A Lifetime Ago
I don't own Con Air (why is that?) but I've always loved the double-tracking thing it has going on -- a blend of ultra-slick action-movie chops along with an attitude of subversive genre parody. I've said before that Con Air is primarily a wickedly funny and (at times) almost surreal conceptual comedy, and secondarily an action thriller. Or is it the other way around?
I remember calling it "Hellzapoppin" after I first saw it. A movie that plays the action thriller game -- it's a very handsomely shot and well-edited thing -- while mocking and toying with big-budget machismo at every turn. Not in a silly spoof way but using a kind of flip, inside-baseball attitude. As if the people who were paid to put it together -- gifted, too-hip-for-the-room writers with jaded nihilist attitudes -- felt vaguely befouled for working on a project so caked with cynicism and Hollywood corruption, and decided to inject snide, subversive humor as a form of therapy.
The marvel of Con Air is that the mixture of this attitude with cold action-movie efficiency (this being one of those happy-accident movies that occur every so often) also worked as entertainment because the movie included you in -- it made you feel as if you were laughing with it, not at it.
I love John Malkovich's performance as Cyrus the Virus -- every line and body gesture says "this time out I'm a total paycheck whore, but you'll also notice I'm very good at this sort of dry attitude comedy." I always chuckle at the buffed-up Nic Cage at his most comically stalwart and sincere. And at John Cusack's smarty-pants dialogue and his dopey sandal shoes. The body dropping from the sky and landing on the old couple's car. "Don't mess with the bunny." Steve Buscemi defining the word irony. Colm Meaney's muscle car getting dropped from 2000 feet up. The idiotic Las Vegas plane-crash finale. Ridiculous but all fun, all the time.
Con Air is a remnant of an era in which Jerry Bruckheimer movies briefly flirted with with this special signature attitude (mocking the big-budget action genre and at the same time kicking ass with it), which partly came from the top-dog writers (Scott Rosenberg was the credited screenwriter but others contributed) he was using back then, partly from Jerry's own attitude at the time (as he hadn't yet come into his own and was still working to some extent with the legacy and attitude of late partner Don Simpson ), partly from the Clinton era zeitgeist, partly from the luck of the draw, partly good fortune.
The Jerry Bruckheimer who made this film in '96-'97 would have howled at the absurdity of making a Lone Ranger movie starring Johnny Depp as Tonto.
l will defend Con Air until the cows come home. It's expensive guy-movie junk in a sense -- one that simultaneously chokes on its own cynicism and yet makes you laugh at the absurdity of making movies of this sort, and yet put together with great care and precision and polish. Bruckheimer used to say I make guy movies but I don't serve hamburger -- I serve first-rate steak. Con Air is like a pricey, perfectly cooked marbled T-bone in a great restaurant in old town Buenos Aires or downtown Chicago or in the east 50s in Manhattan.
I hold Gone in Sixty Seconds and The Rock in the same regard. All three are among my all-time favorite guilty pleasure movies. Those were the days. Jerry doesn't make 'em like that any more.
Posted by Jeffrey Wells on October 2, 2008 at 9:01 AM
comment #1
Vitesse98
says ...
I remember calling it "the worst movie I've seen in years." And then I promptly forgot it existed until this post.
Maybe it's survived as one of those "so bad it's good" midnight movies?
Posted by Vitesse98
at October 2, 2008 9:08 AM
comment #2
Jay T.
says ...
I think Con Air is a mediocre and very cheesy movie, and I also can't help but watch it whenever it comes on HBO. Definitely a guilty pleasure.
Posted by Jay T.
at October 2, 2008 9:11 AM
comment #3
The Winchester
says ...
Wells, did they quote your "Hellzapoppin" quote on the print ads? That sounds very familiar.
Posted by The Winchester
at October 2, 2008 9:17 AM
comment #4
PhilVillarreal
says ...
It's a damn beautiful film.
http://azstarnet.com/accent/126592
Posted by PhilVillarreal
at October 2, 2008 9:19 AM
comment #5
Chase Kahn
says ...
