Stink Shock
I needed somebody to feed and pet the cats while I was away in Toronto, so I arranged for a woman from Kentucky and her 17 year-old son (here visiting UCLA and other colleges) to stay here via Craig's List. I had the apartment professionally cleaned before I left, and asked the woman (whom I trusted based on her nice friendly vibe over the phone plus her being from Kentucky, which is where my grandfather was born and raised) to please leave things as spic and span as she found them.
The place was indeed scrubbed clean and very tidy when I got home this evening, but it also reeked of cigarette smoke. I wrote her the following letter:
"You cleaned the place very thoroughly but --hello? -- it smells like Brown and Williamson!
"I presume that the cigarette smoke is your son's doing. Or perhaps yours as well. You seemed like a very considerate person on the phone, Cynthia, so I presume it wasn't you who did the actual indoor smoking. But obviously you're not that considerate or you wouldn't have allowed cigarette smoke to putrify my apartment at all. You would have told your son, 'If you want to smoke, stand outside the front door.'
"As far as I'm concerned, it was exactly like coming home to find a load of steaming crap lying in the middle of my Persian rug.
"Are you or your son faintly aware of the concept of smoke-free rooms in hotels and motels? Have you ever heard of the term 'smoke-free rooms'? Do you have any idea why hotels have these classifications in place, and why some people say 'I definitely want a smoke-free room'? Because cigarette smoke stinks, and most people (even smokers) find the idea of having to lie and sleep in rooms with the after-stink of cigarettes to be repulsive.
"And yet (a) you allowed your son to smoke at will in my apartment or (b) you smoked in my apartment, or (c) you both smoked in my apartment. One of these three clearly happened.
"Do you remember my saying to you when we first talked that I don't trust 17 year-olds because I have two teenaged sons myself (18 and 20, actually) and I know what they're like? And then you assured me that nothing dirty or damaging to the apartment would happen and that you'd keep the place spanking clean, etc.?
"I would rather you didn't clean the place at all rather than leave this place reeking of cigarette smoke. All I can figure is that the culture you come from in Kentucky (where my grandfather was from) doesn't think one way or the other about cigarette smoke and that everybody smokes so what does it mater?
"You're costing me another $100 now (on top of the previous $100 I spent on house-cleaning before you came) because I'm going to have to bring my cleaning guy back in and do everything he can to eradicate the foul stink in this place.
"Proud of yourself? I am very, very sorry that I decided to let you stay here (even though you were good with the cats and cleaned up very nicely all around, especially in the kitchen and the bathroom). As far as I'm concerned you're both Kentucky trash."
Posted by Jeffrey Wells on September 12, 2008 at 11:17 PM
comment #1
Kristopher Tapley
says ...
Probably -- no -- definitely too harsh on the poor woman. Trash? You can't even qualify such an accusation. That said, do post her response...if one comes. I'd love to hear a refular old lady deal with a Wells outburst.
Posted by Kristopher Tapley
at September 13, 2008 12:18 AM
comment #2
D.Z.
says ...
Wouldn't it be safer to leave your cat with a vet, Jeff? If I were in your situation, I'm not sure I'd trust a total stranger with *my* pet...
Posted by D.Z.
at September 13, 2008 12:37 AM
comment #3
Richard_Stone
says ...
Way too harsh. Your letter feels like it was ghost-written by Tarantino (not saying it's well-written though). There's a way to express insatisfaction or even anger without bringing cultural stereotypes, insults and invalidated assumptions into the matter.
Posted by Richard_Stone
at September 13, 2008 12:46 AM
comment #4
The Winchester
says ...
I think the last line is too harsh, especially given that you don't know exactly what occured, but this isn't my fight.
I'd also totally offer up my cat-sitting skills (being that I'm local, cheap, and know how to smoke outside) if I wasn't tempted to watch every movie in your video collection.
Posted by The Winchester
at September 13, 2008 1:26 AM
comment #5
Craptastic
says ...
Yes, that was extremely rude of her to think she could smoke in your place... but your note to her and her son is a little rough. The point was made after the fourth paragraph... the rest is just pure ranting.
