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Define "Blart"
"Sometimes there's a [kind] of blockbuster whose grosses can't be predicted by even the wisest of box-office sages," writes Vulture's Lane Brown.
"For example, who could possibly have anticipated Paul Blart: Mall Cop's explosive $39 million opening weekend? Certainly not Sony Pictures, who admitted in yesterday's LA Times that they barely thought it'd make half that. And now, as their movie Segways speedily toward $100 million, it's finally helped give a catchy name to all films with outsize profits and similarly awfulsome premises: Blarts.
"How does one identify a Blart? Sometimes they feature the Rock as an NFL star who unexpectedly becomes the father of an 8-year old and must, for some reason, perform ballet (The Game Plan, $90 million domestic). Others star Martin Lawrence and William H. Macy as members of the same biker gang (Wild Hogs, $168 million). Did your movie earn $94 million with a cast that included George Lopez as the voice of a dog (Beverly Hills Chihuahua), or $217 million, thanks to a trailer that featured computer-generated rodents eating their own poo (Alvin and the Chipmunks)? Congratulations -- you Blarted!
"The only things Blarts usually share are family-friendliness, an inexplicably enormous gross, and a screenplay that seems like it was probably submitted on a dare (also, it helps if a participating actor publicly refers to it as a 'piece of shit.'"
If I may be so bold, a "Blart" is a film that has hit the jackpot with the lower end of the American middle-class gene pool. Simple.
Posted by Jeffrey Wells on January 31, 2009 at 4:09 PM
comment #1
moveable hype
says ...
"Blart"...when a Greek girl had a big fat wedding.
Posted by moveable hype
at January 31, 2009 4:24 PM
comment #2
renorambler
says ...
I think I'd call Big Fat Greek...a sleeper that turned into a phenomenon. I'm not saying it was good, but it crossed over into our cultural conscious and became a touchstone for people. People still remember that film. The "Blarts" mentioned above seem utterly forgettable outside of their surprise box office success. Ten years from now we will (hopefully) have to strain our brains to recall "that movie about the mall cop?".
Posted by renorambler
at January 31, 2009 4:43 PM
comment #3
bmcintire
says ...
"Get off my Blart!"
Posted by bmcintire
at January 31, 2009 4:55 PM
comment #4
MindlessObamaton
says ...
If I may be so bold, a "Blart" is a film that has hit the jackpot with the lower end of the American middle-class gene pool. Simple.
Ah, knocking the supposed dimwits of the middle and lower classes. Can always count on Wells for my healthy, daily dose of bigotry. God bless you, Sir!!!
Posted by MindlessObamaton
at January 31, 2009 6:41 PM
comment #5
D.Z.
says ...
Actually, you gotta be impressed that a movie with a fat and middle-aged actor is a success again, given the shallowness of today's audiences.
Posted by D.Z.
at January 31, 2009 7:51 PM
comment #6
rr3333
says ...
Its pretty obvious why this drek made money. The Adam Sandler, lowest common demonator audience that doesnt want to think. They just want to watch fat guys who fart for 90 minutes.
Posted by rr3333
at January 31, 2009 8:50 PM
comment #7
BurmaShave
says ...
renorambler, you completely missed the point. Staying power or quality has nothing to do with what's being talked about here.
Posted by BurmaShave
at January 31, 2009 9:22 PM
comment #8
MovieBob
says ...
So I'm assuming nobody SAW the movie, right? Cuz, the fact that it's actually pretty good for it's genre and budget might have something to do with it. MIGHT. It's no classic, but the main character is genuinely sympathetic - you WANT to see him beat these guys down, which gets surprisingly brutal - and it stays admirably far away from pop-culture referencing and smug "whatever"-ism for it's humor in favor of oldschool slapstick.
The fact that what amounts to a one-joke sketch expanded into a PG feature works at all is further testament to Kevin James very real comic chops, though since he already stole two whole movies out from under Will Smith and Adam Sandler one wonders if that really needed further proving. He has the makings of a John Candy (or Goodman - LOVE to see him work under the Coen boys come to think of it...) save that he hasn't yet hit on an Only The Lonely/Planes Trains level script yet.
Posted by MovieBob
at January 31, 2009 9:42 PM
comment #9
PaulieBlartnuts
says ...
I saw Paul Blart and it's a serious piece of shit. Kevin James is the next John Candy if John Candy's defining roles were in CANADIAN BACON or WAGON'S EAST. Hey watch the fat guy eat, now watch him fall down -- it's hilarious when the obese have physical mishaps!! Check it out he's riding a friggin segway, that is crazy. Although I have to say I'm looking forward to the inevitable spin off where Rob Schneider goes undercover as a female mall security guard in PAULINA BLART: THE SEARCH FOR MORE MONEY...
Posted by PaulieBlartnuts
at January 31, 2009 10:35 PM
comment #10
Rich S.
says ...