Where else can you get this snappy dialogue:
Criminal #1: Cy-?
Malkovich: -Anora...(flicks cigarette)
I'm really surprised Bay wasn't involved in this somehow...
Posted by Chase Kahn
at October 2, 2008 9:29 AM
comment #6
Joshua Mooney
says ...
I remember thinking that Con Air was tentatively reaching towards "an attitude of subversive genre parody" but never actually getting there. The whole "put the bunny down" business struck me as leaden and embarrassing, and Cage has starred in, what, a dozen crappy action flicks since then? Are they all parodies? More to the point, what has Simon West or Scott Rosenberg ever done that's so wonderful that they'd feel "befouled" by a project like Con Air? Malkovich and Buscemi may have been camping it up and cashing their checks, and they're very enjoyable here, but I don't see how Bruckheimer is "mocking" the genre he was in the midst of perpetuating at the time. I interviewed him for this movie. He was clever, confident and impressive, but there was no indication that he saw, or cared about, any subtext in Con Air. His goal was to make a movie that would top the b.o. on opening weekend.
Posted by Joshua Mooney
at October 2, 2008 9:48 AM
comment #7
115thDreamer
says ...
I really like "Con Air" as well, but it's one of those movies you don't really need to have on DVD, since it's on TV all the time. I always end up watching bits of it whenever it's on. And I sometimes turn to Cameron Poe's wisdom when I'm at work wondering if I should trust someone to do something - "Sorry boss, but there's only two men I trust. One of them's me. The other's not you." A wise man.
Posted by 115thDreamer
at October 2, 2008 9:51 AM
comment #8
actionman
says ...
I agree with pretty much everything you say here, Wells. Con Air is a great piece of junk-food, guy's-guy cinema. But color me a little more than surprised to hear that you love this film the way you do. It strikes me as something you'd never watch once, let alone multiple times. I have watched it at least 10 times and it gets funnier and funnier the more I see it. Though I know many people who detest it.
I remember when some no-namer called Chuck Martinez was supposed to have directed Con Air. Then, a no-namer (at the time) called Simon West came aboard. Con Air is still West's best film. The action scenes were staged beautifully and David Tattersall's cinematography was crisp and clean and bold. And Chase -- Bay was offered the film and he passed on it.
I worked for Jerry a while back, and I can confidently state that he'll never make an action film as nihilistic and subversive as Con Air ever again. He's a changed man, with a very different sensibility now. After the drug and excess days with Don, he moved in a new direction all together. Con Air was one of the last movies that Don had worked on with him if I am not mistaken.
I had access to JBF's script vault and I remember reading multiple drafts of Con Air, to see what changed and how it evolved over the writing process. Remarkably, most of Rosenberg's action-movie-skewering remained in tact from the very begining. Rosenberg's script is a thing of deranged beauty -- there are some great lines buried in there and the flow of events is breathless. It's beyond ridiculous, of course, but it's a shitload of fun.
However, I think The Rock is immensely better. That film had a strong script, a layered, humanistic villain, and two iconic, action-movie performances from Cage and Connery. That's one of Bruck's best efforts, and easily the best film that Bay has made. In fact, it's the only "film" that Bay has ever made; the rest of his output are "movies."
Posted by actionman
at October 2, 2008 9:51 AM
comment #9
Midwest Doug
says ...
You nailed the difference between Con Air and the Oceans movies. Both have the same attitude, but Con Air's is inclusive; Oceans is exclusive (made resoundingly clear in Oceans 12).
Posted by Midwest Doug
at October 2, 2008 9:56 AM
comment #10
DarthCorleone
says ...
Can't stand this movie.
Posted by DarthCorleone
at October 2, 2008 10:07 AM
comment #11
lipranzer
says ...
Whatever tongue-in-cheek humor may have been intended went out the window with overdone sentiment that would get sneered at as "Oscar bait" in a serious movie, ridiculous action sequences, and acting that was self-consciously hard-boiled, rather than the real thing. And I had the same problem with THE ROCK as well.
