comment #1

Richardson says ...

"Obviously this is an incredibly lowbrow attitude for someone such as myself."

Only if one assumes that you're not a shallow person.

comment #2

MiraJeffAICN says ...

Jeff, if you had stayed through Zohan I can pretty much guarantee there's no way you would've written the rave that you did. The final half-hour of that movie (which is a half-hour too long anyways) is laugh-free garbage. Just a horrific mess and I'm shocked you of all people are giving shit like this a pass.

comment #3

Rothchild says ...

MiraJeff is a gigantic douche. Turturro trying to put out a fire with karate moves and the "puppies scene" were some of the best moments in the movie.

comment #4

berg says ...

walking out of a film before it ends should be a comment on the film itself being unwatchable ... for instance, feel free to walk out of 8 Heads in a Duffle Bag or Gods and Generals ... but you mean you walked out of Zohan before the George Takei / Bruce Vilanch / puppy dog cameo?

comment #5

DavidF says ...

I think we should differentiate between the many legit reasons plebes like us might have to leave a theatre vs. the obligation of professional critics/columnists who are about to go and post opinions of those movies.

To Jeff's credit, he fesses up when he leaves early but it's still like reading a book review that says, "great writing, great start, great character development....I spilled some coffee and decided not to read the last chapter."

comment #6

berkguru says ...

I bet he bails on the Hulk tonight within the first 30 mins

comment #7

Mr. Muckle says ...

Hell, if the film doesn't begin with a decent helicopter shot over a big city or the Grand Canyon or a drive up the Rockies it's best to bail before the opening credits are done.

comment #8

p.Vice says ...

Jeffrey Wells lowbrow???? NEVER!!!!! You should sue yourself for defamation of character.

comment #9

MiraJeffAICN says ...

Yeah Rothchild, I'm a gigantic douche because I thought the second half of a movie with a 54% rating on Metacritic (RT is for losers) was embarrassingly awful. Do you ever think before you type? I thought Turturro was on a completely different page than everyone else, just like in Transformers. It looked like he only took the part to finance his next directorial effort. Terrible villain, terrible ending, Dave Matthews isn't funny, it's a one-joke movie that wears out its welcome halfway through. Anyone who knows how to tell time would say its too long by at least 15 minutes. The two standouts were Swardson and Kazan. Sloane from Entourage is hot but she can't act. I could go on and on.... if you loved Zohan you must really be a fan of hummus.

comment #10

SHR says ...

If you don't watch the entire film you are not qualified to review it.

comment #11

Alan Cerny says ...

Let's miss the last 15 minutes of these films...

2001: A SPACE ODYSSEY. Wow, he's going into that black thing. Time to leave, there can't be any point after that.

THERE WILL BE BLOOD: That's so sweet, she marries the deaf kid. And now that Plainview's found God, he'll never worry about anything ever again! God wins! God wins!

CITIZEN KANE: Eh, who cares what Rosebud is.

E.T. : Oh, he's on the run! I can't watch!

THE SIXTH SENSE: Eh, the kid's alright. And I'm sure Bruce is gonna get back with his wife.

IT'S A WONDERFUL LIFE: Wow, that would suck, being in a world where you were never born. I bet he kills himself.

PULP FICTION: Heh, they're all clean and going to breakfast. That Jules, you know he's a crazy mofo. He'll be a hitman forever.

comment #12

Anonymous says ...

I prefer to see the good in this: fewer lead-paragraph spoilers.

comment #13

transmogrifier says ...

That's the stupidest thing I've ever heard.

comment #14

BurmaShave says ...

Alan Cerny, that's hilarious. I would call admitting this retarded, but Wells was upfront about how dumb it is. And Takei is seriously in this thing? I'm sold. He would have been so much better than Richard Chamberlain in CHUCK & LARRY.

comment #15

iamjoe says ...

I cannot buy into that at all, personally. I do give that the ending of a film (or any story) is one of the easiest things to screw up, I could never skip it due to being active in the film and liking it. No way..just not making sense to me.

comment #16

joemart says ...

Alan, perfect post...

I've wanted to walk out of these big budget action/superhero movies because no matter how great the first two acts are by the time the third rolls around you know it's going to basically be the big fight where Spiderman fights ____ or Ironman goes against ____. I call it the "third act disengage". Rarely do they hold any surprises...btw I've seen Kay Lenz (star of Breezy) at my local Trader Joe's (before her recent Botox run) and she was still an amazing beauty.

comment #17

drturing says ...

dude, mirajeff's name still has aicn on it. ahahahah. that's almost as embarassing as m night's script for 'the happening'.

comment #18

George Prager says ...

