Payne Meds
So what's the deal with Max Payne (20th Century Fox, 10.17), the Mark Wahlberg actioner that's based on an effin' video game that I wouldn't see at knifepoint? On one hand, you have a 10.15 review from Variety's Justin Chang; on another (and I never do this), you have a reaction from cre8ed@hotmail.com on the film's IMDB page.
And I don't know, man. I'm feeling a somewhat cautious, carefully parsed current from Chang but a kind of no-holds-barred, bolt-of-clumsy-truth vibe from cre8ed.
It was obvious from the ads and the trailer that Payne is a straight-paycheck, hold-your-nose-and-do-the-jobber for Wahlberg. (All I want to do is watch that SNL talking-to-animals clip again.) Almost every youngish name actor does a film like this now and then. Except DiCaprio, I mean.
"Stylishly made, armed to the teeth and ludicrous in the extreme," Chang starts off, "Max Payne sends its eponymous antihero into New York's underbelly on a deranged quest for revenge. Along the way, director John Moore" -- a director I instantly discount for his work on the absurd Flight of the Phoenix and the not-good-enough Behind Enemy Lines -- "unleashes every visual trick in his arsenal."
We all know what that phrase means. We all know how movies that use "every visual trick" make us feel.
"The flashiest" of Moore's tricks is "a hail of bullets that whoosh across the screen in delirious slow-motion -- no doubt to distract auds from an increasingly risible story involving tattooed corpses, Norse mythology, demonic hallucinations and perhaps the weirdest cinematic reference yet to the war on terror," says Chang.
Cre8ed wrote on 10.15 that he just returned from a much previously hyped film very disappointed. In a word, boring! I'm fairly forgiving with reviews, I usually give most films the benefit of the doubt especially films based on video games. This film is based extremely loosely on the game. Some action scenes were cool but most were the same old same old repetitive shoot-outs we have seen a thousand times before."
"This gets a big 5 out of 10. I will not be buying the DVD on this one."
Posted by Jeffrey Wells on October 16, 2008 at 2:49 PM
comment #1
The InSneider
says ...
I really should hold my tongue 'til tomorrow but in a word, Payneful. And that cries out to be the headline of this post.
Posted by The InSneider
at October 16, 2008 3:40 PM
comment #2
btwnproductions
says ...
This movie has less heat than the McCain campaign. Joe the Plumber wouldn't see this one.
Posted by btwnproductions
at October 16, 2008 3:52 PM
comment #3
DarthCorleone
says ...
Joe The Plumber can't fit movies in the budget anymore. He's anticipating being taxed too much.
Posted by DarthCorleone
at October 16, 2008 3:54 PM
comment #4
LexG
says ...
FEEL THE PAYNE.
THIS MOVIE IS GOING TO OWN EVERYTHING.
Top Three things that FUCKING OWN:
1. METAL (trailer has a MANSON track)
2. HOT CHICKS (MILA KUNIS IS THE HOTNESS)
3. PEOPLE GETTING FUCKING OWNED (This will feature NONSTOP GUNFIRE, FUCK YEAH.)
This movie oughta play with a MOSH PIT at the front of the theater. And it better be LOUD AS FUCK, EVERY SCENE scored to some crunching, distorted, PALM MUTED OPEN "E" STRING FUCKING METAL.
I'm gonna HEADBANG THROUGH THE WHOLE FUCKING THIS.
YOU WILL GET YOUR ASS OWNED if you buy a TICKET TO THE PAYNE.
MAN UP AND BE GOD. SEE THE PAYNE.
Posted by LexG
at October 16, 2008 4:01 PM
comment #5
StanGrossman
says ...
This movie is a total piece of dog shit. But Jeff's target audience will show up in droves this weekend. The horror, the horror.
Say hello to your mother for me.
Posted by StanGrossman
at October 16, 2008 4:25 PM
comment #6
renorambler
says ...
Funny, I'm not particularly into the video game thing but a few years ago a friend turned me on to MP. I thought it was a blast. I've haven't played it for at least a year but this looks like a fun, mindless, renter to me. Nothing I feel like I'd be losing a piece of my soul over.
Posted by renorambler
at October 16, 2008 4:26 PM
comment #7
Chase Kahn
says ...
I'll be interested in a video game adaptation when BIOSHOCK comes out...HITMAN, RESIDENT EVIL, MAX PAYNE...those aren't even good videogames - they are shoot-em-up's with filler storylines that equal disastrous, empty, and expensive bad movies - Can't wait for Len Wiseman's GEARS OF WAR...(throw up)....
Posted by Chase Kahn
at October 16, 2008 4:52 PM
comment #8
actionman
says ...
This should have been rated R.
Posted by actionman
at October 16, 2008 5:01 PM
comment #9
thatmovieguy
says ...
Fox put off showing it until the very last minute. Big surprise: It was absolutely suck-ulent.
Posted by thatmovieguy
at October 16, 2008 5:05 PM
comment #10
frankbooth
says ...
Manson is "metal?" really, Lex. Get some taste.
How come you never mention The Stooges' Raw Power? Or Black Flag, or classic Sabbath, or Bad Brains? Or even Metallica, if you want to be really obvious?
Listen to Husker Du's Zen Arcade and it will own your ass forevermore.
Don't be a little girl.
Posted by frankbooth
at October 16, 2008 5:10 PM
comment #11
LexG
says ...
