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Aint It Cool's Massawyrm hates, loathes and despises Star Wars: The Clone Wars as much as Harry Knowles does, except Harry took his review down last night after Lucasfilm insisted that embargo review dates be respected. So if AICN is temporarily pulling its Clone punches, why is Massawyrm ripping it to pieces?
"Do the fanboys REALLY want a bunch of scenes of characters whose destinies we already know fly through a series of dogfights so their pretty ships can go PEWPEWPEW against lifeless moronic droids so incompetent you question the tenacity of anyone that would put them into service let alone fight a war with an army of them?," he said in a posting that went up this morning at 9:12 am.
"Do the fanboys REALLY want to spend the next 20 years of their lives arguing that the movies they love donÂ’t, in fact, suck the hair off of a nutless monkey?
"Do the fanboys REALLY want an animated television series not written for 30-year-old men, but easily amused 8 year olds on Saturday morning between bites of soggy Corn Puffs? Because thatÂ’'s what theyÂ’re fucking getting with The Clone Wars.
"This. Is. Shit-ty."
Posted by Jeffrey Wells on August 11, 2008 at 8:01 AM
comment #1
BurmaShave says ...
I can't wait until this is on DVD so I can do a double feature with SCORPION KING 2 and have a prequel to a spinoff prequel to a sequel to a remake followed by a prequel to a third prequel.
Posted by BurmaShave at August 11, 2008 8:21 AM
comment #2
Undercover Brother says ...
Pretty much expected this. Lucas poking the smoldering embers of his torched franchise trying to burn a few more bucks out of us. The really bad news is that this is just the beginning. There's a whole damn series of this waiting in the wings. Based on initial reactions to this I'm guessing the whole show is going to blow. And then in a few years, we get a live action show. By the time he's done this whole thing will be in the toilet like Star Trek is. Was?
Posted by Undercover Brother at August 11, 2008 8:25 AM
comment #3
DavidF says ...
Bummer - I was hoping this would be fun.
After the trailer my wife said, "But it's a cartoon!" And I just figured that so much of the prequels is CGI that the only real dif is that now Anakin and Obi-Wan are CGI too. If the script etc are good, it can be a fun little action movie.
Apparently, this has not materialized...
Posted by DavidF at August 11, 2008 8:26 AM
comment #4
corey3rd says ...
it looks worse than the inbetweenie stuff on Star Wars Leggo. What a half-hearted effort from Lucas. He should have his AFI award ripped from his hands.
Posted by corey3rd at August 11, 2008 8:29 AM
comment #5
Mr. Blood Vessel says ...
The Comedy World Has Lost A Giant... Bernie Brillstein Is Gone
http://www.aintitcool.com/node/37878
Posted by Mr. Blood Vessel at August 11, 2008 8:32 AM
comment #6
thevisceral says ...
How did the monkey lose its nuts?
Posted by thevisceral at August 11, 2008 8:32 AM
comment #7
actionman says ...
this movie looked horrendous based on the trailers. never had any desire to see it. the reviews are not surprising in the slightest.
Posted by actionman at August 11, 2008 8:49 AM
comment #8
Mgmax says ...
Yeah, the preview for this before The Dark Knight was one of the classic instances of air escaping a previously excited theater. Honestly, Filmation in the 70s could have gotten more excitement out of Star Wars than this. I'd rather see the Lego Star Wars movie.
Lucas will drop dead, some kid-genius of the moment will get the assignment to reboot Star Wars 70s style, and a new simplified Star Wars that looks and feels like the original will be the biggest hit of the 2020s.
Posted by Mgmax at August 11, 2008 8:56 AM
comment #9
Rob says ...
Yeah, I don't get what this is or how it relates to the previous Star Wars series or why it's Warner Bros. or what's going on, but I have a geeky friend who's mildly psyched.
I thought it looked only marginally better-animated than that Ten Commandments remake with Christian Slater voicing Moses that opened and closed in a blink last fall.