Posted by lipranzer
at October 2, 2008 10:14 AM
comment #12
Movie Watcher
says ...
Haven't thought about this movie in years. I'm sure netflix has it, I should watch it once again. What has happened to Cage?
Posted by Movie Watcher
at October 2, 2008 10:16 AM
comment #13
berg
says ...
when this film came out Disney sent me a box and inside the box was a stuffed pink bunny with a note that said "Put the bunny back in the box." ... at a seminar at the Austin Film Festival in the late 90s Shane Black and Scott Rosenberg were the only speakers on a panel and it was like good cop/bad cop on how to write movies ... Rosenberg said he wrote this script in one day ... I am sure he was stretching it a little?
Posted by berg
at October 2, 2008 10:17 AM
comment #14
whitemanbrother
says ...
I remember hearing Rosenberg speak at a conference. He talked about how fun it was writing this movie and how at one point Bruck wasn't pleased with the supposed "climax" Rosenberg had come up with.
As all writers are, he got a little defensive and snarky in his response. He said (paraphrased and jokingly): "Well Jerry, what more could you want? You want me to crash the fucking plane down the strip in Vegas?"
Bruck: "Yes! Perfect!"
And legend was born
Posted by whitemanbrother
at October 2, 2008 10:36 AM
comment #15
Joshua Mooney
says ...
whitemanbrother: Yeah, well, exactly: The line between parody and self-parody can be stretched pretty fucking thin in Hollywood. There IS a difference, however.
Posted by Joshua Mooney
at October 2, 2008 10:45 AM
comment #16
iamwhoiam
says ...
One big pile of manure. Terrible movie. One of the worst i've ever had the displeasure to see.
Posted by iamwhoiam
at October 2, 2008 10:52 AM
comment #17
LexG
says ...
CON AIR = COMPLETE, TOTAL and WHOLESALE MEGAAAAAA-OWNAGE.
I love that score.
Especially the part that goes:
TSEW, TSEW.
TSEW, TSEW
over and over again.
MASTERPIECE. And also the only time Scott Rosenburg's weakness for wack-ass character names was amusing.
DIAMOND DOG is somehow awesomely stupid, yet MR. SHHHHHHH and MAN WITH THE PLAN is just straigjht up EMBARASSING.
Posted by LexG
at October 2, 2008 10:55 AM
comment #18
jimjonesiii
says ...
I`m a fat redneck ape and I aprove this movie
Posted by jimjonesiii
at October 2, 2008 10:55 AM
comment #19
frankbooth
says ...
A friend and I used to have a "bad movie night," and we watched stuff like this and the Emmerich Godzilla.
We were laughing through the whole thing, particularly during the fire-engine chase. Also at any scene of Cage running in slo-mo with his long hair waving in the breeze.
Now you're telling me I was SUPPOSED to laugh, that it's a Starship Troopers kind of thing? Maybe I'll check it out again some day, but I'm not in a hurry.
This kind of winky-winky stuff peaked some time in the Nineties. 9/11 didn't quite prove to be "the end of irony" as some said it would, but sensibilities did shift back. Maybe they would have of their own accord, anyway.
But after years of "it's all a joke," audiences wanted to be able to invest a little, which (in my opinion) lead to the success of the Bourne movies and Nolan's Batman films.
One of the more refreshing elements of the Bourne movies was that there were no Bond-style one-liners. It's not something that jumps out as you're watching, but it was a pretty radical omission when you think about it. For many years, that kind of thing was the rule, and I wonder if the suits passed down some notes trying to get Liman to include a few. (Assassin jumps out window in Paris, killing himself. BOURNE: Don't go away mad -- just go away!)
Man, did that stuff get stale in the Schwarzenegger era. It made watching action films a drag for me.
This is a strange, out-of-the-blue entry for Wells. My theory is that he actually likes this sort of stuff now and then, but feels guilty about it. So he tells himself it's "subversive" (as he did with Shoot 'em Up) to justify enjoying watching stuff blowing up.