Honestly, Wells, your choices on this trip have been a bit off. Are you not sleeping or something? Leaving high-cost items on the table when leaving for the bathroom, going to CRAIGSLIST (of all places) to find strangers to stay in your place and watch your cats??
As much as you lambast the people who post here, it would've been a much safer bet to post your pet needs here than the swamp-pit of scum and villainy that is craigslist. Heck, owning two cats myself, I would've done it gladly for free!
Posted by Craptastic
at September 13, 2008 1:32 AM
comment #6
Craptastic
says ...
One more bit.... the concern in the note wasn't even for your cats. That's concerning. They're still young. Inhaling the second-hand smoke is not good for their lungs....at all.
Imagine giving a smoke to a baby-- same thing.
Trust me, I took in a three month old kitten that had lived in a smoker's apartment briefly and it died two weeks later from blackened lung.
Posted by Craptastic
at September 13, 2008 1:43 AM
comment #7
The InSneider
says ...
Wow! You can't get this kind of shit anywhere. God bless Wells and best of luck.
Posted by The InSneider
at September 13, 2008 3:12 AM
comment #8
Dr. Smith
says ...
The "Kentucky trash" line was pretty fuckin harsh considering you have not read her response (which you MUST show us).
Otherwise, it was a delicious and justified scolding.
Posted by Dr. Smith
at September 13, 2008 4:50 AM
comment #9
MDOC
says ...
It's telling that in the town you live there is not a single person to watch your cat to the degree that you have to go to Craigs list to find someone. I am not religious but maybe you need to join a church or community group. How about Nike Finke? She's probably allergic.
Anger leads to hate, hate leads to the dark side. The dark side is where you can't even find someone that your friendly enough with in a 20 mile radius to watch your cat.
That being said, if you ever get out to Philly, I'll watch your cat.
Posted by MDOC
at September 13, 2008 6:51 AM
comment #10
snackyx
says ...
...and then you woke up and the letter was sitting on the kitchen table with a stamp, unmailed. Right? Jeff--you there? That' s it, right?
Posted by snackyx
at September 13, 2008 6:59 AM
comment #11
scooterzz
says ...
a desk clerk at the regency hotel in manhattan (61st & park) once told me that the difference between a 'smoking' and 'non-smoking' room was an ashtray......
Posted by scooterzz
at September 13, 2008 8:02 AM
comment #12
longrunner
says ...
That's pathetic (although not altogether surprising) that you don't have one single friend you could've asked to cat-sit.
Posted by longrunner
at September 13, 2008 8:07 AM
comment #13
Mr. Muckle
says ...
That rug really ties the room together, though.
Posted by Mr. Muckle
at September 13, 2008 8:39 AM
comment #14
adorian
says ...
Update your Oscar Balloon right now or I am going to sneak into your apartment and light up a dozen of the foulest-smellin' seeeee-gars I can find.
Posted by adorian
at September 13, 2008 8:51 AM
comment #15
Deathtongue_Groupie
says ...
Folks, the cat-sitters weren't staying for free.
Its amusing the number of you that consider yourselves smarty-pants who have leaped at the chance to portray young Master Wells as friendless overlooked the most obvious. Considering he did it so that you can have well-informed site to keep you abreast of the film world, there's some apologies in order here.
Posted by Deathtongue_Groupie
at September 13, 2008 8:58 AM
comment #16
berkguru
says ...
Idiot move for letting someone you dont know use your apartment.
But the guy saying a cat could get harmed from a few days of secondhand smoke takes the cake in complete idiocy. Yikes.
Posted by berkguru
at September 13, 2008 9:39 AM
comment #17
T. Holly
says ...
Don't friends spy on you though? A dog is like a ball and chain, so I tried to use accaintances on my block who could take my dog in for a day or an overnight, and to do that I had to have seperate meetings with them (husband and wife), because "the dog whisperer" says so on his show. Long story, but by the third meeting, I told them to forget about it, and now they're broken up -- she kicked him out. Somehow, I toppled the broken apple cart. Now she's even stranger and he drives around looking for their dog.
Posted by T. Holly
at September 13, 2008 9:48 AM
comment #18
longrunner
says ...