Posted by Rob at August 11, 2008 9:01 AM
comment #10
Jesse Perry says ...
Looks like Hollywood Newsroom copied the review verbatim, so maybe it's not down yet? (It's also posted in the talkback of the Brillstein link above)
Posted by Jesse Perry at August 11, 2008 9:07 AM
comment #11
rr3333 says ...
If Spielberg wouldnt have let his friendship with Lucas get in the way, maybe Indy 4 would have been tons better!
Hey Georgey! Time to retire! Enuf already, would you please?
Posted by rr3333 at August 11, 2008 9:11 AM
comment #12
Rich S. says ...
Remember, Harry Knowles is the same guy who "loved" Attack of the Clones "desperately." If he hated Clone Wars this much, it must stink to high heaven. And Massa doesn't even mention the flatulent Hutt kid...
Posted by Rich S. at August 11, 2008 9:14 AM
comment #13
colby says ...
Why would they be making a cartoon for 30 year old men?
Posted by colby at August 11, 2008 9:14 AM
comment #14
MDOC says ...
The story is that they took the first couple episodes of the TV series and are releasing it into the theatre. I don't think the original intension was to do so but what the heck. 70 million should be a lay up. I think these cartoons are always creatively bankrupt. People get excited about the Animatrix, Riddick, Gotham Knight, etc. I can't watch them. The first 10 minutes of Gotham Knight was painful.
Posted by MDOC at August 11, 2008 9:15 AM
comment #15
Mark says ...
Are fanboys really upset with Lucas, or do they simply resent father-time for subjecting them to typical gerontology. to bemoan Star Wars for being kid-oriented is like complaining that Count Chocula has too much sugar.
Posted by Mark at August 11, 2008 9:19 AM
comment #16
The Winchester says ...
Count Chocula has just the right amount of sugar, thank you very much.
But I'm a huge Star Wars nerd, I have Yoda hanging from my rearview mirror, I quote the movie far too much, I have toys, etc. And I really don't want to see this movie at all.
Is that maturing?
Posted by The Winchester at August 11, 2008 9:31 AM
comment #17
Rich S. says ...
Lucas' biggest mistake was hiring Kasdan, Brackett, Kirshner, et. al. to make Empire. They took what was fundamentally a kid's series and gave it the illusion of depth and heft that it probably never should have had (and, not coincidentally, created the Star Wars phenomenon in earnest). Starting with Jedi, Lucas reasserted control over the franchise and his somewhat limited vision for the series was never able to capitalize on Empire's promise. This limited vision was only made clearer by the prequels.
So, in essence, the fanboys have been waiting for 28 years for the series to fulfill the promise it likely never really had in the first place.
Posted by Rich S. at August 11, 2008 9:37 AM
comment #18
storymark says ...
Lucas is the Benjamin Button of filmmaking. The longer he lives, the less mature his films become. He started with THX-1138, and at this point, he'll be making a $200 million big screen adaptation of the Teletubbies before the decade is out.
Posted by storymark at August 11, 2008 9:58 AM
comment #19
Balthazar says ...
Rich S., you're right. But, wow, I've never seen it twisted quite that way.
I, of course, am grateful for Lucas' biggest mistake and I suspect that Lucas would be far less rich and that the prequels never would have happened without "Empire"
Posted by Balthazar at August 11, 2008 10:00 AM
comment #20
tophertilson says ...
You're so right, Rich S., but I would add one other thing: Kasdan, Kirschner et al added richness and a sense of depth, yes, but EMPIRE being what EMPIRE is, they didn't have to really deliver on it. That whole movie is a promise of something that probably couldn't ever be delivered.
Posted by tophertilson at August 11, 2008 10:14 AM
comment #21
Zac Bertschy says ...
Rob:
It's Warner because the series was produced for Cartoon Network.
Posted by Zac Bertschy at August 11, 2008 10:25 AM
comment #22
VoiceOfReason says ...
