Ass Bombs

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If rectum bombs catch on in the terrorist world, airline passengers in the near future will have to submit to scanning devices that are more penetrating and all-seeing than ones now being used.

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I'm just riffing here, but it seems as if the idea of each and every passenger being given a mandatory "security enema" (i.e., a biological scanning device that determines if a plastic explosive is lodged in a passenger's anal cavity) prior to boarding isn't as absurd as it sounds. Are we at the brink of an era in which anal scanners will have to be built and installed in airports worldwide, and in which everyone will have to arrive at airports at least an hour earlier than they do now to allow for this?

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Posted by Jeffrey Wells on September 29, 2009 at 11:02 AM

comment #1

Chicago48 says ...

I'm sorry but we should just bomb the daylights out of yemen, and all these little renegade countries. I live in a neighborhood in Chicago where we've imported refugees from Somali. They are poor people, and some of them look like they just came off the farm. What the he***??? They are uneducated and angry because they don't have what other Americans have (job, money, clothes, etc.) and America hasn't turned out to be as good as they thought.

And I don't know what the he** we were thinking bringing the somalis to America. Look what's happening to Minnesota with all the Somali terrorists in that state. We should stop the importing of refugees from Africa.

Posted by Chicago48 at September 29, 2009 11:53 AM

comment #2

MikeSchaeferSF says ...

From boingboing.net, FWIW:

Lewis Page, an improvised-device disposal operator tasked in support of the UK mainland police from 2001-2004, pointed out that this isn't much of a threat for three reasons: 1) you can't stuff a lot of explosives into a body cavity, 2) detonation is, um, problematic, and 3) the human body can stifle an explosion pretty effectively (think of someone throwing himself on a grenade to save his friends).

Posted by MikeSchaeferSF at September 29, 2009 11:56 AM

comment #3

TL says ...

And here I thought I was going to read a post about a screening where Wells sat behind a corpulent midwesterner fresh from a bean burrito lunch.

Posted by TL at September 29, 2009 11:59 AM

comment #4

ROTC says ...

MikeSchaeferSF,all of that ignores the obvious fact that once the bomber passes security and is on a plane, it is no problem for him/her to go to the bathroom, remove from his/her body cavity the explosives, and, if necessary, assemble them for detonation. And I could be mistaken about this, but it is my understanding that it wouldn't take much of an explosion to bring a commercial airliner down.

Posted by ROTC at September 29, 2009 12:44 PM

comment #5

Abbey Normal says ...

Guess what, everybody? There are no guarantees in life. Bad people determined to do bad things eventually succeed, and random, terrible events can befall any of us at any time. In short: You are not safe.

Can we just accept that and move on? Let's stop turning our airports into anti-human, reality-ignoring snoop factories. That energy is better spent stopping these assholes before they even get to the airport. I mean, how much money is wasted on TSA training, enforcement, lost productivity, etc? If we plowed all those resources into better and more effective anti-terrorist units, we'd all be better off. We might even be the ones shoving bombs up terrorists' asses (and detonating them out in the desert somewhere).

But regardless, we all must collectively accept the presence of risk, and live our lives reasonably and without fear. If someone tries to give me a rectal exam at an airport, he'd better be a doctor screening for cancer. Anybody else gets a punch in the stomach.

Posted by Abbey Normal at September 29, 2009 2:26 PM

comment #6

dinovelvet says ...

Just build the Total Recall full body X-ray scanner already!

Posted by dinovelvet at September 29, 2009 2:28 PM

comment #7

nemo says ...

All this "security" crap is just a big charade so the government and the airlines can look like they're "doing" something. The element of surprise was what allowed the 9/11 plotters to succeed, not the fact that they managed to get some box cutters on board. We'd be just as safe if we went back to the level of airport security we had before 9/11.

I'd rather just take my chances without all this pointless "security" show at the airport. I take a far bigger chance every time I get in a car -- getting plowed down by some sleep-deprived trucker on speed, getting blown away by some road rage moron with a gun, etc. etc.

Posted by nemo at September 29, 2009 2:51 PM

comment #8

nemo says ...

Oh yeah, getting killed by some 19-year-old texting his or her friends while driving. That's my new fear. It's a lot more realistic danger than some resentful Muslim extremist blowing up my flight with a buttload of explosives.

For every resentful Muslim extremist out there, there must be a million young texting while driving morons. My odds of getting killed or maimed by a young texting moron are tremendously higher.

Posted by nemo at September 29, 2009 2:55 PM

comment #9

bluetide says ...

I cannot imagine that the jihadists are lining up to try this.

Posted by bluetide at September 29, 2009 9:09 PM

comment #10

Jeffrey Wells says ...

Can you imagine that some Jihadists -- i.e., the not very bright ones -- have bought into the idea that becoming martyrs for the Islamic fundamentalist cause is (a) something that will bring great pride and glory to themselves and their families and (b) will give them an E-ticket to heaven in which they'll be surrounded by virgins? Most fo them won't be lining up to try this, but the ones ready to blow themselves up in the battle against the Great Satan might be willing...no? I mean, that's the mythology/theology, no?

Posted by Jeffrey Wells at September 30, 2009 5:23 AM

comment #11

Rich S. says ...

We're lucky in this case that this particular group doesn't seem overly bright. They chose to "unveil" this new form of bomb in a land-based attack against a Saudi official. After it failed, everyone got to see how it worked.

Contrast that to the possibility that they could have used it for the first time against a commercial airliner over the Atlantic. Assume that the bomb were powerful enough to blow a hole in the fuselage of the plane and bring it down. The airlines would know that the terrorists had devised a new kind of bomb, but wouldn't know how it got on the plane. Scary stuff.

But in this case, at least, forewarned is forearmed.

Posted by Rich S. at September 30, 2009 6:22 AM

comment #12