about cutting hair, but hours after hitting Manhattan his Israeli-ness leads to a quick banishing to Queens and yaddah-yaddah blah-dee-blah. It's all about the balance, the shtick, the dopey effects and...well, the you-know-where-it's-going-so-just-enjoy-the-how-of-it aspects, of which there are many.

I was disappointed to learn that the Zohan team, nominally led by director-stooge Dennis Dugan, didn't shoot the opening scenes in Israel but in Cabo San Lucas and La Paz. They're going to make tens of millions on this thing and they couldn't muster the courage to shoot in the actual Holy Land? When you're doing a fantasy comedy, you need to be as real as possible. My respect for Sandler and Dugan would be that much higher if they'd filled up their man shorts and risked death in order to get it right.

The only thing I really didn't like last night was a reaction from a guy sitting next to me when the camera showed Turturro lying in bed with 10 or 12 hotties. The guy, a twentysomething, was so impressed that he said "wow!" out loud. He was momentarily dumbstruck by a standard throwaway shot in an Adam Sandler movie! What a bumpkin!

I decided to leave right a couple of minutes after that. There was another 10 or 15 minutes to but I was happy with the film and had definitely gotten the gist. I just knew I couldn't sit next to that guy any longer. His Clem Kadiddlehopper reaction had eye-dropped a spot of dye into the well, so I figured I'd better get out before the entire experience was ruined.

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Posted by Jeffrey Wells on June 10, 2008 at 10:27 AM

comment #1

Rich S. says ...

"Schneider and Turturro are off-the-planet funny now and then."

I will be deeply disappointed if that doesn't end up a blurb on the DVD case. It has to be the first time Rob Schneider has been called "off-the-planet" anything, let alone funny.

Posted by Rich S. at June 10, 2008 11:53 AM

comment #2

York "Budd" Durden says ...

Interesting--so you were enjoying it enough to write that semi-rave...but you still left early? Wow indeed. Now that must be compelling storytelling.

Posted by York "Budd" Durden at June 10, 2008 11:53 AM

comment #3

Richardson says ...

York - surely, after all the time reading this blog, you know that there is no movie that Jeff likes more than he hates bumpkins and yokels. if the guy was fat and/or bald, 'Zohan' never would've had a chance.

Posted by Richardson at June 10, 2008 11:58 AM

comment #4

pauly says ...

I've always liked the Wedding Singer, it just had the right amount of goofyness that it makes me laugh...maybe Zohan will be similar. Every once in awhile someone that I'm not crazy about will just get it right...kind of like Will Farrell in Ron Burgandy. Usually it's also the supporting cast that makes it work too.

Posted by pauly at June 10, 2008 11:58 AM

comment #5

Monument says ...

Roger Ebert even liked it, for him that's something akin to a miracle.

Personally, my mind was made up when I saw Sandler doing the butterfly after a speedboat... so stupid that it's almost brilliant.

Posted by Monument at June 10, 2008 12:00 PM

comment #6

Jimmycrackcorn says ...

You, along with the New York Times and Wall Street Journal, have talked me into seeing this. Robert Smigel is a very funny guy, but I figured anything funny about the script would be rubbed out by enemy-of-comedy Dennis Dugan. But maybe not.

Posted by Jimmycrackcorn at June 10, 2008 12:15 PM

comment #7

actionman says ...

I cannot believe you liked this, Wells.

Granted, I haven't seen it, so it could be brilliant. It just looks so fucking stupid...

Posted by actionman at June 10, 2008 12:35 PM

comment #8

BurmaShave says ...

It's one of my blind spots, growing up with BILLY MADISON and HAPPY GILMORE, that I've never really hated a Sandler movie.

Posted by BurmaShave at June 10, 2008 12:44 PM

comment #9

Jamieson says ...

I'm pleasantly surprised by your response to the film, Wells, and I share your sentiments. I too was charmed by this Sandler vehicle and think it's a whole lot of fun.

Posted by Jamieson at June 10, 2008 12:47 PM

comment #10

Josh Massey says ...

I don't the kid was reacting to the mise en scene.

Posted by Josh Massey at June 10, 2008 12:47 PM

comment #11

David Ehrlich says ...

um... schneider doesn't have a single laugh in the entire movie. can't believe jeff "almost loved" this... turturro is gold and some of the early moments in "israel" work but that's it as far as laughs go... the middle is deader than dead and the end, while somewhat interesting, is also kind of flat. heinous comedic timing throughout, the rocky montage notwithstanding.

smigel and apatow are two of the funnier guys on the planet, but this movie was more or less a big ol' fail.

and jeff's paragraph about the bumpkin adjacent to him almost reads like a pitch-perfect wells parody... oy.

Posted by David Ehrlich at June 10, 2008 1:04 PM

comment #12

Michael says ...

I think if you've been to Israel and seen the accuracy with which Sandler uses the real anachronistic, hedonistic parts of their culture in his stunts, you can appreciate it.

that being said, the movie is WAY too long...and flatlines after Sandler gets together with his love interest.

one real problem is Sandler is essentially invincable physically throughout the film, so the only problems that become problems are the love emotional ones...after those are solved, its basically like watching Sandlers character play hop-scotch, with the occasional political talk and that one pow-wow all of the characters have at the end in the middle of the burning streets.

Posted by Michael at June 10, 2008 1:08 PM

comment #13

quitstaringatme says ...

Nothing more than a "wow" made you walk out of a movie you were clearly enjoying? How do you know the guy didn't find a Snowcap in his Milk Duds or something? And even if this innocuous muttering was directed at seeing some chicks on screen, your reaction is to flee, and never look back? Aren't you the guy that was emailing directors for titty shots?