As a Star Wars fan I find this thread depressing as hell. Mainly because everyone who is ripping Lucas is spot on. I guess the truth does hurt.
Posted by VoiceOfReason at August 11, 2008 10:30 AM
comment #23
moviemaniac2002 says ...
So sad...Lucas has totally morphed into the
Viceroy...that vaguely money-grubbing, vaguely
Oriental trade-agreement wheeler-dealer who
was trying to run things In "Phantom Menace"
He wasted everyone's time (not to mention
probably close to eight years of his own life)
telling three stories that everybody already knew
the end of....and told them badly as well (with
poorly directed actors and a massive reliance on
technology that couldn't disguise his artistic
bankruptcy) Lucas's creative force is perfectly
symbolized by his endless armies of rickety, dumb
droids...perfected technology that's easily
blown to pieces at the slightest touch.
Posted by moviemaniac2002 at August 11, 2008 10:48 AM
comment #24
Count Thread says ...
Massawyrm's review is now down, too.
Guess AICN cares more about visits to the Ranch than integrity. What a lousy f'ing site.
Posted by Count Thread at August 11, 2008 11:05 AM
comment #25
corey3rd says ...
why does Count Chocula only have a mono-fang now?
Posted by corey3rd at August 11, 2008 11:11 AM
comment #26
DavidF says ...
Interesting talk about Empire setting the bar too high...
Personally, I don't think Lucas raped my childhood and while they certainly have faults, I don't have fundamental problems with the prequels.
I do think that it's sad/weird how he keeps talking about doing artsy shit and then coming back to where the easy money is. He probably could/should have had someone (Kasdan? Darabont?) help write the prequels and it probably is possible to produce a Clone Wars movie/series that doesn't suck but he seems oddly complacent for someone who, in other areas, seems to have so much drive.
At the end of the day, anyone who thinks the first movies were the GREATEST THINGS EVER and keeps getting let down probably has too much invested in the first place. It is, ultimately, Lucas' property to do with what he pleases. They're some of my favourite movies (yeah, even the prequels, mostly) and that, ultimately is that.
I had a moderate interest in seeing Clone Wars, hoping it would be a mindless, action-fun version of Star Wars. Now it looks like even that was too much to ask...
Posted by DavidF at August 11, 2008 11:23 AM
comment #27
theultimatebiu says ...
1, AICN has always been a lousy site
2. Did anyone expect this to actually be good?
3. It cost about $6 million to produce so it will make a hefty profit on its opening weekend
4. Star Wars has been sucked dry of any magic it did have
5. Lucas is a very talented individual who needs to start realising Star Wars needs to be put to rest.
Posted by theultimatebiu at August 11, 2008 11:26 AM
comment #28
Chase Kahn says ...
Honestly, even as a big STAR WARS fan, my main reaction is apathy. I didn't have any expectations for the movie, the trailer looked awful, and the franchise has already been tainted to the point where any further spin-offs/installments couldn't harm the reputation the prequels have left.
Posted by Chase Kahn at August 11, 2008 11:44 AM
comment #29
LYT says ...
It's silly to be enforcing an embargo on Clone Wars, since there was a screening open to the public yesterday at the Egyptian, and I'm betting ticket-holders didn't sign nondisclosure agreements.
I wonder if AICN will have to refrain from posting fan-reviews too? Mori said their embargo order came from Lucasfilm, not WB.
Posted by LYT at August 11, 2008 11:50 AM
comment #30
D.Z. says ...
MDOC: The Animatrix was a great anthology if you're an animation and sci-fi buff. If you just want more of the movies, then I can see why you'd be disappointed.
Rich: Star Wars would have had the same impact with or without Kasdan. Lucas' real mistake was trying to beat E.T. with Howard the Suck. Instead of making films for the sake of his love of particular genres, as he did in the past, he now shot them for the sake of one-upping the competition in the area of FX. So really, the prequels are about trying to beat Emmerich at his own game.
Posted by D.Z. at August 11, 2008 11:55 AM
comment #31
Aladdin Sane says ...