MANSON OWNS. And most of ANTICHRIST SUPERSTAR is metal as hell, as is his cover of Sweet Dreams, AND the If I Was Your Vampire track in question here. Fuck, the dude just toured with SLAYER and thus had to be at least SOMEWHAT METAL not to get his ass booed off the fucking stage.
And banging Evan Rachel Wood is the very definition of METAL.
I don't listen to punk very much; My genre is old-school thrash -- Slayer, Suicidal, Pantera, Megadeth, the first four Metallica albums, Biohazard, Danzig, some (but not much) Anthrax, Sepultura, Testament...
Shit that FUCKING OWNS.
Posted by LexG
at October 16, 2008 5:38 PM
comment #12
Luke Y. Thompson
says ...
".those aren't even good videogames - they are shoot-em-up's with filler storylines "
Have you ever played a Resident Evil game? Most of them are not shoot-em-ups. Avoiding the zombies as much as possible is usually a better strategy than going toe-to-toe every time, while the bulk of the action is finding objects and solving puzzles. The complaint most fans had with the movies is that they created new characters and storylines rather than following the game's heroes. Plus the first game genuinely scared me when I played it, more so than movies usually do because in a game the main character can die any time if you screw up.
As far as the slo-mo shoot-outs in Max Payne -- "bullet time" was an intrinsic aspect of the game.
Posted by Luke Y. Thompson
at October 16, 2008 6:01 PM
comment #13
LexG
says ...
FEEL THE PAYNE.
Kunis = THE HOTNESS.
Can't imagine anyone NOT wanting to see this.
Posted by LexG
at October 16, 2008 6:10 PM
comment #14
BurmaShave
says ...
I kind of dug the teaser trailer, but further examination revealed it t be a sadly obvious knock-off of CONSTANTINE and SIN CITY.
Posted by BurmaShave
at October 16, 2008 7:17 PM
comment #15
The InSneider
says ...
Trailer was great. Too bad they barely use that awesome music in the film. At least MW was better here (or at least less sucky) than in The Happening, not that that's saying much.
Posted by The InSneider
at October 16, 2008 8:07 PM
comment #16
D.Z.
says ...
"Almost every youngish name actor does a film like this now and then. Except DiCaprio, I mean."
What about that Romeo and Juliet flick or Catch Me If You Can?
Lex: It could also sputter like Doom. And that one was impossible to screw up.
Chase: RE is an intentional homage to bad b-flicks. Anyone who takes it seriously expects too much out of it, when it's not that kind of game. People claim Silent Hill has a good story, though, but I only liked the Avary flick.
Posted by D.Z.
at October 16, 2008 9:02 PM
comment #17
MovieBob
says ...
Just as it's wholly possible to make a bad movie out of even the worthiest material (see: Pearl Harbor) it's equally possible to make a GOOD movie out of less-than-highbrow material (see: Dark Knight, Iron Man, Spider-Man and all the other top-flight films based on "funnybooks" about vigilantes in colored pajamas) even "effin" video games.
There are plenty of games with unique, interesting settings (Mario, Dragon Quest, Zelda, Metroid to name a few) or genuinely excellent stories (Half-Life, Bioshock) that could translate into excellent films if mounted with conviction.
Problem is, there are ALSO a fuckton of games that are just wholesale knockoffs of popular movies or movie-genres in the story/visual/character department but with the addition of interactivity... and THOSE tend to be the ones that keep getting greenlit. So you end up with movies that are copies OF copies: The "Resident Evil" movies are just Romero ripoffs because that's what Resident Evil the game(s) IS - Romero riff that you can play. The "Max Payne" games are good stuff, but aside from the fact that they ARE interactive games the whole point of their visual/story style is to import every hard-bitten cop cliche into a game setting - so RE-EXPORTING those cliches into a non-interactive movie makes no sense.
That said, Marvel still needs to offer Whalberg "Captain America," and he needs to say yes.
Posted by MovieBob
at October 16, 2008 9:14 PM
comment #18
D.Z.
says ...
Bob: Forget Wahlberg. It's all about Thomas Jane.
Posted by D.Z.
at October 16, 2008 9:32 PM
comment #19
dinovelvet
says ...
I had a bad feeling about this movie when they hired the most run-of-the-mill director imaginable. Max Payne should have been a cinch to translate to the big screen, it already tells a clear revenge story with a neo-noir vibe, so why have they turned it into some kind of batshit Constantine goth metal-looking thing? I hate to say it, but John Woo would have been perfect.
Whatever happened to SPLINTER CELL being made into a film? I remember reading about Wahlberg being attached to that, with Peter Berg directing. That should have been a slam dunk - hi-tech spy thriller, with the Tom Clancy name on it to intrigue middle America/non-gamers.
Posted by dinovelvet
at October 16, 2008 9:59 PM
comment #20
frankbooth
says ...
I don't see Captain America as a Boston roughneck.
Then again, it might make a fairly boring character more interesting.
Posted by frankbooth
at October 17, 2008 2:01 AM
comment #21
actionman
says ...
Peter Berg's Splinter Cell would indeed kick ass.
Posted by actionman
at October 17, 2008 6:02 AM
comment #22
janee
says ...
Si vous etes interesses par le dossier, ou desirez en savoir plus, contactez-moi par mail, et je vous mettrai en contact.
Best regards,Jane, CEO of high availability cluster
Posted by janee
at May 18, 2011 5:51 AM