Lighten up, man. We all have guilty pleasures.
Posted by frankbooth
at October 2, 2008 10:57 AM
comment #20
p.Vice
says ...
I love it. First we decry the unwashed apes and their pathetic taste in movies, then we praise shit like Con Air which is a movie about apes, made by apes for... you guessed it... apes.
Hypocrites, one and all.
And besides, Armageddon is clearly the real deal when it comes to slyly satirizing genre conventions while satisfying them with a straight face. Simon West doesn't deserve scraps from Michael Bay's dinner table.
Posted by p.Vice
at October 2, 2008 11:44 AM
comment #21
actionman
says ...
are you saying you actually enjoyed Armageddon, p.Vice?
Posted by actionman
at October 2, 2008 11:46 AM
comment #22
Chapman Carruthers
says ...
The only thing to take away from this is Buenos Aires cuisine is something every person should experience before they kick it, and I'm glad Wells pointed it out.
Much prefer Face/Off. "Y'know, I could eat a peach of ah'errrrs."
Posted by Chapman Carruthers
at October 2, 2008 11:48 AM
comment #23
Nick Rogers
says ...
You know what I am?
Ugly all day.
People who really think this is a terrible action movie ... well, they need to watch crap like "Ballistic: Ecks vs. Sever" or "The Mummy: Tomb of the Dragon Emperor." THOSE are terrible action movies. "Con Air" contains some of the most subversive, and entertaining, "slumming" performances I've ever seen. Wells, don't feel guilty about liking this at all. Can't say I agree with you about "Gone in 60 Seconds" (too much talking, not enough carjacking), but this is a brilliant post.
Posted by Nick Rogers
at October 2, 2008 11:52 AM
comment #24
Jay T.
says ...
"Hey there, Hummin'beeerrrd"
Posted by Jay T.
at October 2, 2008 11:56 AM
comment #25
actionman
says ...
Nick: I second your comment about Ballistic: Ecks vs. Sever. One of the worst films I have ever seen. Ed Wood style that one.
Smells like someone shit in your mouth.
He told me he loved me.
Posted by actionman
at October 2, 2008 12:11 PM
comment #26
Mark
says ...
"Con Air is like a pricey, perfectly cooked marbled T-bone in a great restaurant in old town Buenos Aires or downtown Chicago or in the east 50s in Manhattan."
Con Air is high-priced protein? What does that make a movie like The Departed? I consider Con Air and The Rock to be a runny egg, cheese, and salty bacon sandwich. Something that hits the spot once a week, preferably during a hangover when sugar would give you a headache. In this respect, Armageddon is my Citizen Kane of such sandwiches; the Sandler Spanglish Sandwish if you will.
That's not a bad idea for a TV show to battle against the Bens. Two fat guys, ala Barry and Ira in City Slickers, associate every new release to its equivalent meal.
Posted by Mark
at October 2, 2008 12:12 PM
comment #27
actionman
says ...
The Departed, as Todd McCarthy so eloquently put it, is a "...bloody steak of a movie..."
The Rock is high-priced protein to be sure.
Con Air is akin to the $6 burger at Carl's Jr.
Posted by actionman
at October 2, 2008 12:23 PM
comment #28
dangovich
says ...
I can't hate it, even though I suspect that woman from Kentucky likes it too.
Posted by dangovich
at October 2, 2008 1:19 PM
comment #29
CMAC
says ...
I live in a home where our film library is listed by Directors not title alphabetical. We own almost every film (available) on DVD (still have a few on video that have yet to be transferred) by great directors from all over the world and most of the American Directors from the late 30's on, (and even all the crappy movies I've made over the years.)
(Oh yeah, and after having all of them on "video" first, my husband upgraded all of them to DVD and now everything is going to Blu-Ray, as they switch over and did I mention we're going broke..okay exaggerating) I shit you not. There are a few German and Danish filmakers that are missing ...(are you impressed yet? )......and YES we own Con Air and do yuh know why? Cause I
Fucking La-Huv it! It's like the giant rollercoaster at West Edmonton Mall ; it's a total blast! Hello! Could it be anymore fun?! Come ON!
