edited by Jonathan Doyle

Cloverfield [BLU-RAY] (Paramount Home Entertainment, 6.3.2008) Disguised under deliberately goofy, yet deliciously edible-sounding, aliases such as Cheese and Slusho, Matt Reeves' Cloverfield was produced and rushed into theaters under an equally appetizing shroud of secrecy. From last year's incredibly elusive Super Bowl ad to the film's viral marketing campaign, Cloverfield had everybody scratching their heads and drooling in anticipation. Aside from the as-yet untitled title and the Blair Witch-ian visual style, the film's biggest appeal was the enigmatic creature who was last (un)seen hurling the decapitated head of the Statue of Liberty onto the crowded streets of New York City. All we knew about the mysterious beast was that it was big and angry. Now that the highy-anticipated project has come and gone, one question has fortunately been answered: Cloverfield was a major success. (continued)

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This is a sad occasion for anyone who's ever savored Ernest Borgnine's performance as Fatso Judson in From Here to Eternity or Ragnar in The Vikings. With one remark, a respected actor has tainted his reputation for all eternity. I'll never be able to watch The Wild Bunch ever again with the same attitude I had before seeing this clip. I'm half-serious.

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Posted by Jeffrey Wells on August 14, 2008 at 3:47 PM

comment #1

btwnproductions says ...

If it keeps me going till my early 90s, I may have to get busier myself.

Posted by btwnproductions at August 14, 2008 4:00 PM

comment #2

lazarus says ...

Oh come on. After what Jeff wrote I was expecting "I don't trust Jews" or "Never vote for a black political candidate" or "I look to Ronald Reagan's life as an example to follow". He also didn't say anything creepy like "I bang a lot of women half my age".

Big ups to Borgnine for not being some stuffy old bore. We could use more men like him in the Academy, so screenplays like The Pineapple Express, Knocked Up, or Superbad would have a chance at a nomination.

Posted by lazarus at August 14, 2008 4:01 PM

comment #3

btwnproductions says ...

I thought the secret word was going to be--gasp--"McCain."

Posted by btwnproductions at August 14, 2008 4:03 PM

comment #4

Amazing Larry says ...

I think everybody who appears on Fox News when they're going live needs to work that phrase into their interview.

"Tinseltown Treasure"?? Who da hell writes the graphics copy over at that puppetshow? My frakkin' gramma?

Did Ernest Borg ever write a tell-all book? I'd love to read his side of the story on giving Shelly Winters the dutch oven.

"oh shelly my divine love,

never torn from my heart

pull yon covers o'er your head

whilest i lay a tasty fart."

Posted by Amazing Larry at August 14, 2008 4:09 PM

comment #5

Craptastic says ...

That is one of the greatest things I've seen in a while.

Posted by Craptastic at August 14, 2008 4:11 PM

comment #6

kinks541 says ...

You're joking, right Wells?

Man, you really are tightly wound.

Posted by kinks541 at August 14, 2008 4:15 PM

comment #7

Mr. Tibbs says ...

I think this clip only serves to make Ernest Borgnine even more endearing.

Posted by Mr. Tibbs at August 14, 2008 4:18 PM

comment #8

cjKennedy says ...

Wells is kidding. He has to be. Right?

Posted by cjKennedy at August 14, 2008 4:18 PM

comment #9

C-PhreekII says ...

That. Was. Awesome.

Ex-Navy guy reminds everyone that he isn't just some old guy sitting around waiting to die and being feted at career retrospectives.

A couple of days ago Wells is tauting readers to manly challenges invoking John Milius' name. Yet, here's a manly man acting like one and Wells gets the vapors.

Grow a pair.

Posted by C-PhreekII at August 14, 2008 4:22 PM

comment #10

Jamieson says ...

The guy's 91 and still full of energy with a sense of humor, we should applaud this Wells come on! Big ups to Borgnine from me too. Hilarious.

Posted by Jamieson at August 14, 2008 4:38 PM

comment #11

JHRussell says ...

That is priceless. Ernie is the MAN!

Posted by JHRussell at August 14, 2008 4:39 PM

comment #12

GonePostal says ...

I always thought Earnest Borgnine was kind of awesome. Now I'm SURE he's awesome. I love honesty from guys like him.

I was also sure he was going to say "I'm voting for McCain" by the way Wells intro'd that clip.

Posted by GonePostal at August 14, 2008 5:05 PM

comment #13

The InSneider says ...

Wow! That was fucking hilarious. Thanks, Gruver. Good catch.

