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I was speaking this morning with a producer friend about Shia Lebeouf's DUI bang-on collision yesterday morning (i.e., late Saturday night), and this triggered a story that was passed along second-hand from a trusted friend about another celebrity-drinking incident involving Harrison Ford and Calista Flockhart, as well as the non-drinking Demi Moore and Ashton Kutcher.
"It happened maybe 45 days ago, a week or two after the opening of Indy 4," I was told. "Harrison, Calista, Demi and Ashton all went out to dinner. The latter two weren't drinking but over the course of dinner the first two had...I don't know, two or three bottles of wine between them and got fairly loaded. Too drunk to drive, in any case. It was therefore decided -- responsibly, intelligently -- that Ashton would drive Harrison home in his car, and Demi would follow with Calista in her car.
"But somehow Demi lost Ashton at a traffic light, and Ashton and Harrison are now heading towards Ford's home in the Pacific Palisades on their own, presuming that Demi will catch up. Except Calista has succumbed to the alcohol and passed out. Okay, 'gone to sleep.' Dead to the world, in any event. Demi tries to rouse her so she can get the directions and the address, but with no luck." (Wells note: they didn't type in the address on the GPS software on their Blackberry or iPhone before leaving the restaurant?)
"So as she's driving along, Demi starts prodding and shaking Calista with her right hand to wake her up to get the address, and as a result of the shoving the car slows down and weaves a bit, and as luck would have it a couple of patrolmen notice this and pull them over. Have you been drinking? No, Demi answers. I was trying wake up my passenger to get directions to her home. Has she been drinking? Demi doesn't want to say, says she doesn't know. The cops suspect inebriation despite Moore's denials -- "I haven't been drinking! I don't drink!" -- and make her do the walk and touch her nose and all that.
"Meanwhile, Harrison and Ashton have arrived at Ford's home. It's been a little while and they're wondering what's happened to the ladies. Ashton calls Demi on her cell and by this time she's being questioned by the cops and they're saying 'no answering the phone while you're being tested for intoxication.' Harrison says to Ashton, "You want an omelette? It'll calm you down." Uhh, not really, Kutcher replies, having just eaten an hour or so ago. Ford leads him into the kitchen anyway and starts on the omelette. 'You want herbs? You want cheese? You want onions?'
"Back on the road, the combined efforts of Moore and the two cops finally wake Flockhart up. It's like she's coming out of a coma. One of the lawmen ask, 'Do you know where you live?' She gives them the address and they all get into their cars with the understanding that the bulls will escort Demi and Calista to the house. A few minutes later Harrison and Ashton see the flashing lights outside and respond as you might expect -- "Oh my God, are you guys okay?,' 'What happened?,' 'Why didn't you answer your phone?' The cops say goodnight and leave, all's well that ends well, and everyone's safe and sound. And again Harrison says, 'So...who wants an omelette?'"
It's just a story, I haven't called to verify, but the source swears it comes from a reliable person, etc.
Posted by Jeffrey Wells on July 28, 2008 at 7:52 AM
comment #1
Scott Mendelson says ...
Sounds like everyone behaved exactly as they should have. Ford and Flockhart realized they were too drunk to drive and accepted an escort (or Kutcher and Moore pushed the subject, either way the right call). The cop noticed erratic driving and made sure that the driver was not drunk, without incident and with minimal drama. And, in the end everyone made it home safely. Sounds completely normal to me.
Granted, Moore probably should have just told the cop that Flockhart was a little tipsy, but that she didn't know how to get her guest home, and the cop probably should have let Moore answer what was likely a frantic phone call, but it sounds like everyone more or less made the right choice here. I certainly hope the point of posting this story wasn't for ridicule.
Posted by Scott Mendelson at July 28, 2008 9:02 AM
comment #2
Josh Massey says ...
That's odd. I coulda sworn I didn't type "tmz.com" into the address bar.
Posted by Josh Massey at July 28, 2008 9:05 AM
comment #3
gruver1 says ...
Wells to Josh Massey: I told a story here. Pretty well, I think. Just a good "here's what happened last night" story that a friend might share over a morning coffee. TMZ doesn't tell stories -- it flashes lurid headlines and runs paparazzi videos. You honestly don't see the difference?
Posted by gruver1 at July 28, 2008 9:15 AM
comment #4
squealy says ...
I think Josh's point is: who cares?
It just makes me sad to think of Harrison Ford out for dnner with Ashton Kutcher.
Posted by squealy at July 28, 2008 9:19 AM
comment #5
BurmaShave says ...
I've never been jealous of Ashton before, but damn, he got to drive a drunk Harrison Ford home!
Posted by BurmaShave at July 28, 2008 9:41 AM
comment #6
MickTravis says ...
I wonder if he felt like Chewbacca.
Posted by MickTravis at July 28, 2008 9:56 AM
comment #7
redmond says ...
Great anecdote, Jeff. I guess people don't realize that bloggers have a conversation with their readers. It's like we're chilling at a restaurant over coffee or sitting on your porch. Business is discussed, but, hey sometimes so is politics or a great little story.
Posted by redmond at July 28, 2008 9:57 AM
comment #8
p.Vice says ...
