comment #1

corey3rd says ...

Lyons is like Ben Affleck's stand-in's brother. The guy is paychecking this gig as he waits to take over hosting duties on the Price is Right. He is dork guy whose job is to predict what movies have a shot at being endlessly repeated on USA, TNT and Comedy Central over the next decade. He takes the act of reviewing about as serious as Larry King with the "if you only see one movie in your lifetime, let it be..."

comment #2

BurmaShave says ...

Ben Lyons is a symptom, not the disease.

comment #3

swordandpen says ...

Ben Lyons is the Matthew McConaughey of film criticism. Wells needs to write a "King of the Empties"-like column about this guy.

Also, according to number 5 above, now that we know he texts during movies, we can officially proclaim him as stupid as most of the moviegoing public. Perhaps, they deserve one another.

comment #4

worrywort says ...

if the only vacant bed at Sundance was in the same room as Lyons, would you take it?

comment #5

nemo says ...

Doesn't the definitive rejection of George Bush and Sarah Palin signal the end of the era when it was considered cool to be a total maroon?

Of course, the suits who decide these things are usually the last to catch on. George Bush had approval ratings in the 25% range for a full year before Chris Matthews finally realized that a lot of people outside the Beltway seriously do not like Bush.

comment #6

Jeffrey Wells says ...

Wells to worrywort: At this stage, with 19 or 20 days to go before Sundance begins? I would share a room with Joseph Goebbels, if it came to that.

comment #7

KB says ...

What definitive rejection of Sarah Palin? And whether you like George Bush or not, he has a measured IQ around 130, higher than John Kerry and within five points of Democrat supergeniuses Al Gore and BIll Clinton.

Anyway, as far as Ben Lyons and the state of film criticism and film viewership, I still think it's better than what's being stated here. I know everyone wants to think that film criticism is worse off than in this mythical past in which the entire American population sat around the dinner table debating Andrew Sarris versus Paulene Kael. But really, film critics have more reach and more sway today than they had in the past, largely due to Siskel and Ebert who brought film criticism into the mainstream, and Rottentomatoes, etc., which has given the best critics the means to have a much wider audience.

I don't think film criticism has been dumbed down. I think At the Movies has been dumbed down. And it probably won't survive until it changes.

comment #8

KB says ...

And are films getting dumber?

I would say it's the popcorn movies that are getting smarter. Take The Dark Knight. Or Casino Royale. It's hard to make summer blockbusters as brainless as they used to be.

Meanwhile, it's the high-end prestige films that are becoming more predictable and more subject to providing what AO Scott in his year-end article termed "received wisdom," i.e. playing to the audience's preconceptions without challenge.

comment #9

corey3rd says ...

There were a lot of crappy movies made 25-30 years ago that were viewed as made for braindead folks. Sgt Peppers anyone?

The average movie watcher isn't any dumber than one from 30 years ago - perhaps the cinema goer is "dumber" because they no longer have to go to the cinema to see the uncut version of the film within months of its release. How many folks had a VCR back in 1978? Let alone a Blu-ray player with a 60 inch high def screen? Why put up with the hassle of seeing a film in a theater when you tickets and popcorn can buy you the Blu-ray. Invite friends over if you want that "see it with an audience" feel.

Lyons is there to feed the goofy "The Hills" crowd the hype to go see a dumb film at that theater rather than put it on your netflix queue. He's only there to feed the beast cause otherwise he will be eaten next.

comment #10

Chase Kahn says ...

corey -- because no one on this site wants to wait 6 months to see a film...

comment #11

MilkMan says ...

Wow. There are lot of angry people on the internet.

comment #12

MindlessObamaton says ...

I don't know, MilkMan. You're quoted as saying you'd hit him with your car.

comment #13

MilkMan says ...

Wow. Sarcasm doesn't translate very well on the internet.

comment #14

The Bandsaw Vigilante says ...