Did I mention I'm a 51 year old woman...na huh
Oh and we also own Armageddon which (sings)SUCKED gravel. But me spouza indulged me cause I worship Steve Buscemi. I will watch him in ANYthing, in fact if he took a steaming dump on stage...I'd still watch and marvel...
Sidebar? Speaking of steaming dump, I am SO looking forward to the Veep Debate tonight.
Posted by CMAC
at October 2, 2008 1:48 PM
comment #30
LauraReeling
says ...
It's Simon Pegg's favorite movie in "How to Lose Friends & Alienate People" and he's looked down upon for saying it. I think it's a hoot ("Con Air," not "How to Lose Friends" which isn't).
Posted by LauraReeling
at October 2, 2008 2:25 PM
comment #31
dinovelvet
says ...
Surprised to see Jeff likes this...as soon as I realized the article was about Con Air, I was expecting the phrase "red state rubes" to show up at any moment! But I love it too, the perfect combo of hilariousness and asskickingness. What happened to this Bruckheimer? One of his assistants must have informed him that there was this magical rating called PG13 that allowed more people into the theatre, and thus he could make even more money, hence Pirates, National treasure, etc. How would Colm Meaney's Agent Malloy put it? "This is a situation that needs to get unfucked, right now!"
Posted by dinovelvet
at October 2, 2008 3:11 PM
comment #32
bluefugue
says ...
I have a hard time enjoying the Rock when there's so much better action/adventure fare out there. When you wink that much you lose a sense that any of what's happening means anything to the characters. Yet the Rock doesn't wink enough, or well enough, to be full-blown parody. I enjoy aspects of it and some of the dialogue is witty. But I hate that Humvee chase where Connery recklessly drives through the city, and by all rights should have killed 10 pedestrians -- but the movie carefully shows us nobody was harmed because if they had been, Connery wouldn't have been sympathetic anymore. It's all so... managed.
On a separate note, the Rock is an example of a pitfall with characterizing your antagonist. If he is too sympathetic, too honorable, his motivations too understandable, he may become toothless. I initially liked the fact that Ed Harris had a real motivation other than just being evil or insane, but he ended up lacking the will to oppose the heroes until the climax.
Posted by bluefugue
at October 2, 2008 3:39 PM
comment #33
bluefugue
says ...
"to oppose the heroes all the way up to the climax," I should say.
Posted by bluefugue
at October 2, 2008 3:40 PM
comment #34
Burbanked
says ...
Who are you, and what have you done with Jeff Wells?
This is maybe the most surprising post I've ever read on this site, having guffawed my way through many a diatribe against empty-headed fanboy movies. Somewhere, Spielberg just angrily slammed his laptop shut saying, "That son of a bitch. Simon West?"
CON AIR is a movie I'll usually watch when on TV, but can't bring myself to believe I might like it, despite my own lowbrow proclivities. It's funny enough, but not nearly as hilarious as p Vice's suggestion that there's anything below of the surface of ARMAGEDDON to suggest "sly satire" and "the real deal".
Posted by Burbanked
at October 2, 2008 9:28 PM
comment #35
ZayTonday
says ...
Con Air and The Rock, hell the fuck yes.
But Gone In 60 Seconds? No way.
Posted by ZayTonday
at October 2, 2008 10:14 PM
comment #36
ZayTonday
says ...
Also, Con Air is out on Blu-ray and can be bought for 17.95 at Amazon as well as Teh RAWK
Posted by ZayTonday
at October 2, 2008 10:15 PM
comment #37
moorish
says ...
Jeff, I'm with you on Con Air and (especially) The Rock.
But Gone In 60 Seconds? That film is GARBAGE. Terrible film.
Posted by moorish
at October 4, 2008 3:16 AM
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