edited by Jonathan Doyle

Cloverfield [BLU-RAY] (Paramount Home Entertainment, 6.3.2008) Disguised under deliberately goofy, yet deliciously edible-sounding, aliases such as Cheese and Slusho, Matt Reeves' Cloverfield was produced and rushed into theaters under an equally appetizing shroud of secrecy. From last year's incredibly elusive Super Bowl ad to the film's viral marketing campaign, Cloverfield had everybody scratching their heads and drooling in anticipation. Aside from the as-yet untitled title and the Blair Witch-ian visual style, the film's biggest appeal was the enigmatic creature who was last (un)seen hurling the decapitated head of the Statue of Liberty onto the crowded streets of New York City. All we knew about the mysterious beast was that it was big and angry. Now that the highy-anticipated project has come and gone, one question has fortunately been answered: Cloverfield was a major success. (continued)

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Two days ago Ad Wizards' Alex Blagg pointed to an obvious oral-sex allusion in the shape and marketing of Hannah Montana "concert candy," which is not a put-on -- it's a real-deal product being sold with the presumed approval of the Miley Cyrus/Hannah Montana marketing team, including her dad Billy Ray Cyrus.

Look at the shape of the candy (which the packaging says is shaped like a guitar and mike) next to a photo of Cyrus holding a mike near her mouth -- the lack of subtlety is breathtaking. I don't have a daughter but speaking as a dad, I'm trying to imagine how I'd sign off on this kind of thing. What kind of an anything-for-a-buck whore do you have to be to look at a penis-candy proposal, smile at the marketing guys and say, "Looks good...where do I sign and what's my cut on top of my daughter's?"

Billy Ray Cyrus sure seems like a golden-calf worshipper to me. This is a right-wing, middle-American, conservative good-old-boy thing...no? I had a tough hardscrabble childhood so pay me the big bucks so I can build another McMansion or invest in another shopping mall, and...you know, what the hell, I'll look the other way when you exploit my 16 year-old daughter as a sex object who winks at the analogy between candy-eating and cocksucking.

Can anyone imagine an educated left-wing dad in any industry or region agreeing to something like this? It's appalling.

Analogy<< previous | next >>Yup...Sarah Palin

Posted by Jeffrey Wells on August 29, 2008 at 5:40 AM

comment #1

berg says ...

definitely more offensive than Stiller going full retard ... the mic catches your eye first, but then the candy is flesh colored?

Posted by berg at August 29, 2008 6:55 AM

comment #2

D.Z. says ...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ymLTO-GxZoQ

Posted by D.Z. at August 29, 2008 7:00 AM

comment #3

JckNapier2 says ...

Fair enough, and bloody hilarious, but it also seems to resemble a human hand giving someone their middle finger. Also 'offensive', but maybe that should be their cover story as it's a lot less headline grabbing.

Posted by JckNapier2 at August 29, 2008 7:06 AM

comment #4

NotImpressedYet says ...

What party are the Lohans registered with?

Posted by NotImpressedYet at August 29, 2008 7:21 AM

comment #5

buster says ...

This is a right-wing, middle-American, conservative good-old-boy thing...no?

So "right-wing, middle-American, conservative good-old-boys" are on a moral crusade to strip "indecency" from the air via the FCC, and at the same time they're pimping some 15 year old girl for fame and fortune?

Do you even care when you contradict yourself?

No. Relaxed social mores and the sexualization of society are certainly NOT right-wing, middle-American, conservative good-old-boy things. You really lose credibility when you associate all of the evils in the world with conservatives. This is very clearly a left-wing, coastal, liberal thing.

Opportunistic hethons like Cyrus, on the other hand, are exclusive to neither group.

Posted by buster at August 29, 2008 8:08 AM

comment #6

longrunner says ...

Well, for what it's worth, t does appear that the photographer of image used to illustrate this post may have manipulated the product a bit... Her is another photo of it: http://images.birthdayexpress.com/bexpress/assets/product_images/BD00366.jpg

Still... :-P

Posted by longrunner at August 29, 2008 8:13 AM

comment #7

Howlingman says ...

Yeah, come on, Jeff; everybody knows only right-wing, middle-American, conservative good-old-boys are allowed to make sweeping, false statements based on narrow ideological views.

Posted by Howlingman at August 29, 2008 8:15 AM

comment #8

Richardson says ...

buster - your point would make more sense if you had examples to counter Britney and Miley. It certainly seems as if the families that create these sexualized teenage celebrities tend to be conservative and talk about family values and virginity and all, even while the bikinis get skimpier and the oral sex gets less implied.

Posted by Richardson at August 29, 2008 8:26 AM

comment #9

Richardson says ...

I meant to add the Simpson girls to that list, too.

Posted by Richardson at August 29, 2008 8:27 AM

comment #10

buster says ...

Richard, I don't disagree, but that makes them hypocrites, not representatives of traditional right-wing, conservative values.

I mean, are we seriously arguing about whether liberals are the ones who generally fight for freedom of action, personal belief and expression. I thought these were good things. Are you sincererly suggesting that its not conservatives always fighting against the casualization of sex while liberals generally try to break down the old puritanical beliefs that pervade our culture??

Posted by buster at August 29, 2008 8:38 AM

comment #11

AuggieBenDoggie says ...

Yeah, but does each pack come with an offical Miley Cyrus cameraphone trading card?

Posted by AuggieBenDoggie at August 29, 2008 8:44 AM

comment #12

Richardson says ...

buster - I thought Jeff was talking about "sell out anything to make a buck, even your own values, even your own daughter".

"not representatives of traditional right-wing, conservative values."

I don't think he said they were representatives of traditional right-wing values; I think he said this is an occurrence which seems limited to right-wing, middle-American, conservative good-old-boys. He didn't say it represents their values, he just said that they're the ones who do it. Which, to my eye, certainly seems to be true.

"liberals generally try to break down the old puritanical beliefs that pervade our culture??"

I don't know of anybody on either side who advocates the sexualization of teenagers for profit.

Posted by Richardson at August 29, 2008 11:42 AM

comment #13

buster says ...

I don't know of anybody on either side who advocates the sexualization of teenagers for profit

No argument there ... it's the slippery slope conservatives reference when arguing against loosening social and sexual inhibitions.

Posted by buster at August 29, 2008 12:26 PM

comment #14

Richardson says ...

Their argument would hold more water (ie: some water) if they had abandoned abstinence-only programs after they were proven to lead to an increase in sexual activity and teenage pregnancy.

Or at least *modified* the programs in some way.

Posted by Richardson at August 29, 2008 1:46 PM

comment #15