Where's this gf you have referred to a bunch of times in recent months? Couldn't she have taken care of your cats?
Posted by longrunner
at September 13, 2008 10:00 AM
comment #19
Craig Kennedy
says ...
Your anger is well placed...cigarette smoke is bad enough out in the world, but it's the worst in your own home.
Still, you robbed your rant of its power when you dropped in the Kentucky Trash line. Up to that point you were just Righteously Pissed Guy, but now you're just a classist asshole who thinks he's culturally superior.
You may be fine with that, but Righteously Pissed Guy has the higher ground.
Posted by Craig Kennedy
at September 13, 2008 10:03 AM
comment #20
thevisceral
says ...
Glad you went easy on them.
Posted by thevisceral
at September 13, 2008 10:06 AM
comment #21
fattyhadaparty
says ...
Why expend so much energy insulting the woman, Jeff? You hired a complete stranger (and her teenage son) to take care of your cats and (surprise, surprise) one or both of them decided to disobey your rules and smoked in your apartment.
BUT...nothing was stolen, your apartment was clean and your cats are still alive. Considering your experience in Toronto with leaving valuables unattended, I'd say you got off easy. Open a window and move on.
Posted by fattyhadaparty
at September 13, 2008 10:09 AM
comment #22
spoiltchild
says ...
Wait, you are proud enough of that letter to actually post it for all of us to see? You must be obviously unaware of what a spoilt diva it makes you seem like. Get over yourself, move on. If I was her, I'd take a flight right back and show you exactly how trashy I was by cracking your skull open.
Seriously, learn some manners. She didn't do a good thing but it's not the end of the world.
I enjoy reading your opinion on film but this sort of unnecessary tantrum portrays you in very poor light.
Posted by spoiltchild
at September 13, 2008 10:26 AM
comment #23
Craptastic
says ...
berkguru, I'm sure that in your world Hot Pockets do not make you fat.
Posted by Craptastic
at September 13, 2008 11:18 AM
comment #24
The Lord of Misrule
says ...
A person can have all the friends in the world but sometimes they don't live close enough or have other things going on to be able to come by on the days you need petsitting. I found my petsitter through my vet (they often have listings) and she is wonderful. Bonded and insured as well and a member of Petsitters International. You can go to the Petsitters International website: http://www.petsit.com/ and locate someone near you.
Posted by The Lord of Misrule
at September 13, 2008 11:42 AM
comment #25
The Lord of Misrule
says ...
And one more thing! As charter member of the Aura and Mouse Fan Club, I think it's high time that you posted more pictures.
Posted by The Lord of Misrule
at September 13, 2008 11:45 AM
comment #26
Rodrigo
says ...
I'm a smoker (sure, not the pack-a-day variety, but an intermittent enjoyer of cigarettes nonetheless) and I would never dream of smoking inside my house, nor would I permit a whining-'cause-it's-raining smoker to light up inside just to be hospitable. Stand outside in the rain with your damp butt if you must; smoking inside makes the already nasty habit exponentially more disgusting, pervading not only your lungs but all of your clothing, furniture and belongings. I hope Kentucky Lady and/or her son (way to lead by example, mom) read your site and, at the very least, come through with the apology (and $100, apparently) you very much deserve.
Posted by Rodrigo
at September 13, 2008 4:24 PM
comment #27
plastiqueelephant
says ...
Strikes me a film where a surly teenager year old, dragged from Kentucky deliberately smoked in some crotchety writer's apartment after being specifically warned not to by his goody-two-shoes-but -annoying mother... be grist for laughs and dramatic competition at Sundance (starring Lou Pucci or Rory Culkin).
Still, sucks when you're property's invaded. I'm heading to India for six months in three sleeps and hiding my sheets cause I hate the thought of someone else sweating on them.
Posted by plastiqueelephant
at September 13, 2008 6:37 PM
comment #28
Zimmergirl
says ...
Again, unless you specifically said non-smoking in your ad or you discussed it with her this is your fault. I didn't get from your note that she broke any sort of pre-arranged agreement. If you didn't say "non-smoker" then she had every right to light up.
Posted by Zimmergirl
at September 13, 2008 9:17 PM
comment #29
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