Illuminati Forever

Is there any overlap between the folks who saw The DaVinci Code and are planning to see Angels and Demons (Sony, 5.15), and the ones who've seen or recently rented Bill Maher's Religulous and have maybe begun to consider or even accept his rational humanist views? The answer, I'm fairly sure, is somewhere between "very little" and "next to none." And that, in a nutshell, is why things are as screwed up as they are right now.


(l. to r.) Ton Hanks, Ayelet Zurber, some guy and Ewan MacGregor in Ron Howard's Angels and Demons (Sony, 5.15).

Because as heartening as Barack Obama's election seemed to a huge number of us, it didn't change the fundamental reality of where the vast majority of world citizens (i.e., the insufficiently educated, the flat-out ignorant) live in their heads. The intimidated and spooky-superstitious view of life still rules, and the Catholic Church (along with Islam) is one of the principal beneficiaries. You could also conclude, given this fact, that Ron Howard, Brian Grazer and Tom Hanks aren't doing too badly either.

I know that if by clapping my hands three times I could (a) convert the world over to Bill Maher's side of the issue and (b) eliminate the feelings of allegiance and submission that people offer daily to the Catholic church, I would clap my hands three times.

I get how religious orders and traditions that seemed to radiate some kind of divine aura when we were kids can continue to offer a kind of vague but spooky comfort to adults, even those that don't believe in religious dogma. Moral order and moral discipline are essential for the survival of any civilized society, but the humanist basics -- a belief in calm and decency and charity and kindness, and a respect for all tribes, beliefs, creeds and traditions that tend to their own and don't advocate hate or cruelty or suppression of thought -- weren't invented by the Catholics, and in fact have been undermined by them in some cases.

It would be heavenly -- I'm using this word deliberately -- if people would just wake up and breathe in the good air and stand tall on their own, and in so doing pull the plug on the Catholic church now and forever.


That said, there's nothing quite so dispiriting in the world of motion pictures as that glum and dutiful expression that Ewan MacGregor wears when he's playing a character who's part of a solemn order. He's wearing this expression in every clip on the most recent Angels and Demons trailer.

We all know what this movie will be. The clips make it obvious. And we all understand it'll clean up like the first one did. The question is why didn't the trailer cutters include a line or even a word from poor Ayelet Zurer, the 39 year-old Israeli actress who plays Tom Hanks' "wing woman" (as Empire put it last week)?

Dan Brown's Angels & Demons is about a threat from the Illuminati, one of the Vatican's ancient adversaries that still lives today in one form or another. Hank's 'symbologist' Robert Langdon is hired by the Catholic higher-ups (including MacGregor's character) to sift through the clues left by The Illuminati to find the "ticking time-bomb" they've planted under Rome.

The Illiuminati "have been dedicated since the time of Galileo to promoting the interests of science and condemning the blind faith of Catholicism," the copy says. Sounds like a plan.

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Posted by Jeffrey Wells on February 24, 2009 at 5:23 AM

comment #1

actionman Author Profile Page says ...

Religulous was brilliant. And hysterical.

I slept thru the Davinci Code. No interest in this new one from me.

Posted by actionman Author Profile Page at February 24, 2009 8:09 AM

comment #2

Sabina E Author Profile Page says ...

Moral order and moral discipline are essential for the survival of any civilized society, but the humanist basics -- a belief in calm and decency and charity and kindness, and a respect for all tribes, beliefs, creeds and traditions that tend to their own and don't advocate hate or cruelty or suppression of thought -- weren't invented by the Catholics, and in fact have been undermined by them in some cases.

I'm with you on this one, Wells. as a Muslim, I think that Islamic extremism is a huge threat to modern society as much as the Catholic Church. I consider myself to be a liberal secular humanist in terms of equality and rights for all, but I often get laughed out of the room if I tell people that. Many people THINK that without any religion, we would be animals without morals. Or in this case, many people think that without Christianity (or Islam), we are primitive, immoral, and lost. Geez, I wonder if that applies to non-monotheistic religious groups?