Kay Lenz is the hottest!!!!!!

Even in THE INITIATION OF SARAH
http://youtube.com/watch?v=xlLJLuBQKAA

comment #19

thevisceral says ...

Also, make sure to annoy as many people as possible on the way out.

comment #20

Kristopher Tapley says ...

Gonna lose a lot of respect with this horseshit.

comment #21

Krazy Eyes says ...

If it means fewer endings to ruin I'm all for this new attitude of yours. :)

comment #22

T. Holly says ...

Not wanting their endings to spoil them, is some kind of a Sopranos reference. I'm more perturbed that comic book characters are going to star in each other's movies.

comment #23

cjKennedy says ...

All I ask when someone reviews a movie they walked out on is that they say so upfront instead of waiting until the end when I've already wasted my time reading it.

comment #24

JD says ...

I don't care when you walked out, Breezy sucked.

comment #25

Arizona Joe says ...

Wells, you have breached your fiduciary duty as a critic. And please don't split hairs about being a e-journalist who writes about movies, and a critic of movies.

If you already know something is egregrious by the second act, I can give you a pass for leaving.

However, if the movie is progressing in an entertaining fashion, there is no way you can evaluate a film for the general public unless you stay for the end.

Most art forms have a beginning, a middle and an end. And unless you form an opinion of a film in toto, you aren't really doing your job.

comment #26

gruver1 says ...

Wells to Arizona Joe: In addition to being a seasoned film lover/ethusiast, I'm also am an X-factor malcontent big-mouth attitude columnist -- and I can say or write anything I want within the bounds of reason and propriety. As I've written at least 17 or 18 times ever since I started copping to the occasional walk-out or doze-off, I am not a pro forma critic. If I were a reviewer for the St. Louis Post Dispatch, then it would be my responsibility suffer through each and every film, beginning to end, and then render properly phrased judgments in 15 paragraphs or less. But I'm not that....okay? And part of the deal I have is that when I feel like leaving for whatever reason, I do that -- and then I cop to it when and if I write about the film I left. Usually my disengagements happen for good reasons, which is one reason why I admit to them. I have one fiduciary duty and one only, which is to write honestly in terms of what I'm feeling and thinking. If you need or want something more or something else, then you know what to do.

comment #27

gruver1 says ...

Wells to Kris Tapley, Wrecktum: We are in the New Age in which the traditional definition of a "review" is not enough, not any more, and unless you have the cojones to cop to what your really think, who you really are, and how you've really and truly reacted to this or that film, you're playing by the rules as they existed until the late 1990s.

In addition to being a seasoned film lover/ethusiast, I'm also am an X-factor malcontent attitude columnist -- and I can say or write anything I want within the bounds of reason and propriety. As I've written at least 17 or 18 times ever since I started copping to the occasional walk-out or doze-off, I am not a pro forma critic. If I were a reviewer for the St. Louis Post Dispatch, then it would be my responsibility to suffer through each and every film I see, beginning to end, and then render properly phrased judgments in 15 paragraphs or less. But I'm not that, thank God. And part of the deal I have is that when I feel like leaving for whatever reason, I will do that -- and then I'll cop to it when and if I write about the film I left. Usually my disengagements happen for good reasons, which is one reason why I admit to them.

I just sat through every last wide-eyed minute of The Happening, and am rarin' to write about it. I may feel differently about The Incredible Hulk which I'm seeing tonight...we'll see. Whatever the deal is, I have paid my dues for almost 30 years in this racket, and if I don't feel sufficiently moved to stay for a whole film then I will damn well NOT STAY and then, if I feel like it, I may dutifully write about that decision, whether you and yours like it or not.

comment #28

Toby Kwimper says ...

Well, it's nice to know that if I'm really enjoying the first couple of paragraphs of one of your items, there's no need to click on "Read More" and go to the second page.

comment #29

MiraJeffAICN says ...

It's weird but I'm actually with Wells on this one. He's not a proper print critic. He's a columnist/blogger and I think he said he paid to see Zohan so he's entitled to walk out whenever he wants. Plus he told us about it upfront! What I don't understand is that he liked the movie but walked out anyways, as if he knew how the bad ending would ruin the rest of the experience.

And Dr. Turing, good point. I think I'll change my name on here. But Night's script for The Happening was good. I liked it just fine. Don't like the casting but I the script was in good shape. So keep laughing it up, buddy. What goes around comes around.

comment #30

Richardson says ...

