No Dannys Ever
With St. Patrick's Day two days away, it seems like the right time to explain a phobia that I've been grappling with for years. I hate the name Danny. It's a cruel and idiotic prejudice, obviously, but there it is. I just hate the damn sound of it. Anyone or anything called Danny is therefore diminished if not discredited. Sorry.
Dan and Daniel are cool, but Danny is a cheap 1950s Irish punk street name. I've always disliked the Irish ballad "Danny Boy" because of the odious aroma in the title. If Daniel Stern, Dan Futterman or Dan Aykroyd had begun their careers as Dannys they wouldn't have done as well, I'm convinced, and might have even failed to break through. I further believe that Danny Moder, Julia Roberts' dp husband, will always have career troubles unless he changes course and goes strictly by Daniel or Dan. If I read a script with a character named Danny, I'll stop reading and put it away. And I've always disliked the 1958 Elvis Presley flick King Creole because it's based upon Harold Robbins' "A Stone for Danny Fisher."
I'm not the only one on this boat. Ask Danny Huston, who has no doubt suffered in one way or another because of it.
Posted by Jeffrey Wells on March 15, 2009 at 8:34 AM
comment #1
DannyDannyDanny
says ...
Screw you too!
Posted by DannyDannyDanny
at March 15, 2009 9:03 AM
comment #2
nemo
says ...
Well, that finally explains the Danny Huston Effect.
Danny Trejo can kick your butt.
Posted by nemo
at March 15, 2009 9:08 AM
comment #3
mutinyco
says ...
Come and play with us, Danny. Forever. And ever...
Posted by mutinyco
at March 15, 2009 9:08 AM
comment #4
VoiceOfReason
says ...
I've always felt that Kevin is a pretty shitty bland name.
Posted by VoiceOfReason
at March 15, 2009 9:16 AM
comment #5
nemo
says ...
I'm impressed that Jeff Wells admits or even recognizes that any of his prejudices are "cruel and idiotic."
Posted by nemo
at March 15, 2009 9:17 AM
comment #6
Hallick
says ...
I bet you can't even eat at Denny's in most parts of the country, just because it sounds like Danny's thanks to the local accent (and not because the food rival Liquid Plumber in effectiveness).
A world without Dannys would mean a world without this, and I can't stomach that anymore than a hot Moons Over Myhammy::
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Mo0baknLDdU
Posted by Hallick
at March 15, 2009 9:18 AM
comment #7
JT
says ...
Wells: You are a mass of neurosis that would be scary if it weren't so amusing. Your world of scary fat men, symbolic cowboy hats and received slights by everyone who isn't you is what makes you the entertaining dude you are. I'm amazed you can even get out of bed. Don't. Ever. Change.
Posted by JT
at March 15, 2009 9:35 AM
comment #8
Burbanked
says ...
That probably explains the crushing critical and box office failure of Danny Boyle's most recent movie. Oh wait.
Posted by Burbanked
at March 15, 2009 9:50 AM
comment #9
George Prager
says ...
"Danny Deeper!!"
"Fuck you, Ma! I can't go no deeper!"
Posted by George Prager
at March 15, 2009 9:55 AM
comment #10
crazyeight
says ...
So, after all of the years of saying ridiculously retarded, inaccurate and offensive shit, what will finally get D.Z. banned by Jeff is when the latter finds out his name is Danny?
Posted by crazyeight
at March 15, 2009 10:01 AM
comment #11
shermy
says ...
I actually don't mind Danny so much as Daniel.
Maybe we should be the next Siskel and Ebert?
Posted by shermy
at March 15, 2009 10:39 AM
comment #12
T. S. Idiot
says ...
"Go ahead. Jump. He never loved you, so why go on living? Jump and it will all be over."--Mrs. Danvers, aka Danny
Posted by T. S. Idiot
at March 15, 2009 11:29 AM
comment #13
Krazy Eyes
says ...
I've always disliked Daniel the most of the "Dan" variations.
"Mr. Daniel looks like a spaniel"
Posted by Krazy Eyes
at March 15, 2009 12:08 PM
comment #14
thevisceral
says ...
"Jeffrey" always makes me think of that Bill Cosby bit where he's on the plane and the kid won't shut up.
Posted by thevisceral
at March 15, 2009 1:18 PM
comment #15
bmcintire
says ...
Odd. Similar names such as Timmy, Billy, Johnny and Bobby have always struck me as slightly off, mostly because they seem more associated with children than adults (and not some bizarre anti-Irish-punk sentiment). Danny, for some reason, never tripped that switch.
Billy Wilder, Johnny Carson and Bobby Kennedy would seem the exceptions, but probably because of their fame. Timmy, however, makes me think only of SOUTH PARK. And LASSIE.
However, I'm pretty sure that both Danny Huston and Danny Elfman (as well as the above-mentioned Danny Boyle) are just fine with the familiar versions of their names, or they would have gone by some other iteration long ago. Or perhaps that is some litmus test for over-familiarity by strangers, wherein their close friends and associates call them "Dan" - a sort of reverse code to the faux-chumminess of people referring to Robert DeNiro as "Bobby".
Posted by bmcintire
at March 15, 2009 1:44 PM
comment #16
Dan Revill
says ...
I'm a Dan or Daniel...very few can get away with calling me Danny - generally I hate it. Sounds too little kiddish to me. Then again I don't remember caring for it too much when I was a kid either.
Posted by Dan Revill
at March 15, 2009 2:03 PM
comment #17
Sabina E
says ...
what about the Arabic version, Daniyal?
Posted by Sabina E
at March 15, 2009 2:35 PM
comment #18
televisiontears
says ...
What about Philly?
Posted by televisiontears
at March 15, 2009 4:48 PM
comment #19
MilkMan
says ...
This post is awesome.
Posted by MilkMan
at March 15, 2009 8:32 PM
comment #20
Nate West
says ...
This explains the tragedy of David Daniel Kaminsky, who dumped his cool middle name and took "Danny" as his given name. Whatever became of him?
Posted by Nate West
at March 15, 2009 8:36 PM
comment #21
Rich S.
says ...
Last year around this time, there was an article on CNN.com about a bar in New York City that refused to play "Danny Boy" because it was written by an Englishman who had never set foot in Ireland.
Maybe that's where Jeffrey needs to go for St. Pat's tomorrow.
Posted by Rich S.
at March 16, 2009 8:58 AM
comment #22
/3rtfu11
says ...
Danny Glover
Posted by /3rtfu11
at March 16, 2009 10:32 AM
comment #23
Edward
says ...
I don't care for it when people, usually my family, call me Eddie. I got called Eddie at my mother's funeral two months ago, but considering the circumstances I let it go.
Posted by Edward
at March 16, 2009 3:25 PM