Anyway, did you see a recent poll study released a few weeks ago that the majority of Americans don't believe in evolution? Sigh.

regarding the new sequel, well, I have NO interest in seeing (or reading) the Da Vinci Code or Angels & Demons.

Posted by Sabina E Author Profile Page at February 24, 2009 8:12 AM

comment #3

Rich S. Author Profile Page says ...

"The Illuminati 'have been dedicated since the time of Galileo to promoting the interests of science and condemning the blind faith of Catholicism,' the copy says. Sounds like a plan."

The Illuminati? The Illuminati?!? Wow, we really are going down the rabbit hole, aren't we? Do they bring in the Elders of Zion? The International Communist Conspiracy? The Tri-Lateral Commission? At least tell me they bring in the Freemasons.

Thank goodness king Rondelay is still out there fostering our titrates. Sometimes Wells really does crack me up.

Posted by Rich S. Author Profile Page at February 24, 2009 8:19 AM

comment #4

btwnproductions Author Profile Page says ...

THE DA VINCI CODE actually undermines Catholic dogma, which made it quite controversial. (The movie blunts the point.) This one (a prequel, I believe, or at least the book preceded CODE) seems like the make-good for giving offense.

Posted by btwnproductions Author Profile Page at February 24, 2009 8:22 AM

comment #5

Chris Willman Author Profile Page says ...

I don't get it. If these books are essentially anti-Catholic, denying the Bible as truth, and "Religulous" is anti-Catholic, denying the Bible as truth, why wouldn't there be crossover galore? I mean, philosophically, if not aesthetically?

Posted by Chris Willman Author Profile Page at February 24, 2009 8:26 AM

comment #6

storymark Author Profile Page says ...

So, now one has to be religious to even watch a film that deals with such issues? Hell of a position to take.

Posted by storymark Author Profile Page at February 24, 2009 8:27 AM

comment #7

Monument Author Profile Page says ...

Bill Maher is a pompous ass who spreads more misinformation about religion than anything else.

Posted by Monument Author Profile Page at February 24, 2009 9:06 AM

comment #8

Ryansi51 Author Profile Page says ...

those who thought the ending to SHUTTER ISLAND was bad should read ANGELS & DEMONS. When he jumped out of that helicopter I threw it across the room and didn't read the last 20 pages for a week.

Posted by Ryansi51 Author Profile Page at February 24, 2009 9:18 AM

comment #9

Brendan Author Profile Page says ...

DeafBrown - I saw those "4 in 10 believe in evolution" numbers circulating around Darwin's birthday last week. That statistic drove me to investigate the inforamtion on the "number of American's that have a college degree or higher" data. Those numbers are even lower then the Darwin data, coming in around 1 out of 4 (25%) regarding on the given poll. Either way both numbers are disturbing and I suspect that there is a correlation between the two.

The one good thing to come from these horrible DaVinci movies is that it makes people question (one prays) organized religion and their nefarious institutions.

One side note - Isn't it time for Tom Hanks to get back to acting?

Posted by Brendan Author Profile Page at February 24, 2009 9:19 AM

comment #10

Krillian Author Profile Page says ...

Um, I guess you don't know Dan Brown. Angels & Demons is about exposing some lies behind the Catholic Church. But Dan Brown tends to do his research off of Wikipedia and the last book he read, so it makes it nice escapism. You know, fiction.

Religulous was funny in parts, but it had a lot of deception in it too. I wouldn't call Bill Maher humanist because the older he gets, the less he likes humans. The most important lesson from it is to never appear in a Larry Charles movie because he WILL make you look stupid.

I'm not Catholic and I'm glad they've lost most of their political power, and they don't torture people anymore.

Everyone lives in their own head. But the day Jeff isn't being holier-than-thou regarding "those people" is the day I wonder if the End really is nigh.

Posted by Krillian Author Profile Page at February 24, 2009 9:23 AM

comment #11

Josh Massey Author Profile Page says ...

I'm proud to be in the group that has no interest in Angels & Demons OR Bill Maher.

Posted by Josh Massey Author Profile Page at February 24, 2009 9:33 AM

comment #12

Chase Kahn Author Profile Page says ...

I hope this opens at Cannes so Ron Howard can gets booed for this, 'Frost/Nixon', and the hack that he so truly is.