"I'm also am an X-factor malcontent attitude columnist"

As much as I laughed the first time you said it, when you repeated it one post later, I was on the floor.

Hilarious!

comment #31

Jimmycrackcorn says ...

I didn't go to "Breezy," but I wish I'd thought to leave "The Beguiled" early so I would finally have a version of the movie where Clint keeps all his limbs.

comment #32

York "Budd" Durden says ...

Say "film lover/ethusiast" one more time, motherfucker.

comment #33

York "Budd" Durden says ...

BTW I say that only as a movie reference and not to call you an MF, JW.

comment #34

alynch says ...

In addition to being a seasoned film lover/ethusiast, I'm also am an X-factor malcontent attitude columnist.

Jeff, you have gotta work this phrase into every collumn henceforth. It shows an attitude towards self-satire that I never would've pegged you for.

Anyway, the subject at hand, I kind of agree with Jeff. If you buy your ticket, then you have every right to leave whenever you feel like it. However, you can't have it both ways. If you decide to leave a movie, you have to swallow your pride and accept the fact that any opinion you offer on the film lacks validity.

I don't get all the disparaging comparisons towards print critics though. Is Jeff saying that ethical standards are an unnecessary burden that doesn't apply to members of the "New Age?"

comment #35

bb says ...

Does this mean you'll be walking out on the third act of this election?

Fingers crossed.

comment #36

James says ...

I'm a big Dostoevsky fan. I've not read everything he wrote, but I think I've read most of it. And I credit him with pushing me toward getting religion, going to church, getting baptized and so on as an adult.

Anyway, while in college, when I was first getting all fired up by Dostoevsky, I had a girlfriend who once explained to me that she was so disappointed by the ending of Crime & Punishment, in which [SPOILER] Raskolnikov turns himself in and, well, gets religion, that she stopped reading The Brothers Karamazov with about 200 pages left to go. She said she loved Dostoevsky, the way he explored the underbelly of human existence, his vivid characters, the intense arguments and the outrageous things they did. But when they ultimately softened up and began to grope toward faith, she couldn't buy it. She would have preferred that they went out in a furious blaze of faithless, hopeless glory, I think.

Anyway, I totally understood her feelings on this and I understand Jeff's. The ending of a story is often when the story-teller relates her/his personal worldview. The ending can often be less in service of the story than that worldview. And if you don't trust the story-teller to be true to the story when it comes time to wrap things up, it can totally ruin an otherwise enjoyable night at the movies.

Personable best example: Fight Club. That schizoid thing was totally unbelievable bullshit. But I could name others.

comment #37

DonLewis says ...

MiraJeff-

I love...LOVE your comment that "Just a horrific mess and I'm shocked you of all people are giving shit like this a pass" when realistically, it's YOUR site that generally gives a pass to utter crap.

However that comment was nearly beaten out by you dropping the fact that you read the script for THE HAPPENING and it was "in good shape." Wow...anonymous AICNer thinks the script is in good shape! Welll... it must be seeing as how as you shills over there are just trying to get YOUR scripts picked up so you MUST know good writing when you see it. Way to suck up as usual.

comment #38

quitstaringatme says ...

What the hell is an "x-factor"? Is that like what Wolverine and Cyclops have?

comment #39

Mike Russell says ...

DonLewis: Calling AICN "MiraJeff's site" is somewhat inaccurate these days. For background, read this back-and-forth between MJ and Moriarty and in a recent TalkBack:

http://www.aintitcool.com/talkback_display/37000#comment_2103988

comment #40

Richardson says ...

I can't decide what I think about the fact that Uwe Boll beat the crap out of MiraJeff, and then MiraJeff tried to post a positive review of his next movie.

comment #41

Rothchild says ...

MiraJeff hadn't seen an Uwe Boll film before he agreed to box him? Christ. He couldn't be more of an idiot if he tried.

comment #42

Richardson says ...

I think the funniest part is clearly that Moriarity thinks that Ain't It Cool is powerful enough to stop Uwe Boll.

comment #43

MiraJeffAICN says ...

Don Lewis and Richardson, you're both morons. I DO know good writing when I see it. Did you go to the best screenwriting program in the world for 4 years. No, you didn't. Know why? Cuz it only accepts 60 students a year and I'm willing to bet you weren't one of them. Have you read scripts for two major studios? I'll bet you haven't. And Richardson, the review wasn't positive, but it did say it was the best movie Uwe's made. Maybe that's not saying much or maybe we should give the guy a little credit for taking a step in the right direction. Did you read Variety's review of Postal. Mine wasn't nearly as positive but at least it proves I'm not crazy.