How on earth did you live in NYC with that kind of sensitivity? Any given trip on the subway must have made you spin off into a berserker rage. No wonder you seem so fascinated by the Incredible Hulk.

I hope I don't get banned for these comments, because I have never been more fascinated by your site. It's a window into one self-righteous man's descent into madness.

Posted by quitstaringatme at June 10, 2008 1:24 PM

comment #14

Richard_Stone says ...

Most of the laughs in my theater seemed to come from jewish patrons laughing at yiddish expressions that flew over my head.

I smiled and smirked at some bits, but overall, I thought this was a pretty mediocre comedy.

Posted by Richard_Stone at June 10, 2008 1:28 PM

comment #15

DavidF says ...

I'm almost with Burmashave...Billy Madison and Happy Gilmore are most assuredly not GOOD movies. But if you watch them and can't laugh at all, their must be something wrong with you. (For no particular reason the "Marco polo" bit amuses me in the former and in the latter it's a toss-up between the Bob Barker scene, Joe Flaherty and "you eat pieces of shit?")

That said, there's a whole segment of his ouevre I find unwatchable (Little Nicky, Waterboy, Mr. Deeds) even if there are some scattered laughs within.

Apatow and Smigel make me wanna see this one, however. Them and the Jew-stuff. It's really the Munich scene in Knocked Up brought to life, isn't it?

Posted by DavidF at June 10, 2008 1:33 PM

comment #16

mjn says ...

I saw it last weekend and although it did have some laughs, jokes were repeated over and over again. This movie strikes me of hubris, they got away with 'Chuck and Larry' being a big hit. So they get almost 2 hours to tell the same hummus, crotch and old lady sex jokes mixed with a 'can't we all just get along' moral. The final 20 minutes that you missed was just poorly done comedic action.

However, to the movie's credit I think they were trying to allude to the Golan-Globus action movies of the 80's, especially with the opening scene.

Posted by mjn at June 10, 2008 1:48 PM

comment #17

tommysunshine says ...

Wells, are you not being excessively snobbish, saying that about your fellow audience member? Maybe the guy knew one of the girls on the screen or thought one of the ladies was the goods? How can you just dismiss him as a bumpkin on one visceral reaction. Why didn't you just move seats?

"I grew up with Happy Gilmore and Billy Madison" says Burma with typical elegant poise. No Burma, that encapsulates why you haven't grown up.

Posted by tommysunshine at June 10, 2008 1:58 PM

comment #18

p.Vice says ...

Billy Madison and Happy Gilmore? Come on Burma! Don't let your candy-colored memories of puberty lead you astray. Everyone knows Sandler's career peaked with The Waterboy!

Jeff, you should have asked that dude next to you for a hand job... then you would've known the ending would be worth sticking around for. What is a Sandler movie good for if not some latently homosexual male bonding?

Posted by p.Vice at June 10, 2008 2:11 PM

comment #19

thezipper says ...

I think Sandler has lowered the expectation bar so low that something even halfway funny would be considered a triumph. Click on my link for my personal take on the whole affair.

Posted by thezipper at June 10, 2008 2:25 PM

comment #20

appleman says ...

Yo Jeff -

Leaving early is clearly insane behavior.

I've heard a lot a film fan quirks before from my homie, Lewis Beale, but this one sets a new standard. Congrats. They're coming to get you...

Posted by appleman at June 10, 2008 2:36 PM

comment #21

BillRamsey says ...

YES! FInally Wells makes some fucking sense.

Posted by BillRamsey at June 10, 2008 2:38 PM

comment #22

cinemascopian says ...

Hurray for making a good point: those opening scenes should've been shot on actual Tel Aviv beaches. For once, the sand here is not as silky smooth as it is in Cabo. And - as a resident of Tel Aviv - I assure you that regardless of what the insurance company says, the chances of getting killed in Tel Aviv are just about identical to those of being whacked in Manhattan. And then it will probably be the traffic that killed you. Stay away from the Gaza Strip (no where in the vicinity - like worrying your family in Brooklyn could die from a Hurricane in Florida), and avoid skin cancer from over exposure to the sun, and you'll do fine here.

But Kudos to the Zohan team for shuttling a bunch of Israeli actors to populate the movie, and giving several Israeli bands the unprecedented chance of a lifetime to appear on the soundtrack of a major Hollywood motion picture, and in Hebrew no less.

I'll be posting the Israeli point of view to "Zohan" - while trying to figure out what exactly is a Zohan (this ain't no Hebrew) - over on own my blog later this week.

Posted by cinemascopian at June 10, 2008 3:32 PM

comment #23

Craig Kennedy says ...

One day "Clem Kadiddlehoppered" will be regular slang for "driven from a screening by morons" and it will be a good day.

"The trick is that it crosses the total silliness threshold early on and stays there." That's kind of the sense I got from the trailer and it made me think maybe I should see it. I saw the Panda movie instead though. Not bad.

Posted by Craig Kennedy at June 10, 2008 4:20 PM

comment #24

James Rocchi says ...

This movie is getting the softest passes imaginable; its actively infuriating. I mean, Jeff, I know and respect you, but what part of this was fricking funny? Sandler shooting a fish from between his muscular buttocks? His wang waving a sad farewell? Demonstrating Zohan's masculinity by having him fuck elderly women? I stayed until the end of Zohan -- I had to, as I was writing it up -- and as I left, I wanted to *punch* every person who had been laughing in the head, while saying "You're not helping any." Ebert, Wells, A.O.Scott -- the laziest soft passes imaginable, for a film that in no way deserves them. I seriously don't get it, and I wish I did.

Posted by James Rocchi at June 10, 2008 4:34 PM

comment #25

ketut says ...

Sandler is just not funny. I have never seen what people like about him. But I am a curmudgeon so there.

Posted by ketut at June 11, 2008 7:46 AM

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