Posted by Chase Kahn Author Profile Page at February 24, 2009 10:01 AM

comment #13

Chase Kahn Author Profile Page says ...

*get*

Posted by Chase Kahn Author Profile Page at February 24, 2009 10:04 AM

comment #14

jeromejohn Author Profile Page says ...

"a respect for all tribes, beliefs, creeds and traditions that tend to their own and don't advocate hate or cruelty or suppression of thought"

I assume you believe this counts out all religions in the world except maybe buddhism? I'm sorry Jeff, but it is the height of arrogance for you and Maher to consider everyone who considers themselves religious (i.e. most people in the civilized world, including your beloved Obama) "ignorant sheep." Maher is a smug unfunny asshole, as he proved once again on the oscars.

Posted by jeromejohn Author Profile Page at February 24, 2009 10:16 AM

comment #15

MilkMan Author Profile Page says ...

I'm not going to take Bill Maher seriously until he makes a documentary on what it's like to have sex with three black prostitues simultaneously while drunk on Cuervo Gold and the finest Colombian available. Other than that, I could care less what he has to say about anything. He'll always be a shitty stand-up comic to me, someone who wasn't funny enough to get his own sitcom or movie, but cranky enough to entertain baby boomers with his facile political and social commentary. His ascendance to pop culture prominence is mystifying to me, just as mystifying as Ron Howard's career. The sludge always rises to the top, I guess.

Posted by MilkMan Author Profile Page at February 24, 2009 10:54 AM

comment #16

bents75 Author Profile Page says ...

"it is the height of arrogance for you and Maher to consider everyone who considers themselves religious (i.e. most people in the civilized world, including your beloved Obama) "ignorant sheep."

Why is that arrogant? Last time I checked, the civilized "free" world was entitled to question and debate the powers that be. This includes your government, the media, and yes, organized religion.

I can't speak for Wells position, but despite the jokes (which come natural, because he 'is' a comedian), all Maher ever does is question the rationality of it all. And he's an asshole for doing so?

If that's the case, I'm an asshole too, becuase I like to think for myself. And I'm proud of it. If God doesn't want me to use the same brain he supposedly designed, then he shouldn't have given it to me in the first place.

Posted by bents75 Author Profile Page at February 24, 2009 11:02 AM

comment #17

storymark Author Profile Page says ...

"Bill Maher is a pompous ass who spreads more misinformation about religion than anything else. "

Seems to me he just likes to question religion. You, however, seem to be deliberately spreading misinformation. Hmmm....

Posted by storymark Author Profile Page at February 24, 2009 11:08 AM

comment #18

Monument Author Profile Page says ...

Yes you are free to say and think whatever you want, and yes the insinuation that atheists come to their beliefs by pure logic and reason while the the believers are ignorant sheep is in fact arrogant. One can be both free and arrogant at the same time.

I'll take an atheist like Penn Jillette over smug elitist humanists any day of the week.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7JHS8adO3hM

Posted by Monument Author Profile Page at February 24, 2009 11:09 AM

comment #19

Monument Author Profile Page says ...

"Seems to me he just likes to question religion. You, however, seem to be deliberately spreading misinformation. Hmmm...."

It isn't misinformation if it's true, Bill Maher is a hack.

Posted by Monument Author Profile Page at February 24, 2009 11:20 AM

comment #20

bents75 Author Profile Page says ...

Fair enough Monument. I consider myself more of an agnostic than an atheist, but I would concede just as many of my "beliefs" probably are founded on speculation and supposition as they are logic or reason.

I think the difference though is I'm not asking for followers and donations to continually support my rhetoric. I hand it out for free and I couldn't care less if anyone else accepts it. It also doesn't come from an 1800 year old book that's often defined as absolute truth, and no one has ever been jailed, stoned, deprived, cast out, or killed because of my beliefs, or lack thereof.

Posted by bents75 Author Profile Page at February 24, 2009 11:37 AM

comment #21

mccool Author Profile Page says ...