And Rothchild, what exactly makes me an idiot? That I'd never seen an Uwe Boll film. Why would I see one of his movies if I've been told they all suck? Or am I an idiot because I decided to box him? Because I got a free trip to Vancouver out of it, got put up in a cushy hotel, and woke up with some bruised ribs and a great story to tell my future kids. Not the biggest deal in the world.

And Don Lewis, AICN does bring the rare gem to my attention (Oldboy, Tae Guk Gi) but it's no secret they have 'meh' taste over there, as evidenced by the constant hyping of Hatchet, The Signal, etc.

All of you can suck a fuck.

comment #44

Richardson says ...

"Have you read scripts for two major studios? I'll bet you haven't."

Have you ever sucked dick for coke? I bet you have.

comment #45

Rothchild says ...

MiraJeff, it doesn't matter if you went for 4 years or 10. You don't know anything about screenwriting or screenplays.

comment #46

quitstaringatme says ...

MiraJeff, you're an idiot because you get so upset by anonymous postings on a movie blog.

Also, your claim of attending the most exclusive and powerful screenwriting program in the world would hold a little more weight if everything you wrote here didn't come across as barely literate, let alone professionally trained.

Now, you better run off, I'm sure there are other people being wrong on the internet that need your guidance.

comment #47

DonLewis says ...

MiraJeff-

I'm sorry I didn't read the whole AICN thing before I called you out (thanks for the heads up Mike Russell). While I feel for your situation, jesus dude, I'm gonna write a screenplay called FORGETTING HARRY KNOWLES starring YOU as the lead. Let it GO, dude. You're still posting here at MiraJeffAICN when those AICN folk have dumped you like the 900 lbs Harry dropped when his stomach got stapled. You need to now start to craft a name for yourself if you intend to continue writing movie related news and whatnot.

And truth be told, the funniest thing about that talkback (aside from "Mori" and whats-his-bucket treating like you were a chick who went on one date with them and then told everyone you were engaged) is how snowed YOU and everyone over there has become in regards to thinking AICN is still a viable site with any form of integrity. You guys are ALL fucking miserable suck-ups who ruin internet film journalism by thinking positive, glowing, buzz filled hype of studio crap will get you somewhere.

What happened to Harry running a studio/writing a screenplay/directing a movie? Where's that Mortal Combat 4 or whatever whoever was supposed to be getting ready?? All I've seen is a (I thought) cool episode of MASTERS OF HORROR and not much else. You dumbasses are ALL getting played over there and the only thing funnier than you thinking you're not and thinking that AICN has any vestige of integrity is the fact that your readership thinks that site means anything.

From one writer to another Mira...move on....now's the time. You're crossing the line from rightfully annoyed to petty cry baby...

comment #48

PoisonSkin says ...

holy crap reading that shit is sad.

and fucking impossible. break up your goddamn paragraphs. THATS why that site sucks

comment #49

Jay says ...

The opening scene in 1941 where it parodys Jaws was so funny I left right there. That movie is fucking brilliant!

comment #50

Richardson says ...

I think it's great that the two highlights of this thread are one Jeff leaving too early and the other Jeff not knowing when to leave.

comment #51

David Ehrlich says ...

RICHARDSON - right on. also, when was the last time you saw wells and mirajeff in the same place? JEFF wells. miraJEFF. the eerily similar overly defensive tirades... i think i'm on to something. or simply ON something. and that something is ambien.

but seriously, that mira post about the screenwriting program he attended is one for the hall of fame. ... this site has a hall of fame, right?

comment #52

alynch says ...

Yeah, it appears that MiraJeff suddenly turned into Will Ferrell in that SNL sketch at the family dinner table:

"Hey! Don't talk to me like that! I'm a lawyer! I drive a Dodge Stratus! I can do 1,000 push-ups in an hour! I DO know good writing! Did you go to the best screenwriting program in the world for four years!"

If we keep ragging on him, do you think he'll start bragging about all the famous people he's made eye contact with. With that said, it is certainly nice to see that MiraJeff has apparently learned infrequent use of the paragraph.

comment #53

Cohen says ...

The ringing of the division bell has begun.

Tick Tick Tick Tock Tick Tock...

comment #54

Howlingman says ...

"Did you go to the best screenwriting program in the world for four years!"

Actually I did ... but it's only a six month program.

comment #55

Jesse Perry says ...

So MiraJeff was fired from AICN? I may have to start visiting that site again. What a clown.