To Blart: To act superior and condescending while secretly furious you didn't think of it first.
Posted by Rich S.
at February 1, 2009 4:41 AM
comment #11
YRG
says ...
I take back what I said about Ryan Reynolds. Based on the success of Mall Cop, I now believe The Proposal will blart and break Reynolds as a star.
Posted by YRG
at February 1, 2009 5:45 AM
comment #12
YRG
says ...
Another thought-- now that Bush is gone, we all need something stupid to laugh at.
Posted by YRG
at February 1, 2009 5:49 AM
comment #13
Josh Massey
says ...
It's a good-natured PG movie that apparently doesn't rely on scatological humor or below-the-belt humor. And it's going up against a bevy of serious-minded Oscar hopefuls, horror flicks, and bios of dead gangsta rappers. The weather is cold, and families want to go to movies.
Where's the mystery here?
Posted by Josh Massey
at February 1, 2009 6:30 AM
comment #14
tfresca
says ...
Ok, so we have a guy who was on a hit show for 6 or 7 years. Both movies he was in, co staring with bigger stars, were huge hits. So why wouldn't this movie be a hit. Times are hard people want to laugh. People should never be surprised that a comedy does well.
Posted by tfresca
at February 1, 2009 6:35 AM
comment #15
renorambler
says ...
No, Burma. Reread please. I think you missed the point. I was making the distinction between a "sleeper hit" and a "blart." I never said either had to be high quality.
Posted by renorambler
at February 1, 2009 8:05 AM
comment #16
moviemaniac2002
says ...
This winter reminds me more and more of
winter 2007....when movie critics beat their
brains out in frustration while a parade of
atrocities racked up huge numbers..."Wild Hogs",
"Ghost Rider", "Norbit".....and it's deja vu all over again...with astounding weekend numbers for
"Taken"....no hollywood truth was ever spoken
better than by Wiiliam Goldman when he said...
"Nobody knows anything."
But here is one certainty, like death and taxes......brace yourselves for Blart II
Posted by moviemaniac2002
at February 1, 2009 8:45 AM
comment #17
George Prager
says ...
"How can I hate Kevin James for I Now Pronounce You Chuck & Larry and yet love him tenderly when abruptly he takes Jayma Mays in his arms in the last reel of Paul Blart: Mall Cop?"
-- Jean Luc Godard
Posted by George Prager
at February 1, 2009 8:50 AM
comment #18
George Prager
says ...
Next up for James? A remake of The Mad Adventures of Rabbi Jabob.
Posted by George Prager
at February 1, 2009 10:34 AM
comment #19
CitizenKanedforChewingGum
says ...
MovieBob = Bob Clark from beyond the grave
Posted by CitizenKanedforChewingGum
at February 1, 2009 11:04 AM
comment #20
DeafBrownTrashPunk
says ...
Why so surprised? This is the same nation that reveres a talentless, slutty, blonde whore who's famous for being rich and slutty *cough Paris cough* and is obsessed with the Shittybowl every year.
Of course this shit piece of crap movie is a success.
Posted by DeafBrownTrashPunk
at February 1, 2009 11:40 AM
comment #21
Jonah
says ...
"and is obsessed with the Shittybowl every year. "
Like other people obsess over the Oscars? The Superbowl is ten times the event of the Oscars. With the Superbowl, only the deserving get there and win.
Posted by Jonah
at February 1, 2009 1:16 PM
comment #22
MTS Converter
says ...
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Posted by MTS Converter
at December 13, 2009 5:12 AM
comment #23
shaomiaoshelley
says ...
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Posted by shaomiaoshelley
at January 8, 2010 12:43 AM
comment #24
shaomiaoshelley
says ...
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Posted by shaomiaoshelley
at January 8, 2010 12:44 AM
comment #25
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Posted by dreamwing1986
at January 21, 2010 7:21 PM
comment #26
zadoc
says ...
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Posted by zadoc
at February 15, 2010 12:38 PM
comment #27
zadoc
says ...
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Posted by zadoc
at February 17, 2010 4:16 PM
comment #28
zadoc
says ...
so whats blart?
.
.
.
.
.
Posted by zadoc
at February 20, 2010 1:13 PM
comment #29
zadoc
says ...
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at February 21, 2010 1:29 PM
comment #30
zadoc
says ...
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at February 26, 2010 5:01 PM
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zadoc
says ...
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at February 28, 2010 11:12 AM
comment #32
zadoc
says ...
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at March 2, 2010 4:52 PM
comment #33
zadoc
says ...
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at March 4, 2010 5:23 PM
comment #34
zadoc
says ...
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at March 7, 2010 3:24 PM
comment #35
zadoc
says ...
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at March 8, 2010 6:05 PM
comment #36
zadoc
says ...
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Posted by zadoc
at March 10, 2010 2:27 PM
comment #37
weid502
says ...
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Posted by weid502
at March 10, 2010 6:17 PM
comment #38
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