What about the part where Harrison stuck his cock up Kutcher's ass while Demi and Calista sixty-nined all night long? I mean, this story needs a little meat, no?
Posted by p.Vice at July 28, 2008 10:07 AM
comment #9
Muttley Laugh says ...
"Son," he said without preamble, "never trust a man who doesn't drink because he's probably a self-righteous sort, a man who thinks he knows right from wrong all the time. Some of them are good men, but in the name of goodness, they cause most of the suffering in the world. They're the judges, the meddlers. And, son, never trust a man who drinks but refuses to get drunk. They're usually afraid of something deep down inside, either that they're a coward or a fool or mean and violent. You can't trust a man who's afraid of himself. But sometimes, son, you can trust a man who occasionally kneels before a toilet. The chances are that he is learning something about humility and his natural human foolishness, about how to survive himself. It's damned hard for a man to take himself too seriously when he's heaving his guts into a dirty toilet bowl."
Posted by Muttley Laugh at July 28, 2008 10:17 AM
comment #10
tommysunshine says ...
This account tallies with a friend of mine who took a drunken call from flockhart, who he used to date in the mid-90s, during the Indiana Jones-Cannes hooplah.
Massey, you ain't interested in the follies of movie stars, you ain't interested in movies. Simple as that. Get off this site and onto a site about digital tv apparatus.
Posted by tommysunshine at July 28, 2008 10:24 AM
comment #11
frankbooth says ...
I nominate MickTravis for Best Post on This Thread.
(And I don't know if he felt like him, but he sure LOOKS like him.)
Posted by frankbooth at July 28, 2008 10:46 AM
comment #12
bluefugue says ...
"Massey, you ain't interested in the follies of movie stars, you ain't interested in movies. Simple as that."
What a bizarre statement to make.
Posted by bluefugue at July 28, 2008 11:09 AM
comment #13
MickTravis says ...
Thanks, frank. You want me to pour the beer?
Posted by MickTravis at July 28, 2008 11:27 AM
comment #14
Midwest Doug says ...
Harrison Ford in real life, Jimmy Caan in Thief. The men are masters of the egg.
Posted by Midwest Doug at July 28, 2008 11:32 AM
comment #15
Amazing Larry says ...
For all of you religious people out there, I'd like to point this out:
Heath Ledger = dead.
Ashton Kutcher = driving Harrison Ford home and then dissing Ford's culinary skills.
The atheist rests his case.
Posted by Amazing Larry at July 28, 2008 11:47 AM
comment #16
DarthCorleone says ...
Good story. Thanks for sharing.
I don't mean this as a snarky correction, but I was just pondering Shia's name this morning. A clever mnemonic to remember how to spell it is that he uses all the vowels but the one that doesn't look right ("i"), and they are in alphabetical order.
Posted by DarthCorleone at July 28, 2008 12:16 PM
comment #17
Leonardcoenbrothers says ...
Calista is getting drunk because she's still distraught that she didn't get to play the Joker.
Posted by Leonardcoenbrothers at July 28, 2008 12:26 PM
comment #18
cjKennedy says ...
I second Frank's nomination.
Also, redmond, you are a massive suck up. Not that there's anything wrong with that, I'm just saying.
Posted by cjKennedy at July 28, 2008 12:32 PM
comment #19
nemo says ...
Ford and Flockhart drank two or three bottles of wine between them? They must have livers of iron. I feel uneasy about driving after splitting just one bottle of wine with another person.
Posted by nemo at July 28, 2008 1:21 PM
comment #20
D.Z. says ...
"I was speaking this morning with a producer friend about Shia Lebeouf's DUI bang-on collision yesterday morning (i.e., late Saturday night), and this triggered a story that was passed along second-hand from a trusted friend about another celebrity-drinking incident involving Harrison Ford and Calista Flockhart, as well as the non-drinking Demi Moore and Ashton Kutcher."
Insert joke about Indy 4 leading them to drink here.
"(Wells note: they didn't type in the address on the GPS software on their Blackberry or iPhone before leaving the restaurant?)"
Not everyone's into that stuff. Ford's definitely not a techie, anyway.
Posted by D.Z. at July 28, 2008 1:21 PM
comment #21
hcat says ...
Plus Flockhart probably weighs what 86 pounds, so it was probably Ford taking down about two of those bottles solo (though Ashton was probably matching gulp for gulp with Mountian Dew). I would need at least three bottles to get through a dinner with that crowd.
Posted by hcat at July 28, 2008 1:53 PM
comment #22
Michael says ...
I believe the phrase is "too good to fact-check."
Excellent story, Wells.
Posted by Michael at July 28, 2008 4:14 PM
comment #23
redmond says ...
cjkennedy,
I blog for a living, so I know what's it like to hear a reader appreciate your shit. Especially after you get a comment like Josh Massey's. People get to read this site FOR FREE yet they feel entitled to tell the writer how to do his job which apparently includes catering to their every whim. I'm not so much sucking up as saying, "Hey, man, keep doing what you do and ignore the haters."
Posted by redmond at July 28, 2008 8:24 PM
comment #24
frankbooth says ...
Mick,
NO, I WANT YOU TO PLUCK IT!
Wait, that's not right...
Posted by frankbooth at July 28, 2008 10:07 PM
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