'a belief in calm and decency and charity and kindness, and a respect for all tribes, beliefs, creeds and traditions that tend to their own and don't advocate hate or cruelty or suppression of thought '

...a belief which many "humanists" espouse, but trample on every single day. A respect for ideas until those ideas are shared or vocalized. Even when the end-goal is the same, say a higher standard of living for the elderly, there is no tolerance whatsoever on either side for the opposition's beliefs.

Respect for beliefs and creeds that align with your own ideas of moral and intellectual superiority, is that what you mean?

And how can someone like Jeff Wells who hates the common man consider himself a humanist? I could see pitying the vast majority of those who have no chance to experience the intellectual enlightenment of SoCal, but having contempt for them? Surely people are loud, and ignorant, and boorish, and self-serving, but that calls for sadness, not hatred. You can not feel the latter and consider yourself a humanist. You talk about respecting other's beliefs so long as they tend to their own, then in the next breath wish you could clap your hands and convert everyone over to a belief system YOU respect. Can you afford a proof-reader? You violate your own code of ethics!

I agree the perpetuation of ignorance by many of today's religious leaders is appalling, but how does the Catholic Church still get lumped in there? As a jew I see it as an institution that accepts evolution, calls for the rejection of materialism and vanity, and practices charity rather than just preaching it a la Bill Maher. It's got some conservative social stances that are questionable, but short of opposing gay marriage those stances are generally in the same spirit of humanism. Self-restraint, the sanctity of life, etc, with some technical glitches thrown in.

Posted by mccool Author Profile Page at February 24, 2009 11:42 AM

comment #22

Ethan Author Profile Page says ...

To avoid the religious debate here (I'm an agnostic, that's all), who actually wants to see Angels and Demons? Even my Mom who usually loves these movies and is a fan of Dan Brown called The Da Vinci Code "a stinker".

Posted by Ethan Author Profile Page at February 24, 2009 12:22 PM

comment #23

Floyd Thursby Author Profile Page says ...

As a devout atheist, I am proud to list my ten favorite un films de Opie:
1. Frost/Nixon
2. Splash
3. The Missing
4. Grand Theft Auto

Posted by Floyd Thursby Author Profile Page at February 24, 2009 12:28 PM

comment #24

Zach Author Profile Page says ...

it's Ayelet Zurer, not Zurber

Posted by Zach Author Profile Page at February 24, 2009 12:42 PM

comment #25

nola Author Profile Page says ...

Not sure about all the Catholic hate. I fear far right fundamentalists like Palin more than the Pope.

Anyway without religion there wouldn't have been a civil rights movement.

Fellini was Catholic as were many other artists.

I read Angels and Demons on the beach. A friend gave me her copy. It's better than DaVinci Code, perhaps the movie will be as well?

Posted by nola Author Profile Page at February 24, 2009 12:42 PM

comment #26

va Author Profile Page says ...

C'mon Jeff, finish your statement on the Catholic Church....advocating genocide of Catholics, because their religion is dangerous......

Posted by va Author Profile Page at February 24, 2009 1:09 PM

comment #27

Ryansi51 Author Profile Page says ...

nola-

really? do you think a washcloth is a suitable "parachute" to jump out of a helicopter with? I'll eat my own shit if that's in the movie.

Posted by Ryansi51 Author Profile Page at February 24, 2009 1:44 PM

comment #28

hcat Author Profile Page says ...

"Anyway without religion there wouldn't have been a civil rights movement. "

There were just as many christians under the Klan hoods and holding the police dogs as there were marching in the streets against such actions.

Posted by hcat Author Profile Page at February 24, 2009 2:00 PM

comment #29

mick hilliard Author Profile Page says ...

All you Ron Howard haters can go f*** yourselves. F/N was a great movie. A&D will be much better than DVC( I know, that's not saying much). David Koepp wrote the adaptation, and Langdon does not jump out of the helicopter. This movie is anything but a suck up to the Catholic Church. They wouldn't let the film makers anywhere near the Vatican.

Posted by mick hilliard Author Profile Page at February 24, 2009 2:02 PM

comment #30

great scott Author Profile Page says ...

I'm just glad the hack Akiva Goldsman was replaced.

Posted by great scott Author Profile Page at February 24, 2009 2:21 PM

comment #31

Rich S. Author Profile Page says ...