I'm a Star Wars fan - although when I call myself this, it usually means I'm referencing the original trilogy and not the prequels.
I didn't have huge problems with the prequels, but the further away I am from them - ie avoiding them on DVD - the more problems I can come up with. It's part of the reason why I don't collect prequel stuff anymore (for the most part).
I'll still buy OT figures and the occasional vehicle...yet even I can see The Clone Wars for the quick cash grab it is.
I have no idea whether or not I'll go to see this movie, but chances are probably not. I'd rather see The Dark Knight again.
Posted by Aladdin Sane at August 11, 2008 12:04 PM
comment #32
Mr. Blood Vessel says ...
moviemaniac2002 [TypeKey Profile Page] says ...
So sad...Lucas has totally morphed into the
Viceroy...that vaguely money-grubbing, vaguely
Oriental trade-agreement wheeler-dealer who
was trying to run things In "Phantom Menace"
He wasted everyone's time (not to mention
probably close to eight years of his own life)
telling three stories that everybody already knew
the end of....and told them badly as well (with
poorly directed actors and a massive reliance on
technology that couldn't disguise his artistic
bankruptcy) Lucas's creative force is perfectly
symbolized by his endless armies of rickety, dumb
droids...perfected technology that's easily
blown to pieces at the slightest touch.
poorly directed actors is a little much.
at the very least, the origin of these things were saturday morning serials.
so, if they were trying for anything in these movies, it's aesthetic.
everyone in those movies had a presentational style, so any "Lucas can't direct" statements need to be redirected.
it's kind of funny.
THX1138 was built around an emotionless society.
and the STAR WARS world was filled with emotionless/presentational performances.
why does George Lucas hate the future so much?
Posted by Mr. Blood Vessel at August 11, 2008 4:52 PM
comment #33
Mr. Blood Vessel says ...
wait- never mind.
It's his memories of the 30s version of the future, who believed in emotionless states.
why did we believe that about the future?
Posted by Mr. Blood Vessel at August 11, 2008 4:53 PM
comment #34
Edward says ...
Did/Does anyone have any preconceived ideas that this would be any good? Didn't anyone see the trailers?
Posted by Edward at August 11, 2008 5:03 PM
comment #35
swordandpen says ...
Did anyone have any preconceived notions that Lucas gave a shit anymore? He'll be milking Star Wars and Indiana Jones dry as long as there are enough suckers out there buying tickets.
Posted by swordandpen at August 11, 2008 5:56 PM
comment #36
storymark says ...
LTY: "Mori said their embargo order came from Lucasfilm, not WB."
Actually, he said the exact opposite: "They called me today to re-emphasize... this is a Warner Bros. policy. As I understand it, Lucasfilm did not directly contact the site. "
Posted by storymark at August 11, 2008 6:23 PM
comment #37
moviemaniac2002 says ...
Speaking of technical flaws....everyone ripped
"Mamma Mia" to shreds for its Pinewood
Studio encased "outdoor" sets.
Well, having seen MM and "Kingdom Of The
Crystal Skull", Lucas-berg's indoor-for-outdoor
sets looked FAR more cheesier and phony than
anything in Mamma Mia.
Posted by moviemaniac2002 at August 11, 2008 8:57 PM
comment #38
Herry2008 says ...
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Posted by Herry2008 at August 12, 2008 2:22 AM
comment #39
tophertilson says ...
You're right, moviemaniac, but that was always a hallmark of the Indiana Jones flicks. Cheesy sets were always a part of the fun. It was one of the few things I actually enjoyed about CRYSTAL SKULL.
If J.J. Abrams is smart, he'll throw a few styrofoam rocks into his new STAR TREK film.
Posted by tophertilson at August 12, 2008 6:42 AM
comment #40
Josh says ...
hes making movies for 9 yr olds
get over it
u think he made star wars for 30 yr olds in 1976?
Posted by Josh at August 14, 2008 6:07 AM
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