comment #1

nemo says ...

The version I heard called it "ichibun" instead of "kiki".

Whenever things are going badly (work, travel, visiting relatives, whatever), my wife and I get a laugh by saying, "But first, ichibun!"

comment #2

Rich S. says ...

Doesn't Martin Mull tell a version of this joke in The Aristocrats?

comment #3

The Winchester says ...

There's a version of the joke played out into an entire act of a Futurama episode, where it's called "Snoo snoo", and Bea Arthur is the voice of a computer. It's very funny.

comment #4

George Prager says ...

"Guy comes home, finds his wife in bed with another guy. She says 'Look who it is--big mouth--now the whole neighborhood will know.'"

"Guy comes into the bar, says where's the toilet? I said 'You're in it.'"

"We got short waitresses. Makes the drinks look bigger."

comment #5

Rich S. says ...

Here you go, Jeffrey:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=itl44eSdebg

comment #6

raygo says ...

Last night I bought my first movie on iTunes ... it was The Upside of Anger. Still one of my favorite re-watchables. Can't explain it, really. I've been waiting for it come on rotation so I can have a friend watch it, finally just bought it.

comment #7

raygo says ...

If Binder is reading this ... what's up with your hair in Upside? Seriously ... that's my biggest gripe with that movie ... that and the fact that the husband really wa... oops ... spoiler.

comment #8

bildeaux says ...

I always heard the punch line as "Death.... by Kiki!"

comment #9

mccool says ...

Jeff, agreed, that's a great joke. Thanks for the link Rich.

The real key to a joke, I've found, is the segue into it. No one likes standing around at a cocktail party while someone just a launches into a joke. You gotta time it right.

I'm generally not a joke-teller, but here's one I'm fond of if the occasion arises...

A man's wife had been in a coma for some time. As part of her continued care, her sheets were changed often and she was given sponge baths by a nurse.

During one of the sponge baths, the nurse noticed the wife reacted slightly when her private parts were washed.

The nurse spoke to the husband and explained that she had an unconventional idea that might bring his wife out of the coma. She explained the reaction and suggested that the husband should try oral sex with his wife.

He quickly decided to give it a try, and shut the door for some privacy. After a few minutes, the alarms on the life support equipment began to sound. The nurse rushed into the room and was shocked to find that wife was dead!

"What happened!???" screamed the nurse.

"I don't know," said the husband. "She must have choked!"

comment #10

arnold stang says ...

I was having breakfast with my wife this morning and I asked her if she knew the difference between jelly and jam.

She said she didn't.

I said, I can't jelly my cock down your throat.

Goodnight.

comment #11

Jeffrey Wells says ...

I don't know if that's funny or not. No, I do know -- it's not funny. In fact, I'm going to delete it. It's ugly.

comment #12

larry braverman says ...

I've always heard it as 'bunga bunga' or 'unga bunga' as in "Death! By Unga Bunga!"

In fact I used to have a gag greeting card from way back with illustrations of the chief and explorers etc...

Also The Mummies have an album called Death by Unga Bunga that's inspired from this joke...

comment #13

televisiontears says ...

Knock knock?

Who's there?

9/11.

9/11 who?

You swore you'd never forget.

I'll be here all night. Don't forget to tip.

comment #14

RustysaGoodDog says ...

Arnold and McCool..love your jokes...here's a favorite of mine:

Guy comes home one evening and tells his wife the doctor just told him he'll be dead by tomorrow morning. The husband and wife embrace and go to bed and make love...a few hours later in the night the husband wakes up and gets the wife to make love with him again. A few hours later he wakes her again and makes love.
The next time he wakes her around 3AM to make love, she says, "No, please SOME of us have to go to work in the morning".

comment #15

actionmam says ...

Michael Bay told one about chickens and roads once at open mic night at the Improv. Had me in convulsions I was laughing so hard!.

comment #16

George Prager says ...

Mowkeka says...

Q: How many brain-dead liberals does it take to screw a lightbulb up my ass....wait a minute, I told it wrong.

comment #17

The Hoyk says ...

The word I heard was "bonjee," and like bildeaux, the punchline I heard was "Death...by bonjee!"

My boss told me a variation of Arnold Stang's joke. In fact, he told the whole room - in the middle of a sales seminar. I gained a new respect for him.

comment #18

Abbey Normal says ...

OK, here's one:

Three CIA trainees, two men and a woman, had almost completed their long and arduous training to become agents. But there was one more test to get through before it could become official.

The three trainees were led to a hall with three doors. An agent was there waiting for them. "Each of your respective spouses," he said, "are behind these doors." The agent then produced three pistols, which he laid out on a small table.

"Kill them."

The trainees looked at each other with a mixture of disbelief and horror as the agent handed a gun to one of the two men and directed him to the first door. The man shakily turned the knob and walked inside. Ten seconds later, he came out, handed the gun back to the agent, and without a word exited the hall and left the building.

"I guess he's not agency material," said the agent. He picked up another pistol and went to the second man, handed him the gun, then led him to the second door.

After a short while, the man emerged, sobbing. "I love my wife," he said through tears. "i just can't do it." He handed the gun back to the agent and disappeared down the hall just as the first man had done.

The agent now handed the last trainee a gun and led her to the third door. She took a deep breath, paused for a moment, and went inside.

Immediately, gunshots rang out from behind the door, one after another. Then a series of crashing sounds could be heard. These went on for several minutes. Finally, the woman emerged from the room, out of breath and sweating profusely. The agent asked, "what happened?"

She said: "You didn't tell me the gun was filled with blanks...I had to beat him to death with the chair!"