Jesus, this image just makes me fantasize about stop his stupid, daddy-riding face into a jar:

http://www.hollywoodbitchslap.com/images/users/198/Lyonszooey.JPG

Lyons is so full of himself, he has to vomit to even *exist*. And that's saying something.

Some good articles linked, there. Puttin' the wood to Ben like a wayward pledge at the Deke House.

Stupid sock-sniffing bogtrotter.

comment #15

The Bandsaw Vigilante says ...

Correction to the above -- should be:

"Stomping his stupid, daddy-riding face into a jar," not "stop."

Fucking keyboard.

comment #16

Scott Mendelson says ...

"It matters, sir. Cops look at you to see how to act. It matters."

comment #17

Phatang! says ...

I don't know where KB gets his IQ info from. I'm assuming it's that study that estimated his IQ based on his SAT scores. Which of course is a nonsense way of determining IQ, considering one can take an SAT prep course and raise their IQ 100 points.

There was also that study that estimated Bush's IQ at around 100, based on his published writings. That's also obviously suspect.

So, I suppose, one would have to estimate Bush's intelligence based on his educational achievements and his success as a professional businessman and government worker.

comment #18

lonniechung says ...

I don't agree that Ben Lyons is the changed face of film criticism. He is merely a dope who was able to gravy-train his way into the business. A good critic can serve as a guide to finding what is worth your time or money based on the dissection of what is presented on the screen. You may share the taste of a particular critic, but the reason you value their opinion is because they have a knowledge of the subject, like any other professional. A critic's profession just happens to deal with a greater deal of subjectivity. Ben Lyons is not a real critic, he is simply someone who represents the average mainstream film fan - hopelessly blinded by the shiny things that Hollywood has to offer, and not even the least curious about the art. Ben Lyons will tell you about a movie in a manner that is free of introspection, and an opinion based on what he saw, while he saw it. A shorthand, just-the-facts approach that inevitably leaves him out to sea whenever the chance to inject the least bit of depth presents himself. Real critics still exist on the internet, and that's where the majority of those interested dwell. It is a profession that speaks to passion, and for those of us who truly enjoy such a thing, Ben Lyons is merely a sideshow oddity to be marveled and ridiculed.

comment #19

Mr. Muckle says ...

If some movies are critic proof, probably Ben Lyons is movie proof.

comment #20

sumo-pop says ...

It's brutal watching this guy. sometimes you can catch Mankiewicz staring crosseyed at Lyons with a "what the fuck is this guy doing here" look on his face. I'm sure they try to edit it out but I'm guessing the look is permanent. I actually think Mankiewicz has potential but his career could be dragged down by this minister of unwarranted superlatives.

comment #21

The InSneider says ...

I'm just gonna say it, as the best looking poster here, I think I should have Ben Lyons' job. You guys have to admit, if they're gonna give the gig to a good-looking twenty-something who you think knows less about movies than you do, you can't do better than me, plus I don't kiss quite as much ass and I'm funnier and less douchy than BL. Gimme that much gang.

comment #22

Sabina E says ...

news flash: many Americans are dumb. We just happen to have one really dumb movie critic on our hands.

comment #23

TVMCCA says ...

Re Ben Lyons: No doubt someone at Disney/ABC thought that having a reviewer with "movie fan" enthusiasm (who can be at one with aim-low current films) would bring "balance" to the new version of AT THE MOVIES.

Lyons is another glib careerist like Richard Roeper; just a few dozen points lower on the film IQ scale.

comment #24

TVMCCA says ...

One more comment about Lyons: My head exploded during his dismissive, clueless putdown of HAPPY-GO-LUCKY. No doubt he texted his way through the screening of that film too.

comment #25

TVMCCA says ...

Final comment: Here's the portion of Ebert's Rule Book column that Lyons should carry everywhere:
Be wary of freebies. The critic should ideally never accept round-trip first-class air transportation, a luxury hotel room, a limo to a screening and a buffet of chilled shrimp and cute little hamburgers in preparation for viewing a movie. If you go, your employer should pay for the trip. I understand some critics work for places that won't even pick up the cost of a movie ticket, and are so underpaid they have never tasted a chilled shrimp. Others work for themselves, an employer who is always going out of business. Yet they are ordered to produce a piece about Michael Cera's new film. I cut them some slack. Let them take the junket. They need the food. Also, I admire Michael Cera. But if they work for a place that is filthy rich, they should turn down freebies.