E! Online is reporting that Michael Cera is now on board for an Arrested Development film, with Ron Howard to narrate/direct.

Ron does that and all is forgiven.

Posted by Rich S. Author Profile Page at February 24, 2009 2:35 PM

comment #32

Chase Kahn Author Profile Page says ...

Mick -- It's entirely subjective, I'll admit, but I think 'Frost/Nixon' is an okay, decent movie at best, same with 'Appolo 13'.

Howard's films are spoonfed, cookie-cutter adaptations of true stories or other works, and that's the only reason that they work on some level. As a director, he brings nothing to the table. He might as well be a documentarian.

Posted by Chase Kahn Author Profile Page at February 24, 2009 2:49 PM

comment #33

bmcintire Author Profile Page says ...

Not to rush to Opie's defense, but the film of THE DAVINCI CODE (bad as it was) was a damn-sight better than the putrid book. That shit made TWILIGHT look like literature.

Posted by bmcintire Author Profile Page at February 24, 2009 2:52 PM

comment #34

MilkMan Author Profile Page says ...

The 133 page interoffice memo that I had to read during lunch was better written than The DaVinci Code. That's not a book. It's toilet paper.

Posted by MilkMan Author Profile Page at February 24, 2009 3:30 PM

comment #35

Ryansi51 Author Profile Page says ...

MilkMan not everything you come in contact with need go up your ass. Da Vinci Code wasn't that bad. It's fluff but it's a pretty fun ride full of some pretty enlightening facts and history.

Posted by Ryansi51 Author Profile Page at February 24, 2009 3:46 PM

comment #36

MilkMan Author Profile Page says ...

You sound like you're speaking from experience, Ryan. Can you tell me what things you have already put up your ass that I shouldn't? That's the kind of helpful advice I can use. As for book recommedations, I think I'll ask someone else.

Posted by MilkMan Author Profile Page at February 24, 2009 4:23 PM

comment #37

Ryansi51 Author Profile Page says ...

1. Dustin Lance Black's Oscar
2. your mother's tongue

everything else has worked out well.

Posted by Ryansi51 Author Profile Page at February 24, 2009 4:28 PM

comment #38

MilkMan Author Profile Page says ...

Good to hear that most of the things you stick up your ass have worked out well. Sorry about ma's tongue. I know, it's kind of pointy.

Posted by MilkMan Author Profile Page at February 24, 2009 4:35 PM

comment #39

Carl Kolchak Author Profile Page says ...

I'm certainly not going to stand up for everything organized religion has been responsible for, but, really, this is just lazy thinking. Hitler, Stalin, etc, the list of people who have been responsible for the deaths of millions of people over the last century is filled with guys who were anything but religious. So....guess what, its way more complicated than what Jeff would like to think. Like I said, lazy.

Posted by Carl Kolchak Author Profile Page at February 24, 2009 4:36 PM

comment #40

BurmaShave Author Profile Page says ...

Ryansi51, I'm looking forward to seeing that on film and all the hooting and hollering it will cause.

Posted by BurmaShave Author Profile Page at February 24, 2009 8:00 PM

comment #41

nola Author Profile Page says ...

I read the ending of A&D the film is different from the book. Thank God.

I thought the DaVinci Code was horrible. I get why it was a monster hit...great idea. A&D is the better book out of the two. I know that isn't saying much.

Akiva was replaced? Didn't they pay him 4 million dollars?

re: the christians under the hoods, they were against Catholics and Jews as well so I'm thinking most of those men were the forerunners of the crazy people we have to deal with in the far right today.

I do have issues with organized religion but I don't think all the evil in the world is religion's fault.

Posted by nola Author Profile Page at February 24, 2009 11:23 PM

comment #42

hcat Author Profile Page says ...

I didn't want to paint all the world's evils as a result of religion when I made the hoods comments. I don't consider religion inherently evil any more than I consider government or commerce inherently evil. It is simply that these institutions are often used by people whose ideals are simply their own ambitions and manipulate others to fit their needs.

Posted by hcat Author Profile Page at February 25, 2009 7:33 AM

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