Face It
I've come to the bitter conclusion that I'm better off with fake plants than live ones. Because I can't seem to bring myself to care for the live ones in the right way. Too much water, not enough water or watered too infrequently, not enough light, too much light. I've lost count of the number of plants that have died slow terrible deaths in my home. The word has gone out among all the plants in all the plant shops in Los Angeles. If that Wells guy buys you and takes you home, it's like going to the gas chamber.
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Posted by Jeffrey Wells on October 23, 2008 at 2:56 PM
comment #1
guylodge
says ...
Yep, I have the same touch of death -- except for a solitary, and extremely ugly, aloe plant from Ikea that sits undemandingly on my bathroom windowsill and hasn't been watered for, oh, maybe two years.
Maintenance kills, I've learned.
Posted by guylodge
at October 23, 2008 3:13 PM
comment #2
iamanerd
says ...
I'd say get a cactus, Jeff.
Posted by iamanerd
at October 23, 2008 3:15 PM
comment #3
Sabina E
says ...
How come you can't take care of plants?
Posted by Sabina E
at October 23, 2008 3:17 PM
comment #4
buckzollo
says ...
Your use of gas chamber evokes nazism.
Posted by buckzollo
at October 23, 2008 3:53 PM
comment #5
Josh Massey
says ...
Are we subtly referring to the ATM incident that's making the rounds today?
Posted by Josh Massey
at October 23, 2008 3:53 PM
comment #6
buckzollo
says ...
dead plant walking as it leaves the aisle
Posted by buckzollo
at October 23, 2008 3:55 PM
comment #7
gruver1
says ...
Wells to buckzollo: Not for me it doesn't. For me the term evokes the California method of putting condemned prisoners to death back in the days of Charyl Chessman.
Wells to Josh Massey: What ATM incident?
Posted by gruver1
at October 23, 2008 4:21 PM
comment #8
huntermdaniels
says ...
Jeff...that joke is...you sound like you're a fratboy writing on AICN.
You're better than that.
Posted by huntermdaniels
at October 23, 2008 4:29 PM
comment #9
huntermdaniels
says ...
Jeff, the phrase "being sent to the gas chamber" or "going to the gas chamber" especially in bold type absolutely refers to Nazism for a vast number of readers.
Posted by huntermdaniels
at October 23, 2008 4:32 PM
comment #10
Josh Massey
says ...
Check Drudge right now.
Since you used "face it" and "plant," I thought you might be referring to the McCain campaigner who was attacked at an ATM. According to her story, a black guy robbed her of cash at an ATM, and when he saw her car's McCain sticker, he scratched a "B" into her face.
That said, even as a dastardly conservative, I think she's full o' crap.
Posted by Josh Massey
at October 23, 2008 4:41 PM
comment #11
More of What I Like
says ...
My dyslexia almost made this story much more interesting..
I've come to the bitter conclusion that I'm better off with fake implants than live ones.
Posted by More of What I Like
at October 23, 2008 4:53 PM
comment #12
huntermdaniels
says ...
hmm, that story is odd...why would the "B" be backwards? Shouldn't there be a videocamera on the ATM?
Posted by huntermdaniels
at October 23, 2008 4:57 PM
comment #13
laughcalvin
says ...
[Better left unsaid]
Posted by laughcalvin
at October 23, 2008 5:08 PM
comment #14
Monument
says ...
If the B is backwards it's because she did it to herself, in a mirror.
In regard to your plants, if you really want live ones, talk to someone at a plant nursery. There are many plants that can survive infrequent watering (other than succulents), mine are living proof. I'd tell you what they are, but I have no idea, they were a gift.
Posted by Monument
at October 23, 2008 5:10 PM
comment #15
Josh Massey
says ...
Could be upside-down, of course. But yeah, I'm leaning toward the "doing it to herself" theory as well.
Posted by Josh Massey
at October 23, 2008 5:19 PM
comment #16
Josh Massey
says ...
Michelle Malkin doesn't believe it either.
Posted by Josh Massey
at October 23, 2008 7:10 PM
comment #17
Aris P
says ...
Get a bonsai tree. If, by some miracle, you "figure out" its watering and lighting cycle (like I rather randomly did) it'll last for years. Mine's 3 years and counting. Pure luck, but he's doing great.
Posted by Aris P
at October 23, 2008 7:54 PM
comment #18
lazarus
says ...
You people are too fucking sensitive. Wells was around before the days of lethal injection, so when he thinks of a prisoner getting executed, he probably thinks gas chamber by default.
And even if he was making a Nazi reference, who cares? Is this supposed to be totally off limits? Regardless, it's not like he said his plant was like a Polish Jew going to the gas chamber.
Lighten up.
Posted by lazarus
at October 23, 2008 8:41 PM
comment #19
huntermdaniels
says ...
well lazerus, as someone with holocaust survivors in his family and as a guy who has almost been murdered by skinheads--twice, I take a bit of exception to this type of off handed joke.
It's fine to make jokes about the holocaust. I'm in the middle of storyboarding a short predicated around this concept as I type, but it's all context.
Posted by huntermdaniels
at October 23, 2008 10:06 PM
comment #20
huntermdaniels
says ...
It could be "slow terrible deaths" also in bold here...
Posted by huntermdaniels
at October 23, 2008 10:07 PM
comment #21
frankbooth
says ...
I hope you do better with your cats.
Posted by frankbooth
at October 23, 2008 11:21 PM
comment #22
buckzollo
says ...
lazarus: May your 401K go to zero hater. Wells already defended himself so go and find someone else's boots to lick.
Posted by buckzollo
at October 24, 2008 8:48 AM
comment #23
Hal
says ...
2 options for you, Jeff.
(1) Buy a large, beautiful vase, and arrange some branches in it, Japanese style. It looks spare and elegant.
(2) Aloe Vera. The best sort of cactus, because of its properties as a skin salve and you can also as a little of the juice to water to drink.
Posted by Hal
at October 24, 2008 9:22 AM
comment #24
lazarus
says ...
Hunter, as someone who has a Bar Mitzvah under his own belt, I still say that in general terms it's not too sensitive to joke about.
You need to grow a thicker skin; this world is a tough place.
Posted by lazarus
at October 24, 2008 10:10 AM
comment #25
rr3333
says ...
Love the blog Jeff, but dont like the 'Gas Chamber' reference either.
It could be 60 years, 600 years or 6000 years. Doesnt matter.
Posted by rr3333
at October 24, 2008 10:38 AM
comment #26
janee
says ...
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Best regards,Jane, CEO of high availability solutions
Posted by janee
at May 18, 2011 6:21 AM