I admit the Freebie Rule was a hard one for me to acknowledge. In the good old days, movie critics flew more than pilots. I flew first class to Sweden, Ireland, Hawaii, Mexico, Bermuda, Iran, Colombia, Italy, Quebec, Ontario and British Columbia. I was virtually on the Los Angeles shuttle. I flew to England in November for the filming of "Battle of Britain," and was whisked at dawn to a rainy WWII air field near Newmarket where I was able to stand for hours and freeze my ass off while watching the filming of a scene involving a dog gazing wistfully into the sky for its master's missing airplane. If someone had given me a chilled shrimp, I would have rubbed it between my hands to warm them.

Accept no favors. For example, if some "friends" throw you a birthday party at a Vegas joint they hope to fill with movie stars who are your "friends," say thanks, but no thanks. That crosses the line, even if the "Britney Spears of Korea" truly is your close personal friend. Your only real friends come to the party you throw for yourself in the activities room of your condo building, and they bring their own booze. [Note: If the Britney Spears of Korea is the real thing, Britney Spears should be known in Korea as the BoA Kwan of America.]

No commercial endorsements. This used to be a given in journalism ethics. A critic must be especially vigilant. If you express approval of a product, you must sincerely believe what you are saying. How will we know you're sincere? Because you have (1) accepted no money, (2) or donated the money to a charity, and (3) have not accepted a free example of the product, except in such cases as foodstuffs, where the difficulties are apparent. You gotta eat 'em to review 'em. The Sun-Times has a policy: All Christmas gifts must be returned, except for perishables like papayas, etc. Candy is not a perishable. Neither, to the incredulity of many reporters, is liquor. Back to endorsements. Were I to recommend, say, a rice cooker, that must not imply I obtained it for free, or that 100 lb. sacks of rice were being dropped at my door. I mention this because I may be compelled to recommend a rice cooker in the very near future, in defense of my Who's Who entry, which claims I can cook almost anything in a rice cooker.

Be prudent with free DVDs. Of course movie critics get tons of free DVDs, just as book critics get books, etc. You may review those you want, even going so far as to pay for those you don't get for free. Recently I ordered the complete Werner Herzog documentaries from Germany, for example. Herzog would no doubt have been happy to supply them, but I would have felt like a creep for asking. If I admire him so much, I should be willing to buy them. Your unwanted DVDs must never be sold, unless you are a starving critic, in which case you are exempted under the La Boheme amendment. Technically, you should put a scissors to them before discarding, but I don't think the FBI will come after me if I give some to our grandchildren, or donate them to a veteran's hospital.

No advertisements. Gene Siskel, who I frequently quote as a fierce paragon of high standards, used to quote what someone, maybe it was David Mamet, told him: "As a critic, everything you say depends on your credibility. When you sell that, somebody else owns it." Gene and I (regretfully) turned down offers in the extremely low seven figures from a fast food chain and an airline. "After we retire, then it would be okay," we speculated. Even then, maybe not. Look at Fred Astaire. How many people thought they were paying him for their dance lessons? They look at "Swing Time" on TCM, and say, "There's that bastard who overcharged me for the mambo."

Be prepared to give a negative review. If you give one to the work of a friend, and they're not your friend any more, they weren't ever your friend. As Robert Altman once told me, "If you never gave me a bad review, what would a good review mean?" He was a great man. He thought over what he had said, and added: "But all your bad reviews of my films have been wrong."

Never review a film you have anything to do with. No, not even if you have a bit part or a walk-on. You were not chosen for your unique skills at bit parts and walk-ons. Why were you chosen? Figure it out. Full disclosure: I once dreamed that after I retired I would be in big demand for speaking roles. But wouldn't you just know? I lost my voice. Life has a way of keeping you honest.