Posted by The InSneider at August 14, 2008 5:07 PM

comment #14

The Hoyk says ...

I don't know what I like best about that clip. Is it:

a) He's too old to be anything but honest, and/or to give a damn;

b) The gasbags on "FOX & FRIENDS" don't dare chastise an American icon;

c) Now that every red state viewer has heard Cabby's advice, maybe the whole country will lighten up just a sliver;

It certainly gives a new spin to that old exchange, "Whaddaya wanna do tonight, Marty?" "I dunno, Angie, whaddaya you wanna do?"

Posted by The Hoyk at August 14, 2008 5:07 PM

comment #15

Mark B says ...

As Dennis Miller once said about this subject, the one with the free hand should cast the first stone.

That's hysterical. I love the reaction by the other Fox crew members. Very funny,.

Posted by Mark B at August 14, 2008 5:13 PM

comment #16

MilkMan says ...

That was really funny, Amazing Larry.

Posted by MilkMan at August 14, 2008 5:16 PM

comment #17

Gaydos says ...

Very different reaction here: Now I HATE MYSELF for not going to see Ernie and "The Catered Affair" at the Aero last week! He's the last man standing and you can think about that one any way you like.

Posted by Gaydos at August 14, 2008 5:20 PM

comment #18

D.Z. says ...

Sounds like something I'd hear on Howard Stern.

Gaydos: I probably should've mentioned that book-signing a while back.

Posted by D.Z. at August 14, 2008 5:48 PM

comment #19

thevisceral says ...

His prostate will outlast the Pyramids.

Posted by thevisceral at August 14, 2008 6:00 PM

comment #20

dangovich says ...

Now I know I'll make it to at least 100.

Posted by dangovich at August 14, 2008 6:03 PM

comment #21

btwnproductions says ...

Research shows that frequent ejaculation can prevent prostate cancer. Take after Ernie and get busy, boys.

Posted by btwnproductions at August 14, 2008 6:39 PM

comment #22

Joe Leydon says ...

Jeff: Would you think better of him if I told you that, when I interviewed him 30 years ago, he told me he was in favor of gun control?

Posted by Joe Leydon at August 14, 2008 6:39 PM

comment #23

Aladdin Sane says ...

"Hey, don't knock masturbation. It's sex with someone I love."

Posted by Aladdin Sane at August 14, 2008 6:45 PM

comment #24

hiviper says ...

Jeff is simply the Master of his Domain, people. His manliness and willpower is legendary.

Posted by hiviper at August 14, 2008 6:46 PM

comment #25

corey3rd says ...

he's McHale!

Posted by corey3rd at August 14, 2008 6:55 PM

comment #26

Spacesheik says ...

Ernest Borgnine's clip was hilarious, kudos to the man for his endearing, candid quip.

Borgnine is quite underated, he was great as a heavy in EMPEROR OF THE NORTH POLE with Lee Marvin and was also memorable as 'Rogo,' the cop with the streetwalker wife in POSEIDON ADVENTURE, plus of course WILD BUNCH and other Westerns such as THE REVENGERS.

He's done a lot of campy work but it's great to see someone won a Best Actor Oscar in the 50s (MARTY) still alive and kicking.

Posted by Spacesheik at August 14, 2008 7:22 PM

comment #27

Josh Massey says ...

Yeah, before viewing the clip, I would have bet anybody $1,000 that it had to do with Obama.

Posted by Josh Massey at August 14, 2008 7:23 PM

comment #28

Amazing Larry says ...

Gracias, Milkman. Coming from someone who's made me laugh many, many times, that's a great compliment...

Posted by Amazing Larry at August 14, 2008 7:52 PM

comment #29

DarthCorleone says ...

Yeah, I'm going to live a long, long time.

Posted by DarthCorleone at August 14, 2008 9:42 PM

comment #30

scooterzz says ...

i would have thought that writing that book would have been enough masturbation to last him a while....

Posted by scooterzz at August 14, 2008 10:13 PM

comment #31

Terry McCarty says ...

Now I'm thinking of Strother Martin miming masturbation in SLAP SHOT.

Posted by Terry McCarty at August 15, 2008 12:07 AM

comment #32

Balerion says ...

I'm with most everyone here that it was a funny moment, and it's the sort of thing that makes him more not less endearing. It's certainly not a "taint" except for stuffy old people, I figure. If you're upset about it, put it down to a poor decision on the part of a 91-year-old man and play it down/ignore it.

Me, I'm going to go lengthen my lifespan.

Posted by Balerion at August 15, 2008 12:55 AM

comment #33