No posing for photos! Never ask a movie star to pose with you for a picture. No movie star ever wants to do this. They may smile, but they're gritting their teeth. "It is the Chinese Water Torture," Clint Eastwood told me. "And 99 times out of a hundred, the stranger they hand their camera to looks through the lens, pushes the button, and says 'It isn't working!' and then the fan has to walk over to the guy and demonstrate the camera and say, 'now try it'. And then it isn't working again. Looking at someone looking puzzled at a camera, that's the story of my life."

In this connection, as Emily Dickinson observes:

How dreary to be somebody!
How public, like a frog
To tell your name the livelong day
To an admiring bog

Remember, you are a professional. You are not a friend. You diminish yourself by asking for a snapshot. I so firmly believe this, I have a sad lack of movie star photos co-starring me. For example, the University of Chicago Press asked me if I had photos of myself with Martin Scorsese to help promote my new book Scorsese by Ebert. [Note: Plugging your own book is ethical.] I have been in Scorsese's company in Cannes, New York, Chicago, Las Vegas, Los Angeles, Toronto and Columbus, Ohio. But I had only one photo of us together, from the time when he was a guest co-host on "Siskel & Ebert." That sort of situation is okay. By posing, I was just being nice to the guy. I couldn't use the photo. We were both wearing TV makeup and looked like an exhibit at Madame Tussaud's. I once visited a set of an Ingmar Bergman film, and Bergman and Liv Ullmann signed a photo to me when they heard it was my birthday, but I didn't ask them to pose with me. Damn it.

On the other hand, treasure real photos of you really with a movie star. Photos taken at a real event by a real other person unknown to you who didn't ask anyone if he could take it. My favorite such photo shows Jason Patric and me assisting Peter O'Toole as he makes his way from a reception at the Savannah Film Festival. I have appended this to the left as a sample of a permissible star photo. Such a photo can be distinguished from the other kind because they represent abstinence applied to star-f***ing.

No autographs! If for example, you are at a press event and interviewing a star, the stars are old hands at this and will think of you as a species of bottom-feeder if you ask them for an autograph. Your fellow professionals will try to pretend they are in another room, and gossip scornfully about you in the buffet line. It is bad enough they have to make a meal out of more of this god-damned shrimp without their being being associated with you. Either you are moronic enough to desire an autograph after having had the opportunity of speaking with the star in person, or you hope to sell it on eBay. It is doubly reprehensible if a star asks you for your name, and you reply, "Just your signature will be terrific!"

Sit down, shut up, and pay attention. No cellphone use. No texting during the movie. No talking out loud. No sucking up the last Coke out of the Kidney-Buster. It is permitted to laugh, or to scream when a movie scares the crap out of you. It's okay to join in the general chuckle after the It's only a cat! moment is over. There was a special amendment forgiving Pauline Kael for saying "Oh! Oh! Oh!" in astonishment. We eagerly awaited her "ohs!" and took care to note when she uttered them. It is acceptable, but rarely, to join in a general audience uproar, as at the first Cannes press screening of "The Brown Bunny." Even then, no cupping your hand under your armpit and producing fart noises.

comment #26

KB says ...

"I don't know where KB gets his IQ info from. I'm assuming it's that study that estimated his IQ based on his SAT scores. Which of course is a nonsense way of determining IQ, considering one can take an SAT prep course and raise their IQ 100 points."

If I recall correctly, it was a conversion of his intelligence/aptitude test upon entering the Texas Air National Guard.

There's a researcher who's fascinated with the question of IQ and the presidency. Actually, when you start thinking about the highest IQ presidents, it's a really interesting mix of successes and failures. Among the failures would be Carter, Nixon, constitutional lawyer James Buchanan, etc.

comment #27

Gaydos says ...

There's gotta be one guy at every party:

http://www.variety.com/blog/1390000339/post/1640037764.html

comment #28

alberto783 says ...

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